>he fell for the 'stay friends' trap | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 56 KB JPG 02/17/24(Sat)00:17:59 No.76481355 >Be me >Started college in the fall >Quickly became friends with a girl >We shared lots of interests and talked all the time >We went to sports games together >She took me downtown to eat >She was the only person I really hung out with >Have been friends for like 6 months now >I asked her out and she said no >It felt like she genuinely liked me and I felt heartbroken >Decided to stay "friends" anyways >Now she doesn't talk to me as much >She never wants to hang out anymore >When we do she barely talks to me and keeps her distance How did I f--- this up???? Did I wait too long? Did she get bored of me? I'm distraught

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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not ur typical ">be me >straight" | /r/Greentext

: bg,f8f8f8-flat, 750x,075,f(...).jpg (56 KB, 750x1000) 7 Anonymous 02/16/24(Fri)11:16:08 No.914020862 >be me >stra- >no im not im a bisexual femboy this is a 4chan post retard >try dating on tinder >(oh yeah im white, brown hair brown eyes, 5'10) >all of the girls either dont match back or are ugly >get a few matches, most of them dont really like me that much, probably assuming id cheat on them for a guy. >finally get a match >completely fumble it, she blocks me when i tell her about being a bottom and wanting to get pegged, called a good boy, etc. >fuckthisshit.jpg >switch to men >instantly like 20 matches >guys showering me with praise, tall guys, buff guys, chubby guys, etc >most are nerds like me and enjoy my interests too. >finally find this 6'1 chubby guy who likes femboys >we match and we talk for a bit >he brings me to a resturant, i dress in femboyish clothes (pink hoodie, tight pants) >get topped later that evening by his 7 inch d--- i love my new bf. we moved in together and we play warhammer darktide together and cuddle and watch tv and i make him food.

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Anon envisions the future of AI | /r/Greentext

File: 1708046078703829.webm (2.95 MB, 1280x688) Anonymous (ID: fbujf/x+ 102/15/24(Thu)20:58:38 No.458795185 >>458795345 >>458795355 >>458795398 >>458795590 >>458795806 >>458796202 >>458796562 >>458796657 >>458796736 >>458797350 >>458797555 >>458797722 >>458797991 >>458798056 >>458798241 >>458800900 >>458801975 >hehe look at his ai-made abomination >hehe look at this funny ai-made picture >pffft okay it looks passable but the hands are f----- >okay the hands look good but it always uses the same artstyle >okay it can almost perfectly copy different artstyles but it will never do video >okay it can do video but it isn't perfect YOU ARE NOW HERE >okay it perfected video but it can't innovate >sure, it can innovate but it will never be able to make videogames from scratch >I admit it, it can make videogames from scratch but it will never be able to think >okay it can create media but it can't make humans obsolete in other fields >okay it can speed up some jobs using Al tools >sure, some jobs are now obsolete and millions are unemployed but physical jobs will be fine >I admit it, we need UBI as literally everything we do is less efficient than Al >fine, it can think but it will never be used for nefarious ends >I pity the dead who will never have to endure this hell

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Most high functioning 4chan user | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 75 KB JPG 04/30/15(Thu)12:10:39 No.613049372 >middle school >school has walled off area to separate tards from the rest >get bright idea to hop wall >act retarded to blend in, dont want to be noticed and get in trouble >mfw tards had substitute >got stuck in tard class the rest of the day because sub didn't believe I wasnt a tard >>613049486 # >>613050454 # >>613051130 # >>613051245 #

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Naked seduction | /r/Greentext

JPG | 287 16 Kb Friday 2024-02-16 14:46:46 2 hours ago >Chinese couple who owns my apartment block goes on holidays >wife gets back first, makes some small talk with me which she never does >go out for smoke an hour later >shes walking naked around the apartment directly across with the blinds opened what the f---. I've been here 4 years and its never happened before. pic related

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Anon gives other Anon some friendly and constructive criticism after he makes a bad post. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Mortimer Mouse MORTIMER MOUSE 13 174 KB PNG 02/15/24(Thu)16:18:40 No.142254289 >Once every few years, randomly appear in a Disney cartoon. >"Ha Cha Cha!" >Mog the s--- out of Mickey Mouse. >Refuses to elaborate. >Vanishes out of Disney Canon again for a few more years. The Mortimer Mouse grindset is real. 02/15/24(Thu)16:19:33 No.14225430C Anonymous >>142254289 (OP) # Twitter Zoomer meme. Kill yourself.

