Anon wants a happy ending | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 06/02/23(Fri)09:16:15 No.73531650 > be me > 22 years old > virgin > jacking off to pornhub doesnt do it for me anymore > I ask my friends at discord if they have any ideas > they tell me about those Thai massage places that has happy endings 174 KB PNG > why not > i google the closest massage center where I live > it has a 3.1 rating on google > cant be that bad > the next day I head over to the massage parlor > ask for a regular massage > a short hot Thai lady with big fake breast tells me to take my clothes off and wrap myself with a towel > after the massage the hot Thai lady asks if I want any other treatments > uhm.. > how about a happy ending? > the rooms goes silent > the lady puts a towel over my head and tells me to relax > I hear she walks out but after a while someone comes back in > the lady starts to touch my ass > itstime.exe > the lady tells me to turn around > the Thai lady starts sucking my peepee > I take the towel over my head away to see this beauty > its another woman and not the same hot one > I can see this bitch has a d--- > its a f------ she male > I get up and leave fast > starts crying when I get home

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anons creed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Easy cash bois 276 KB PNG 06/02/23(Fri)08:50:03 No.3076654 >be me > been playing a lot of assassins creed > really fascinated by the parkour > I want to do parkour s--- too > watching yt tutorials on how to land properly and other basic s--- > later that day > the moon shines down onto my neighborhood > its time > I dress up > all blacked out clothes > I bicycle to the local town center and park my bicycle next to some bushes > I scout some buildings where i can test my skills > ah the local library > I go around the building and finds a ladder > when Im on top Im scouting other buildings and obstacles > start jumping from building to building > somehow I end up on a s----- roof > its the kind where the floor is squishy and gives after > when Im about to jump to the next roof the roof collapses > I fall straight down into a s----- looking Indian restaurant > cuts my whole left leg up > pain.exe > get up and trying to relocate myself > i see the cash register > why not > open it > finds approximately 170 dollars in cash > take it > suddenly a cop car parks outside with their flashing lights > time to bolt > I get a chair and climbs up the hole I fell trough > bolts back to my bike and cycles home > bandages my self up > next day I head to GameStop with the cash I got > buy the new call of duty

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Anon forgets that lawyers cost a pretty penny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 211 KB PNG 06/02/23(Fri)08:59:28 No.73531562 > be me > gets in a bar fight > police comes > for some reasons I get fined when I didnt start the brawl > gets fined 400$ for misbehaving or some s--- > f--- you cops > going to court with this because I was not in the wrong here > gets a mediocre lawyer > after a few days I get the bill down to 50$ > f--- yeah > the bill for the lawyer is 700$ > forgot that lawyers are expensive Am I retarted anons?

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Anon has a conversation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous BUC 56 KB JPG 06/02/23(Fri)03:56:20 No.73529706 >be me >going on airplane >see cute girl and try to talk to her >feel extremely uncomfortable just sitting next to her >start interrogating her about her hobbies. >she's actually enjoying the conversation seems >for no reason at all I feel spaghetti slipping out >immediately retreat and awkwardly just sit on the other side of the seats >wewlad.jpg >try to talk to her a second time after >h-hey uhhhh that's cool you like are in college what are you studying? >awkward silence and more spaghetti spills out >tell her sorry and get the f--- out >mfw

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Anon talks to a girl | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Please b patien I have ou Out 06/01/23(Thu)20:52:28 No.73529207 I talked to a girl today and I do not just mean told a cashier my order, though that is part of it. >Chicfila, pull into the drive thru, girl taking the orders is very cute, like distractingly cute >I place my order, give her my card, and as I do, I see she as very pretty nails painted in neon yellows and oranges >I say to her Hey, I love the nails >she smiles at me and says Oh thank you! >silence as she swipes my card, I can feel myself getting a little lightheaded, I cannot believe I just said that 58 KB JPG >the girl hands me back my card and says Yeah, Ive got this plan where if I dress up like it is summer, summer will come faster >I laugh with her and say Oh its coming! >She doesnt stop smiling, but by the look in her face, I can tell that was a dumb and stupid thing to reply with >I pull away, feeling dizzy now, wondering why I had to f--- it up so bad at the end I dont know, feels like a loss because I am sure she now thinks I am a creep, but it feels like a win that I actually talked with a girl

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There's a world in our walls | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 465 KB PNG 01/25/23(Wed)15:10:20 No.2549809 >fiddle with some wires >poke stuff with probes and look at some numbers >literally look through walls and directly interface with the atomic structure of the universe >the Machine Spirit whispers to me through meter readings and sparks >my third eye opens and my soul is cast into an ethereal plane where all is Revealed to me and I am made to Understand >"yeah, it's this wire right here. that'll be $500. let me know when you want me to come back and fix it" ahhhh, the life of an electrician

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Handholding is too much | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 59 KB JPG 06/01/23(Thu)20:13:14 No.29054984 >dating with this girl for over a year and a half, she is a bisexual >she ask me if i can let her have sex with females because it would be hard for her to give up on girls, and she hadn't been with one since we start dating >she promise to only do it with females, in exchange I can sleep with other women too >I say no >she threatens with breaking up >I was in love so i cucked >my friends say this is not cucked because it's only with females (it still made me feel like a cuck) >2 months later >i start seeing a different girl >we go on dates to know each other (not even sex, she likes to take it slow and i respect that) >she uploads our pictures in social media and tags me (holding hands, sharing a kiss, posing together and hugging) >my girlfriend FREAK'S OUT and lose her s--- >"REEEEE YOU ARE CHEATING ON ME" >Remind her she said she said this "open relationship" arrangement meant I can date other women too >"NO! I meant you could have sex with other girls, but one thing is having sex and something different is doing romantic stuff, I have sex with girls but i don't love them, you on the other side are emotionally cheating" >MFW So in her mind, having sex with other people is ok but holding hands and hugging is "emotional cheating"? Is it going too far? The f--- is wrong with her. You know, ever since we started this arrangement I have slowly lost any shred of love and interest I once had for her. I'm seriously considering dumping her and dating the other girl. How dare she call me a cheater? She is the one sleeping with other people. Meanwhile I only shared some kisses and had a some dates with only one girl.

