Anon and his gf order pizza | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 08/17/23(Thu)16:25:46 No.74417788 [Reply] ► >>74417928 >>74417953 > Be 25yo with 21yo gf, ostensibly liberal > We're both thin but used to be fat (important later) > Go to vegan pizzaria because gf is vegan > Since we only eat out a few times a year, we order three pizzas, two falafel bowls, bread with artichoke dip and cheesecake > We split and eat the whole thing, drawing eyes from all the other table > Waitress comes over with check and says "You're so thin, where did you put all that food? > MFW I said I was "trans fat" and everyone arround us looks p----- Showing all replies. ☐n----- anus 08/17/23(Thu)16:29:50 No.74417822 keep me in your screenshot

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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apeanon experiences the monkey and the banana incident | /r/Greentext

apeanon 08/18/23(Fri)02:42:05 No.904533121 >be me >ape anon >born into captivity, raised by uncaring scientists >forced to do random experiments in the name of treats 211 KB PNG >this one time they brought me into a white room, with a mirror >in it there was a banana and it was hung via a rope >i didnt understand >then the banana started movingn >up and down up and down >then the banana started having a green dot on it >figured why not, tried to work a way to get to the banana, was hungry anyway >after boucing around the room for a while i managed to get to the banana >ate it, then the scientists took me out of the room and back to my cage >thought about why those faggoty scientists were doing for half a second before going back to apemaxxing >apemaxxed for three days >musta really annoyed some of these scientists as they took me outta my cage again >they injected me with something this time >they took me back into the room with the rope and banana >but this time, the way the rope was hung looked different, more of a swirly knot on the end where the banana was >waited for a while, nothing happened >decided i was hungry and there was nothing better to do >apemaxxed in the room for a while, flung my s--- around, and then took a nap >woke up and i was still in the room >hungry >decided to go get the banana, and ate it >after i finished eating it a gas flooded the room and i passed out >when i came to i was in my cage again >apemaxxing time >decided to flash my ass at the lady across the row >i screamed some obscenitys and she screamed some back >love at first sight >i flung my s--- at her, and she flung some at me >life was good 08/18/23(Fri)02:42:31 No.904533134 apeanon >went to bed that night feeling refreshed >woke up next day and i was back in the rope and banana room >nothings different >decide to apemaxx >went full ape for at least the whole day >went to sleep >woke up again, banana still there, room was cleaned from my apemaxxing from the day before however >see the rope again, and just stare at it >i stare and think >why am i doing this i think >this is the third time ive done this >are they going to have me do this over and over again >notice that i can loosen the knot and it will tighten if something was on it >put it around my neck and jump off >i sleep

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anon is a procrastinator | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 22 KB JPG 08/18/23(Fri)01:33:27 No.74422910 >spent an entire 3 weeks absolutely dreading a task that I would be required to perform >finally do it >it took less than 20 minutes and wasn't even that hard tips for how to minimize imaginary suffering?

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anon gets a job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous mys 8 KB JPG 08/18/23(Fri)00:42:54 No.74422424 >be me >friend got a nice job at a 4 star hotel >think its a good idea to work with him so i just get a quick better job >he gives in my cv and got a position as an attendant >mfw >i'm 5,5, scared of people and cry whenever people scream I'm f----- ain't i?

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anons workout routine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 60 KB JPG 08/17/23(Thu)22:27:04 No.74421068 >count calories >work out >keep losing lose weight >be proud of yourself >3am >think about how deformed you are gonna be after you reach your goal and how expensive the surgery is >look at pictures of people before and after surgery >still feel like you ruined the only chance in your life to have a normal body and you are not getting it back ever again >be 25 but look like a 85 saggy grandma >be suicidal >next morning eat oatmeal with tears in my eyes

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So here’s the plan | /r/Greentext

Anonymous kek Anonymous 08/17/23(Thu)17:14:46 No.18886502. F3SXV0WXUAAJkHh.jpg 30 KB JPG 08/17/23(Thu)17:19:00 No.188865168 mikecat.png 241 KB PNG >>188865027 (OP) # >here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna go out that door - you're gonna let me out, and then you're gonna come back here and sit down again, and then I'm gonna scratch at the door for you to let me back in, but I'm not gonna come back in - I'm just gonna stare at you. if you close the door on me while I'm out there I'm just gonna scratch again, and if you ignore me I'm gonna meow really loud non-stop, so don't get any funny ideas. tonight, I'm gonna leave a dead mouse in your bed, and I'm gonna throw up in the laundry room - behind the dryer. >>188865202 # >>188865259 # >>188865541 # >>188865653 # >>188867355 # >>188867468 # >>188867689 # >>188870898 # >>188870956 # >>188871022 # >>188871243 # >>188871252 # >>188871729 #

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Was it autism? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/16/23(Wed) 20:52:51 No.188835288 Clock King.png 241 KB PNG >Gain time travel powers >Immediately scribble clock hands on your glasses and fistfight Batman Is there something in Gotham's water?

