Anon gets visited by Santa | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

08/04/23(Fri)10:38:03 No.903774444 >be me, 8 years old >it's Christmas Eve and I'm excited and preparing to stay up late to see Santa Claus >sometime around midnight, I hear jingle bells and rush out of bed to get a glimpse of Santa >while Santa is placing my gifts by the tree, the window next to him shatters as a dark figure rushes into the house with a sledge hammer and slams it into Santa's head : Anonymous 19 KB GIF >he literally caves Santa's head in so hard his eyeball pops out. >hearing all the commotion, my dad rushes down from his bedroom, grabs a knife and starts wrestling the man >during the scuffle my dad somehow disembowels the guy and I watch as my dad finally puts him down while his intestines fall out >a few days later my dad sits me down and tells me that the attacker was some local meth head who went on a drug induced rampage and that "Santa" was really my grandpa who had visited us earlier in the day >mfw I find out Santa Claus isn't real

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon comments on UFO skeptics | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/28/23(Fri)07:59:39 No.35423573 >>35423131 (OP) # >aliens with wicked advanced technology, potentially millions of years ahead of our own >"ok" >so they can do things beyond our 5 KB JPG understanding >"aww hell nah that's f------ stupid and unrealistic why would they be able to do s--- like that it's dumb as f---"

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Anon has a grandfather. | /r/Greentext

>84 year old grandfather tells me that he's joined a message board devoted to discussing cars >based on the way he speaks, he clearly had no idea what a message board was until very recently 117 KB JPG >he shows me some of his post history >he enjoys posting stupid, obviously false and ridiculous information just to see how people reply >he doesn't know the terms shitposting or trolling, so he says "I'm jerkin' their chains!" and scrolls down, busting a gut with laughter as he reads off some of the replies An 84 year old man is an online troll. I am genuinely ashamed to be his grandson.

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Even fembots don't want robots | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 139 KB JPG 08/04/23(Fri)01:46:18 No.74261153 : Anonymous >be lonely fembot and decide to try to make friends again in r9k >try to make friends with a couple of anons, not much in commun except with >a few weeks pass by and he randomly confesses to me one day >deny him, i like him but not that much to be in a relationship >Stop talking to him for a few days, he's been rejected before so he'll be fine 12 KB JPG one >we get along pretty easily and instantly click and talk with eachother everyday and ask eachother if we're doing fine >He hasn't messaged me in weeks now >Start to miss him so try to talk to him again and say hi >"If we can't be a couple then I can't really be near you anymore" So men dont care for actual friendships? FFS this is why I stopped making friends and be by myself I dont want a relationship idc im too autistic for girls to be my friend and my male "friends" just wanted to f--- me 08/04/23(Fri)01:47:48 No.74261168 jesus the same thing literally happened to me i dont give a f--- about him anymore because he was pathetic and retarded but he literally blocked me because i didnt want to date him

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anon loves his mom | /r/Greentext

Anonymous baby pepe 79 KB PNG comfy saturday thread. i'll start >be me >mom is going out of town for weekend >i get off work at 4 yesterday >mom texts me >"hey anon! i went shopping for you. There's a $20 on the table and I also got pop tarts and chocolate milk for you. I'll be home sunday night. I love you sweetie." >i come home and sleep all night >wake up, 6:37 >chocolate chip pop tarts in cabinet >single gallon of chocolate milk No.807925714 >microwave pop tarts >pour choccy milk >poptarts are warm >milk is sweet >watch the sunrise w/ chocolatey breakfast in hand >play vidya the rest of the day >wake up today >repeat how's your weekend going anon? t-thank you mom. i love you

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anon meets his nemesis in a long flight. | /r/Greentext

07/30/23(Sun)05:36:10 No.2515332 : Anonymous >have the window seat on 13 hour flight >middle aged mainland chinese dude sits in the middle seat. >he keeps on reaching past me and fiddling with the window, taking pictures, opening and closing it >lights off, time to sleep. >he keeps leaning and spreading over into my seat. >fortunately i am a master negotiator. >i ask him in chinese if he wants to trade seats since he likes the window so much. >trade success,my woes are over. >just kidding >dude still keeps stretching into my seat, literally every time he sleeps although he could lean on the window side. >snores like a wood chipper >literally have to shove his arms back into his seat so i don't get molested >time to write customs forms >hah get f----- >filipino lady in the aisle seat is literally the friendliest lady ever, offers him a pen, and then asks me to help him translate since he literally can't read the customs form >f--- i can't pretend i don't know chinese >end up having to help the guy through his forms and repeat everything multiple times >ok, it can't get worse right >guy starts acting overly familiar because he thinks i'm chinese. i'm not... >he starts coughing, coughs in my direction, doesn't even cover his mouth, burps in my direction, probably even farts in my direction. >near the end of the flight he pulls out his shaving kit and literally starts shaving right there, getting stubble everywhere >opens the window one last time. f--- the poors i'm getting business class next time on long flights

