Hurt so bad I didn’t walk for a year from it. | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous Settings Mobile Home 08/28/24(Wed)18:44:01 No.78635333 2.58 MB PNG >Be doctors as recently as pre 1999 >Believe babies couldn't feel pain >Circumcise it >It cries during the process >"Nah, babies just cry just because" Were they retarded? Anonymous >>78635333 (OP) >you can't study this, that's anti-semitic Vertees 08/28/24(Wed)18:44:37 No.78635336

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Anonymous 03/16/23(Thu)14:34:40 No.92128194 File: Alpha and his watch.png (1.59 MB, 1102x1190) >>92118515 (OP) >be me >buy casio f91w watch >only $10, such a steal >wear it everywhere >people ask "is that a rolex?" >nah bro, it's a casio f91w >they look disappointed > little do they know, it's the real flex >accidentally drop it, still works >try to scratch the screen, impossible >it's like a little tank on my wrist >even have a stopwatch, so fancy >forget to take it off in the shower, no problem >water-resistant af >never taking this bad boy off >Casio F91W gang for life

File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

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winning an argument like diving straight into Grindr notifications. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 70 KB JPG 06/04/24(Tue)10:44:21 No.919369993 >be me >Talking with a woman and her friend at a party >She gets angry at me for saying "you guys" >I say it's a gender neutral term in this context and she's reading into things a bit too much >"Oh yeah? How many dudes have you f-----?" >"20" >Grindr notification goes off > "About to be 21"

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"No Muggles, No Dogs, No Irish" | /r/Greentext

File: C5C051C1-3703-46A8-84A8-F(...).jpg (12 KB, 375x265) Anonymous 10/18/24(Fri)20:04:57 No.204620702 >>204620728 >>204620797 >>204620812 >>204620869 >>204620918 >>204621266 >>204621786 >>204622067 >>204622172 >>204622601 >Muggle borns have the same ability to do magic and are physically indistinguishable from pure bloods >Goes on a hitler crusade against them Why? ☐ Anonymous 10/18/24(Fri)20:13:55 No.204620848 >>204621063 Its a slippery slope, give it a few generations and there will be no magic blood left ☐ Anonymous 10/18/24(Fri)20:28:06 No.204621063 >>204621412 >>204620848 Im 1/64th wizard. Let me into your school ☐ Anonymous 10/18/24(Fri)20:54:22 No.204621412 ►>>204621520 >>204621063 >Anon, though a squib muggle-born, gets into Hogwarts >As the sorting hat is placed over his head, it screams JANITOR!

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The way of the boomer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/31/24(Thu)08:32:31 No.205086783 King of the Hill S06E06 I'm with Cupid.mp4_snapshot_18.15.711.jpg 60 KB JPG >just talk to 25 women at a store until one of them gives you her number could Boomhowser's method still work in 2024? Did it even work then?

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Enemy at the Gates | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ABACUS! 28 KB JPG Anyways 07/19/24(Fri)12:21:00 No.31645695 >Be me >27 >About to be single once gf moves out >Breddy gud life, work as a software engineer and make a decent 150K >Been with gf for 6 years, lived together for 4 of those >Don't want to actually date for a long time till I find a new place to live and get settled down >BUT >How do I even socialize as a single adult? >Noticed I've been going to bars and my 'tism has gotten really bad since the pandemic and I've been working remote for 5-6 years >People act uncomfortable around me, feel I have a prescence >Not actually super unattractive, I did start balding around 21 but I shave my head bald every other day now and have a pretty good beard >Just noticed since 90% of my day is talking to people at work over webcams or talking to my gf, rarely ever have to go out of my way to meet people How do i retrain myself to be normal, I was normal when I was like 16-21 but having a consistent gf for so long has WRECKED me socially

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Opportunity to do the funniest thing ever. | /r/Greentext

28 KB JPG > Sleep.exe > Be me > Be frequent 4chan user > Use reddit often as well because I don't want to live here my whole life > Post green text > Post it on reddit > Wake up and check reddit > 5 upvotes > WotBlud.jpeg > Check on hot posts > See my green text posted a hour after mine > 1.3k upvotes There is no way to succeed on the internet

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Treffen sich 2 Jäger sind beide tot | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/06/23(Thu)18:14:33 No.184255728 Translate a joke from your country 12 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/06/23(Thu)19:05:43 No. 184257583 Two hunters meet. Both are dead. >>184257927 # >>184258192 # >>184258442 # Anonymous 07/06/23(Thu)19:14:41 No.184257927 >>184257583 # >behold the peak of german comedy >>184258089 #

