Anons brother hates toast | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous UJI 1 1/2 1/100/14.00. TO 110.004 11 JUJI >got my brother's spare key because we live a walking distance away >we buy the same kind of bread because that's the same one we had at home >he's a man of schedule, goes shopping the same day every week, he goes on the same walk at the same time of day every day >always hated how irregular my habits are >decide to be a s------- for no reason 85 KB JPG >get a bag of bread on the same day he's gone shopping >toast the entire thing and put it back in the bag >wait until it's time for brother's walk >take my bag of toast and sneak in with my keys >know where he keeps his bread, switch the bag of bread with the bag of toast >toast two slices of bread to make the whole house smell like toast >escape once they're done >make sure I left no mark in the house, touch nothing >make it to home, start gaming >25 minutes later I get a text "I don't know how or why you've done this but I will f------ end you." View Thread

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon can't get a word | /r/Greentext

- Oh God! This code is horrible! Who wrote this crap?! S---, It was me. Anonymous 07/03/23 (Mon)22:37:18 No.73896896 [Reply]► >>73896939 >>73896949 >be me, retard >go to word to make some work >See that my office needs the 2019 activation code and the new 2021 activation, and they just locked me out of word (on an important moment) >belive that 2021 activation code will override the 2019 one and easy problem solve >search for instruction on youtube >do everything correctly >2021 is office is officially installed and activated but still locked because I need the the 2019 code >enter the easy general passwords >nothing registers >install the overrider >it basically made the 2021 code useless >uninstall office straight up, realize I should have gone for the 2019 first >install office and the activator code >office instaled, code doenst work, and the 2021 activation code is still required >have till friday to solve this or III get locked again >mfw when I have to uninstall all this random activators, programs and s--- in my attempt to throw everything at the wall I should have min maxed into computer b-------, oh well Anonymous 07/03/23 (Mon)22:42:46 No.73896939 ► >>73896896 (OP) >op trusts a corp in twenty twenty f------ three and gets f----- over Who would have thought. Anyway, just pirate it like the normal people

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Dipper Goes To Taco Bell | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 94 KB PNG 07/04/23(Tue)09:57:45 No.902027857 >>Be me >>Dipper >>Go to Taco Bell >>Hijinks Ensue >>The End

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anon didn't manage his expectations | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 89 264 KB PNG 07/04/23(Tue)13:11:46 No.73902863 >meet a new bitch >she only has two boobs >ensure a boring date until you can politely leave

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Long time swimmer, first time collar | /r/Greentext

I T-Mobile Board /lgbt/ - LGBT Anonymous 144 KB JPG 1:46 PM boards.4channel.org ✓ 31% ▼ Settings Mobile Home 07/04/23(Tue)12:35:50 No.31782520 I pranked my bottom again. Might've gone too far this time >bottom bf surprises me wearing a leather collar he custom-ordered >the dog tags have my name and his >"anon as long as I'm wearing this you can do ANYTHING you want to me! Don't hold back!" >quivering in anticipation of our usual dom/sub antics >...but he did say ANYTHING >drag him to the beach with me and make him go snorkeling with me to try to see fish and crabs and sea creatures >unsatisfied with the quantity and variety of fish seen at the beach, I drag him to the aquarium to look at more fish (even though it's far cooler to find them in the wild) >take him home and make him download classic Starcraft (not starcraft 2) and play against me >demand to have passionate, sickeningly sweet vanilla sex where we lavish each other in praise and affection and I am physically transmitting love into his body with every touch and every thrust and every moment of eye contact >the next morning I find the collar in the trash and he's so irritated he sulks for days Worth it. Next time he'll choose his words more carefully lol

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Anon makes a wish... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 374 KB JPG 07/04/23(Tue)18:24:08 No.187113591 Speak your three wishes. 07/04/23(Tue)18:27:31 No.187113703 : Anonymous >>187113591 (OP) # >I with for you, the djinn, to give a BJ to another djinns child checkmate demon, you're now known as the pedodjinn

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Anon's friend accidentally kills himself. | /r/Greentext

