OnlyMoney | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 09/11/24(Wed)17:14:00 No.102337666 OnlyTans OnlyFans.jpg 72 KB JPG >OnlyFans revenue explodes to $7 billion. Profits rise to 700 million. >Only Fans has made more moneys than all the Silicon Valley Al startups combined So I studied computer science all those years for nothing?

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Anonymous 03/16/23(Thu)14:34:40 No.92128194 File: Alpha and his watch.png (1.59 MB, 1102x1190) >>92118515 (OP) >be me >buy casio f91w watch >only $10, such a steal >wear it everywhere >people ask "is that a rolex?" >nah bro, it's a casio f91w >they look disappointed > little do they know, it's the real flex >accidentally drop it, still works >try to scratch the screen, impossible >it's like a little tank on my wrist >even have a stopwatch, so fancy >forget to take it off in the shower, no problem >water-resistant af >never taking this bad boy off >Casio F91W gang for life

File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

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This lived rent-free in my head for a couple of years. Found it in my computer. | /r/Greentext

AUSTRALIA View Reply Original Report Anonymous Wed 30 Sep 2020 18:37:44 No.836952783 Quoted By: >>836952925 >>836953034 >>836953130 >>836954331 >>836955365 >be 12 years ago DIDGERIDOO 296KIB, 1024x1024, istockphoto-892779584- 1024x1024.jpg ew Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO + >be me, 15 >home alone >yes, masturbating, butt naked in front of the computer >casually browsing the web while stroking d--- >not even p--- sites, just regular stuff that interests me >almost forget that I am, in fact jerking off >come across something called 'circular breathing' >technique that allows a person to breathe in and out simultaneously, allowing them to play instruments like flutes without ever stopping >photo of a man playing didgeridoo comes up >decide to try it myself >thiscan'tbesohard.jpg >breathe in >breathe out >breathe in >breathe out >doesn't work >try even harder >end up with my tongue half sticking out, gargling, heaving like crazy >s--- still doesn't work, this is frustrating >"anon, what...?" >almost suffer heart attack >mom is home >standing in my open bedroom door > witnessing me slowly stroking my half-hard leaking d--- to a photo of a bearded aboriginal man blowing into a didgeridoo >eyes half closed, tongue sticking out, gargling like a retard >she never forgets >literally never forgets >a year later I buy my first guitar >mom says "weird, I thought you'd want to play the didgeridoo" love you anyways, mom

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Being single is not a bad choice sometimes | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >studied hard 09/20/24(Fri)03:34:39 No.2714234 >Had a s--- office job but make good money >Have a son with wife at 25 because muh legacy meme >Didn't know you have a 1/36 chance of autist son (and increasing every year) >He is sever autist (you can't detect severe autism during pregnacy) >He is 9yo >Can't talk only makes weird noises >Only play with baby toys >He have to wear diapers because somedays he refuses to go to the bath >Some days he becomes agresive and destroys the house >He only sleeps 3-4h >No sex with wife (sex drive goes to 0 when you don't sleep a full night for years) >Only fun thing of my life is playing some vidya in the bus to work >Regret not being a comfy happy neet.

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Anon wants the end of Hollywood | /r/Greentext

new KILL TRAILER: ELLA PURNELL PLAYS A WHITE GIRL WITH BIG FROG EYES WHO IS "IGNORED" INTO MURDEROUS RAGE! Anonymous 09/19/24(Thu)23:54:28 No.203691318 >>203691348 >>203691378 >>203691386 >>203691390 >>203691776 >>203691860 >>203692800 >>203693794>>203696738 >>203697556 >>203697579 >>203698055 >>203699299 >>203699401 >>203700022 >>203701124 >>203703037 >>>203704997 >>203705232 >>203705247 >>203707425 >>203707568 >>203708064 >>203708516 >>203708757 >Rhiannon Lewis doesn't make much of an impression - people walk past her in the street without a second glance. She's continually overlooked for a promotion at work, the guy she likes won't commit, and her dad is really, really sick. Then everything in her life turns upside down. Rhiannon is pushed over the edge and loses control. Suddenly the wallflower is gone, and in its place is a young woman capable of anything... Rhiannon's life transforms as she steps into a new, intoxicating power, but can she keep her killer secret? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLqrB7g_xvg [Embed] ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT ELLA PURNELL WOULD BE IGNORED WITH THOSE BIG GIANT MEN IN BLACK ALIEN EYES? OF COURSE NOT? THIS IS F------ STUPID AND A DUMB GIRLPOWER SHOW. IF STARZ HAD BALLS THEY WOULD HIRE AN ACTUAL UGLY GIRL LIKE ANNA KENDRICK. Anonymous 09/20/24(Fri)13:56:10 No.203709365 >>203691318 (OP) If in the 90s-10s we had to suffer the 'simp genre' (Spider-Man, Transformers, Prequels, etc.). Now we're gonna suffer the 'femcel genre'. I can't wait to see Al destroying Hollywood forever.

