Anon is circumcised | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

V Anonymous 07/01/21 (Thu)07:48:42 No.153062776 >>153065754>>153066119 2ec.png (208 KB, 327x316) google yandex igdb wait >American is born >has to give his "tip" to the doctor

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon gets visited by Santa | /r/Greentext

08/04/23(Fri)10:38:03 No.903774444 >be me, 8 years old >it's Christmas Eve and I'm excited and preparing to stay up late to see Santa Claus >sometime around midnight, I hear jingle bells and rush out of bed to get a glimpse of Santa >while Santa is placing my gifts by the tree, the window next to him shatters as a dark figure rushes into the house with a sledge hammer and slams it into Santa's head : Anonymous 19 KB GIF >he literally caves Santa's head in so hard his eyeball pops out. >hearing all the commotion, my dad rushes down from his bedroom, grabs a knife and starts wrestling the man >during the scuffle my dad somehow disembowels the guy and I watch as my dad finally puts him down while his intestines fall out >a few days later my dad sits me down and tells me that the attacker was some local meth head who went on a drug induced rampage and that "Santa" was really my grandpa who had visited us earlier in the day >mfw I find out Santa Claus isn't real

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Anon comments on UFO skeptics | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/28/23(Fri)07:59:39 No.35423573 >>35423131 (OP) # >aliens with wicked advanced technology, potentially millions of years ahead of our own >"ok" >so they can do things beyond our 5 KB JPG understanding >"aww hell nah that's f------ stupid and unrealistic why would they be able to do s--- like that it's dumb as f---"

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Anon has a grandfather. | /r/Greentext

>84 year old grandfather tells me that he's joined a message board devoted to discussing cars >based on the way he speaks, he clearly had no idea what a message board was until very recently 117 KB JPG >he shows me some of his post history >he enjoys posting stupid, obviously false and ridiculous information just to see how people reply >he doesn't know the terms shitposting or trolling, so he says "I'm jerkin' their chains!" and scrolls down, busting a gut with laughter as he reads off some of the replies An 84 year old man is an online troll. I am genuinely ashamed to be his grandson.

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Even fembots don't want robots | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 139 KB JPG 08/04/23(Fri)01:46:18 No.74261153 : Anonymous >be lonely fembot and decide to try to make friends again in r9k >try to make friends with a couple of anons, not much in commun except with >a few weeks pass by and he randomly confesses to me one day >deny him, i like him but not that much to be in a relationship >Stop talking to him for a few days, he's been rejected before so he'll be fine 12 KB JPG one >we get along pretty easily and instantly click and talk with eachother everyday and ask eachother if we're doing fine >He hasn't messaged me in weeks now >Start to miss him so try to talk to him again and say hi >"If we can't be a couple then I can't really be near you anymore" So men dont care for actual friendships? FFS this is why I stopped making friends and be by myself I dont want a relationship idc im too autistic for girls to be my friend and my male "friends" just wanted to f--- me 08/04/23(Fri)01:47:48 No.74261168 jesus the same thing literally happened to me i dont give a f--- about him anymore because he was pathetic and retarded but he literally blocked me because i didnt want to date him

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anon loves his mom | /r/Greentext

Anonymous baby pepe 79 KB PNG comfy saturday thread. i'll start >be me >mom is going out of town for weekend >i get off work at 4 yesterday >mom texts me >"hey anon! i went shopping for you. There's a $20 on the table and I also got pop tarts and chocolate milk for you. I'll be home sunday night. I love you sweetie." >i come home and sleep all night >wake up, 6:37 >chocolate chip pop tarts in cabinet >single gallon of chocolate milk No.807925714 >microwave pop tarts >pour choccy milk >poptarts are warm >milk is sweet >watch the sunrise w/ chocolatey breakfast in hand >play vidya the rest of the day >wake up today >repeat how's your weekend going anon? t-thank you mom. i love you

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anon meets his nemesis in a long flight. | /r/Greentext

