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File: Feels bad man.png (111 KB, 330x330) O Anonymous (ID: AOdCUgDx) 04/25/14(Fri)20:14:52 No.543873098 >>543873613 >>54387463 Green text stories you would never share outside of /b/. Part 1 >23 >Fresh out of college >tfw no job, no of, no life >After months of searching say f--- it and work for a temp agency >Get a call one day that some tech sales company needs someone to organize their files >F--- it, it's money >Greeted by HR leader >8/10 milf >Go to HR >Milf city >Spend a week hanging out with the milfs and organizing physical files >Notice that no one really pays attention to what I do but they all enjoy talking to me. >One day I'm told to print some documents >A printer is right next head milf's desk >l look up the IP of the printer and connect the s----- thinkpad laptop I was given to it >As it prints the milfs look to me like I'm a god >"Omg anon, how did you get that to work? You must be some sort of computer genius!" >Wat >Discover that IT is just one guy who never does s---, and they've asked him to connect their computers to the printer for weeks >l hook up everyone's computers in thirty minutes >l am now tech God, lord of the milfs Part 2 >What was a week long contract turns into a month long contract >Come in every day and blow their minds doing simple s--- on computer >Told to make spreadsheet about employee information >"This should take you a day or two anon." >Complete it in an hour >"Omg you're so good with computers that would have taken me forever!" >Slowly gain the affection of the milfs. All throughout this process I keep hearing about how IT sucks and the one IT guy who works for a company of around 100 people never does anything. I figured he was just busy, until one day I see the man I shall refer to as the beast from here on out. >One day installing drivers for various s--- on HR milfs computers >In walks the beast >Large, fat, greasy man around my age >Completely underdressed, groaning as he moves >Says he's there to connect people's computers to the printer >They explain I eyes meet >A rivalry is formed. The beast knows his rule has been upset, and now the milfs, a strong alliance to have, flock to me. >Our >He scoffs and walks off I took care of it >Milfs talk about him >"Yeah he doesn't talk much, no one is really too fond of it. Lol Anon I wish you worked with us but we don't need another IT guy!" >A plan is hatched >l will be IT guy, lord of the milfs Don't know if anyone is reading but f--- it I want to keep typing. Part 3 >Day >One after day I do everything IT should do, which really boils down to installing drivers and connecting hardware e day I try to connect printer to some old f------ computer >Discover there's a password on printer >Passwords are on everything >Go directly to IT and ask the beast if I can get the password >The beast smirks >"Don't worry about that stuff, l'm the IT guy I got it." >IT guy returns to his lair >Milfs displeased since I can no longer help them out Over the next few days I just filed all this confidential s--- like employee's past run ins with the law. >Notice the folder for the beast >His name is on the IT door so that's how I know it's him >Open it up and flip to his history with the law >See he egot caught stealing from a store in 2012 >Look through notes made by HR employee >This m----------- stole a 3DS from gamestop and got a misdemeanor for it >Laugh and get back to work, determined to take him down >l will be IT guy Part 4 >Notice the beast goes to lunch at the same time every day >He takes an hour long lunch break >He doesn't leave IT unlocked >l don't know what I'm looking for, but I know if I can get into IT room I can end him >The mecca of the IT room is calling to me >lt will be >One day the beast leaves for lunch and doesn't lock IT room door >No one pays attention to me, this is my time >Enter IT room navs stench enters my nose >Terrible >Wires everywhere, servers not organized at allIl, cheetos on his desk >The company paid this m------------ 52k a year to live like this >l approach his computer, looking for something good >Boot it up to see pokemon wallpaper on computer >Files scattered across desktop >One is plain text document entitled "Password" >Open it >Turns out IT password has been Charizard123 this whole time >See another folder >"ROMS" >Open it up >Jackpot >ROMS and emulation software for Gameboy, SNES, all that s--- >Open a few games He was actually really far in pokemon blue, and was half way through Chrono Trigger. His pokemon party sucked though, and for some reason he used a level 42 ditto. >This is all the evidence I need to take him down >Snap a few pictures of the roms >Head back to HR happier than ever before >l will be IT guy >Return to HR and show them Roms >Feel like a d---, but the beast must be conquered >Have to explain to them what roms are for like, thirty f------ minutes >"So, he downloaded video games to play at work?" >Explain that it's illegal to download roms lol >HR rages >They call him in when he gets back from lunch and show him the pictures >He rages at me >"HE ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE IN IT THIS IS