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Anon Is Concerned | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/01/23(Thu)17:51:23 No.73528279 spongebob-fish.gif 1.54 MB GIF AMSUNG >When Reddit dies on July 1st and all that is left is 4chan. filled with nothing but sonnets from t----- haters, Momcest coomers, r9gay f------, a--- p----------, foids and Barneyfag.

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Anon cant handle teasing- | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 62 KB JPG 01/23/19(Wed)07:59:13 No.50581767 >Be me >3 years old >at the playground > girl asks me to play with her >sure, why not? >mom calls me to go home >grin on her face >"hey anon who's your girlfriend" >embarrassed for some reason >mom continues to bother me >whenever she sees me with any girl she would pull this s--- >dad does this too >this goes on for the next couple years >7th grade >avoid girls completely to not be bothered at home > do this till the end of high school > Now in college > mfw I have no clue how to interact with girls, I just avoid them > mfw I visit home and my mom asks me why I don't have a girlfriend

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Anon meets the jersey devil | /r/Greentext

File: jdsi1.jpg (128 KB, 1200x800) >Relaxing in a cafe with the bois >We are all roommates, so we know each other pretty well >Me and three other friends, Greg, Maximilian (yes, that is his name, and I'm really f------ jealous of him for that since I think it sounds really f------ cool, and I'll be referring to him as "Max" occasionally), and Franklin (or Frank, what most people call him) decide to go on a bro trip Cont. >> Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)11:52:18 No.22804741 ► >>22804747 File: jdsi2.jpg (123 KB, 736x845) >We decide on camping >We are not exactly experienced at innawoods camping, but we have gone regular camping before and enjoyed it >Decide that as we are not very experienced, we need a place that is not way out there in the event that we manage to f--- up something and need to leave >Franklin lived in New Jersey at the time >>He suggests camping in the Pine Barrens >"It covers a surprisingly large area and is as remote as we are gonna get considering our budget and where we live", Frank explains >The rest of us agree that the place sounds good >> Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)11:53:23 No.22804747 ► >>22804754 File: jdsi3.jpg (664 KB, 2048x1365) >We start to plan out the trip >Decide that we need to go during the summer or fall, as a cold camping trip would suck ass >Maximilian proposes that instead of camping at some basic bitch campsite with like 200 other people, why not just go hiking, find a suitable clearing off the trail, and camp there for three or four days >We all like this idea >Greg says that his cousin could drop us off and pick us up, as we would not really have a place to park a car for several days while we romp around in the woods >>22804736 (OP) Cont. >ffw a few days >We have the trip all planned out, for the most part >Going to be out there for four days and three nights, leaving on Friday and returning on Monday >Greg's cousin will drop us off at the edge of the woods >Rendezvous with his cousin at the intersection of long island expressway and wading river road on the fourth day >We have the following: >A one-shot 22 Ir rifle for each of us >Additionally, Maximilian has a .45 acp 1911 and Frank has a revolver, .38 or 22, I can't remember which > Camping essentials, I'd rather not waste time describing all of them >I think Greg brought a fishing rod >A few changes of clothes >We decided against bringing our girlfriends, as Greg had just broken up with his, and we didn't want him to feel alone, and the other ones were not too crazy about spending several nights innawoods Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)11:54:39 No.22804754>>22804758 File: jdsi4.jpg (64 KB, 365x550) >>22804747 Cont. >We toss our stuff in the back and head off >It was like a hour and a half drive from the house to where we would get dropped off >For the sake of brevity, I will refer to Greg's cousin as "Cart" >Carl seems like a pretty cool guy >He graduated uni a few years before we did >The drive there is fun >Wave and say goodbye to greg's cousin >Head off into the woods Cont. >We mainly talk about what we are gonna do, where we are gonna hike, what we are gonna eat >ffw to us driving along the forest's edge >Check for officers >ffw to the Friday >I have all my s--- packed and ready to go >At like 10 or 11 am, Greg's cousin pulls up to our house in a dark green Plymouth minivan >areaissecure.jpeg >We pull off to the side of the road that we are on >Unpack and hop out Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)11:56:20 No.22804758 >>22804763 File: campsite.png (15 KB, 848x542) >It has been pretty nice so far >Little amounts of trash >>22804741 Cont >Seen a few chipmunks and squirrels >Hear the birds singing Color Code for map: Light green is = clearing Dark green= woods Dark Dark green = poison ivy Red = tents Orange = fire pit Brown = logs >We definitely heard a few woodpeckers >We reach a clearing >It is roughly 45 or 50 feet in diameter >Worst part of it was a poison ivy patch on the north east edge of the clearing >We made sure to avoid this area >>22804754 Cont >Here is a pic of the area (pic related) MS PAINT AREA >We set up our tents in the area >We then build a fire pit and gather firewood, because why do that at night? Do you want a sprained ankle from tripping on some branch? Cont ■ Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)11:57:24 No.22804763 >>22804777 File: jdsi5.png (572 KB, 800x600) >We plan on hiking for a few hours until we find a good clearing >Hike a mile or two into the woods >Unfortunately, see a few plastic bottles in some bushes >Sort of depressing and annoying >We see some f------ jewel osco grocery bag stuck in a tree >We aren't exactly Al Gore, but something about being so far into the woods and still seeing some lazy f-----'s trash really annoyed us >Frank is somewhat good at climbing so he decides to climb up there and pull it down >>22804758 Cont >Sets his pack on the ground and begins the climb >The plastic bag is about 15 above the ground >It takes Frank about 3 minutes to get it >"OH F---!" he yells >"What is it?" >"You ok?" >"Yeah, I'll tell you once I get down" >Frank untangles the bag from the branches that it was caught on and jumps back down to us "I saw some f----- up animal up there" he says Cont Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:00:06 No.22804777 >>22804780 File: jdsi6.jpg (125 KB, 990x719) >After setting up home base, we decide to hike some more and plink some targets >Hike is going nicely >See some geese flying in the distance in their familiar v-formation >"S---. Like how f----- up?" >"Its head was mashed in and its chest was torn open, with all the ribs looking broken. Also, it