Anon lost the game as soon as it started | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

6n (6/14 20:01) 73674273·31 Re 10 img JPG 709KB (1170 × 1201) IMG_1022.jpg 15 Replies namelet thread >born with a twin . >parents wanted to give us similar names >parents named my twin brother Chris >parents had a wide selection of C names to choose from >and they named me f------ CAMEL 5h (6/14 20:51) 73674777 >>73674273 (OP) >and they named me f------ CAMEL Happy Hump Day . 5h (6/14 21:05). 73674897 JPG 37KB (628 × 602) gon.jpg >>73674273 (OP) >one chance at life >parents named me squintillius : : :

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon asserts dominance | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Asserting dominance 7 KB PNG 06/14/23(Wed)23:32:32 No.900953051 >be me >see foid coworker, wearing another ridiculously short skirt trying to get attention >decide to assert dominance >walk up to her and ask, "Are you trans?" >"No." >walk away in shame What happened? I thought she would get offended.

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Anon Plans to save the Human Race | /r/Greentext

29m (6/14 20:48) 186356451 8 Re. 1 Img PNG 3MB (2000x1000) john conner kyle reese.png 2 Replies >Kyle, I have a really important mission for you. You have to go back in time and f--- my mother. Yes, you f--- the s--- out of her. And this is the most important bit, you must not use protection. In the past, we had these rubber things called condoms, do not use them. You have to plunge your balls into my mother and c------- her. No pulling out and cuming on her face or t---, you HAVE to c-- inside my mother, this is for the future of the human race do you understand? You're a good friend Kyle. 27m (6/14 20:50). 186356511 >Kyle... you're like a son to me, be like a father to me now... 18m (6/14 20:59). 186356751 >Hey John, how come there are no black people in the future? 17m (6/14 21:00). 186356774 >>186356451 (OP) >"Sir. Do you have a picture, sir? That's her? Mission declined, sir. Also, woof!"

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Anon is a known freak | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: nzcPA41/ )= 06/14/23(Wed)00:50:59 No.430589625 >>430588301 # >be me >have kinky domination fetish over wife >go on date night while kids are at grandmas 56 KB JPG >go to sex store >buy a variety of p---- and nipple clamps >slutty lingerie >whips >lots of kinky things >go to weed store buy some weed >go to liquor store buy some liquor >get chines take out >come home have fun >don't even eat Chinese food >later throw weed, liquor bottles, uneaten Chinese food, and bdsm p---- clamp sex toys packaging away >take trash can to the road for pickup >wake up next morning >trash everywhere in yard >bear got into everyones trash >little old church lady across the street and two other neighbors helping her clean up her yard >they're standing around looking at a grey trash bag in her yard >realize I'm the only person with grey trash bags >see chinese food, liquor bottle and sex toy package in her yard F--- it, the whole neighborhood knows I'm a freak.

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Anon Watches Vtubers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Need Russian rabbit Vtuber. 23/09/2022 02:36 i don't have a conputer anymore lol 23/09/2022 02:36 What happened to it 23/09/2022 02:38 -800 TIPOS she didn't answer she didn't answer 23/09/2022 02:38 Answer to what 23/09/2022 02:39 1421/5150 to my question "bunny or rabbit" maybe she did but i don't understand Japanese either way i broke my PC >She wasn't 06/13/23(Tue)06:26:16 No.51284429 515967968541.jpg 38 KB JPG I smashed my PC half a year ago because i thought Pekora was Russian, so like i typed my superchat in Russian but i forgot she was Japanese because i had all of that insane idea that she was Russian and lived with me. I smashed the only working laptop in all of EAS zone.

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Anon uses Tinder | /r/Greentext

Anonymous how the average dude feels after a week on tinder: 06/14/23(Wed)22:37:54 No.73678894 >Open Tinder >Extremely pretty girl >Swipe right, no match >Extremely pretty girl >Swipe right, no match >Extremely pretty girl >Swipe right, no match >Literally the fattest woman I have even seen in my entire life >Swipe left >HEY, YOU JUST MISSED A POTENTIAL MATCH, IF YOU BUY TINDER GOLD FOR 149 A MONTH, YOU CAN UNLOCK PEOPLE WHO HAVE LIKED YOU SO YOU NEVER MISS A MATCH!!!!! 58 KB JPG

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Anon picked the shortest straw when he was given birth | /r/Greentext