07/30/23(Sun)05:36:10 No.2515332 : Anonymous >have the window seat on 13 hour flight >middle aged mainland chinese dude sits in the middle seat. >he keeps on reaching past me and fiddling with the window, taking pictures, opening and closing it >lights off, time to sleep. >he keeps leaning and spreading over into my seat. >fortunately i am a master negotiator. >i ask him in chinese if he wants to trade seats since he likes the window so much. >trade success,my woes are over. >just kidding >dude still keeps stretching into my seat, literally every time he sleeps although he could lean on the window side. >snores like a wood chipper >literally have to shove his arms back into his seat so i don't get molested >time to write customs forms >hah get f----- >filipino lady in the aisle seat is literally the friendliest lady ever, offers him a pen, and then asks me to help him translate since he literally can't read the customs form >f--- i can't pretend i don't know chinese >end up having to help the guy through his forms and repeat everything multiple times >ok, it can't get worse right >guy starts acting overly familiar because he thinks i'm chinese. i'm not... >he starts coughing, coughs in my direction, doesn't even cover his mouth, burps in my direction, probably even farts in my direction. >near the end of the flight he pulls out his shaving kit and literally starts shaving right there, getting stubble everywhere >opens the window one last time. f--- the poors i'm getting business class next time on long flights

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Mischievous dog tries to scare owner | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 325 KB PNG 05/11/22(Wed)03:27:08 No.66716507 >>66716346 # >I wanted to turn my life around after peaking my weight at 180kg >went to the local gym paid for the special weight lose program >around 520$ per month for 3- months >got told to go to the aerobics class >went there and a trainer came in and started telling us what to do as warm ups >walking, stretching and such >being a fat f--- I couldn't even last 3min before sitting a side fighting for air >they start knee raising >gymbro was watching from the side >he came to me and asked when did I join >told him that i just did >told me to pick my things up and follow him >told me that i wouldn't last and would drop out soon or injure myself trying >told me that I should start by just walking outside, no need for a gym now bc any activity would give me results at my weight >went down to the manger's office and took my card >he went in for a while and came back with cash >signed some papers >went outside the gym and gave me his phone number >told me to lose as much weight i can by walking and doing basic workouts >and whenever i feel that i can join back he'll give me a discount >deal It was weird but thanks to him I saved lots of money >>66716649 # >>66718231 #

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Anon admits he was wrong | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 231 KB PNG 03/15/20(Sun)13:16:03 No.57171994 >go on reddit >make comment about something I think I'm right about >get proven wrong >admit that I was wrong and thank person who provided a source >get downvoted anyway >this f------ site

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Anon has seen too much porn........ | /r/Greentext

>coworker asked me to look at her internet after work >go to her room, fix internet, notice panties on floor >the urge arises.png >ask to use her bathroom, "stomach isnt feeling good" >turn on fan to silence noise, fap > walk out of bathroom, shes sitting at laptop >anon, did you just masturbate in my bathroom >p---- scenes flash in my mind >this is my chance >"yes" >get kicked out

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Anon had a happy day | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 540 KB JPG 08/04/23(Fri)09:06:11 No.74267147 >I am clean >I am warm >I am fed >I am comfy in my bed >I am happy from talking to people on 4chan >>74267174 # >my body doesn't feel restless cus I worked out today >I am gonna sleep in until noon tomorrow I have it so good right now. Any of you feeling special and happy today? : Anonymous I hope you mom is r---- to death by pigeons 08/04/23(Fri)09:08:57 No.74267160

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Anon thinks about cheese | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 763 A Esca 513 KB PNG 08/04/23(Fri)12:23:18 No.74268220 >be me >talking to this 10/10 girl I met on tinder >sporty tomboy type >good sense of humour, likes shitposting >she plays games and not normie at ones either >big film nerd talks about obscure foreign films from the 60s >swears in Russian >compatible fetishes >dommy vibes >genuinely loves me for who I am >literally a perfect match >we talk for a few weeks and I genuinely have a shot, she likes me back >then while we're talking she mentions she's a picky eater, okay not a big deal so am I >she hates cheese >all types of cheese >not even cool with it melted or as part of a dish >she refuses to eat any food with cheese in it period >she orders pizza without cheese on it >SHE ORDERS PIZZA WITHOUT CHEESE ON IT I'm a autistic for caring this much about this?, it's literally her only flaw. But like it's f------ cheese. She's 22 I don't think she'll grow out of this

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Anon talks on the Internet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous blackpiller bros? 251 KB JPG 08/04/23(Fri)07:59:15 No.74266696 >be me >5'7 >get approached by blonde stacy that asks for my instagram >tell her i don't use the app and to leave me alone >she leaves i thought they go for chad only. : Anonymous >>74266696 (OP) # The thing I love about the Internet is you can just say anything For instance Zendaya came and sucked my balls 08/04/23(Fri)08:01:56 No.74266712

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