smelled like burnt rubber" >Thats f------ gross. You didn't touch it, did you? It might have had some weird disease" >"Oh s---, I hadn't even considered that >"Well did you?" >"No, but I'm gonna put some hydrogen peroxide on my hands just to be safe >"What do you think did it?" >"My guess is that some hawk was carrying it, dropped it, got it back, and was in the middle of eating it when we showed up. It got scared, and flew a safe distance away" >*Sounds about right. Anyway, what was your plan with the plastic bag now that you are stuck with it?" >"I hadn't thought of that what am i supposed to do with this? It's not like there is a dumpster nearby." >*Just put it in your back pocket and lets get back to hiking. We've dicked around here for long enough, and i don't want to be hiking to camp in the dark." >"Sure thing" >We continue on our hike Cont Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:01:08 No.22804780 ► >>22804796 File: jdsi7.jpg (75 KB, 700x367) >>22804763 Cont. Some Quick info: Since I live in the suburbs, I'm used to seeing a bunch of fat and slow squirrels and chipmunks that run only if you are right next to them. So it is always sort of a weird experience for me to go innawoods and see timid, skinny squirrels and how rarely you see them compared to the suburbs. So I was already feeling a bit weird due to how far I was out of my environment. I told myself that everything was fine and that any weird feeling or concerns of mine were just from living around many humans and technology. I know that was worded kind of badly, but you get what I mean. I'm including this because I figure that it would helpful to know more about my state of mind and attitude towards spoopy feels in the woods. Anyway, back to the story. >We are marching along >See the sun just beginning to set >Tell the boys, and we start to head back >Head back the same way that we came, we don't want to get lost >By now, the sky has that orange-yellow hue to it that you sometimes get as the the sun sets >It was quite pretty, to be honest >We are passing the tree that Frank pulled the plastic bag from >>Greg trips on a large root that was protruding from the ground >He falls face-first as his hands were in his pockets >gigakek.jpg >He stands himself back up Cont >"What was it?" >"A f----- up racoon, bro Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat) 12:03:34 No.22804796 >>22804804 File: jdsi8.jpg (1.52 MB, 1900x1200) >>22804777 Cont. >"Huh?", Maximilian says >Greg looks down at his jacket, sees the stain, and starts freaking out >The f--- is this? F---! I just got this two weeks ago with Sara!" he yelled. (Sara was his girlfriend at the time, solid 8 out of 10) >Maximilian grabs a longish stick and pokes at where Greg fell >Pushes a few leaves out of the way, exposing the corpse of a possum >That corpse was not a fresh one >The thing had its chest ripped open, with maggots all over it >Surprisingly, there was no noticeable smell >Seeing that the corpse was full of maggots, Greg was starting to sperg out >He ripped off the jacket whilst screaming, "F------ GOD! AAAAAAAAA! I'VE GOT THE F----- LITTLE GRUB F------ ON ME! F--- F--- F--- F--- F---! GOD F------ DAMN IT", or something similar. >Greg began to swing his jacket into some tree, probably in an attempt to get the maggots and blood off. >Frank grabs a wad of dry leaves and handed it to Greg. "Use this to try and wipe off as much scum as you can >The f--- is a handful of f------ leaves gonna do? I need a f------ scrub brush and a hose", Greg barks at him. >"Hey a------, shut the f--- up! Frank is just trying to f------ help you. And for right now, that's the best cleaning supplies that you can hope to get your hands on. We're in the middle of the goddamn woods, remember?", I yell. >Greg is about to fire a retort when Maximilian chimes in, "Anon has a point, Greg. You'll have wait until we get back to our campsite before you can actually wash it. And it is just a f------ jacket. Stop spazzing out over some blood. We are on this to relax and celebrate our graduation. Yelling at each other and screeching about some gunk isn't exactly my idea of relaxing." Cont Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:06:01 No.22804804>>22804809>>22804312 File: jdsi9.jpg (55 KB, 574x250) >>22804780 Cont. spooky story Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)11:51:11 No.22804736 ► >>22804741 Hello /xl. I haved lurked here, and on 4chan in general for a while now, and I have read many scary and disturbing stories from you guys. Well, I think that it is high time that I share my own story with /X/. >We sume our hike back, with most of the sunlight gone >This "inspires" us to move at a much faster pace, since trying to find your way through unfamiliar woods at night is almost f------ hopeless, and we can't just set up camp, as all of our sleeping gear was back at the clearing >Thankfully, we reach the clearing after roughly 30 minutes and don't get lost in the woods at night >Maximilian gets the fire started as me and Frank get the food out. Greg is trying to remove the possum blood with some dish soap, paper towels, and some of the distilled water we brought with us >Max asks us what food we packed Cont Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:07:06 No.22804809 ► File: jdsi10.jpg (2.03 MB, 3024x4032) I don't really give a rat's ass whether you believe me or not, I'm just recounting to you a nightmarish experience that me and my friends had. Here we go! >I'm about to ask if he is ok when I see a large, reddish-brown stain on his jacket that wasn't there before >"The f--- is that?", I ask. >>22804804 Cont >Be me >American, early twenties >About 13 years ago >Just finished getting an engineering degree at college >>22804796 Cont >"My dad and his side of the family have a goofy little song that they sing when they are eating beans", Frank responds. "Who wants to hear it?" >legg him on, saying "Sure, dude. Who wouldn't want to hear some hillbilly song about eating beans" >I'm not a hillbilly, you d---. Do you want to hear it or not?" >"Yeah" >"Okay then", Frank says. "Here it is. 'Beans, beans, the magical fruit. The more you eat, the more you toot. The more you toot, the better you feel, so I have beans every meal. Whatcha think? Funny?" >Maximilian speaks first. "I wouldn't say that was high-class humor, but I did find it funny to imagine you and like 5 other grown-ass men singing that at the dinner table >Btw, Frank is pretty buff, and so are all the other guys in his family, so the image of like six buff men singing "The more you toot is absurd enough for me and my niggies to get a kek out of the song Cont > load mine >We get in a line >We aim >Greg is able to get most of it off, but there still was a fist-sized reddish-brown spot >Me and Frank take turns announcing each thing we packed as we pull them all out >"Jerky".. "uhh, refried beans".. "Spam... "The magical fruit".. "Wait, what?" Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:08:11 No.22804812 ► >>22804819 File: jdsi11.jpg (400 KB, 550x825) >>22804804 Cont >"The magical fruit", Frank answers. "You know, beans". >Greg, who must have been listening to us, adds in, "I have literally never heard a sane person refer baked beans as the magical fruit. Why do you call it that? It doesn't even look like it could be a fruit." >We all break into song, sort of in unison >"BEANS, BEANS, THE MAGICAL FRUIT! THE MORE YOU EAT, THE MORE YOU TOOT! THE MORE YOU TOOT, THE BETTER YOU FEEL, SO I HAVE BEANS EVERY MEAL!" >We all cheer with completion of our badly synchronized recital and begin to consume our dish. >We all enjoy a good, hearty kek and Franklin seems quite pleased with himself >The meal we decide on just so happens to be baked beans >Max yells that its dinner time >ayyothisniggaeatinbeans.pdf >In the middle of our ritual of the consumption of the baked beans, a loud shriek tears through the woods Cont >The rest of us head over, grab a plate, Max serves us our share, and we sit down on some large rocks. >Frank immediately goes "And a one. And a two. And a three." ■ Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:10:43 No.22804819>>22804825 File: jdsi12.jpg (497 KB, 1920x1080) >I don't really know how to describe it, since I don't hear animal cries where I live, but rest assured, it was really f------ loud, and was more painful to hear than being in a room full of people scratching their nails across a chalkboard >"What the hell was that? Was that some sort of animal's death screech?" I ask my friends. >"I've heard the screams of dying animals before, and that sounded nothing like one. It was too loud for a dying animal to make, too. You'd have to be sitting right next to the animal for that kind of volume" Greg tells me >"Well, whatever it was, it made me drop my plate", Max groans >l glance over at the ground in his direction >Poor dude's plate landed upside-down, and none of his beans survived >Greg offers some of his, and the problem is solved >They all resume their meals like nothing happened while I sit stunned >"What, that's it? None of you are the slightest bit concerned or even curious? None of you have the slightest clue to what that was, so you guys have decided to just ignore it?" "I guess so. What were planning to do? Go into the woods at night to try and figure out the source of a scary loud noise?" replies Frank >"Well, no, but.." >"Then do your best to ignore it. We can sleep on shifts if you want >"You can sleep on shifts. I want to get a good night's sleep", adds in Greg >>22804812 Cont >"Okay. You sure your fine with this, Frank?" I say >"Yes I am. Stop squealing about it before I change my mind", he answers >I shut up and finish my meal Cont Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:12:01 No.22804825>>22804842 File: jdsi13.jpg (906 KB, 1920x1200) >We are sharing stories about college >As Maximilian and Greg are telling us about a s----- professor they both had, I look over at Frank >He is staring wide-eyed past Max and Greg, deep into the woods >I follow his line of sight and it takes a minute or two before I notice them >The hair on the back of my neck goes straight up and I get goosebumps on my skin can see a pair 20 y yards away >I'm not exactly able to tell how high of the ground they are >Max and Greg, noticing that no one is listening to them and are instead looking into the forest, ask us what the f--- is so interesting Cont >>22804819 Cont Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:15:27 No.22804842 >>22804845 File: jdsi14.jpg (36 KB, 480x360) Cont >The eyes are at my eye level, and I'm 6'4 >Max and Greg, who are closest to the edge of the clearing bolt off of their logs and get to our side of the campfire >Frank snaps out of his gaze and grabs his revolver >He stands and aims it at the eyes, yelling at it to f--- off >The rest of us dart over to our tents and retrieve our guns and spare ammo >Frank rolled up a couple of logs around the campfire >We head over and begin to talk around the campfire >Frank says, "ON THE COUNT OF THREE, FIRE!" >>ONE >TWO >THREE >dontfiretillyouseethewhitesoftheireyes.exe >FIRE >We shoot in semi-unison >We can't hear if we hit anything because multiple guns firing at once in close proximity on an otherwise quiet night is really f------ loud Cont Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:16:47 No.22804845>>22804850 File:jdsi15.jpg (27 KB, 640x428) >>22804825 Cont >Right as they say this, something makes a loud snort/grunt >This is followed by a long grow! >"What the f--- was that thing" says someone >Like a large dog's growl, but deeper, louder, and far more menacing >I get up, and now realize how big this thing must be >>>22804842 Cont >"Whatever that was, it's gone now" >"Okay. Anon, it looks like you've got your wish. We are definitely sleeping in shifts tonight, if we sleep at all." >We all reload and set up a sort of perimeter >/k/ would not be proud >We just cleared out all that would block our field of view >Basically, all vegetation or rocks over 6 inches were cleared >We used the logs to make a barrier-ish thing >This "barricade" served more purpose for our own feeling of safety, it did not really serve any realistic purpose for defense Cont Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:18:52 No.2280485622304867 File: idsi 16.jpg (166 KB, 900x600) >Once I regain my full senses, I no longer see the eyes >F--- >I don't know whether to feel relieved or to feel more concerned -One sleeps while three are awake -One man has the 1911, one man has the revolver, and the other guy has the four .22 rifles -The second a person sees something yellow or orange in the woods, they immediately fire a warning shot into the air to wake the other boys up and hopefully scare it off >Me, Frank, and Greg take the first shift >All is well >2nd shift is me, Max, and Greg >At some point, Greg gets spooked by what he says is "some shuffling in the woods" >He fires at it >Me and Max nearly jump out of our skin >Frank wakes up >We are p----- at Greg, but nothing else happened that night Cont ☐ Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:20:57 No.22804867 >>22804885 File: jdsi17.jpg (514 KB, 2560x1440) >>22804845 >The forest is now dead quiet >S--- >Here is our plan: is really creepy >Fast forward to the morning >We hastily pack up >We immediately go back the way we think we came, as we will somewhat have an idea of how far we must go >Greg says that he is going to check on the area that he shot at last night >There is a distinct trail of hoof prints >These were not deer tracks >These were bigger, and were cloven >The rest of >We tell him to wait a few minutes so that the rest of us can go with him, for safety reasons >About five minutes later, we are fully packed, and head over to the area >>22804856 Cont >We are looking around for signs that show that there was some sort of animal here last