Anon tells the tale of the PHANTOM S------ (dark mode edition) | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

>>61585005 (OP) I will tell you the story of the phantom s------ of the USS Essex... >Be Cpl Anon, 2012 >Aboard the USS Essex as we float around the Arabian Sea as a QRF force >We have been aboard the ship for almost 4 months now with no port call, cigs ran out long ago >the men are getting rowdy and bored, resulting in the captain of the ship laying down harsher and harsher rules >One day, a huge, mutant turd is found in the shower room of one of the berthings >Staff find out and throw a big stink. They tell the CO who makes it so that there is now a fire watch in the berthings. >Firewatch never finds anyone. >A few days later after the incident, another sticky mud shark is found in one of the water fountains next to officer country >Size and consistency leads to the conclusion that it was done by the same bandit >BN CO freaks and the ship's captain eventually finds out the whole story. > Calls all Marines to well deck, telling us that they will find the suspect and throw him in the brig, the whole nine yards. >The next morning, outside the office of the captain, is a note from the phantom s------ >"I am going to s--- on the flight deck" >Captain s---- and pisses his pants, institutes ship wide fire watch at night and an ARMED 24/7 flight deck watch. >But there's a twist to this story, as anyone who has served on the Essex knows that in the officer's part of the galley, is a scaled down model of the USS Essex >Two days later, to the surprise of the crew and chagrin of our captain, the biggest turd of them all is found neatly laid on the flight deck of the scaled down Essex. And THAT, is the tale of the phantom s------. He was never caught, and never struck again.

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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