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Anon's dad tries to apologize | /r/Greentext

Can their relationship be salvaged before he dies? Can their relationship be salv(...) 2 689 KB GIF 02/16/24(Fri)13:06:52 No.914006385 >Dad is on his death bed. >Cancer. >Everyone in the immediate family has been at the hospital nearly 24/7 except our youngest sibling. >Bit of a story but 6 years ago our little brother beat his first girlfriend because she threw a fit over a Valentines present he couldn't afford and targeted our brothers most prized possession. >She grabbed the family history book my brother has and began ripping pages out of it in front of him. >It's all my brother has of Mom's side and he saw red over it. >He beat her across his apartment over it and kicked her out. >She went to our dad and he drove over to my brother's apartment and beat his ass. >Then drug him to the police station making him turn himself in. >Spent a nearly 2 years in prison due to the extent of the assault. >He got out and we found out he was now missing his right eye. >Some prisoners found out what he did and beat the s--- out of him. >After he left prison, my sister picked him up and took him to Dad's so he could salvage some of his stuff and get back on his feet. >While he was in Dad's getting his stuff, dad was trying to strike up conversation and apologize for forcing him to turn himself in. >He got no reply and our brother walked out. >He disappeared and basically never comes around. >Our oldest brother was able to get into contact with him recently and told him Dad's in the process of dying from Cancer. >He replied back on the line. >"Yeah, that's what happens when people get Cancer. They f------ die. He deserves it too." >Then got hung up on. Can we even salvage this?

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Anon has a job | /r/Greentext

>boss calls me into office >"hey anon we noticed you've been cold and unwelcoming to your new coworkers unless you fix that you're unfortunately done here" >"sorry im autistic" "OH... OH MY GOD... okay... i'm so sorry anon... get back to work and there's no issue here" wow im not even autistic but that was easy 31 KB PNG

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Anon goes to a British gym | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 23 KB JPG 02/15/24(Thu)14:03:53 No.73596806 >be me >moved to UK to study >everyone keeps asking me "yeww awroight?" whenever they meet me >later realize thats how they greet each other : Anonymous >at the uni gym, new to lifting, been hitting the gym maybe around 4 months now >free weights area, pressing dumbbells >its friday around noon so pretty quiet >young bro comes to use the bench beside me, he seems relatively new to lifting too >seems like he's struggling with adjusting the bench >I don't talk to anyone at the gym, so it would be good to interact with him and make a gym bro >"you alright, bro?" >"u wot?" >I notice he has headphones in >"do you need some help with the bench?" >"HUH?" >"need help adjusting the bench?" >"no?.." >felt awkward, but didn't wanna back down from having a good interaction >"do you want me to move my bench over?" >"am oi in yor waii?" >"I was just ask-" >"AM OI IN YOR WAII?" >"no" >felt like I got bitched, finish soon after and leave gym >>73596847 # >>73597072 # >>73601340 # >>73596806 # Brits are rude c---- 02/15/24(Thu)14:12:05 No.73596847

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Anon’s last straw | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Corn in the brownie Every single f------ time without fail There's corn in the brownie >>20209748 # >>20209752 # Anonymous >>20209735 # >Corn in the brownie >Every single f------ time without fail >There's corn in the brownie >>20209777 # >>20210094 # Anonymous That's what he said... to his gay boyfriend. No, seriously though, they need to fix this issue ASAP. I'm guessing it an issue where at the manufacturing plant they dump the brownie mix and corn into the plate at the same time, and it gets jumbled up before things have time to properly set. 9b5k2da50xm21.jpg 886 KB JPG >>20209754 # 02/16/24(Fri)05:17:23 No.20209735 Anonymous Anonymous 98 KB PNG >>20209735 # the kicker is that the brownie is already about 40% corn syrup AWAY WITH THIS >>20210094 # 02/16/24(Fri)05:21:36 No.20209748 02/16/24(Fri)05:21:53 No.20209752 02/16/24(Fri)05:23:24 No.20209754 02/16/24(Fri)05:32:03 No.20209777 >>20209748 # There's gotta be SOMETHING they can do to prevent this. I've never seen any other tv dinner just constantly have this issue. It's always Hungry Man and it's always corn in the brownie mix. THEY CAN'T KEEP GETTING