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Anon despises. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 3.85 MB GIF 08/18/23(Fri)07:57:02 No.74424422 >be me, 18yrs old >at work >overhear 50yr old coworker talking about his son losing his virginity >hes f------ 15 >hes also starting to go to the gym AND boxing >mfw I am getting mogged to oblivion by a f------ 15yr old KILL ME NOW F------ F---

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anonette suspects the tard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/17/23(Thu)14:05:28 No.904499838 >be me, 19f >tardbot still won't SHUT THE F--- UP >really consider buying earbuds to make him SHUT THE F--- UP >$80 >broke.png >don't wanna be a w---- just yet >mfw i have to deal with tardbot for 2 years >mfw tardbot is incapable of being in society >tardbot constantly whines of growing up, doesn't wanna grow up >suspect he's a tendie anon why do these people exist? I am literally being annoyed every other minute by either his tablet videos, or his tardbot behavior, its getting unbearable. 693 KB PNG

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Anon goes on a bus trip. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 301 KB JPG 09/30/18(Sun)20:53:02 No.48446841 >Taking bus to New York for senior trip >Holding onto what little sanity I have left >Entire graduating class is on the bus >Endmeplease.gif >Long ass trip means I need sleep. >Damn chaperones put me with the tards in the front >Exceptionally stupid one named Ronnie sitting next to me >Ronnie can't sit still and keeps elbowing me >Say something to teachers >Careless wrangler tries to get him to chill >Ronnie gets triggered by this and knocks him out >Oh f---, of all people >Loses his mind and heads to the back of the bus >Large m----------- knocking people out as he runs by with his fat arms >Son of a bitch bashes through window and almost falls out >Very big guy hangs on for his life >Shouldn't just watch and let him die >Kick my way through the crowd and grab his hands >Yanks me onto the road, impact knocks me out >Regain consciousness in the woods >I'm tied up for some reason >Mfw I read the first letter of every line

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anonette is furious | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11 KB JPG 08/17/23(Thu)10:14:49 No.904490374 >be me, 19f >tards in life skills >WHY.EXE >most tards are quiet >one tard, lets call him tardbot >tardbot is different >tardbot plays with his phone, annoying everyone >gets told multiple times to stop, still keeps doing it >holyfuckingshit.png >SHUTTHEFUCKUP.EXE >only way I can escape is with noise cancelling headphones >headphones are banned in class, only useable during lunch or in between classes >mfw anons, what should I do about tardbot? he's very hard to ignore when I am trying to pay attention in class

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Anon got played by the Canadian system | /r/Greentext

No. 904494352 08/17/23(Thu)11:55:48 DABvscqxQl.png 39 KB 600x500 >be Canadian >broke and want to make quick dollar >assign for a fake marriage with a refugee girl in Syria so she can be a Canadian citizen >basically I will get $13,500 CAD and a wife on paper who will have to live with me for some time >deal.exe >fast forward to today >go to the courthouse >"Mr.Anon and Mr.Bagher please" >what the >they tricked me and it's a dude >mfw they pay me $500 CAD more and thing must keep going >mfw I'm legally gay now 0 replies, 0 images

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Anon share a work story. | /r/Greentext

Work stories? I'll share mine, I was a guitarist in a band, the first time I played in public actually went so bad I never played a guitar again. I'll tell you about my first and last gig: >be me 198 KB JPG >17 at the time >my father sets me up to perform to perform for a christian gathering outside a church >pic related it kinda looked like that >evetybody is already seated, I start singing >emotions overcome me, so I start screwing up all the chords >I am so embarassed I even stop singing >to save the situation I pretend to faint pornstarsActBetter.mov >everyone gathers around me in shock, looks like they are buying it >someone grabs me, probably to get me to the hospital >I thought they were going to load me in a car, but they actually used what felt like a horse drawn cart or a carriage >I didn't know these people were amish, but whatever >I realize that the doctors at the hospital will notice I am faking, so I decide to pretend waking up >as I open my eyes someone says "hey you! you are finally awake" >mfw I start hearing medieval music >mfw everybody is dressed in medieval clothes >mfw as I see Todd Howard dressed as a priest running off in the distance, I realize I am in Skyrim And that's why I stopped playing the guitar.

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