I love when greentexts parody my own life experiences but in an alternate world where I was dropped on my head twice | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 58 KB JPG 03/30/23(Thu)15:57:59 No.10704878 Be me, college loser. Never been good with the ladies. First day in chemistry class this hot big t---- girl I knew in high school walks in. By the power of the gods we are partnered up for lab. Spend the first few labs making dumb jokes, she laughs, I'm feeling great. Decide to man up and ask for her number, "for homework and stuff for class." She agrees. I also add her on Facebook. A week later I text her, "Hey, what's up?" 20 minutes later, she responds, "Nothing much, just getting ready for the test next week!" I text back, "Same, but I can't concentrate. I just keep thinking about your jumbo jugs." One hour goes by, no response. I check Facebook, she blocked me. Next day, she didn't show up to class. Day after that the teacher assigns us each new lab partners. She never talked to me again. Now when I see her on campus she always looks the other way. If she won't look at me then I'll just keep staring at her t---.

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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anon is a pedo | /r/Greentext

File: w.jpg (7 KB, 237x213) help Anonymous 07/04/23 (Tue)22:08:10 No.29285293 >>29285320 >>29 >I meet this cool guy >Been talking on discord for almost two years >He loves me romantically >I love him too (romantically) >Im 18, he is 16 (our birthday is almost the same day) >We want a relationship but live at the other side of our county + age gap (We told our feeling to each other after like 9 months of talking everyday) Anons am I just a p--- or this is fine?

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anon gets caught | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >have conversation with japanese 2view >can't keep up with the pace >ah i'll just use deepL this one >accidentally pastes it two times >caught in 4k >face turns bright red >alt f4 07/05/23(Wed)00:23:11 No.43921997 >pillow over head >now/here/ after feeling shame for 20 minutes >>43922002 # >>43922137 # : Anonymous 07/05/23(Wed)00:24:16 No.43922002 >>43921997 # Worst part is she kept complimenting my japanese

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Anon reveals that he's a full blown schizo | /r/Greentext

The Happening Of All Happening(...) 07/04/23(Tue)20:26:27 No.433311044 O, my faithful! The end is nigh! On the 5th of July, NATO or Russia will attack the Zaporizhzhia nuclear power plant. This will cause potential high amounts of radiation to spread across the whole of Europe, and will certainly cause Article 5 to be activated. I would recommend moving out of the cities immediately. We shall rebuild from the rubble, my children! Let us now praise the Prince of Darkness himself, Lord Kek, and may his digits bless us with the most chaotic of happenings. 0, my faithful! Prepare for the destruction of civilisation as we know it. Let us have our radioactive Sodom and Gomorrah! 466 KB JPG >Russia 'plants explosives' on NUCLEAR POWER PLANT in Putin's most dangerous move yet https://www.express.co.uk/news/worl d/1787607/Nuclear-plant-explosives-Russia- Ukraine >Ukraine claims Russia is planning to attack Europe's biggest nuclear station TONIGHT

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Anon funny Pepe....... | /r/Greentext

>girl shows interest in me >literally can't stop laughing at her abysmal ability to select mates

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Anon is American | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 158 KB PNG >wait till it gets dark and light off a sparkler >coom to some p---- just now >drink a beer and watch the fireworks from my window 07/04/23(Tue)18:59:02 No.902054269 >be me >American >4th of July >wage massa gave us day off work >no friends to celebrate with, family disowned me long ago >make burger and hot dog for myself >remember I couldn't do any of this if I was in China >mfw proud to be an American Happy Merica day bros >>902054433 # : Anonymous 07/04/23(Tue) 19:01:44 No.902054373 You can drink beer in China and they literally invented fireworks retard >>902054734 # : Anonymous >>902054373 # Yeah, and their hamburgers and hot dogs are made with real meat, albeit canine! 07/04/23(Tue) 19:03:18 No.902054433 : Anonymous >>902054269 (OP) # Happy merica day bro 07/04/23(Tue)19:03:19 No.902054435

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Anon goes through so much effort to not get called "gay" only to get called gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous GUYWIPES mir 49 KB JPG 11/29/22(Tue)01:29:28 No.71181323 >browsing internet >learn just wiping ur ass with tp is gross >from NA so no bidet toilet >buy these things called guy wipes picrelated.jpeg >didnt want to be a f-- and buy baby wipes >use them over a week and throw the package (they come in little packages) in the trash beside the toilet >my ass feels cleaner >girlfriend comes over for movie night >she has to use the washroom >comes back laughing >"Babe what are guy wipes?" >she saw them in the trash >panic cause I dont want to seem gay >"They are for my beard" >"Haha thats cute" >skip towards my birthday 3 weeks later >girl buys me tons of hipster beauty s--- for my beard >dont want to go back on my lie >start using the beard oils and s--- >makes my face smooth and hair nice >guys at work call me gay now just use tp this s--- made me a f-- at work

