Anon goes through so much effort to not get called "gay" only to get called gay | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous GUYWIPES mir 49 KB JPG 11/29/22(Tue)01:29:28 No.71181323 >browsing internet >learn just wiping ur ass with tp is gross >from NA so no bidet toilet >buy these things called guy wipes picrelated.jpeg >didnt want to be a f-- and buy baby wipes >use them over a week and throw the package (they come in little packages) in the trash beside the toilet >my ass feels cleaner >girlfriend comes over for movie night >she has to use the washroom >comes back laughing >"Babe what are guy wipes?" >she saw them in the trash >panic cause I dont want to seem gay >"They are for my beard" >"Haha thats cute" >skip towards my birthday 3 weeks later >girl buys me tons of hipster beauty s--- for my beard >dont want to go back on my lie >start using the beard oils and s--- >makes my face smooth and hair nice >guys at work call me gay now just use tp this s--- made me a f-- at work

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon realizes what could have been | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous F--- DEADASS? >be me 37 KB JPG 07/04/23(Tue)17:20:37 No.73905484 >in 9th grade >know this one girl in my classes >9/10 hot asf but she's the most annoying bitch I've ever met. >steals my s---, insults me, s---- on my hobbies, tries to humiliate me in front of her friends >hate her guts >one day I've had enough of her s--- and yell at her in the middle of class >her face is bright red and she stops messing with me >constantly tries initiating conversation with me afterward >ignore her or give one word answers >randomly stops me in the hallway and tries to talk to me >I was having a bad day >tell her to f--- off and die >runs away crying and stops talking to me >find out years later from a friend that she had a huge crush on me and bullied me to get my attention cuz thats how I acted with my friends >look her up on insta >she's drop dead gorgeous and in medical school studying to be a neurologist >realize what my life could've been I'm a virgin at 25 f--- everything man

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Atleast anon found his phone and went for a nice stroll followed by a brief swim | /r/Greentext

1h (5/8 12:56) 73244315 1 Re: 0 Img JPG 63KB (600x714) f23.jpg 1 Reply >walking dog >fall into a ditch because I accidentally threw her frisbee in there >Loose my phone without realising until I get home >Go back to look for it >Check the ditch >Fall into it again >Find phone in the process How's your morning going bros? ...

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anon doesnt wash his chicken | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 36 KB JPG 07/04/23(Tue)22:01:39 No.73905264 >Be me talking to coworkers at the office >Mentioning a new chicken recipe and how to prepare it >"Anon you don't wash your chicken?" Thefuckdidujustask.jpeg >"You're not supposed to wash chicken" >Everyone around the office looks at me in shock >Start to panic >Everyone taking this dumb bitches side admitting they wash their chicken >Stutter out that all the good s--- gets washed off and the meat is clean cause factorys blesch etc >"Ya but you have to wash off the gross white slimy stuff" THATSTHEFUCKINGFAT.mp4 >Spend the rest of the night asking coworkers if they wash their chicken >Everyone says they do >Go home >Take out 2 frozen thighs >Wash them >They taste like plain s--- afterwards Did I just get trolled or do retards really clean off meat cuts

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Anon and the dangers of addiction | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1.48 MB GIF 07/04/23(Tue)09:16:52 No.73901387 >Edge in bed for like four hours straight last night >Not even jerking off anymore, just humping pillow >Constantly mumbling "I love you, I need you" to no one >Finally orgasm in the prone position >Balls feel like someone them in Icy-Hot for a moment >Think nothing of it, try to get some sleep >Not even five minutes later, need to pee >Piss sprays everywhere, comes out like a leaky faucet >The moment I put my underwear back on my entire crotch starts to hurt >Go back into bed, throat is dry and feeling a hot flash >End up tossing and turning because there's this constant dull pain >Brain starts convincing me I have kidney stones or testicular torsion so I panic >Try to drink water, this makes me have to pee five minutes later again >Finally able to sleep but with an increased heart rate, wake up in a literal sweat-drenched heap I think I should stop masturbating. : Anonymous >prone m----------- >as an adult Oh no no no 07/04/23(Tue)09:21:19 No.73901413 >>73901456 # >>73903207 # >>73905470 #

