Anon uses Reddit | /r/Greentext
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![File: A4E57907-9815-46E6-BC13-8(..).jpg (261 KB, 840x562) O Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)07:50:31 No.844796744 [Reply] >be me >truly_unhinged.jpg >decide to purchase oil futures contract >accidentaly buy a barrel of crude oil shipped directly to my house >not know what to do with it for 2 weeks >super hot one day >get overheated as s---, decide to drink >get so drunk I grab my funnel and pump 2 gallons of crude oil into my ass >in the moment I wanted to save it for the right moment >thought it would be cool to s--- a f--- ton of oil all at once >get side tracked and watch finding Nemo >get to the part with the little squid girl in nemos school >arousedasfuck.png >realize my true purpose in life >uber to my local swimming pool >there are 3 pools but of course I decide to go to the one with the most children in it >still be drunk as f--- >sit down in the most populated area >start f------ swimming around like a big squid >moms are looking at me in confusion and disgust >one of them starts walking to the front desk, clearly going to call police >'it's time" >scream "IM GONNA INK" in the same voice I would have if I was mid orgasm >s--- 2 gallons of crude oil into the kiddie pool >children surface from the water visibly blinded and covered in my a--- oil >children screaming and crying all around >oil has spread farther than I ever imagined it would >make my escape >known as local squid man forever](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/990/939/cb2.png "Anon buys crude oil | /r/Greentext")
![File: SV5w8LxgwLkjk6YG3xULKG.jpg (1.36 MB, 1000x757) O Anonymous 01/13/21(Wed)07:45:51 No.61843609 [Reply] >>61844859 >be me >got a pupper from one of the local shelters a few weeks ago >super sweet and kind dog that loves to be pet from everyone >everytime I go for a walk with her everyone stops and tells me how cute she is >yesterday >going for a walk >two super cute girls approach >dog goes crazy towards them >girls start petting her and tell me how cute she is >we talk for a while about puppies and stuff, one of them has one too >"maybe our dogs can become friends, we can bring them together to the dog park" >fuckyes.png >dog starts to walk around smelling the floor >ohno.exe >she s---- the BIGGEST and STINKIEST crap ever >the stench overcomes our facemasks >must be the bone I gave her in the morning so she would stay calm while I was away >girls have to step away from the f------ smell >they go away without saying nothing and with a disgust expression on their faces Why bros?](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/990/933/8ed.jpg "Alpha behavior | /r/Greentext")