night >Max shouts out for us to have a look at what he found >My blood runs cold >Greg is pleased to see that he was correct to fire >Max reminds him that if this was a human, he would be feeling otherwise >Frank says that maybe this was from a cow or horse >I tell him that these woods are not a good environment for a fully grown cow, and that it would have been much louder last night if it was a horse that Greg shot at >Greg shuts up cont Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:21:10 No.22804871 ► Bump Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:23:54 No.22804885>>22804895 File: idsi18.jpg (33 KB, 360x504) >>22804867 Cont >Its skin is >We aren't the fittest people, so we are not moving very fast the back is from the >Landmarks are different, or look different, or are not there at a tall it >Fallen logs that I remembered to be covered in mushrooms are instead covered in thick layers of moss >This may not sound scary or disturbing, but when you are trying the GTFO of the woods and you think that there may or may not be an animal stalking you, it is different >These differences in the landmarks and environment throw us off a bit >>At roughly noon, we realize that we do not know where we are going >>22804885 Cont Cont ■ Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:25:08 No.22804895>>22804905 File: jdsi19.jpg (106 KB, 534x800) >We are all thoroughly spooked, and decide to GTFO >We begin our trip back to the highway >Our plan is to get to the highway before sundown and then try to hitch a ride >We make sure that our guns are loaded and head off >We are hiking through the undergrowth as fast as possible now > Greg starts freak out >We all start to freak out >When we entered the woods, we went North East >We decide that our best option is to go straight South >About a half an hour after devising the new plan, Frank spots a half-eaten deer >The deer has had its stomach torn open >>Intestines aren't visible >Its thighs have been mostly consumed >Its eyes are also eaten >Like the retards that we were, we did not think to bring any sort of flares >It takes the four of us like 30 minutes to get our s--- together >Thankfully, Me and Frank had packed compasses >This creeps us out more, but we aren't too concerned by it since, Frank suggested that it was left behind by some coyotes >But I didn't believe that for a second >I don't think that the other guys noticed this, but like 20 yards past the deer carcass, I saw 4 other dead, half eaten deer >At least one of them was a buck with a full rack of antlers >I choose not to tell them, as I believe that more fear will not help us escape the woods >I was probably right to do so Cont >Frank is behind me ■ Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:26:42 No.22804905>>22804911 File: jdsi20.jpg (55 KB, 750x500) >More deer, birds, rabbits, and squirrels >>>22804895 Cont >All are partially eaten >All have the same parts of them eaten as the first deer >Each corpse we find only adds to our anxiety and fear >But we still tell ourselves that it is probably just a pack of coyotes >This possibility brings us a sense of security, however small sense of security > was yote >Unfortunately for us, that first deer was not the only carcass that the group of us came across ■ Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:27:49 No.22804911 >>22804926 File: jdsi21.jpg (1.24 MB, 2880x1800) >Every 10 to 15 minutes, we would come across a new animal corpse >>22804905 Cont >This shatters our theory that coyotes were responsible for all the dead animals >I don't know very much about coyotes, but I don't see why a pack would just turn on one, kill it, and eat it in the same fashion as every other animal >Max is the first to put two and two together >The dude goes pale >It takes a second or two for the rest of us to catch on >ohfuckme.mov >This epiphany shatters our last nerves >>We break into a full sprint in the direction that we have been hiking in >This part is sort of a blur of sticks hitting my face, thorny plants scratching my skin, and sheer panic >I have no idea how long we ran for, but when we stopped running and regrouped, my watch said 4:45 pm >We have two hours before sunset >Thankfully, no one got separated or hurt themselves during our mad dash, so we are good to go >We re-check out orientation with the compasses, and continue our trek south >We are no longer finding dead animals, which puts our minds more at ease >We start to believe that the worst is over >Its half-eaten, just like the others >Judging from what was left of the creature, it was healthy and muscular >How f------ wrong we were >The next half an hour is mundane, with the most action being Greg almost tripping and falling into a poison ivy patch Cont Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:29:58 No.22804926>>22804929 File: jdsi22.jpg (292 KB, 750x468) >It screams like it >We get the idea >At some point, >>22804911 Cont >Max was the first to notice it >He whispers at the rest of us tho stay quiet >The distant beating of wings >We shut up and hear it >If you have ever been close to a large bird when it is flying, then you have an idea of what it sounded like >Only problem was, there were no birds in sight >"HIDE", Max whispers >Each of us scramble for a bush or a log to hide under >We are dead quiet >It takes what felt like hours for the sound of the wings to dissipate, but it was probably only 20 minutes >"The f--- was that?", Greg asks >"I have no idea, but whatever it was, my guess is that it was responsible for all of those dead animals", Frank responds, "And let's not be its next meal" >We resume our journey yet again, but this time, we are all on high alert >We freeze every a branch snaps, or a squirrel rustles through the trees, or a woodpecker drills a hole Cont ■ Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:30:59 No.22804929>>22804938 File: jds123.jpg (37 KB, 852x480) >At 6:30, we stop to catch our breath >Orange is starting to appear on the horizon >I check my compass, and we are still on track >We decide what to do behind Frank >It was actually kind of relaxing to just hike through the woods, believing the illusion in that its safe >But after that calm half-hour, S--- Hit The Fan, and fast >>22804926 Cont ■ Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:32:42 No.22804938 >>22804940 File: jdsi24.jpg (233 KB, 1920x951) on >No one wants to stay another night in the woods, but Max and Greg are against hiking through unknown terrain at night, while me and Frank are convinced that if we don't continue on, we are gonna be a midnight snack for the thing that killed all of those other animals >I end up convincing them to go by pointing out the imminent danger of staying and pointing out that the road that we came down here on shouldn't be more than 2 miles away, which should only take us another 40 to 50 minutes >Unfortunately, this took a grand total of 15 minutes for us to decide, and the