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Anon is an American | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 158 KB PNG 07/04/23(Tue)16:59:02 No.902054269 >be me >American >4th of July >wage massa gave us day off work >no friends to celebrate with, family disowned me long ago >make burger and hot dog for myself >wait till it gets dark and light off a sparkler >coom to some p---- just now >drink a beer and watch the fireworks from my window >remember I couldn't do any of this if I was in China >mfw proud to be an American Happy Merica day bros

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Anon obviously couldn’t take a hint | /r/Greentext

Anonymous F--- DEADASS? >be me 37 KB JPG 07/04/23(Tue)16:20:37 No.73905484 >in 9th grade >know this one girl in my classes >9/10 hot asf but she's the most annoying bitch I've ever met. >steals my s---, insults me, s---- on my hobbies, tries to humiliate me in front of her friends >hate her guts >one day I've had enough of her s--- and yell at her in the middle of class >her face is bright red and she stops messing with me >constantly tries initiating conversation with me afterward >ignore her or give one word answers >randomly stops me in the hallway and tries to talk to me >I was having a bad day >tell her to f--- off and die >runs away crying and stops talking to me >find out years later from a friend that she had a huge crush on me and bullied me to get my attention cuz thats how I acted with my friends >look her up on insta >she's drop dead gorgeous and in medical school studying to be a neurologist >realize what my life could've been I'm a virgin at 25 f--- everything man

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Anon dates a disabled woman | /r/Greentext

File: wwheelchair.jpg (73 KB, 480x480) Anonymous 07/04/23(Tue)22:57:51 No.73905241 ► >be me, single anon; no s---, sherlock >want intimate time with a lady >goes on le Tinder >match with a cutie >speak with her for two weeks, agree on a date >super excited >today, go to meeting point, a bar downtown I suggested >I look like a pretrified idiot >so no seks with cute robogirl I presume >see her waiting in a wheelchair on a table outside the bar >-the f--- is this >go talk to her >she tells me she got into a car accident, that this is something new and she didn't tell me because she thought I would refuse to meet her, also she might walk again someday >ok, that's fair enough, it's true I'm not sure I would have agreed >old back anger, take a deep breath >never f----- with a cripple, might be fun, who knows >sit down, ask if she wants to drink something >young lady quite surprised >order two cokes >genuinely interested on knowing how she's getting thru life >say I'm sorry to have chosen this bar, because it's not easy to access for a disabled person >we start talking, quickly notice something is not right, she's looking more and more uncomfortable, the more she talks, the less her story makes sense >suddently she stands up from her chair >-WAT, BEHOLD A MIRACLE >>proceeds to tell me that it was some kind of pervert social experiment, points a guy behind me, guy waves at me and does a thumbsup >she says that I seem to be a very nice lad and wishes me luck to meet someone nice because I deserve it >I'm ded inside, mortified >she leaves with the guy It was too good to be true, since I didn't have to take the f------ bitch to anywhere and just paid for the two cokes, I decided to use the monies to hire an escort tomorrow. Pic unrelated

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The king does not feel fear at sight of a peasant | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/23(Wed) 22:32:32 No.70838867 10 KB JPG found an infinite motivation glitch >be me >21 >6'3 wider than a doorframe >a little chubby, socially awkward and insecure >be at work >pouring water into my bottle >coworker waiting behind me >an hour later overhear him talking with another coworker >"I've gotta get into the gym again. Every new guy that comes is bigger than me" >realize that im not the only one who gets insecure >ff 2 months >read lots of psychology and philosophy books >realize how intimidated everyone is by me since im huge and mostly quiet >decide to become even bigger >start lifting >get noticably bigger muscles >lose some weight >become more confident >talk more with coworkers >social anxiety decreases >mfw its so easy bros just be better than them make them insecure make them doubt themselves

