![File: dog-haircut.webm (1.71 MB, 720x720) O Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)15:47:49 No.62252518 [Reply] >>62252601 >>62252751 >first date with a female >go to a nice restaurant >waitress asks if we're ready for drinks >say yes >girl i'm with says "i want a [something weird, not even in english]" >waitress says "wow, very good choice" and scribbles something down, then looks at me >"and for you?" >feel a bead of sweat dribble down my forehead >heart is racing >i wanted a sodiepop but she'll probably think i'm an uncultured loser if i don't order something fancy as well >about to say "apple juice" but realize that is a terrible idea >blurt out "a cup of peanut butter" >breathe out a sigh of reief >girl i'm with giggles >waitress says "Okayyy then, i'll be right back" >my date busts out laughing >i say "what? i'm parched!" >she kept trying to say something but every time she let out a syllable she started laughing uncontrollably again >comes back with our drinks >waitress hands me peanut butter and a cup of water >we order our entrees >grab my cup of peanut butter and swirl the straw around in it >girl i'm with is staring at me, pretending to look away and not giggle but i can tell she's watching me and trying to hold back her laughter >put my lips up to the cup >slurp a bit of the peanut butter >let out a loud "ahhhhhhh" >wipe a bit off my lips >place my mouth back up to the cup of peanut butter >SLUUUUUUUURRRRRRPPPPP, GLUG! >entire cup of peanut butter slides down my throat >chase it with some water >"mmm, that stuff is good lol" >girl is staring at me like i just told her my d--- is 10" long we ended up having sexual intercourse in the front-front position, and she told me that drinking that peanut butter turned her on](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/016/663/674.jpg "Sticky fingers | /r/Greentext")
Sticky fingers | /r/Greentext
Uploaded by Reddit Moments Feb 10, 2021 at 04:24AM EST
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![File: 1401290089069.jpg (156 KB, 746x982) O Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)05:46:54 No.59685347 [Reply] BORN TO >-'Day 74 of no fap, FEEL >As I exited my vehicle to walk into work I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn't see her yet but judging by the scent she was mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5'6". My mind, free of the constraints of p--- and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me. Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with beta BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice I knew now was the time to strike. I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastus Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY. As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth. As I float into the the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/002/016/580/b94.jpg "The testeract | /r/Greentext")