>mom got cancer and died >I was 6 and sister was 11 >sister raised me as surrogate mother >dad starts drinking heavily at this time >also starts r----- my sister >little me doesn't understand what's happening but sister comes into our room crying most nights >try to comfort her >she kisses and holds me and says that helps her feel better and stop crying >just happy I could help her >years pass, in middle school now >sister wants me to have sex with her as a sign of affection and we start f------ regularly >her mind is all f----- up from years of dad r----- her >I'm 13 now, sister is 18 >she bought a shotgun >shoots dad 3 times in the chest and kills him >sister goes to jail >I end up living with a relative, my mom's cousin >semi normal life but f----- my cousin that's my age a lot > 10 years since then >sister still in jail and refuses to see me when I try and visit her

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Anon is successful | /r/Greentext

No.73676541 11 minutes ago hWZd5uZv9rYEf7KaeQP08yZZIKFxkYtECpx93HNvr 81mzJteP30zlkNiLxWUPwMilYLDCjo4g4ICLq3uw m3a9Uzm7dqcsPQXrtzDU8lq0PluMwl5w73pAKgLT ceB23wL.jpg JPG 177.4 KiB 800x1000 >run into bully from elementary school >he doesn't have a job, still lives with family at 27 >he's a drug addict, I'm clean >I have a job, my own apartment, car, money in the bank etc. >his gf was clearly eye f------ me, smiling and trying to get my attention >she touched my chest >I told the guy I'm glad he seems to be doing well (knowing he's not doing well) >he asked me if I have any money for weed and a tobacco rolling leaf >told him no I should be feeling kind of good, but I'm numb and I think my hatred for the human race has gone up a bit more from previous levels.

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Anon goes for a great length | /r/Greentext

>took a t----- out for a hookup to have a fun greentext for /b/ >meet up, had to stop for gas rq >end up bullshitting around inside of a corner store burger king >turns out we've both been missing some xmas shopping >bum around various plazas and department stores >check out a christmas festival at night >the festive lights are highlighting her smile in a way that makes me think I'd never seen real happiness in a person before this moment >take her home >didn't even f--- >get a text making sure that I made it home okay >nobody's ever f------ done that for me before You f------ turned me in to a f----- 464 72 KB JPG

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Anon gets trolled by his cousin | /r/Greentext

5G and microwaves No.900940277 6 minutes ago your brain on 5g.jpg JPG 49.2 KiB 600x372 >have super genius physicist cousin, works in government lab >see cousin around christmas in 2019 >I bring up that 5G shouldn't happen because it's made of microwaves and microwaves are radioactive >expecting him to agree >he didn't >rolls his eyes at me and tells that 5G is safe >he says microwaves are harmless as long as they don't burn you because the radioactivity isn't ironizing >being the retard that I am, at some point I stopped worrying about 5G >I have to move to a new apartment in 2021 >low counters, no built-in microwave >have to put s----- microwave on low counter >have habit of standing close to microwave while waiting for food >being tall, the microwave is the same level as my junk >uh-oh.jpg >d--- hole getting weird recently >wife won't stop bitching about me needing to get it checked out >eventually do it just to shut her up and show that nothing is wrong >turns out it's chlamydia >last time I cheated on wife was about two months before signs showed up >be confused because info on chlamydia says 1-3 weeks, so can't be that >suddenly realize that I have been standing with my junk too close to microwave for a couple years now >oh-s---.jpg >got chlamydia from nuking my junk How much was my cousin payed by the government to lie about 5G? No.900940342 4 minutes ago maybe the h----- was a 5g controlled robot so the government can f--- you just that little bit more

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Anon doesn't like Oreos | /r/Greentext

stand up for yourself No.900939982 17 minutes ago OREO.png PNG 1.3 MiB 1344x896 >Be me >Slave in call center for health insurance company where CEO is obsessed with Al >Company starts a new offer where they give free smart watches to customers, but the contract grants the company rights to collect data about heart rate, BP, glucose, sleep, activity levels, etc >Al algorithms detect deviations from normal health ranges, automatically increase the customer's premium >Call from a woman screaming at me and asking how I can sleep at night, hear her breathing heavily on the other end, crunching on something >"TRY PUTTING DOWN THE OREOS FATASS" >she hangs up >whole call center is looking at me, everyone is fat >awkward.jpg >Boss comes over, also fat >"anon, that's exactly the kind of attitude we need at Health Insurance Company" >Next day, I bring in a gigantic Oreo cake for the call center >New nickname at the office is "Oreo" Life feels like it's worth living again. I'm gonna make it bros.

