Anon throws it back | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 193 KB PNG >be me 04/25/24(Thu)12:38:04 No.77264786 >straight >can clap my asscheeks loudly on command when i throw it back >i think its retarded but it makes my friends laugh really hard so i use it as a party trick >earlier today i invite my friends over to play vidya in the living room bc i have the house to myself >after a bit my 2 friends start arguing after a round of smash >i try to lighten the mood by doing the assclap thing >my shorts slip down a little after 3 claps >all of a sudden a 12 inch turd shoots out of my ass like a f------ missile >it torpedos directly underneath the fridge at like 30mph >hear an audible thud when it hits the back wall >i try to salvage the situation with a joke but the only thing my autistic f------ brain came up with was "welp, who's up for BRUNCH!" >immediately feel the awkward tension so i just walk out the front door >realize i just walked out of my own house but have nowhere to go >feel too awkward to walk back inside so i decide to hide under the porch until my friends leave >my friends do eventually leave after like 4 minutes, but it felt like 5 minutes >walk back inside and immediately get hit with the smell of s--- >try to get the turd out from under the fridge with a fork but it doesnt reach far enough >eventually get it out with a pair of tongs >dont know what to do with it now that its out so i stomp it down an air vent on the floor >get my phone and send a message to my friends group chat apologizing for shooting a turd at them and that i've cleaned it up for the next time they want to come over >realize i've accidentally sent it to an entirely unrelated group chat for an old school project >open my contacts to try and find the correct group chat and see that my friends have already removed me from it >go back to the kitchen to clean up the s--- streaks on the floor and the tongs >napkins just keep smearing it around so i smear it around enough that you can barely notice it >spray a bunch of febreeze in the kitchen and call it a day well that was embarrassing.

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon has an important question. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/24(Fri)19:19:29 No.914046562 W о 1707976621652415m.jpg 62 KB JPG >>914042187 # I have a question? If I drank piss, then drank bleach; would I burp out mustard gas like a dragon?

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: Anonymous 29 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/25/24(Thu)22:35:31 No.196475144 >dad confessed to me he and his friends f----- trannies as a joke in his youth >I bring up that said he'd kill me and my brother if we were f--- >"Well, anon... It's not the same thing" H--------, It's an actual meme country. >>196475144 (OP) # The straightest Brazilian 04/25/24(Thu)22:36:25 No.196475174 >>196475307 #

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Anon on why he lives with his parents | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/17/24(Wed) 04:57:38 No. 198334447 theres a slew of reasons why someone in their 30s would still live with their parents ill list a few >single >rents are a bitch and in some european countries they became downright criminal in the last few years >less purchasing power than boomers because money is worth less and women joining the workforce dropped wages >shitskins from everywhere are driving wages down further >familial ties are much stronger, kicking your children to the curb is frowned upon >marriages are happening much less and much later >therefore no kids no pressure to move to a new house >divorce rates are astronomically high and lots of people (mostly men) move back to their parents after being divorce r---- >people caught on to the fact that wageslaving to pay k---- in banking for a loan in 40 years is not a worthwhile life goal i think i got most reasons down

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What did anon mean by this? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: NRos2avS 04/15/24(Mon) 14:17:59 No.465106559 negroids.jpg 312 KB JPG >Stores lock nearly every product to prevent shoplifting >Except sunscreen What did they mean by this?

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Euro racist anon doesn't hate Asians cause they're racists too | /r/Greentext

>>16144791 (OP) As a white European I like the availability of woks, rice, lentils, shawarma, aromatics, spices, asian condiments etc. I also like that stuff is affordable for poor people thanks to cheap labor. Some middle-eastern and asian people are amazing to talk to because they are naturally based and red-pilled long before it became a meme.

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Anon lost to a tomboy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/22/24(Mon)22:28:28 No.74106296 SCP-069-J Sisters of Chayana Feid Beatrice Bjornsen Full Name: Beatrice Bjornsen Student Number: 1069-3241 Blood Type: A+ Likes: Sports Dislikes: N/A Superstar Catalyst Project 20140222111459-Beatrice_Bjornsen.png 128 KB PNG >never lifted, only did cardio >went to college party >buddies are playing arm wrestling >joined in cause why not >paired with sporty girl who looks and acts like picrew >expected ez mog, teased her >she won in 3 seconds and left my hand stinging for like 10 minutes >left the party embarassed >tested my strength using weights >mfw its only f------ 4kg per hand What should I do to make this s--- better? Cant lift and s--- cause those s--- exceeds my limits by a lot

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Reddit difficulty level set too high | /r/Greentext

Anonymous flair" CASIO 8:0958 WATER RESIST 845 KB JPG 04/24/24(Wed)15:37:26 No.917385215 i know this is overplayed by now but why is reddit so f------ gay >trying to ask a specific community a question >make a new account >post my question >post removed - "sorry you need a >repost with a flair that doesn't even really apply to my post because it needs something >post removed - "sorry we have this retarded rule that every post must start with something in ☐ brackets" >okay...? try repost with [question] in square brackets >Looks like you've been doing that a lot. Take a break for 11 minutes before trying again. >wait 11 minutes and repost >post removed - "Please write a 250+ character comment to accompany your post" f--- off you f------ f------ I want to know what the f--- these spots on my watch are and how to clean them why is reddit so f------ gay? If you can answer that question or the one about my watch i would be grateful.