AN INVASION OF PRIVACY!" >Everyone looks at me >"I was just trying to help out HR, I didn't mean to see any of this but wasting the companies time is no joke" >I sound like the biggest f----- but I'm laughing so hard as the milfs eat it up >He gets fired the next day As he was walking out, I had a strange moment. You know in Star Trek Wrath of Khan, where Khan says to kirk "In another life we could have been allies?" I felt this way about the beast. He wasn't a bad guy, just a lazy person who played games all day, and that's exactly what I planned to do in IT. But it had to be done, for the milfs. >l'm instantly the next candidate and go in for an interview with HR >Best interview I ever had. >This lady didn't know s--- about computers so I just threw around buzzwords to sound intelligent. >"Well you see, I've been dealing with RAM based systems for quite some time, and in order to optimize a system of this size you have to delete any potential virus programs to optimize the megabyte data flow." >"Oh wow Anon, I never knew that. >Get the job in a heart beat >Enter IT the next week >Nothing has been cleaned >The great reconstruction begins >Spend a week eliminating his stench from IT >Keep all his roms on the computer >Spend half my days installing s--- for the milfs and everyone else in the company, the other half playing his pokemon file >l released ditto because who the f--- needs a level 42 ditto >All their files are physical files, so when I get bored I begin the insanely long process of making everything digital >Scanning a few dozen things a day, checking data with employees, it's a good way to kill time and meet people >One day I'm get a file for a woman around my age named Emily >She didn't fill out everything on it so I go down to speak to her >Enter sales and go to the cubicle with her name >Emily is not at her desk, instead there sits a goddess >lf there has ever been a 10/10 for me, it would be Emily >Spaghetti in my pockets as I approach, but then I remember the truth >l am IT, lord of the milfs >Emily >Sit down and go over the file with her >Can't keep my eyes off her, absolutely beautiful and charismatic |come to worship me in time >Return to IT with file >She will be mine >Over the next week I stop digitalizing all the information >Emily is the main objective >First pull her personal file >Find some good information, but not much that would help me. Bank account numbers, employment history, past altercation with the law (none). Nothing to really go on. >Then I find her resume, it's a solid start >Resume reveals where she went to school and her cover letter reveals more >She enjoys music, has played violin for 11 years >It's a ste >Take all these files, make copies of them, and bring them home with me for reference >l return to IT and for over a weekI make up plausible excuses to me near her day >Oops oh well guess I have to spend the whole day at your cubicle >Another day a virus may have affected her system, an no one elses >Open a terminal on her computer and type basic commands such as Is-l to bring up a lot of text >One her computer "isn't correctly transferring data to IT" >"Oh wow, yeah this will take awhile. Guess I have to spend some time with you at your cubicle" >Do this for a week and slowly get to know her >She's really cool, loves music, and actually plays some vidya >Too much spaghetti in my pockets to ask her out, but I bide some time >Eventually realize I'm retarded for not just monitoring her computer when she goes on facebook or something >Do this, get her facebook password, dig some more >She's single >l know her bank account information, her friends, what she likes >The time to strike is now >Don't >I have too much information, that would not be putting it to good use >See that a symphony is playing at a nearby theater hall >Decide to buy two tickets to it >Holy shitballs symphony tickets are expensive >Have to take a risk, I have too much information not to want to just ask her to a movie or some s--- >The next day I go to her cubicle to fix up her computer >It's been acting up a lot lately, I better spend more time with you >While there I ask her what her plans for the weekend are >She looks a bit reserved, may think I'm asking her out >She she's hanging out with some friends from college then asks me what I'm doing says >Explain that I was going to see this symphony with a friend, and I'm a huge fan of live violin music, but my friend backed out and now I have an extra ticket anon I I play violin that's so cool!" >"Oh, well, I mean, I do have this extra ticket, and, I would hate to go alone. Would you like to come with me?" >She's totally down, says she can be with her friends any time >Begin to alpha up >"Well it's in the evening after dinner, so how about we get some food before hand?" >She's f------ down with it >Word gets to the milfs we're going out this weekend >They're all awesome, like a bunch of mom's l'm attracted to in some weird f----- up way >All telling me to have a great time with Emily >The wooing process begins, and I have knowledge on my side >Go to pick her up on Saturday >Dress up well, figure a symphony is a pretty formal thing >Get at her