Anon plays the didgeridoo. | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

DIDGERIDOO 296KiB, 1024x1024, istockphoto-892779584- 1024x1024.jpg View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO >breathe out >doesn't work Anonymous Wed 30 Sep 2020 18:37:44 No.836952783 View Reply Original Report Quoted By: >>836952925 >>836953034 >>836953130 >>836954331 >>836955365 >be 12 years ago >be me, 15 >home alone >yes, masturbating, butt naked in front of the computer >casually browsing the web while stroking d--- >not even p--- sites, just regular stuff that interests me >almost forget that I am, in fact jerking off >come across something called 'circular breathing' >technique that allows a person to breathe in and out simultaneously, allowing them to play instruments like flutes without ever stopping >photo of a man playing didgeridoo comes up >decide to try it myself >thiscan'tbesohard.jpg >breathe in >breathe out >breathe in >try even harder >end up with my tongue half sticking out, gargling, heaving like crazy >s--- still doesn't work, this is frustrating >"anon, what...?" >almost suffer heart attack >mom is home >standing in my open bedroom door >witnessing me slowly stroking my half-hard leaking d--- to a photo of a bearded aboriginal man blowing into a didgeridoo >eyes half closed, tongue sticking out, gargling like a retard >she never forgets >literally never forgets >a year later I buy my first guitar >mom says "weird, I thought you'd want to play the didgeridoo love you anyways, mom

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Huh? Duality of men? | /r/Greentext

Blau ← 451 ↓ r/greentext ... 11:03 12 ... 3. 59min Nontrue: Anon touches moist cat. Gae: Anon cries, not manly. ↑ Teilen Antworten 3 ↓ TendieBot2000. 1h Fake: Anon touches moist cat. Gay: Anon cries, not manly. 10 Personen anwesend 1h Antworten Kommentar hinzufügen 2h 14 % 0 + -6

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Anon becomes Death | /r/Greentext

>> File: oppenheimer-quote_poster.jpg (22 KB, 720x480) Anonymous 06/30/23(Fri)10:43:45 No.58776812 [Reply]► >>58777188 >>58777257 >>58777270 >create the nuclear bomb >w-- i am become death This was their smartest guy? + 8 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 06/30/23(Fri)11:11:02 No.58777060 >>58776840 he's a bloody bitch sir and now we cannot invade Pakistan Anonymous 06/30/23(Fri)11:23:15 No.58777188 ► >>58776812 (OP) >"Hey Ike, so I noticed the nuke storage is empty. Ha-ha, very funny, where did y-" >"You did WHAT with the K-----controller/JapZapper 9000?" >"M-----------, I CREATED THAT THING AS A JOKE!!! LIKE 'ayy look at me, I am become death and s---, I could vaporize an orphanage hahaha', WHY DID YOU USE IT????" >"I gave them funny names and everything...what the actual f--- Ike..." Anonymous 06/30/23(Fri)11:29:04 No.58777241 ► >ze bomba... go BOOM BOOM?? >> Anonymous 06/30/23(Fri)11:30:39 No.58777257 ► >>58776812 (OP) He was upset he was dumb enough to trust it to the generals and politicians of the time. A certain somebody getting a big old killboner and bombing Japan a second time out of sheer bloodlust and punitive revenge proved him right in his worries. We haven't dropped a single bomb in war since, it was totally unnecessary to drop TWO the first time against a nation that was already beaten. Anonymous 06/30/23(Fri)11:31:49 No.58777270 ► >>58776812 (OP) >smartest guy That was probably Feynman, but there were a lot of smart guys on that project.

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I... I wanna see his suits | /r/Greentext

Anonymous I started wearing suits uniron(...) 07/30/22(Sat)17:36:00 No.69617672 and I dont regret it.jpg 108 KB JPG ENSPART I got so obsessed over suits that I started buying one each month and I only see my collection growing. I wear suits to work, to hang out with friends and even in nightclubs and I absolutely look fine in them. I cant see myself going back to regular clothing. Yes, im autistic but wearing suits became such an ingrained part of my personality that it makes me grow more attached to them. Im the f------ suit guy. Just needed to vent, if you want I can show you my suits later

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Anon doesn’t dream of labor | /r/Greentext

Vincent Tigoy 06/30/23(Fri)08:26:23 No.901796292 Gen Z does not dream of labor On TikTok and online, the youngest workers are rejecting work as we know it. How will that play out IRL? By Terry Nguyen | Updated Apr 22, 2022, 9:00am EDT Illustration by Bea Hayward for Vox 831_93906_.jpg 270 KB JPG Stop doing that NOW! >"Heh, the world owes you nothing, incel" "Oh, by the way, you will never be able to afford a house because F--- YOU that's why!" Alright, fine. >refuses to work >refuses to socialize >refuses to pay taxes >refuses to marry a slut >refuses to join the military 85 Replies / 6 Images >"NOOOO you damn loser zoomer freak! Get back into the cage immediately you ungrateful lazy f---!" >"You OWE this to the world you incel!" Why are they like this? View Thread