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Anon has a gf | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/04/23(Tue)12:20:16 No.902040238 [Reply] ► So my girlfriend got r---- and beaten. I broke up with her right after she told me. This is what happened: >Dating girlfriend for 7 months. >She wants to go to this sleazy club with her friend. >I told her I didn't want her to go. >Had an argument about it. She was like "You don't own me and I can do what I want." and that b-------. >Told her if she went then I'm breaking up with her. >She said she wouldn't go and dropped it. >Saturday came. >Hadn't heard from her all day. >At 4AM on Sunday she calls me crying. >She says she got r---- and beat up. >She went to the club anyway. Apparently she left alone with some guy and his friend to go to a party. They took her somewhere and beat her up and r---- her. >Had many feelings about this, none of them pleasant. >I told her if she went to the club that I'd leave her and I told her we were over. >She started freaking out and saying she needs me right now and that she was sorry. >Told her never to call me again. >Have been getting rabid hate from her friends and my friends think I was way too cold. >She broke my trust, went somewhere I said not to, was probably going to end up cheating on me anyway and got r---- and beaten over it and I'm suppose to feel sorry for her. I saw her like yesterday and she was pretty beat up, she had bruises and a black eye and stuff. So I do believe she was r---- but this wouldn't of happened if she had just listened to me. Everybody thinks I'm evil. My ex-girlfriend has been trying to talk to me but I have no desire to speak to her. You guys think I was too harsh? I just have a hard time feeling bad when I feel so right...

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Anons brother hates toast | /r/Greentext

Anonymous UJI 1 1/2 1/100/14.00. TO 110.004 11 JUJI >got my brother's spare key because we live a walking distance away >we buy the same kind of bread because that's the same one we had at home >he's a man of schedule, goes shopping the same day every week, he goes on the same walk at the same time of day every day >always hated how irregular my habits are >decide to be a s------- for no reason 85 KB JPG >get a bag of bread on the same day he's gone shopping >toast the entire thing and put it back in the bag >wait until it's time for brother's walk >take my bag of toast and sneak in with my keys >know where he keeps his bread, switch the bag of bread with the bag of toast >toast two slices of bread to make the whole house smell like toast >escape once they're done >make sure I left no mark in the house, touch nothing >make it to home, start gaming >25 minutes later I get a text "I don't know how or why you've done this but I will f------ end you." View Thread

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Anon can't get a word | /r/Greentext

- Oh God! This code is horrible! Who wrote this crap?! S---, It was me. Anonymous 07/03/23 (Mon)22:37:18 No.73896896 [Reply]► >>73896939 >>73896949 >be me, retard >go to word to make some work >See that my office needs the 2019 activation code and the new 2021 activation, and they just locked me out of word (on an important moment) >belive that 2021 activation code will override the 2019 one and easy problem solve >search for instruction on youtube >do everything correctly >2021 is office is officially installed and activated but still locked because I need the the 2019 code >enter the easy general passwords >nothing registers >install the overrider >it basically made the 2021 code useless >uninstall office straight up, realize I should have gone for the 2019 first >install office and the activator code >office instaled, code doenst work, and the 2021 activation code is still required >have till friday to solve this or III get locked again >mfw when I have to uninstall all this random activators, programs and s--- in my attempt to throw everything at the wall I should have min maxed into computer b-------, oh well Anonymous 07/03/23 (Mon)22:42:46 No.73896939 ► >>73896896 (OP) >op trusts a corp in twenty twenty f------ three and gets f----- over Who would have thought. Anyway, just pirate it like the normal people

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Dipper Goes To Taco Bell | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 94 KB PNG 07/04/23(Tue)09:57:45 No.902027857 >>Be me >>Dipper >>Go to Taco Bell >>Hijinks Ensue >>The End

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