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Anon realizes what could have been | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous F--- DEADASS? >be me 37 KB JPG 07/04/23(Tue)17:20:37 No.73905484 >in 9th grade >know this one girl in my classes >9/10 hot asf but she's the most annoying bitch I've ever met. >steals my s---, insults me, s---- on my hobbies, tries to humiliate me in front of her friends >hate her guts >one day I've had enough of her s--- and yell at her in the middle of class >her face is bright red and she stops messing with me >constantly tries initiating conversation with me afterward >ignore her or give one word answers >randomly stops me in the hallway and tries to talk to me >I was having a bad day >tell her to f--- off and die >runs away crying and stops talking to me >find out years later from a friend that she had a huge crush on me and bullied me to get my attention cuz thats how I acted with my friends >look her up on insta >she's drop dead gorgeous and in medical school studying to be a neurologist >realize what my life could've been I'm a virgin at 25 f--- everything man

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Atleast anon found his phone and went for a nice stroll followed by a brief swim | /r/Greentext

1h (5/8 12:56) 73244315 1 Re: 0 Img JPG 63KB (600x714) f23.jpg 1 Reply >walking dog >fall into a ditch because I accidentally threw her frisbee in there >Loose my phone without realising until I get home >Go back to look for it >Check the ditch >Fall into it again >Find phone in the process How's your morning going bros? ...

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anon doesnt wash his chicken | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 36 KB JPG 07/04/23(Tue)22:01:39 No.73905264 >Be me talking to coworkers at the office >Mentioning a new chicken recipe and how to prepare it >"Anon you don't wash your chicken?" Thefuckdidujustask.jpeg >"You're not supposed to wash chicken" >Everyone around the office looks at me in shock >Start to panic >Everyone taking this dumb bitches side admitting they wash their chicken >Stutter out that all the good s--- gets washed off and the meat is clean cause factorys blesch etc >"Ya but you have to wash off the gross white slimy stuff" THATSTHEFUCKINGFAT.mp4 >Spend the rest of the night asking coworkers if they wash their chicken >Everyone says they do >Go home >Take out 2 frozen thighs >Wash them >They taste like plain s--- afterwards Did I just get trolled or do retards really clean off meat cuts

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Anon and the dangers of addiction | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1.48 MB GIF 07/04/23(Tue)09:16:52 No.73901387 >Edge in bed for like four hours straight last night >Not even jerking off anymore, just humping pillow >Constantly mumbling "I love you, I need you" to no one >Finally orgasm in the prone position >Balls feel like someone them in Icy-Hot for a moment >Think nothing of it, try to get some sleep >Not even five minutes later, need to pee >Piss sprays everywhere, comes out like a leaky faucet >The moment I put my underwear back on my entire crotch starts to hurt >Go back into bed, throat is dry and feeling a hot flash >End up tossing and turning because there's this constant dull pain >Brain starts convincing me I have kidney stones or testicular torsion so I panic >Try to drink water, this makes me have to pee five minutes later again >Finally able to sleep but with an increased heart rate, wake up in a literal sweat-drenched heap I think I should stop masturbating. : Anonymous >prone m----------- >as an adult Oh no no no 07/04/23(Tue)09:21:19 No.73901413 >>73901456 # >>73903207 # >>73905470 #

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Anon is an American | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 158 KB PNG 07/04/23(Tue)16:59:02 No.902054269 >be me >American >4th of July >wage massa gave us day off work >no friends to celebrate with, family disowned me long ago >make burger and hot dog for myself >wait till it gets dark and light off a sparkler >coom to some p---- just now >drink a beer and watch the fireworks from my window >remember I couldn't do any of this if I was in China >mfw proud to be an American Happy Merica day bros

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Anon obviously couldn’t take a hint | /r/Greentext

Anonymous F--- DEADASS? >be me 37 KB JPG 07/04/23(Tue)16:20:37 No.73905484 >in 9th grade >know this one girl in my classes >9/10 hot asf but she's the most annoying bitch I've ever met. >steals my s---, insults me, s---- on my hobbies, tries to humiliate me in front of her friends >hate her guts >one day I've had enough of her s--- and yell at her in the middle of class >her face is bright red and she stops messing with me >constantly tries initiating conversation with me afterward >ignore her or give one word answers >randomly stops me in the hallway and tries to talk to me >I was having a bad day >tell her to f--- off and die >runs away crying and stops talking to me >find out years later from a friend that she had a huge crush on me and bullied me to get my attention cuz thats how I acted with my friends >look her up on insta >she's drop dead gorgeous and in medical school studying to be a neurologist >realize what my life could've been I'm a virgin at 25 f--- everything man

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