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A hero's end | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/12/24(Thu)16:18:17 No.203465727 1651326232068.png 864 KB PNG >We men are the monsters now. The time of heroes is dead, Wiglaf. The Christ-god has killed it; leaving humankind with nothing but weeping martyrs and fear, and shame.

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Anon gets a date | /r/Greentext

File: literallyme.gif (921 KB, 400x263) Behind every pessimist is a disappointed idealist Anonymous 09/21/24(Sat) 11:14:41 No.78880934 >be me >tall, handsome, intelligent, funny, talented, great at conversation etc >everything going for me on paper >>still virgin bc believe in love for some reason >haven't had a gf since 15 >decline sex 1st year uni bc needs to mean something >still made out with a few chicks but no dates >know damn well this is gonna get me nowhere >be last week >still single >3rd year uni. haven't kissed a girl ~1 year >start talking to girl on walk home from club >pretty with b------- on slim frame >actually smart as well and really great to talk to >catholic too so also virgin literalfuckingunicorn.jpeg >somehow score sc and set up date >make out and drop her off home kingoftheworld.gif >2 days later >get to pub >she walks in praisethelord.png >fine af >we sit and talk for hours ahfuckiminlove.docx >eventually leave together >"so what do you think about this going forward, Anon?" >"yeah, I like you, I wanna see you again" >"yeah, this has been really great..." >... >"I feel really bad friendzoning you..." killmenow.please >gives some bs about not settling with guy she met in her first week in new town >makes sense but f--- me I guess challengeaccepted.png >keep talking and walking >literal casanova when I want to be so convince her to one more kiss/embrace >she says no more because it will be too hard for her >insists she can't see me again bc wants to play the field and s--- fuckingwhitewomen.ppt >drop off and walk home >hate my f------ life right about now >watch 500 Days of Summer and drink shitload of whiskey >don't wanna waste the good stuff so not enough to get blackout like I wanted but still pretty mortal >end up drunk texting her some 50 messages >blocked in morning I f------ give up, man. Every time with this b-------. Every time I get my hopes up for something I'm left disappointed. I can't win. My heart doesn't even f------ beat anymore. I don't care about anything anymore. And I can't settle for a lesser woman now either so I'm just gonna f------ die alone. fml.

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Outmaneuver | /r/Greentext

AFRIQUE Anonymous 07/17/24(Wed)19:18:46 No.16861920 Robert Lefevre - Portrait of Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821) 1809 - (MeisterDrucke-104595).jpg 212 KB JPG >France's greatest ruler is an Italian man

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Anon wants to know why orcs didn't do the deed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 384 KB JPG 09/20/24(Fri)13:13:22 No.203715503 >Orcs finally capture Galadriel >she is known to have killed 100000 orcs >they treat her extremely well Wouldn't they realistically gang-r--- her? I mean, I don't even think Adar could stop them. Men in war have r---- women for much less. Anonymous >>203715503 (OP) # 09/20/24(Fri)13:15:55 No.203715564 Isn't she a politically valuable prisoner? Can't r--- your bargaining chip. At most they could undress and humiliate her. >>203715588 # >>203715965 # >>203716778 # >>203717578 # >>203718098 # >>203718357 # >>203719048 # >>203728891 # >>203732620 # Anonymous >>203715564 # Why not? 09/20/24(Fri)13:16:59 No.203715588 I think there was another canonically important elf lady who was strongly implied having been r----. >>203717428 # >>203717564 # >>203718350 # >>203726190 #

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Men of Steel | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/19/24(Fri)15:50:05 No.16288185 RF IT'S NERF OR NOTHIN' or nothin.jpg 347 KB JPG >told to avoid microplastics >it's in the air >food >water >been around since plastic was a thing The f--- do I do then? Be on a dialysis machine to filter out the plastic for the rest of my life? Anonymous 07/19/24(Fri)16:00:15 No. 16288191 >>16288185 (OP) # Apparently donating blood reduces the amount of micro plastics in your blood, so you could do that >>16288205 #

