Anon tells a story | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 353 KB PNG 04/27/21(Tue)06:03:59 No.853083540 Here's a wholesome story for you bots >at dinner with my family at some sports bar >mom and dad both had a bad day and decided to destress, whatever, free food for me >throughout the whole dinner they're both kinda glum >my little brother suddenly looks like he had an idea and whispers in my ear "watch this" >he asks mom and dad to look each other in the eye as long as they can >think to myself w-- is he doing, a staring contest? >after about 15 seconds of eye contact they both start smiling and eventually they break into laughter at that. >mfw my lil bro is the best at making people happy Thanks lil bro

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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look on my works, ye mighty, and despair | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous /fit/ Poetry Corner 15 KB JPG : Anonymous : nonymous : Anonymous 06/09/23(Fri)01:35:02 No.71220719 a poem >World: cold and hard >Breasts: soft and warm thank you >>71220756 # >>71220880 # >>71220989 # >>71220997 # 84 KB JPG 06/09/23(Fri)01:45:46 No.71220751 >>71220880 # >>71221371 # >As I walk into the gym >I see my friend, a man named Tim >Tim is using the squatting rack >Because some juicy thighs, he does lack >As he goes down with the bar >Tim goes down a bit too far >It hits the floor, and so does he >A terrible catastrophe >I call the medic, but it's much too late >Tim has gone and met his fate >He calls me over as he gasps for air >He's telling me to say a prayer >Goodbye Tim, my grand old chum >You never got your juicy bum 06/09/23(Fri)01:47:24 No.71220756 06/09/23(Fri)02:17:05 No.71220859

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Anon is going through a midlife crisis. | /r/Greentext

>it'll get better in high school >it'll get better in college >it'l' get better in university >it will get better when i have a job 142 KB PNG >ive wasted my entire f------ life, my youth is gone ive missed out on love and any important milestones in a normal persons life View Thread

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Anon becomes a wagie | /r/Greentext

File: Dwayne The Spock Johnson.png (636 KB, 680x645) O /b/ Job stories thread Anonymous 06/17/23(Sat)17:23:50 No.901081811 [Reply] Job stories thread? >be me >apply for a job at a national security frim in my country >its my first real job so nervous af >pass all pre-interview tests >final interview date arrives, itshappening.jpg >answer all their questions as quickly and as calmly as possible >imgonnamakeit.rar >final question >ask me "who is the president of the United State?" >without any hesitation and with no second thoughts answer "Sleepy Joe" >horrified as I realize immediately that my autistic ass just sperged that >focus on interviewers' face and see their stern and serious reaction >panicatthedisco.ogg >immediately try to save the situation by adding "aka Joe Biden" >interviewers suddenly start laughing >stillnotsafe.png >they tell me I did better than most of the applicants and that I passed anyways, what's your autistic job stories /b/?

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Anon is a sleeping bag warrior | /r/Greentext

36m (6/25 13:25) 73794005 1 Re. 0 Img PNG 183KB (496 × 680) EngyGuitarSmash.png sleeping bag >be me >early 20s >just moved out of hometown to b------ nowhere >stupidly, only brought one set of sheets >laundry day rolls around >get up early so i can put them out to dry >back from work >they got rained on >f---, how am i gunna sleep >idea.bmp >use my old sleeping bag >had it when i was a kid, barely fit into it >but extra tight means extra warm, so i'm pretty snug >slowly falling asleep >THUD >f--- that was an unsettling noise, but it's probably just another possum in the roofspace or something >BANG *argh* >f--- me someone broke in >attempt to get out of sleeping bag >zipper's stuck tight >manage to hop my way out of bed and wriggle my arms out >grab nearest thing to me >my fender six string >flashlight beam coming through my door >pic related him over the back of the head >guy is very obviously a meth addict >find my phone, call the cops >cop comes >helps me out of sleeping bag >takes me back to station for statement >i give it with sleeping bag draped over my shoulders 'cos it's 2am, cold as f--- >next day >go to local bar >"hey everyone, it's the sleeping bag warrior" >how does every yokel in this bar know what happened last night? >sit down at bar >look next to me >it's the cop >oh, that's how >apparently 6 or 7 properties have been burglarized by this guy before mine >drink free all night >am new town hero >get talking to hot grill >she'd been broken into, too ●●● >we have a few together >end up at her place >cuppa in the kitchen turns into lying on the couch >turns into making out in bedroom >turns into getting busy >"one sec anon, i gotta go get something" >hopefully it's lube and not a 10" rubber c--- or something >hear her going through a cupboard in the next room for a solid 2 minutes >what the f--- could be taking so long? >as she walks back in she's unfurling her sleeping bag from then on, every time we've been together she insists we use the sleeping bag. apparently it's a huge turn on for her and makes her feel secure falling asleep with me in it.