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Mischievous dog tries to scare owner | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 325 KB PNG 05/11/22(Wed)03:27:08 No.66716507 >>66716346 # >I wanted to turn my life around after peaking my weight at 180kg >went to the local gym paid for the special weight lose program >around 520$ per month for 3- months >got told to go to the aerobics class >went there and a trainer came in and started telling us what to do as warm ups >walking, stretching and such >being a fat f--- I couldn't even last 3min before sitting a side fighting for air >they start knee raising >gymbro was watching from the side >he came to me and asked when did I join >told him that i just did >told me to pick my things up and follow him >told me that i wouldn't last and would drop out soon or injure myself trying >told me that I should start by just walking outside, no need for a gym now bc any activity would give me results at my weight >went down to the manger's office and took my card >he went in for a while and came back with cash >signed some papers >went outside the gym and gave me his phone number >told me to lose as much weight i can by walking and doing basic workouts >and whenever i feel that i can join back he'll give me a discount >deal It was weird but thanks to him I saved lots of money >>66716649 # >>66718231 #

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Anon admits he was wrong | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 231 KB PNG 03/15/20(Sun)13:16:03 No.57171994 >go on reddit >make comment about something I think I'm right about >get proven wrong >admit that I was wrong and thank person who provided a source >get downvoted anyway >this f------ site

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Anon has seen too much porn........ | /r/Greentext

>coworker asked me to look at her internet after work >go to her room, fix internet, notice panties on floor >the urge arises.png >ask to use her bathroom, "stomach isnt feeling good" >turn on fan to silence noise, fap > walk out of bathroom, shes sitting at laptop >anon, did you just masturbate in my bathroom >p---- scenes flash in my mind >this is my chance >"yes" >get kicked out

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Anon had a happy day | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 540 KB JPG 08/04/23(Fri)09:06:11 No.74267147 >I am clean >I am warm >I am fed >I am comfy in my bed >I am happy from talking to people on 4chan >>74267174 # >my body doesn't feel restless cus I worked out today >I am gonna sleep in until noon tomorrow I have it so good right now. Any of you feeling special and happy today? : Anonymous I hope you mom is r---- to death by pigeons 08/04/23(Fri)09:08:57 No.74267160

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Anon thinks about cheese | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 763 A Esca 513 KB PNG 08/04/23(Fri)12:23:18 No.74268220 >be me >talking to this 10/10 girl I met on tinder >sporty tomboy type >good sense of humour, likes shitposting >she plays games and not normie at ones either >big film nerd talks about obscure foreign films from the 60s >swears in Russian >compatible fetishes >dommy vibes >genuinely loves me for who I am >literally a perfect match >we talk for a few weeks and I genuinely have a shot, she likes me back >then while we're talking she mentions she's a picky eater, okay not a big deal so am I >she hates cheese >all types of cheese >not even cool with it melted or as part of a dish >she refuses to eat any food with cheese in it period >she orders pizza without cheese on it >SHE ORDERS PIZZA WITHOUT CHEESE ON IT I'm a autistic for caring this much about this?, it's literally her only flaw. But like it's f------ cheese. She's 22 I don't think she'll grow out of this

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Anon talks on the Internet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous blackpiller bros? 251 KB JPG 08/04/23(Fri)07:59:15 No.74266696 >be me >5'7 >get approached by blonde stacy that asks for my instagram >tell her i don't use the app and to leave me alone >she leaves i thought they go for chad only. : Anonymous >>74266696 (OP) # The thing I love about the Internet is you can just say anything For instance Zendaya came and sucked my balls 08/04/23(Fri)08:01:56 No.74266712

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Anon finds about lizzo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/04/23(Fri)07:39:35 No.74266564 7 KB PNG >be me >see some s--- about some scandal about Lizzo >no idea who that is, look her up and she's some hambeast nigress who is a walking billboard for farming culture war s--- >is some advocate for fatties who apparently hired backup dancers, etc and put s--- on them for not being size O's >basically gaslighting people when they gain weight while living off bacon cheeseburger-stuffed oreos from Walmart herself, while doing articles for gay Huff Post articles about "fat shaming" >apparently doesn't believe a word of the s--- she apparently advocates for >mfw foids and roasties who have been eating her goyslop for years are on suicide watch i hate celeb drama usually but i love it when normoids suffer because their idols who contribute to the decline of western civilization lose goodboy Twitter points over some scandal or another and they feel bad about the parasocial relationships they have with these absolute puppets

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