sky is orange from the sunset >>After 25 minutes, the only light is from the moon, which is very bright as there were few clouds, and an old oil lantern that Greg brought with, so we are now walking in a single-file line, with Greg leading the way, like a bunch of kindergartners Cont >We are moving a lot slower, and it is getting closer and closer >Nothing really happens for a while >>22804929 Cont >And it's here where S--- Hits The Fan >Greg asks,"Hey guys, is it raining?" >The are literally no clouds in the sky, and we tell him so >"Then why am I feeling water dripping onto me?", he asks as he shines the light of the lantern into the trees >whydidgodleaveus.pdf >The light illuminates the face of the ugliest and most terrifying thing I have ever seen >It is a cross of a goat and a horse is shape, with bright yellow goat eyes, but without any fur >It opens its mouth and roars same roar the we heard last night, but a thousand times louder >Its gums are black, its tongue is pink and like that of a dog, and its teeth are almost as yellow as its eyes >This thing's canines were at the least an inch and a half long not illuminated enough to make out >Its chin has a few dark brown or black hairs is >It catches all of us by surprise >For one long-ass second, we all look on in a mixture of shock, fear, and awe >Then our fight-or-flight instincts kick in and we bolt again and takes flight >It roars >In the distance, we see the streetlights of a road, and run even faster >Max is ahead of everyone >I'm behind him Cont Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:33:44 No.22804940 >>>22804980 File: jdsi25.jpg (22 KB, 852x480) >>22804938 Cont >I'm crying like a bitch, with a my tears from joy and fear >We make it to the road, and continue running down it >Greg is >But then Greg trips, stumbles for a second, and faceplants >I screech to a halt and turn around and get a good look at the thing for the first time >Unless I get alzheimer's or dementia, I will never forget the sight of that abomination approaching my friend >It is a massive beast, and it has the same kind of muscle tone as a russian powerlifter >It has the body of a hairless horse, and is covered in scars of all different sizes and shapes, some look like the scars of a knife wound, but others look more like bullet holes a putrid pinkish-red color >It has the hind legs of a horse, but instead of having forelegs, it has a pair of massive, muscular human arms with human hands >The nails of the hands are at least an inch long, sharp-looking, and black in color >It has a long rat-like tail, I'd estimate a length of roughly 7 to 8 feet, with a few sparse patches of dark brown or black hair >>22804940 Cont >The abomination is at least 20 feet long and 6 feet at the shoulder >Its neck is like a foot long, but probably like 2 feet in diameter >I now notice the long, semi-curved hors protruding from its head, like those of a goat >You probably know what I'm talking about now, and if you don't, it's the Jersey Devil Cont Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:39:42 No.22804960 >>22804964 File: jdsi26.jpg (15 KB, 852x480) >Pull the trigger and fire >I hit it right next to its right eye >This it notices >It touches down on all >Greg fires his 22 at it and hits it square in the chest >It doesn't acknowledge being shot at all >It walks on all fours and reaches for Greg, who is in >I don't want this f------ eating my friend slurs, can't remember which >I call it some racial >Slide the bolt into place >I take aim and Frank >It throws Greg into a light post >I see something behind it...a light? >I squint my eyes Cont >It rears up on its hind legs, clutching its eye, roaring louder than a police siren >Roar is different this time, it is still loud and deep, but now it also has the sound of a dying cat Frank and Max stop running and see the predicame that me and Greg are in >They draw their rifles and fire at it, drop the rifles, draw their handguns, and sprint over to where I am >This only seems to anger the beast more, as it grabs Greg >Greg screams in pain and several audible snaps are heard >Max shoot at its torso >>22804960 Cont hoping that he >To everyone's surprise, the car slams into >The monster is sent sprawling >Two cops exit Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:40:49 No.22804964 >>>22804988 File: jdsi27.jpg (11 KB, 608x342) fours like 30 or 40 feet in front of Greg and begins to advance on us, and we back up. >It's a cop car can call backup or help us shoot it >As the monster quickens its pace, the cop arrives >I'm the monster Hell >They act as if he said nothing >"You boys sure sundown in >>After we were sure that it had left, >"What in the the middle of reloading his rifle the vehicle and pull out VERY shiny lever-action rifles (I think that they were for 45-70 govt) and start to shoot it the head and contorts its body in pain each time one of the cops fires another round into it was that?", Max asks did when I hit it and join in the shooting the abomination must have decided that we were not worth the pain, got up on all fours, and ran into the woods g >>22804964 Cont The Jersey Devil the three of us run over to check on Greg, we make sure that he is still alive (he is), and then me, Max, and Frank talk to the cops are lucky that the two of us >Me and Frank are about to call his lie, but the other cop, an older-looking man, gives us a death stare that's shuts us up. >"The only thing that you ever saw attack your friend was a large buck with a bad case of rabies", he flatly says, "Nothing else." Cont Anonymous 06/08/19(Sat)12:42:26 No.22804968 >>22804977 File: jdsi28.jpg (15 KB, 852x480) were driving down the road", one of the cops, a blonde, chubby guy, says, "Those rabid buck are violent as Hell and a damn sure menace with their antlers. You were not packin anywhere near enough fire power." >The cops get an ambulance to for Greg and took us to the hospital >Greg h had fractured his tailbone, broken several ribs, and broke his right shoulder blade >No one at the hospital asks us what happened after we tell them that it was a rabid buck and explains the scenario, minus the monster us were fine, minus bruises and scratches >Frank calls up Greg's cousin >The rest of And there you have it. Greg recovered, though he will never be away from New Jersey or the Pine Barrens. But every once in here throughout today and tomorrow, if anyone wants to talk I'll be checking into as fit or capable as he used to be. The four of us still keep in touch, as our only validation that this was real, that this really did happen, is the fact that we all know what we saw, and that we all saw the same thing. I'm the only one on us who still enjoys hiking in the woods, but that is probably because I live in Colorado, far a while, if I have an exceptionally bad day at work or go to sleep very stressed, it visits me in my dreams, chasing me and my friends through the woods and down that road.