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Anon eats the bugs | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 00qCaq1/ 02/16/24(Fri)09:06:04 No.19599989 >2030 >wake up at 7am >i overslept so my social credit decreased by -120 >wash myself of with a pice of cloth >water is to expensive to waste on bodily hygiene >log into zoom on my apple vision pro gen II to start my remote job >after a days work the amazon drone delivers my daily supplies right to my doorstep >1 vitamin D pill, 200 high protein bugs and 1 bottle of water 8 KB JPG >i eat my genetically engineered bugs and drink half of my water >its that time of the year where i have to leave my apartment and go to the gym >Gouvernment issued that is >i haven't left my apartment since it was given to me by the biden administration in 2028 >i go outside with my apple vision pro gen II and my oxygen mask >right as i go outside, a self driving Uber arrives >it takes me to the gym and i go inside >i do my workout >after about 1 hour my social credit increases by +200 >happy.jpeg >i get norified that i have earned the right to a protein shake >like everything its made out of bugs but at least its synthetically flavourd to not taste like them >i go to the bar and prepare to collect my reward >right as im about to get my shake some rich a------ cuts infront of me >i call him out for it but he just stares at me through his apple vision pro gen VI >after about 20 seconds 3 drones fly through the window >f------ tesla-chip brained nicer called a dronestrike on me >i rush to the exit and jump in the self driving uber thats already waits for me >i geg notified that my credit score decreased -500 for running away >i no longer have the right too use public bathrooms >i drive home, get drunk and go to sleep

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Anon likes weird keyboards | /r/Greentext

Pain Anonymous 06/12/23(Mon)18:19:48 No.94030521 ► >we are gonna make the best ergonomic keyboard, the most comfortable, the most elegant! >yes sir! here's the shape and design! >PERFECTION! >what system should be use for the keys? >use only the s-------- cheapest domes you can find, with plastic so thin it breaks apart at the sides >yes sir! >and make sure the keys have this weird sandwich holder thing that makes them impossible to clean while also letting every kind of filth to fall below and get trapped forever >yes sir! >use the s-------- membrane contacts you can get, ones that will corrode for no reason, the kind not even the crappiest chinese keyboards will use >yes sir! >also add a bunch of retarded multimedia keys on top >yes sir! >make them straight out of 1998 with retarded functions only boomers want, and make the actual useful buttons like volume and calculator prone to fail >yes sir! >use the worst ink there is, make sure keys start fading away mere weeks after purchase >yes sir! >give it the comfiest wrist pads but make sure to use the most abysmal leatherette there is so it peels out leaving black chunks of plastic s--- that stick all over people's desks >yes sir! what about the screws? >A MILLION SCREWS! more screws than even a gaming laptop! and hide them under the flimsy spacebar that's prone to crack when you have to yank it off to reach them. >yes sir! right away sir! I present to you the Microsoft Natural Ergonomic Keyboard 4000

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be me grimlock | /r/Greentext

File: me.png (160 KB, 310x240) >answer phone >deadmonkeyvoice.mp3 me grimlock Anonymous 02/09/24 (Fri)23:42:30 No.913713221 >be me >makes milk sack talk with dead monkey voice >me Grimlock try on new shoulder pad >dead monkey yell back that new shoulder pad dumb looking >me Grimlock chuck it at tiny ape over there and tell it is not nice dead monkey and go back to bedroom >make dead monkey put me Grimlock down in throne chamber to watch ball game and eat tiny scraps of metal i call chips >stink bug ape whispers that these are not chips >kill that guy >bring in hot dog lizard man from bad place dimension to be good luck charm for sport ball games >someone is missing but not me Grimlock >ringring.wav >unimpressed lizard looks down at me grimlock >punch phone >watch sport ball game >boring Why does this always happen?

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