File: 1385260192525.png-(200 KB, 438x336, 1356057001793.png) Anonymous 11/23/13(Sat)21:29:52 UTC-5 No.517672052 Replies: >>517672226 >>517672274 >>517673125 >>517673550 >>517675017 So guys, my friend might have just killed himself by accident, in a really hilarious way no less. >be at my house >parents are out for weekend >have all my d------ friends over and smoke some weed and get drunk >little brother is a pal, doesn't tell on us >about an hour into our session, friend picks up a peculiar small brown cardboard cylinder that was lying around and prepares to smoke it >we were all pretty stoned but I was conflicted about what the thing was but I was pretty sure It wasn't a blunt >as he is about to light one end I suddenly realize with horror what it actually was >little brother does model rockets as a hobby which run on small fuel cylinders like the one he was about to smoke >before I can say anything he lights it >FFFFFFFFFFWSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.jpg >cylinder ignites >thrust from flame pushes cylinder down friend's throat into stomach >hear loud "pop" as it blows up inside him >friend starts screaming with flames and smoke pouring from his mouth >we all panic and lose our s--- >lil' bother calls 911 despite our activities >ambulance arrives and picks up now convulsing friend >we all get co t summons because weed >still have yet to hear of friend's condition >worst day of my life >not sure whether looking back on this to laugh my ass off or cry hysterically TL;DR my friend tried to smoke a model rocket engine thinking it was a blunt

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retarded piratejack | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 476311042 X 38 65,0 kB PNG 27 REPLIES 2 hr. ago >download a $60 game 100 times >company loses $6000 46 IMAGES REPLY

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Anon has difficulties | /r/Greentext

the gym feeling worse > Be me > go to a new gym for the first time > Get overwhelmed by the amount of people there > realize I'm probably the smallest guy (probably just my imagination). > Get sad and depressed. > Wonder around to get used to the new environment, also to know where all the equipment is. > All the benches and machines are taken, so I have to awkwardly wait on the side. > Get even more sad because I feel like a creep > Decide to leave, but before I do, I decide to try out my membership bonus of free food from the vending machine. > Member card gets declined, leave the gym feeling even worse.. why am I so autistic?

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He threw it back and busted a nutt | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 35 KB JPG 04/04/23(Tue)09:50:26 No.72824595 >day 4 of nofap >have very vivid sex dreams >wake up with raging erection >go to gym >leg day >do a calf press >feel weird sensation in my groin >think nothing of it >almost finish my set >on my fifth rep >sensation comes back >c-- bucketloads through my flaccid c--- >almost pass out it's so intense bros...what happened to me?

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Anon gets bullied | /r/Greentext

group h t for (1 ¹]-group_ima-small block; 244) ( O Anonymous 07/03/23(Mon)13:27:52 No.73892650 ▶ >>73892665 >>73892706 >>73892779 >be me in middle school > 7th grade, bullied hard in my own class > seriously consider to become a hero > november arrives > bully #1 and #2 fool around in a tunnel, wild freight train appears > it's super effective > #1 is reduced to pieces, # 2 loses limbs > class shocked, bullying calms down a bit > restarts at the beginning of december > bully #3 gets hit by a truck during the first snowy day > spends months in hospital, never saw him again > cancer of #4 bully's mom wins > he goes to his father's in other state > no more bullies in class > life doesn't like emptiness, new social pyramid forms > two wild new bullys appears > february bully #5 gets expelled for fighting in the playground > shortly after, bully #6 just stops coming to class > next year comes, no bullying at all > year after, new d--- kid arrives in my class > kickly starts racketing me and others > get cornered outside school one day, punches me and attempts to steal from me > didn't notice police in the alley, I didn't either > expelled at the speed of light > no more bullying, ever I seem to have activated some kind of IRL protection cheat code, I really wish I could share it with Anon but I haven't the slightest clue about how I actived it

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It's all so tiring | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/03/23(Mon)13:14:29 No.73885213 >wake up >still forced to exist //// 109306570_p5.jpg 103 KB JPG b站:超大萝卜糖 S.....

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Anon's gf does a bit of roleplay | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/04/23(Tue)07:40:39 No.902013982 >>902014492 >>90201 >>902015335 >>902015628 >>902015680 >>902016307 >>902016874 >>902017219 >>90201 >>902018348 >>902018563 >>902019198 >>902019649 >>902019991 >>902020429 >>90202 >>902013967 >be me >making love to my girlfriend (real girl, i sold my doll) >she is eating the pillow >i'm dripping sweat on her back >i hear moans and mumbling >uhh stop uhh hurting me uhhh >why uhhh why hurt me uhhh im a good girl uhh >uhhhh stop please uhh pleaseee >me stop >d--- is diamonds but worried about r--- charges >grab her hair and pull her head out of the pillow >babe what did you say, are you ok? >oh sorry i didn't know you could hear me >i was roleplaying to help me get off >me ask what the roleplay was >she says it doesn't matter >announces she is tired >has shower >me w-- ok guys i need help what was she roleplaying? Anonymous 07/04/23(Tue)07:45:47 No.902014492 >>902013982 She had to imagine what it was like to be r---- because she knew you too weak and beta to hold her down and do it properly. >>902014256 Anonymous 07/04/23(Tue)07:41:44 No.902015335 >>902014180 >>90201 File: img_13.png (633 KB, 474x700) >>902013982 TFW you get cuck'd by your GF even though you are the only other person in the room

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