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Rent free indeed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 2 KB PNG 04/25/24(Thu)17:57:04 No.196465993 >failing economy >collapsing industry >military in shambles >in recession >rapidlt aging population >record immigration >morale at an all time low >energy crisis with no end in sight >allies dropping them left and right >lost any hard or soft power it had left What went so wrong with Germany? Pic unrelated. : Anonymous >>196465993 (OP) # Rentfree 04/25/24(Thu)17:59:49 No.196466048

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File: 1052545-anidom1.jpg (873 KB, 1770x720) тне FOX ANIMATION DOMINATION SIMPSONS FOX ANIMATION DOMINATION BLESS-the-HARTS FOX ANIMATION DOMINATION BOB'S BURGERS FOX ANIMATION DOMINATION FAMILY GUY SUNDAYS 8/7c SUNDAYS 8:30/7:30c SUNDAYS 9/8c SUNDAYS 9:30/8:30c ☐ Anonymous 04/25/24(Thu)13:51:36 No. 198577701 ►>>198577740 >>198577760 >>198577782 >>198577832 >>198577833 >>198577892 >>198578026 >>198578056 >>198579669 >>198579768 >>198580769 What the F--- is Bless the Harts? >> Anonymous 04/25/24(Thu)13:53:04 No. 198577736 File: images.jpg (4 KB, 148x148) >thought this was some s----- Al bait thread >look it up >it's real I'm f------ freaking out man ☐ Anonymous 04/25/24(Thu)13:57:16 No. 198577832 ►>>198579117 >>198577701 (OP) is it like a canadian thing or something? I've never heard of that s--- in my life ☐ Anonymous 04/25/24(Thu)13:57:28 No. 198577833 >>198577701 (OP). >Bless the Harts loosely shares a universe with the Fox series King of the Hill, which ran from 1997 to 2010. Spivey cites King of the Hill as her major influence for creating Bless the Harts.[7] The fictional superstore Mega Lo Mart, first introduced in King of the Hill, makes several appearances in Bless the Harts.[8] what the fund ☐ Anonymous 04/25/24(Thu)13:58:58 No. 198577854 >>198577894 >> 198579058 >>198579480 >>198580253 File: Screenshot_20240424_205833.jpg (365 KB, 1080x629) Bless the Harts Overview Cast Episode guide Watch show Reviews 2019 Action 2 seasons Emily Spivey Louise Maya Rudolph Betty Hart Kristen Wiig Jenny Hart Jillian Bell Ike Barinholtz Violet Hart Wayne Edwards/.. Fortune Feimster Brenda Kumail Ali Nanjiani Jesus Christ Drew Tarver Randy ABUUL Jeremy Rowley Jimmy Lee Andy Bobrow Bud Oscar Montoya David Brito Christy Stratton Dawn David Herman Peter Mary Steenburgen Crystalynn Kenan Thompson Travis Jesus Christ Jon Hamm Mayor Webb

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I hate crimers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 50132 Sony Says Stellar Blade Art Referencing Racist Language Was Unintentional, Will be Patched Out Art will be removed in Stellar Blade's Day 1 patch. BY EAT BALEY HYRD R SHOP РОСТЕСАРЯ ЗА 2014 Sony says it will remove Stellar Blade artwork that appears to reference racist slurs, claiming that the phrase's inclusion was "unintentional. IMAGE CREDIT: IGN 04/25/24(Thu)14:48:15 No.674469271 In Stellar Blade, the "R Shop" references Roxanne, who is one of the game's information brokers. The "Hard" graffiti, meanwhile, can be found in numerous areas throughout the game. In a statement released to IGN, PlayStation said that developer Shift Up had no intention of creating offensive artwork, promising to remove it as part of Stellar Blade's Day 1 patch. 1713998553009522.jpg 89 KB JPG >fix an unintentional racist graffiti >become more racist R SHOP

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Always be prepared | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/14/24(Sun)18:26:33 No.916892366 >be me >at guys house >he spills some ice cubes on the ground and kicks them under the fridge >I say "hygienic much" >ge opens a drawer and gets a printed wikipedia page of evaporation and hands it to me >why are men like this?

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