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A humorous joke is told to the class by Anon...... | /r/Greentext

I pulled an awful prank today, and dont think anyone knows it was me. > In class, community college sucks 21 KB JPG > Sitting next to black kid, Jamarcus > Have to s--- > Go to bathroom > Push out a big long turd > Turd looks like a b--------- > I get a funny idea > Grab turd and stuff it in bag > Back in class, sitting at desk > Throw turd at front of classroom for all students and teacher to see > Yell "Jamarcus, I think your d--- fell off!" > Nobody laughs > People start screaming in disgust and confusion, yelling "w--" > No one got the joke. Those who did did not appreciate it > I quickly exit while everyone is freaking out ove my poop

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Anon cleans the street from criminals | /r/Greentext

133 KB PNG >Be me >Be with girlfriend >Girlfriend cheats on me >I break up >She goes with the guy who cucked me >A few weeks passes >I stalk the guy a little >Realize he's a drug dealer >Realize he's not very smart >Make a folder with all the proofs >Send the folder to the police by mail >Local narcotic team thank me >They do their job >Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now

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Anon is a manly man | /r/Greentext

166 KB JPG >talking to girl about something personal >start to get emotional, start crying >straight up autistically say crying in front of women is gay and it is making me look weak, so I stopped >"but I care about you, showing emotions is what you should do, it's not gay. I'm here for you, it's okay." what the f--- did she mean by this? is she making fun of me? I just ignored her. what a f------ w----.

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Anon is a man of culture | /r/Greentext

69 KB JPG >Be Italian >Wake up at 4am to argue with other Europeans about the superiority of our sun dried tomatoes >5am go stand watch over the sun dried tomatoes >15 hour shift ends, go into town to relax >Don't hear a single word of Italian, it's all Africans and Arabs >Go into a bar and order a birra moretti >bartender opens the local prostitute's legs and collects her piss into a chalice shaped glass and starts shouting at me in Italian BABIDIBUBIDI A PORCA MISERIA! >Thank him by yelling back while making exaggerated hand gestures >spend an hour arguing online about tomatoes and beer >finally lift glass of Italian nectar to my face >hear a crash >whole boat comes through the wall of the bar >it's another few hundred 6 foot tall unaccompanied migrant children >everyone gets r----

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Anon has a cat problem | /r/Greentext

File: cat_chicks_warmer.webm (2.1 MB, 400x720) Anonymous 06/29/23(Thu)18:20:21 No.29249906 >>29249923 >>29249928 >>29250001 Just bought a new house and the old homeowners moved 4 blocks down. Their cat is an "outdoor cat" and keeps returning to their old home (my home). My indoor cat hates every other cat on Earth and f------ loses her s--- every time she sees one through a window. The old homeowner's cat treats this like her home and taunts my cat by getting right up in the windows. This causes my cat to lose her f------ mind, scream at the top of her lungs, and in some cases redirect her aggression toward me. I honestly f------ hate these old homeowners for a variety of reasons and want nothing to do with them, how can I remedy this situation on my own with 0 dead cats?

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Anon has rizz because of 4chan | /r/Greentext

>be me, 18 khv >love military history >/k/ guys are selling used austrian military jackets for cheap >fuckyeah >buy one >jacket shows up 26 KB JPG >fits me really well >decide to wear to school >in history >already getting weird looks from people, realize i look school shootery >learning about nazis and hitler >1933, hitler saluting behind flags of reichsadler >everyone looks at me >realize i have a reichsadler patch on my shoulder >f--- >sweating profusely >incredibly nervous bc jacket has obvious german markings >8/10 roastie approaches me after class, asks about jacket >tell her it's from austria not nazi germany, i'm not a /pol/ f----- >'oh cool, My grandma's austrian!' >says she likes jacket and it looks really warm >realize it's pretty cold >offer her jacket >she smiles and calls me a gentleman >ffw end of day >she gives back my jacket >gives me her snap I'd like to thank hitler and /k/ for getting me a gf

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Anon works for Burger King | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12 KB JPG 07/22/21(Thu)23:07:14 No.64672110 >Be me >Working at Burger King >I add an extra chicken nuggets to bags when they're for a kid's meal >Imagine the kid feeling so lucky he got an extra nugget >He wasn't actually lucky though, as I did that deliberately My devilish nature cannot be contained

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Anon lives with his parents - s | /r/Greentext

94 KB GIF share family hate stories, i'll go first >be me, 26 year old neet >lazy >depressed >dropped out of college after one year >dropped out of trade school after three weeks >never had a GF >friendless >twin sister is planning her wedding and apartment shopping with fiance >she says i can't live with her when she moves out >asked my parents what i'm supposed to do when they die >mom opens her mouth to answer but before she does my 16yo brother hollers "maybe you'll finally get a job you f------ leech" >mom shuts her mouth and dad coughs i can't be sure but i'm pretty sure he was hiding a laugh. f------ geezer i hope he chokes. 06/20/23(Tue)00:28:26 No.73735339 : Anonymous >i hope he chokes why, so you can finally get a job?

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