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(RED TEXT) continuation of Anons agenda | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: OTdkdi1q)) PE BOL DE MOTOR V de pan Fordy Problem 1. What about births? Simple, sperm banks, egg banks and artificial wombs, 10% of the female and male population without any health problems or mental issues will donate 1 count of sperm and egg every 2 months thats compulsory. There, I eliminated the use for Gender. Problem 2, But the Females might get r---- by their own army men m 06/01/23(Thu)16:29:05 No.429073617 600 KB JPG Ight back to this thread, I have made some changes to my idea and my opinion Seperate units by gender, eliminating the issue of r---, efficiency and morale. Problem 3, women are worse at fighting This isnt the medieval times, anyone aim and shoot, this isnt 14th centuary Europe with shields and swords Problem 4, They will not be trained as well They shall be trained as good as the others, any corruption during training should result in capital punishment Problem 5, le men will risk their lives for them to get some p---- Put them on drugs that mute their part of the brain that tells them they need to coom or breed, hell, maybe we could also remove empathy too Fool proof plan I see no problems in this, we are almost there anyway,

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Anon let his intrusive thoughts win. | /r/Greentext

File: F9A08D64-62BA-4A02-88C0-4(...).png (83 KB, 500x462) No Adolf! Dont gas the Jews! S--- he has airpods on! Brit/pol/ Start wrecking edition Anonymous (ID: 0EzFcSrh | 06/01/23(Thu)21:01:51 No.429073862 [Reply] ▶ just start wrecking: >Go to waitrose/M&S or other expensive supermarket >fill basket with hundreds of expensive ice creams >throw in a freshly cooked roast chicken >walk around store for half an hour picking up chilled fish and steaks and absent mindedly leaving them in different aisles. >walk around squishing flat all the muffins in the baked goods section. >violently shake cakes >open the fridges and leave the doors open >leave trolley/basket outside toilets and go for a s---, throw enough toilet paper down it to completely clog it, repeat for other stalls. >when everything is throughly melted go through the check out and make them scan everything through but pretend you forgot your wallet in the car, tell them you are popping out to get it. >walk out and go to the next supermarket. > after doing all the supermarkets go to B&Q to buy cheap white paint Adolf, nooo >cross the road in a hurry and accidently trip and throw it over the freshly tarmacked junction >accidently mistake your chewing gum coated CEX membership card for your bank card and use it in the cash point completely jamming it. >make an appointment at the council offices and the reduced aisle fish you scanned through the self checkout as potatoes earlier slip out and go down the crack in the back of the waiting room sofa. >walk down the street removing parking tickets from cars you dont own >phone up all the pubs and restaurants and make reservations for non existant groups of people >order takeaways for cash on delivery to other peoples houses >use a flathead screwdriver to lock bathroom stalls from the outside >print out official looking (council) notices full of lies and stick them up everywhere to make people confused and mad. >buy 4000 cheap black widow knockoff catapults from china and hand them out to inner city year 9's as the leave the school gates >do the same with cheap lazer pens > purchase 10,000 r--- alarms from alibaba which you will randomly set off in hard to reach places at night