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A NEW HOPE | /r/Greentext

THIS IS WHERE THE FUN BEGINS. >BE very strong Jedi. >Be chosen one. >Years of service for current employer. >Constantly disrespect. >Constantly disregarded. >Insulted on highest level meetings. >Shoulder responsibility equal to founders. >Get headhunted by direct competitor. >Better salary, more benefits including health care, higher position. >Put in resignation with current employer. >Current employer in shambles. Taking it far to personal and not professional. >New employer wants me to lay off the interns while on my notice periods with employer. >Go lay off interns. >Interns call me "Master" >Shock.jpg *All I wanted to be called Master* >Chosen One.exe >Decide to form a new start up... call it "A new hope" >Offer regular employment and regular salaried payment scheme to interns. >Both previous employers engaged is heated smear campaign. >Losign market cap fast. >Achieve market monopoly as competitors took eqchother out. >??? >Profit.

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Anon tries Gundam | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >be me 01/05/19(Sat)17:59:31 No.789187768 >talking to weird girl on the internet >says she likes gundam >says i should try it >next day >go to japanese store and buy a model kit 190 KB JPG >its fun >build it >ffw a few weeks >built a few kits >go to gundam reddit >its all a bunch of awful memes about a show thats 30 years old >decide to join discord >people get mad whenever i spell model names wrong >are obsessed with plot >say i need to watch 30 anime series to comprehend anything >get bored one day >say the fan favorite mech is a ripoff of the iron man hulkbuster >all hell breaks loose >30 messages in a minute >get banned >get friend requests, and accept them out of curiousity >gundam fans are threatening to find where i live and kill me if i don't take back what I said >feels good Gundam tardom is real

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De Gaul ruling over Gaul | /r/Greentext

File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

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Anon is hopeful | /r/Greentext

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

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Anon gives diet advice | /r/Greentext

File: the-huge-cucumber.jpg (73 KB, 620x760) Post low calorie foods that keep the hunger at bay before bed Anonymous 11/12/24(Tue)00:09:52 No.75441591 ►>>75441612 >>75441640 >>75441646 >>75441722 >>75441870 >>75441875 >fills you up just enough >hydrates you >tastes pretty good >less than 50 calories >can put up your ass to masturbate with take the cucumberpill >> 26 Anonymous 11/12/24(Tue)00:14:16 No.75441612 >>75441629 >>75441684 >>75441690 >>75441698 >>75441719 >>75441591 (OP) >can put up your ass to masturbate with I actually tried this and it's very scary. I have very tight a------ and accidentally clenched down too hard and crushed the cucumber and it broke off inside me. Good thing I had it in a condom otherwise it would have been another embarrassing trip to ER. Would not recommend. Carrot is harder and superior. Anonymous 11/12/24(Tue)00:19:44 No.75441629 >>75441612 i got 7 inches of girth cucumber up their once, it hurt the whole time even during warm up, i don't know why i did it. i was p--- addicted, i don't do anything with my bum anymore

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Anon is a perfectionist | /r/Greentext

File: IMG_6709.jpg (882 KB, 1242x951) Can't keep a relationship Anonymous 11/12/24(Tue)10:42:58 No.79424492 >Have toptier looks >if I see any flaw on a chick, I just get the ick kek. I literally have to brute force myself to TRY to ignore flaws >on top of that, I can't get horny in front of women (no, I'm not gay). It's like I think to myself "those boobs could have been bigger" etc. >Can't converse with their low IQ b------- either. Their interests suck >I hate all the small women s--- they do. For example when they brush their hair or whatever. You know what I mean. Just women quirks >hate their retarded shows too >they can be 99% perfect and my brain will focus on that 1% I don't like about them >My brain wants perfection. I'm picky as s--- Every time a chick wants me, I always think "I'm settling. I can do far better than this". Because of this, I'm a virgin at 30. What the hell is wrong with me? >> Anonymous 11/12/24(Tue)10:46:22 No.79424512 You are gay simple as. >> Anonymous 11/12/24(Tue)11:10:05 No.79424647 >>79424647 >>79424512 I am NOT! But I went through hardcore trauma that I think caused brain damage >> SAGE 11/12/24(Tue)11:19:12 No.79424699 >> >>79424743 this is what having npd looks like by the way (listen and learn) Anonymous 11/12/24(Tue)11:27:10 No.79424743 >>79424699 I'm not gonna cap. I know I have it. I think it's ingrained into my DNA. I'm f-----. I'm too prideful. Too conceited. I've always been this way. I can't help it. I want to be a king. I've also always had a god complex too. I'm mentally ill as s---

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