Anon doing whatever this is | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

File: 1375447446903.jpg-(2 KB, 126x126, 1316184738105s.jpg) Anonymous (ID: 045zgJJp) 08/02/13(Fri)08:44:06 No.497225007 >decide I need to clean my intestines out >fast for 3 days to begin my journey to shitgri-la >third day begins >need something to eat >at this point I have survived by drinking Gatorade to keep my blood sugar up, I am a s--- monk, left bedridden >ingest three colon cleansers, a whole can of sauerkraut, 2 liters of water >go to sleep for four hours >wake up, feel my ass getting ready to drop a fat man on nagassaki >sit on my ivory throne of ascension >unleash ungodly fart that lasts for 3 minutes straight >the smell is so bad my dog leaves the bathroom(he was my only companion in this troubled time, and he had forsaken me) >the s---- begin >all is well first, until I feel s--- moving inside of me >now it's liquid lava concrete pouring out my ass >feel something huge coming after 15 minutes of this >it gets stuck >start crying and make amends with jesus, buddha, hitler, bob marley, allah, and charles manson >it begins >s--- flies at mach 2 out my ass >it's huge chunky s--- thats red hot >feels like shards >meanwhile an IV drip of shitwater is coming out my ass >my toilet is filling with s---, this is how I die >it subsides >something long is dangling out my ass and squirming >oh f--- oh f--- >theres a tapeworm coming out my ass >this f----- is long, he's touching the water >start screaming HELP ME BABY JESUS while smashing the flush lever as much as possible >my f------ dog comes back in, leaves because of the smell >the tapeworm rips in half due to the suction of the water >concentrate my tantric force, I can feel the worm returning to the safe haven of my a------ >drop the muscle power in my anus, reach down and grab tapeworm, pull what must be 10 feet of worm down into toilet > once all is said and down, I go take the longest f------ shower ever, lie in my bed naked and cry in the fetal position >I never asked for this knowledge of the beast that dwells in my ass Don't fiddle with the doors that sauerkraut unlocks anons, you might not enjoy what is behind them. Replies: >>497226069 Anonymous (ID: 4FuslEXA) 08/02/13(Fri)08:49:04 No.497225510 thats f------ terrifying. Anonymous (ID: PIRQUAHY) 08/02/13(Fri)08:52:07 No.497225783 11/10

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon spreads offensive speech | /r/Greentext

08/08/24(Thu)17:40:28 No.477528120 > get punched in the face > tell people that you got punched in the face > government and medias blame you for spreading "offensive" information that may lead to a fight Anonymous (ID: +uDntHem ) UK right now 米

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Anon may have found love | /r/Greentext

File: anon.png (29 KB, 778x512) Anonymous 10/11/19(Fri)20:53:15 No.54825693 >>54825712 >be me >18 >just started at uni >past 6 years of school killed me >come into uni an emotionless and pessimistic guy >meet girl >funny, cute, interesting >always nice to me >both of us are tall >she makes me smile after the longest time >forget all my struggles when she walks into the room >feel good whenever I'm with her >thinking of her makes me want to be better >she hugs me one day >tfw it felt like every broken piece in my body was squeezed back into place Is this love?

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Next level anon shit. Even happier ending. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 21 KB JPG 10/08/17(Sun)21:56:08 No.43141802 >in middle school >have friend who was shy and awkward looking >he had no luck with the ladies >at valentine's everyone but him got love letters from class and schoolmates >said he didn't mind >the following years on valentine's day i wrote anonymous love letters and slid them into his lockers >borrowed my mum's perfume and sprayed it on the letters and did the lipstick kisses and everything I went all in He seemed to be happy to have received letters for once. Then I played oblivious when people asked who they were from. I suggested it might have been a girl that he likes and he did actually end up getting together with her for a while after that so maybe it made him grew the balls to ask her out. >>43141832 # >>43141854 #

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Chad dodges a bullet AND does what’s right | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 17 KB JPG 02/22/19(Fri)03:00:39 No.793293384 >be me >have a giant crush on this girl I've known for 4 years but she's been in a relationship with a dude whom I also know >host a party but he was busy and didn't come >she was too drunk after party to drive and asked to stay over >found out she had been having relationship issues and wanted to cheat on him >refused >she gave me a sad look and feel asleep I'm still a virgin. I did good, right anons?

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Anon drives home from work | /r/Greentext

99 KB JPG Story time >Be me >Two years ago >Driving home from work because not neet >Want to get home quick because amazon said my new Sonic game was delivered >Everything going fine until car in front of me gets sideswiped, goes into median and rolls several times >I pull over and run over to her >Old woman inside >Alive but hurt >I open the door and pull her out >She's barely conscious but I check her out and she's not bleeding and probably not gonna die >Other people get out of their cars and come over >I want to play sonic so I leave her with them and go home Fast forward to two weeks ago >Be visiting super religious Grandparents >They've got some weird tv show on where they interview people who've seen angels >One woman comes on >Mfw it's the woman I helped out of the car >Mfw she tells the story of a handsome angel who pulled her out of a car after a bad accident and then disappeared >Mfw I'm an angel >Mfw a girl called me handsome