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Anon predicts the end of the world | /r/Greentext

I found out apparently s24 and episode 9 of The Simpsons shows an EMP wave that appears as blue and yellow, like the Ukraine flag, takes out Springfield's electronics and implications of an asteroid AND zombie apocalypse before the credits, and I had a random idea to put 24 and 9 in an online calculator, I added them together, and the result was... 33. Is that a coincidence?... Also there is supposedly going to be a global crisis USA conference around this time, talking about solving the issues taking place and bringing hope to America. Also something about a "transition" the time for this conference is the 9th, the 24th, September... the ninth month... and 11 AM... What's a similar day that is remembered, think about it, 911....? This is very weird actually... Like there's almost a perfect alignment with the numbers. I think something is gearing up to go down... I've been feeling it for a while now to be honest. Anonymous Wed 21 Sep 2022 06:21:11 No.32929969 Report Quoted By: >>32929981 >>32929953 >needed online calculator to add 24 and 9 Stopped reading. It will be nothing. Anonymous Thu 22 Sep 2022 13:09:34 No.32939198 Report >>32929953 What goof ball wrote this lol > I put 9 and 24 in a calculator and got.... 33 > 9/24 remind you of anything.... like... 9/11?!? Anonymous Wed 21 Sep 2022 07:48:15 No.32930264 Report >>32929953 This n---- needed a calculator to add 24 and 9 Imao. The state of /x/ Many high IQ people suck at maths. This means nothing. Anonymous Wed 21 Sep 2022 06:30:40 No.32930002 Report >>32929981 kek this isn't even cope this is advanced retardation Anonymous Wed 21 Sep 2022 12:39:54 No.32931666 Report >>32929981 Don't feel bad, I'd do the same. Anonymous Wed 21 Sep 2022 06:25:40 No.32929981 Report Quoted By: >>32930002 >>32930269 >>32931666 >>32934137 >>32934950 >>32936578 >>32936932 >>32937169 >>32937295 >>32937412 >>32937726 >>32929969 Anonymous Thu 22 Sep 2022 03:56:54 No.32936578 Report >>32929981 1st graders pissing their pants in class are high iq in retard world circa 2022 Anonymous Thu 22 Sep 2022 07:01:09 No.32937169 Report >>32929981 being bad at math is not understanding calculus if you cant sum 9+24 in your head you are just f------ retarded Anonymous Thu 22 Sep 2022 14:13:33 No.32939619 Report >>32929953 >online calculator for 24 + 9 Guys it's over, new generations are braindead, humanity will be successfully enslaved by j*ws Anonymous Thu 22 Sep 2022 08:46:27 No.32937726 Report >>32929981 Anon... 24 + 10 = 34 34 - 1 = 33 View Same Google iqdb SauceNAO Trace 1653197836685.gif, 654KiB, 245x245 I'll admit I use an online calculator all the time, but not for basic addition. Anonymous Wed 21 Sep 2022 11:43:49 No.32931333 Quoted By: >>32933305 >>32929953 >online calculator >24+9 n----- what Many high IQ people suck at maths. Anonymous Wed 21 Sep 2022 22:08:45 No.32934950 Report >>32929981 It's easy to imagine yourself being retarded, but it's impossible to imagine yourself being smart. I'm pretty sure you're retarded. This means nothing. Anonymous Wed 21 Sep 2022 07:49:15 No.32930269 Report >>32929981 B------- you are thinking of retards not "high IQ people" Anonymous Wed 21 Sep 2022 19:47:50 No.32934137 Report Quoted By: >>32939623 >>32929981 If you can't add 24 + 9 in your head you don't just "suck at maths". You're developmentally disabled Anonymous Thu 22 Sep 2022 05:55:20 No.32936932 Report >>32929981 Uh no. Savants are still retards Anonymous Thu 22 Sep 2022 07:24:51 No.32937295 Report >>32929981 No.... NO. You are wrong. Report Anonymous Thu 22 Sep 2022 07:43:20 No.32937412 Report >>32929981 >simple addition >needs high iq High iq relative to you maybe you f------ sped.

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