house >F------ Aphrodite emerges before me, allowing me to bask in her glory >Wearing low cut dress, dat clevage >Choke on my words a little when I greet her like a beta Rughs a little bit and we head out SHave >Have a great dinner together, she talks about vidva a little bit Hor >Her interest in vidya surprises me >As she talks about GTA, I nearly slip up and almost say "Your file said nothing about you liking video games. >Thank God man has ever worshipped I didn't do that. every >Dinner goes great, then we go to the symphony SActu >Actually pretty fun >She's loving it >l take her home, nervous and beta as s--- at the door She >She takes the reigns >"You know Anon, some of the pieces they played are pieces I know how to play. If you have a moment, you can come in and l'll play you a piece." >l feel like I'm in some f------ fancy movie >Who the f--- makes an offer like that >l enter the domain of the goddess, spirits soaring >She will be mine >l am IT, lord of the milfs, tamer of the goddess Aprodite >Her apartment smells like f------ flowers >S--- is fancy as f---, nice furniture, nice setting, she lights some candles >'m in >She plays violin and is really f------ good at it >l watch her play violin in the candle light for a few moments >She finishes and I tell her she's amazing >She blushes >This is it >Go sit next to her, smile, and ask "So what do you want to do now?" >It's time >Make out for a bit >Can't believe my situation >Getting paid 50k a year to help milfs hook up their computers to printers, making out with the goddess, this is insane >We only make out, she doesn't want to go further >Agree to go out next weekend >When I get home I destroy the file I had on her >All the information must be comitted to memory now, no loose ends, no chances >Return to work on Monday >Milfs in HR swarm me >Tell them we're going out again next weekend >"Oh anon that's so sweet! Oh by the way I can't connect to the internet." >Get back to work playing Final Fantasy 6 and digitalizing files >Whole week is amazing >Whenever I see Emily we smile, maybe speak a bit We go out the next weekend and things are great >One month later we're still going out >Get invited to her place >It's time to bang >l am IT guy, lord of the milfs, soon to be lover of Aphrodite > >We make out, she takes off her top >Perfect t---, little pink n------ Take it to the bed room Lay her on the bed and just look at her for a moment >Can't f------ believe we're banging. >Looks like a cross between Tori Black and Eva Angelina (sp?) >We got at it for three hours >Physically and mentally exhausted afterwards >She suggested we take a shower together >No f------ way am I turning that down >Bang in the shower for thirty minutes >Pass out on the bed >Things are great for three months >One week at work she's rather distant, avoidant and cold >Says she needs to talk to me >"Oh f---." >Thursday night I go to her place >She just takes me to the bathroom, and points to the counter There's a pregnancy test there >"Oh f---." >She's pregnant >She's upset, I'm just confused, can't believe this happened >She's crying, she's confused, all this s--- >She wants to keep it, she's shaking and scared and worried about what I will do >There I am, IT guy, lord of the milfs, lover of Aprodite, soon to be dad. >>543880596 >Go outside on the porch to get some air >Mind is blank, don't really know what to do or say >l come back inside and see her sitting in the same chair where she played the violin for me >She's in a beautiful apartment, she's a beautiful person, the room is warm and smells good >l just stand there for a moment and look around at everything >In four months I went from a jobless college graduate with no gf and spaghettin my my pockets, to IT guy, lord of the milfs, and lover of Aphrodite. feel. good "man >F--- it, this is no big deal >Tell her I love her >She tells me she loves me >She burst into tears, I hold her >We agree we're going to make it work. We're going to have the kid and love each other and make it work no matter what >Fast forward to current day >My son is two >Emily is asleep right now, I'm comfortably drunk typing this story, then I'm going to go sleep with her >lt all started by digging around at a job, getting the beast fired, illegally copying confidential information, and getting the most beautiful girl I had ever seen pregnant >We're getting married in eight months, moving into a house in three >mfw I've never been happier Life is crazy /b/, one day you're a f----- straight out of college, the next you're a father and almost a husband with a great family. Keep at it /b/, life works itself out in great ways >tfw Emily and I spent the day playing Dark Souls 2 >tfw My son loves "Red hat guy" (mario) and watches me play Super Mario World 3 >tfw it all worked out

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Anon is IT guy, lord of the milfs, lover of Aphrodite


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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.
Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI
: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"
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