Anon becomes a man | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 06/12/16(Sun)20:51:51 No.26715893 >>26715903 >>26715932 >>26716262 >>26716306 File: Zg3BZZn.png (73 KB, 400x300) >>26704745 (You) > Plushes You guys want cringe? >2006, be 12 >I learn from Nintendo Power about Pokemon Mystery Dungeon and its story >Read through the little manga it gave me about that one kid who became a Torchic >The prospect of transforming into a talking Pokemon and exploring the world with fellow Pokemon while using special powers excited me to no end >I could finally escape from my horrid social life, my overweight body, and family troubles! > Start using my imagination to conjure a method of both transforming into a Pokemon in the middle of the night, and magically warping to the Pokemon world of laidback adventures and indiscriminate friendship >I remember that I have 50+ Pokemon plushes >Before I went to bed every night, I took a plushie and furiously rubbed it over every single portion of my body for about an hour >Yes, even my mouth, groin, and ass crack >I do this while envisioning every body part I rub becoming that of the respective Pokemon >I begin with Mew because being a diety in the Pokemon world is better than being a pleb >After three nights, I realize it doesn't work with this plush >I move onto Mudkip, because i herd everybody lieks Mudkipz (my actual reasoning) >I did this with a Mega Mushroom plush because maybe the Mushroom Kingdom was part of the Pokemon world and Pokemon liked Italian plumbers >After about a week, I lose faith in my plan >But I still like rubbing Pokemon on my skin, because I feel that I metaphysically "bond" with the plushie, so that I can adopt its personality in real life and be charming > Plus intimacy feels like you are wanted by somebody >a week later, my teachers call my parents in worry about my sudden change in behavior >I.e. gnawing on other students' shirts, stomping in the middle of class, staring at random students with wide eyes and a large, creepy smile, and screaming during recess >They never figure out why I did it, think it's suppressed trauma or some s--- This isn't even the worst part. Anonymous 06/12/16(Sun)20:53:15 No.26715903 >>26715911 >>26715932 >>26716262 >>26716306 File: marshstomp.png (577 KB, 568x456) >>26715893 > For Thanksgiving that same year, my family and I go to stay at my mother's friend's house in Kansas >They have two daughters who are each 2-4 years older than I am >My little brother brings about three plushies with him to play with >The drive is about 12 hours long, so we get there at midnight; I'm tired as hell >Whole host family is welcoming, daughters are nice, etc. >The day before, I rubbed myself with Umbreon, so I act edgy, unsocial and cold while also rubbing my mom's leg with my cheek next to the hosts >They are confused, but just assume its special snowflake behavior >We stay in one of the daughter's rooms, on an inflatable bed >During the night, despite being tired as hell, I wait for my brother to fall asleep for two hours > Once he does, I carefully remove a random Pokemon plush from his zipped backpack >Before I can tell which one it is because it is pitch black, I commence the standard rite of Pokemon initiation and heart swapping >Before five minutes, I pass out from exhaustion with the plush in my pants, close to my hip Anonymous 06/12/16(Sun)20:54:16 No.26715911 ► >>26715932 >>26715944>>26715959 >>26716262 >>26716306 File: $_1.jpg (24 KB, 400x264) >>26715903 Last Part >Wake up in the morning, alone in the room, feeling an incredibly gluey sensation between my groin >I take off my pants, see a white, dried, and sparkly substance everywhere on the inside of my shorts > Realized I got a few drops on the plush as well (it turned out to be a Poliwhirl) >"This must be the stuff they talked about for the puberty videos they showed during my health class!" >I realize this is the real deal because all of the other "wet dreams" I've bragged about to my family and classmates was just me pissing on the bed >I'm so ecstatic that I forget to act like Poliwhirl, and run with my pants and plush into the dining room where everyone is already eating breakfast >I show everyone, including my family, the hosts, and their daughters, saying to each of them one by one "Now I'm a real man!" while drawing the outline of the massive c-- area >One of the daughters gag a little on their hash browns, the hosts stare with amused disbelief >My mother just gives me this face of resigned disappointment (I thought she was being sentimental over my transition into adulthood) >Little brother is p----- because I got his plush dirty and he wanted to show his plushies to them first >Host family just tries to congratulate me awkwardly, everyone else follows suit after their initial reactions WAT >I thank them all as if it was an awards gathering, telling my mother to never wash these pants or the plush again as a memento of my growth >As I leave for the other bedroom to show the other daughter, I hear my mom groan >I don't know why she didn't stop me >A couple of weeks later, my family forces me to go to a psychiatrist for unrelated reasons > Yep, it's Asperger's I stopped about a couple of months later. Nobody has mentioned it ever since. Anonymous 06/12/16(Sun)20:57:58 No.26715932 ► File: 1418782142.jpg (13 KB, 336x280) >>26715893 >>26715903 >>26715911 H-------- anon Anonymous 06/12/16(Sun)20:58:56 No.26715944 ► File: tsundereglaceon.png (666 KB, 1018x428) >>26715911 top tier cringe, I love the stories like this Anonymous 06/12/16 (Sun)21:36:50 No.26716262 ► File: 1462698180621.png (150 KB, 516x390) >>26715893 >>26715903 >>26715911 my god Anonymous 06/12/16 (Sun)21:39:29 No.26716306 ► >>26716629 File: HORY SHET.jpg (54 KB, 680x587) >>26715893 >>26715903 ARR >>26715911 someome cap this Anonymous 06/12/16 (Sun)22:01:01 No.26716540 ► File: 1379438548411.jpg (55 KB, 348x383) >>26715893 >>26715903 >>26715911 >Yes, even my mouth, groin, and ass crack >I act edgy, unsocial and cold while also rubbing my mom's leg with my cheek next to the hosts >I realize this is the real deal because all of the other "wet dreams" I've bragged about to my family and classmates was just me pissing on the bed >Now I'm a real man! >NOW I'M A REAL MAN Anonymous 06/12/16(Sun)22:03:18 No.26716563 File: 1380773677679.png (88 KB, 282x219) >>26715893 >>26715903 >>26715911 I'VE SEEN SOME S--- Anonymous 06/12/16(Sun)22:11:51 No.26716654 ► File: 1465615539801s.jpg (5 KB, 125x125) >>26715893 >>26715903 >>26715911 This is the best thing I've read in weeks.

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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