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just askin | /r/Greentext

File: Rosa.png (162 KB, 321x491) O Anonymous 06/25/23(Sun)18:20:32 No.73793973 ► >>73794042 >>73794051 There is no reason to hate women. I'll explain ITT what is really a woman: Nurturing nature: Women often possess a natural instinct to care for and nurture others, like a mother would. Compassion: Women tend to show compassion and empathy towards others, offering comfort and understanding. Protective instinct: Mothers are known for their strong protective instincts, and many women share this trait in various aspects of their lives. Multitasking ability: Mothers are skilled at juggling multiple tasks simultaneously, and women often demonstrate excellent multitasking abilities in various roles. Selflessness: Many mothers prioritize the needs of their children and family above their own, and women, in general, can exhibit selfless behavior and sacrifice for others. Listening skills: Mothers are known for being good listeners, and women often possess excellent listening skills, making them approachable and understanding. Emotional support: Mothers provide emotional support to their children, and women are often adept at offering comfort, guidance, and a nurturing presence to those around them. Patience: Motherhood requires a significant amount of patience, and women often exhibit this quality in various situations, whether it's with children, family members, or colleagues. Problem-solving: Mothers are skilled problem solvers, and women frequently display resourcefulness and creative thinking when faced with challenges. Intuition: Mothers often rely on their intuition to make decisions for their children, and women can possess a strong sense of intuition in various aspects of their lives. Anonymous 06/25/23(Sun)18:20:41 No.73793974 ► Anonymous 06/25/23(Sun)18:28:25 No.73794020 ► >> Anonymous 06/25/23(Sun)18:28:39 No.73794023 ► >> Anonymous 06/25/23(Sun)18:31:48 No.73794039 □ Anonymous 06/25/23(Sun)18:32:12 No.73794042 ► >>73794061 >>73793973 (OP) >There is no reason to hate women. Why the armenian genocide of WW1 or holocaust of WW2 were considered genocide but when women reject ugly guys it's not?

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Anon overlooks hiding his powerlevel | /r/Greentext

36 KB PNG >go to the psychologist >she starts asking questions about me and my life >accidentally mention "Chad" >spend the next two hours explaining her the concept whelp, that didn't go well

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Anon's about to become an hero | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >29 >no qualifications >long term depression >waged for a year, hated every second, had a few unsuccessful relationships and then had a mental breakdown 379 KB JPG 06/25/23(Sun)10:43:26 No.73793103 feeling like this is the endpoint of my life. or at least the end point of any potential I might have had >now neet again >cannot see myself ever functioning in the outside world >can't stand the chaos/ overstimulation of urban/ city environments >not really deeply interested or engaged in anything. make some music and go on bike rides in nature but that's about it. >probably on the autism spectrum. no friends since high school >only feel moderately comfortable when I'm either sitting at the pc or lying down staring at the ceiling I don't want to just mope endlessly. But objectively it just seems like I'm f-----. The only real option is to become a monk or something 3 Replies View Thread

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Anon tells a story | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 353 KB PNG 04/27/21(Tue)06:03:59 No.853083540 Here's a wholesome story for you bots >at dinner with my family at some sports bar >mom and dad both had a bad day and decided to destress, whatever, free food for me >throughout the whole dinner they're both kinda glum >my little brother suddenly looks like he had an idea and whispers in my ear "watch this" >he asks mom and dad to look each other in the eye as long as they can >think to myself w-- is he doing, a staring contest? >after about 15 seconds of eye contact they both start smiling and eventually they break into laughter at that. >mfw my lil bro is the best at making people happy Thanks lil bro

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Anon is thirsty | /r/Greentext

water Anonymous >be me >thirsty >drink water >not thirsty >thank you water pic related

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Anon watches a movie | /r/Greentext

File: y.yy.yy.yy.yy.jpg (910 KB, 1368x2097) To Life! Fiddler on the Roof deser A taco a stay herps the ducio say ■ Anonymous (ID: 8nQ3YLGT) 06/24/23(Sat)02:10:36 No.431868892 >>431869125 >>431869444 >>431869733 >Movie about Jews >One of the first songs is about money How did they get away with this? Like imagine if any show had a black guy singing about fried chicken and watermelon. Anonymous (ID: OZuPmo7G) 06/24/23(Sat)02:12:26 No.431869125 File: n------ - 1568785850311.gif (2.52 MB, 350x204) >>431868892 (OP) >> Anonymous (ID: RzeCcyt5) 06/24/23(Sat)02:14:39 No.431869444 File: mqdefault.jpg (8 KB, 320x180) Anonymous (ID: 8nQ3YLGT) 06/24/23(Sat)02:17:01 No.431869733 File: tacooo.png (1.56 MB, 1061x1062) dibba dibba dibba dum" >>431868892 (OP) >singing about fried chicken and watermelon. Why do you think Uncle Remus was so happy? >>431868892 (OP) >New Disney movie about Mexico is in theaters >OMGoodness Latinxxxx representation >Take my wife's son to go see it >Guy in sombrero introduces Mexico City >He then begins to sing "If I had a taco, ya ba dibba dibba dibba

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Anon's gf works at walmart | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/25/23(Sun)12:37:36 No.186749347 >Go to the kinoplex with my bros 33 KB JPG >Arrive early before the movie starts >They asks me if I'm dating anyone at the moment >"Yeah bro, met this girl in my route" >"That's cool, man. What does she do?" >"She works at a Walmart, stocking merchandise" >They bust out laughing so loud everyone could hear >"Damn bro, they couldn't even put her in the front of the store, they put her in the warehouse" >"At least date a target chick, bro" >"Hey man, are you going through a hard time right now"

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Anon tries a new cologne | /r/Greentext

more pee boules. who else fell for it? Anonymous 06/20/23(Tue)12:18:51 No.73739903 i fell for the urine as cologne meme >spend 3 days peeing in jars instead of the toilet >don't drink water so it's more powerful >spray myself with it and dab it on before work yesterday to maxx on pheromones >people noticeably avoided me more >wore the same clothes again today and sprayed some more on >i thought it needed time to calibrate >people literally stepped away when i walked towards them, multiple girls wrinkled their noses and ignored me completely >manager just pulled me aside and said i needed to leave as i was upsetting the other workers >told me to shower before i come back you f------ lied to me.

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