Anon has a problem | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 584 KB PNG 1 Reply 11/08/23(Wed)15:18:10 No.30131421 >date a short woman >go bald >everyone thinks I'm her dad W-- do I do? View Thread : Anonymous >>30131421 (OP) # Get child discounts when you go places. 11/08/23(Wed)15:26:29 No.30131460

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is a fan of Spider-Man. | /r/Greentext

NEAT >mfw I realize all of Spider-Man's enemies are modeled after the spider's natural predators 9 REPLIES 1. #103618555 2 #103618579 10/17/18 5:01 PM >>103618555 OP How is an octopus a natural predator for spiders? 2 REPLIES 3 #103618601 10/17/18 5:02 PM >>103618555 OP Rhino, alien symbiote, electricity, etc. . . . seems legit. 2 REPLIES 4 #103618607 10/17/18 5:03 PM >>103618555 OP Ah yes, the goblin. the greatest of the natural predators,

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Anon is the disappointment child | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 35 KB JPG 11/08/23(Wed)14:45:02 No.75347680 >Be me >23yo khhv >Have 27yo brother >He's conventionally attractive and has done fairly well for himself >Very close with him and never really felt raging jealousy >Have key to his house and visit pretty much whenever I want >We usually just eat and talk and have a good time >Visit today >There's a cute college girl knocked out on his couch >Short kinda messy hair, petite, wearing nothing but an oversized shirt of one of my favorite bands >She's pretty much exactly my type >Realize how easy it is for guys like my brother to pull girls like that >Feel genuine jealously >Go back to my apartment to rethink my entire life

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Anon gets a new apartment | /r/Greentext

File: 1678095885716271.jpg (41 KB, 634x360) I'm autistic Anonymous 11/08/23(Wed) 20:03:39 No.75346615 >>75346638 >be me >got my first apartment >try to open door >wrong floor >mfw

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Anon is a massage therapist. | /r/Greentext

466040127061.jpg (5 KB, 204x247) google yandex indb wait Anonymous 03/31/17 (Fri)05:41:34 No.40904541 >>40904555 >>40904561 >>40904571 >>40904602 >>40904641 >>40904655 >>40904904 >>40905245 >>40905290 >>40905330 >>40905385 >>40905456 >>40905718 >>40905802 >>40905975 >>40907415 >>40907640 >>40907800 >>40907892 >>40908583 >>40908678 >>40908743 >>40909509 >>40910034 You f------ think you know fat hate? How often does a fatty really ruin your day? I'm a massage therapist. I know fat hate. Let me break down some highlights of my day for you: >Go to get clients folder, see a cute girl in the waiting room >She smiles at me, h-------- this could be a good day >Call out clients name >Mfw 400lbs of unwashed Pudge cosplay gets up instead >Ugh. Take specimen to my room of personal hell for the next 1.5 hours >I know she's ready when I no longer hear the sounds of intense struggling to lay on a f------ table through the door >Begin kneading my hands through this putrid dough elemental >Her hot cheese breath gravitates my way with every heave of her maw. I have to time my breathing to dodge it. >Now begins the small talk. Usually they mention how they just did a triathlon or began "boot camp" >She works in an office and says she walks "an average of 5 miles at day" at work >Mfw every time I put pressure on her back I get a waft of rancid ass >The whale starts moaning constantly >Getting p----- now >I move to her legs. There is black s--- caked behind her knees she's never been able to wash >W-- her ankles look like crushed soda cans >Begin working on her glutes, start questioning my life choices >Alright time to turn over >"Easy for you to say tee-hee" Every. F------. Time. >Turning over is like an ancient trial to her people. One that many have tried and failed. The struggle is unreal. Continued--> Anonymous 03/31/17 (Fri)05:43:44 No.40904561 >>40904609 >>40904611 >>40904641 >>40904702 >>40904770 >>40907415 >>40907449 >>40908800 >>40908991 >>40909013 >>40909520 >>40904541 (OP) >Completely out of breath, she barely makes it >l begin working on her neck, but such intense movement has caused her to sweat profusely >Mfw it mixes with my lotion, turning it to slime >Moving on to arms... >W-- her hands smell like relish. Did she eat a f------ hotdog in the car on her way over? >Alright time to work on her waffle stompers. >They literally smell like s---. The mind goes to dark places. >Her toenails, far beyond her reach, are twisted and gnarled with fungus >Finally I finish up with her unwashed scalp, her dandruff decorating my black pants like stars in the night sky >At last it is finished. >She leaves half a normal tip and waddles off >After she leaves I remove her essence from the room the best I can and proceed to my next client. Dear god no... >This one is even fatter. And it's a 2 hour massage. I F------ HATE FATE PEOPLE