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Chud explains central asia | /r/Greentext

- C T.H.D What the f--- was their problem? Chud 4 hours ago Nº40429 A >be central asian >Satrap Pajeetmanu II Shithanstani conquers your village and 3 miles of empty desert >proclaims himself "Emperor of the Universe" >dies from a--- bleaching and is replaced by his retard sons, each worse than the last >Niggerkan XVII Sexrex, fourth grandson of Pajeetmanu, inherits the throne and reigns for 15 seconds before getting btfo by 50000000 Turkish horse archers lead by Tengri Chingchongoğlu >Chingchongoğlu refuses to pay tribute to China >Emperor Cǎo Ni Mã of the Tang Dynasty gets pissy and invades with 23 horse archers he stole from Bactria and crushes Chingchongoğlu's force using Western tactics he learned from Jesuit missionaries >Chingchongoğlu castrated and flayed alive before being sacrificed to Confucius >Emperor Cǎo Ni Mā rules for 7 years before abandoning the region to deal with eunuch uprising #284829 >kidnaps 7000000 Iranian slave women and depopulates entire cities by giving local farmers retarded agricultural advice >Turks invade >Tibetans invade >Turks invade again >Emperor Sayeed al-Gangu of Bihar invades and builds a retarded 400-foot fountain that drains all the lakes and leaves the area in a permanent state of drought >Sayeed al-Gangu dethroned by his son, Ali, who destroys the fountain before dying of siphylis from his Iranian slave wife >Timur al-Karaboğa invades during the succession crisis and massacres 75% of the population >Emperor Wei Wāsì Khan of the Lingling Dynasty invades to restore order and genocides the remaining 25% >Turks invade again (again) >meanwhile your distant cousins are busy destroying Europe Repeat for 500 years

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The San Fran effect | /r/Greentext

File: tilt.png (554 KB, 757x618) The tilt of San Francisco's Millennium Tower has deepened as engineers work to reverse lean By Katherine Donlevy NO PARKING AM TO 6 AM EVERYDAY EET HOLIDAY SWEEPDAYS EPING S O tilting Millenium Tower repairs making it worse Anonymous (ID: TC2v1USL) 06/14/23 (Wed)10:27:28 No.430629326 ► >>430629702 >>430629794 >>430629799 >>430630550 >>430630596 >>430631235 >>430631307 >>430631384 >>430631626 >>430632249 >>430632465 >>430632873 >>430633351 >>430633420 >>430633649 >>430633650 >>430633943 >>430634228 >>430634430 >>430634502 >>430635273 >>430635630 >>430635974 >>430637433 >>430642323 >>430642610 >>430643959 >>430644315 >>430645497 >>430652097 >>430652304 >>430652319 >>430652488 >>430652555 >>430653528 >>430653537 >>430654806 >>430655159 >>430655597 >>430656072 >>430656250 >>430657260 >>430657406 >>430657905 >>430659589 >>430659606 >>430660487 >>430660952 >>430662442 >>430664146 >>430664326 >diversity "engineers" build apartment skyscraper >starts tilting >same n----- "engineers" start fixing it >now tilting more and faster This thing will fall in a month. How will the jews get rich from this? June 11, 2023 | 12:27am | Updated https://nypost.com/2023/06/11/san-franciscos-millennium-towers-tilt-deepens-as-engineers-rush-to-reverse-lean/ >> Anonymous (ID: d7WiWG21) 06/14/23 (Wed)10:28:59 No.430629491 >>430631921 >>430641804 >>430657295 >>430660665 They are keeping records of some fed bills next doors, right? >> Anonymous (ID: X+qH3Rgk) +06/14/23 (Wed)10:30:58 No.430629702 >>430629940 >>430630276 >>430630349 >>430630448 >>430630763 >>430630963 >>430631095 >>430631235 >>430631294 >>430631427 >>430631502 >>430632592 >>430632692 >>430634097 >>430634549 >>430635656 >>430636279 >>430636289 >>430636980 >>430637582 >>430637792 >>430641804 >>430644647 >>430653309 >>430656791 >>430657098 >>430657383 >>430657814 >>430658214 >>430658524 >>430659402 >>430659760 >>430660202 >>430660285 >>430662228 >>430662932 >>430664540 >>430629326 (OP) why do white people always take everything so seriously? have you ever stopped to consider that maybe the things you find dangerous are actually fine with Brown people? who said that every building has to stand straight? who said that we can't have tilting buildings? no one is going to die just because a building is slightly tilted ☐ Anonymous (ID: EYMqkrPX) 06/14/23(Wed)10:31:50 No.430629794 ► >>430630173 >>430631384 >>430641804 >>430658666 >>430659325 >>430660730 >>430629326 (OP). >Project engineer Ron Hamburger American engineers literally being led by Ronald McDonald Anonymous (ID: CRq/BQNi) 06/14/23(Wed)10:31:52 No.430629799 ► >>430630056 >>430631088 >>430631484 >>430632558 >>430633446 >>430636388 >>430637732 >>430641804 >>430642788 >>430653157 >>430653526 >>430663051 >>430629326 (OP) >San Francisco God damn, even the buildings can't stand straight.

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