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Tipping Culture Clash | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Greatest country ever 02/01/23(Wed)23:25:32 No.177327436 coulent soutent soulent >you Untitled7_20230201231313.png 2.21 MB PNG WILL leave me a tip >it IS mandatory >it is NOT a reward for excellent service >my boss DOES NOT pay me a proper wage >i WILL ruin your meal >i CANNOT pay my rent without tip >that IS your problem >i WILL call you cheap >i WILL call you greedy >i AM entitled to your money Call us Europoors all you want your mandatory tipping culture is as popular as hemorrhoids Tip is a reward for excellent service not mandatory ps udo wage because you cant pay your f------ bills (and before you ask yes i am waiter as well)

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Anon watches Breaking Bad | /r/Greentext

le: crying_jesse_pinkman_wojak.png (67 KB, 960x730) SIC BI >>203723644 ☐ Anonymous 09/20/24(Fri)23:28:39 No.203723296 >has been selling crystal meth for numerous years >scams a dying man out of several thousand dollars to spend on booze, drugs and cheap w----- >blackmails his own parents after they kick his ass out of a house he doesn't own to get the house back >constantly takes advantage of his two friends who genuinely care about him >breaks his girlfriend, a recovering addict's, sobriety >decides to stick by a man who threatened to kill another man's family, while he was there no less >commits cold-blooded murder >attempts to sell drugs to recovering addicts >breaks into a man's house intent on burning it down, leaving him, his wife and child homeless because said man DIDN'T kill some kid he barely knows >but it's all okay because sometimes he goes "WA WA I FEEL BAD FOR WHAT I DID! I'M GONNA KEEP DOING IT BUT I'M NOT HAPPY WAAAAAA!!!" Is there a bigger group of actual f------ retards than Jesse Pinkman sympathisers? This isn't even all of it.

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Zoomer Spaghetti Survival Guide | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 0b8h72ub)= CNBC CNBC-9) The budget breakdown of a 25-year-old who makes $100,000 a year and is excellent with money, via @CNBCMakelt cnb.cx/2EzW058 Typical Monthly Spending: $2,775 make it 01/10/24(Wed)10:47:31 No.454699519 Is financial independence impossible in this day and age? Why are all young folks broke? 692 KB PNG Anonymous (ID: XWCPDV94) ⚫ 01/10/24(Wed)10:48:33 No.454699593 13 KB JPG >>454699519 (OP) # >dining out >$250 Why are these Zoomer retards not cooking their own meals if they are broke? >take some pasta >crack that s--- in half >place inside boiling water >scoop it out after a few mins >add tomato sauce onto it Thats literally all it f------ takes >>454699758 # >>454699869 # >>454699957 # >>454701090 # >>454701467 # >>454702848 # >>454706102 # >>454712861 # >>454712982 # >>454718891 # >>454726382 # >>454726550 #

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Anon should be euthanized for moral crimes | /r/Greentext

OP !SXvs.ZOEU2 11/24/18 (Sat) 15:38:36 No.39811023 >>39811095 >>39811139 >>39811155 >>39811365 >>39811380 >>39811899 >>39811960 >>39812302 >>39812374 >>39812713 >>39812959 >>39812978>>39813276 >be me >be out in deep woods of the Ozarks >have my mosin nagant that i had with me for a long time >it's rusted badly after accidentally dropping it in the river but retrieved it and cleaned it up so it's clean and safe to shoot in my opinion >be wearing nothing but boots, blue jeans and a wife beater's shirt >hidden beside a giant rock and some trees and overlooking the river >see a pack of deer come by and see a buck nearby one of them >pick my rifle up and take aim but can't hit the buck since the f----- was behind a tree and a crowd of other does >decide to kill me a female deer instead >take aim at the biggest one >pull trigger >BOOM >the rest scatter and the one i hit fell and got up and gallop down the river side then fell several feets away making loud deer noise >f------ ears hurt and unload my spent surplus round >make my way over to the dying deer and was about to shoot it's head >see it's vagina >get tempted and feel my erection build up >goddamnit >try and resist but the curiosity got the betterment of me and i decided to drop my pants and boxer while holding my rifle on one hand >get on my knees and press my d--- up against it's p---- >it kicks it's legs and yelps so i ended up headbutted the deer in the head with my rifle and it stopped and just shook from nerve shock instead >slide my d--- in and started to f--- the deer >holy f--- I'm actually f------ a deer >proceed to do this for 10 minutes straight till i cummed inside >did it again and cummed again inside >by this point the vagina was cold and i pulled my d--- out >it felt f------ good >go by the river and wash my crotch with natural water and pull myself together >field dress the deer and drag it back to the cabin and proceed to take the meat and cook me deer steak and saved the rest in a freezer >enjoyed my time in the cabin as i ate the rest of the meat and return to town And that is how my hunting trip went.

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