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Anon is liked by his peers | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 8 KB JPG 04/22/19(Mon)12:13:12 No.798004600 >be me >changed schools and locations at least a dozen times in my life >old friend invites me to his party >never been to a party before >but I havent seen him in so long >f--- it Im going >expect that Im gonna be a social stigma and talk to nobody >oh well >arrive at party >"ANON!" >everyone happy as f--- to see me >hugs on top of hugs on top of hugs from people I havent seen in years >they all missed me >I always thought I was a social outcast >smoking pot, getting drunk >flirting with girls that I used to think were way out of my league >vibing like there is no tommorow >3 am, crossfaded out of my mind >pass out on friend's floor >people actually like me >people actually enjoy my presence >feelsgoodman View Thread

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Feels good man, feels good | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 6 KB JPG you deserve!" 02/10/20(Mon)19:08:02 No.56673862 >be on bus with my pal >going home after work >he turns to me a with a stupid grin on his face >"Hey anon, you heard about that new restaurant called Karma?" >"uh... No. Why?" >"There's no menu, you get what >I chuckle for a bit >t'was a good joke >t'was a good day

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Anon makes a joke | /r/Greentext

Anon Ascended 25 KB JPG 12/07/17(Thu)20:20:40 No.41636302 >Be me, in biology class >teacher not here, so we watch House >I make a joke about the incesty father in the episode >girl next to me laughs and says "Man, I really hate you, anon." >I reply "Yeah, I get that alot." >She responds "Aww man, you know I was joking, right? You're honestly f------ hilarious." I truly feel alive now, never been happier

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Anon cheers up 5/10 sad woman | /r/Greentext

File: 1539425732309s.jpg (6 KB, 199x250) > say i need to go home saw sad woman on street Anonymous 10/13/18 (Sat) 1 > be me,M15 f----- > have bad day, walking home > see sad woman, 5/10 looks like she about to cry > idea.png > walk up to her > ask if shes ok "yeah im fine" > better_idea.jpg > "Hey...aren't you that Paris Fashion week Model???" > she looks suprised "What? no,im not a model and i could never be one" > say "not yet" > she looks happy af, like i just made her whole week better >gain nothing from it because gay and underaged "Thanks,i really needed that today" > made both our days better > time for heaven.org > pic not really related just what i thought of afterwards

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Anon notices | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 18bjlpQR) File: sdfsfs.png (744 KB, 982x792) | 08/08/24(Thu)09:59:18 No.477468668 >be 70 year old britbong >go to a protest and have a small truncheon in your hand >get sentenced to 5 years in prison SHAME ON YOU >be muzzle AAAAA >go to a protest and have a big machete in your hand >get celebrated as 'saviors of the muslim community' AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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Anon is a filthy millennial | /r/Greentext

45 KB JPEG > be me, filthy millennial > go to college and study hard > graduate with honors > be told, "now you're gonna make the big bucks!" > get a job making $35k/yr instead > years later salary has only marginally increased >hopping jobs like the floor is f----- lava > nobody wants to pay more than $50k/yr > inflation eating me alive > rent eating me alive > overall existence eating me alive > now i'm competing with a million retards like myself for a job that may or may not exist > IJustLearned About GhostJobs.png > get a side gig running grocery delivery > with tips it aint so bad but feel stupid as f--- for being almost 40 and this is my life > Imao everybody at the store is shopping for someone else > make friends at least > realize everybody works 2-3 jobs like me > realize $50k WAS the "big bucks" > realize we're all f----- > realize this is the way it's always going to be > realize we're all going to be doing this until we collapse

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The Crime of the Century | /r/Greentext

File: coin.png (436 KB, 862x575) :թայլ BUCK :ON Вашем Man arrested for stealing $600,000 worth of unreleased, limited edition Bluey coins Anonymous 08/07/24(Wed)19:53:15 No.144840446 ►>>144840463 >>144840962 >>144841447 >> >A 47-year-old man has been charged after allegedly stealing over $600,000 worth of limited edition Bluey coins. >Police allege the man was an employee at a warehouse where the Australian Mint packages were being held before their release. >Police says only 1,000 of the coins have been accounted for a most will now be in circulation. https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-08-07/nsw-sydney-australian- mint-bluey-coins-stolen/104195362 Anonymous 08/07/24(Wed)19:54:46 No.144840463 >>144840446 (OP) We're not beating the fake country allegations aye c----. >> Anonymous 08/07/24(Wed)19:58:50 No. 144840508 ► >The NSW Robbery and Serious Crime Squad launched an investigation under Strike Force Bandit. based Anonymous 08/07/24(Wed)21:00:49 No.144840962 ► File: dollarydoos.png (997 KB, 1296x730) >>144840446 (OP) "Six hundred thousand dollarydoos?" "TOBIAS! DID YOU STEAL BLUEY COINS FROM THE AUSSIE MINT?" Anonymous 08/07/24(Wed)22:07:52 No. 144841447 >>144840446 (OP) >Australia is putting Bluey on their currency That'd be like America putting Mickey Mouse on quarters.

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