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Anon and a cursed chair | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/13/23(Sat)12:28:43 No.34767237 This involves woods, but the woods aren't really relevant desu >Hang around woods with friends >Have this little area we sit in to get high, have a drink, have a fire, that kind of thing >Meet 2 friends there 1 day >New chair has been introduced which is a lot better than the logs and crates we normally use >It's this high back comfy cushion chair >Ask where it came from >Friend found it outside an old folks home >Immediately think someone could have died in it and tell them we should get rid of it >Friend who got insists I try it out first >Reluctantly sit in it >Yeah it's comfy >Everything just starts feeling odd >Like they're both talking to me, but it's all muffled and I have tunnel vision >Get overwhelming sense of dread and no energy >You know when you wake up and you're still really tired and you have to physically drag yourself out of bed? Have to do that to get out of the chair >Both of them ask me if I "felt it" >Whatever "it" is I did >Friend who got it thinks it's cool >Other friend agrees with me that we should get rid of it >Chair stays >At the weekend there's 8 of us >Friend insists everyone try the chair >Everyone does except 1 >They all have this real trance look to them when they're sitting in it, it's weird as f--- >All feel "it", but don't seem concerned >Following day me and friend who want to get rid of it go there alone and have a fire >Decide to burn the chair >We assure ourselves it's a good thing because it's "cursed" >Everyone had bad luck in the space of maybe 2-3 months after it >Of the 8 of us there that night >5 went to prison >1 died in a car accident >1 killed themselves >1 had a miscarriage >Only 1 who nothing happened to was the 1 who didn't sit in it >To this day I stand by that decision to burn it Coincidence? Probably. I still f------ hated it though. It's hard to describe how it made you feel when you were sat in it.

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Anon goes through his phone | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 153 KB JPG 05/12/19(Sun)10:28:11 No.799572983 >be me, 15m >looking at Snapchat >see a memories post pop up >me and my little bro 3-4 years ago >thatsfunny.jpeg >look through other memories >some are newer at the top, don't use snap much >get further down, 14,13,12,11... >I see a picture of me in 7th grade >fuckthewut.pdf >it's the most fuckboi pic ever >goddamn f------ dog filter and everything >my clothes are all baggy trying to be cool kid clothes >just about to leave, see video >watch it >vid is of me talking >my voice is so high pitched >I f------ put down my phone Never again /b/ros View Thread

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This ain't no party, this ain't no disco | /r/Greentext

adidas Jownies 8 KB JPG >be from ukraine >unironically use reddit >war is s--- and stuff >make a picture of my morning view with ukrainian breakfast, some positivity >post it >it gets removed for being offtopic >the entire subreddit is just about the war >99% of the people are westerners just talking about russia all day >they give each other awards for saying "F--- Putin" >these people dont give a s--- about ukrainne

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Anon picks flowers | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/07/23(Tue)17:53:54 No.908955003 211 KB PNG fun things you did as a child ill start >like 5 or 6 years old >picking flowers and grass with teacher >teacher has a fat ass >she's bending over picking a flower >I'm holding tall piece of grass >first instinct is to slap her ass with the grass as hard as I can

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that shit is wild | /r/Greentext

POLICE FFICER FOUNTAIN PO CO. REMENT FOUNTAIN POLICE Andrea-Serrano.jpg 61 KB JPG 1859 >be woman >r--- a 13 year old boy >get pregnant >mfw i destroyed the boys life and robbed his childhood >mfw i don't have to face jail time, because of pregnancy >mfw i have child custody as a sexual offender And women say they're treated harder than men... Mark my words: the moment he gets 18 years old, she wants him to pay alimony.

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Any games where you can fly to the sun? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 1 trillion lions Lions.jpg 25 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/07/23(Tue)19:15:45 No.656692572 >ENTERS your last vidya game Can you fend them off? I'll see what I can do 11/07/23(Tue)19:17:08 No.656692661 2.jpg 136 KB JPG 1234

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Anon digs a hole | /r/Greentext

>be slightly retarded >still have social skills and not a complete loser >go to party with friends >don't bring a drop of alc, instead take shovel and pickaxe >begin digging massive hole >by 2am it is 6 feet deep and 7 feet wide >people constantly ask me why I am digging a hole at a party completely sober >I am not sure either

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Anon has a Brother | /r/Greentext

Stock 218 KB JPG 11/15/18(Thu)20:45:40 No.784939733 >be me >have annoying brother addicted to fortnite >always starts shouting things at his f------ friends while playing >one day >decide I'm done with his s--- >get idea >go to router >turn it off, then turn it on again after a minute >meanwhile internet obviously is disconnected >did this about 10 times in a row >every f------ time he spazzes like a retard >ultimately stops playing and does something else >mfw I've done this like 20 times this month and each time he starts crying and screaming >mfw he hasn't suspected a thing >mfw I'm literally doing this right now 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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