Anon reaches peak humor | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 12/20/15(Sun)15:58:44 No.52426483 ► >>52426544 >>52428023 >>52428367 >>52428544 >>52430022 >>52430075 >>52430658 >>52430772 >>52430955 >>52431020 >>52431220 >>52431233 >>52431464 >>52431795 >>52433306 >>52433742 >>52433967 >>52433989 >>52434435 >>52435007 >>52435681 >>52435841 >>52436022 >>52436045 >>52436097 >>52436783 >>52438464 File: 1450491395870.png (1.23 MB, 912x905) >>52426174 (OP) >Being Santa Clause is the most dangerous job in Australia, because you will very likely get a heat stroke inside the costume

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon's advice took a very strange turn | /r/Greentext

My advice for /adv/ 283 KB PNG 05/16/23(Tue)22:48:22 No.28960945 Do you know the difference between a coward and a brave man? BOTH are afraid. But the brave man will act anyway, if you meet someone who does things simply because he is not afraid (self-preservation ability), that person is not brave but an idiot. If you start something, see it through to the end, because if you're not willing to risk it all for your own happiness, you'll eventually lose it all anyway. If you ask a girl out, the worst that can happen is not a simple "no", she'll probably also try to humilliate you and tell all her friends. But if she says yes, boom! you got yourself a new girlfriend, that's the secret to success, be brave. Take this advice from a guy who literally came inside his own sister and will probably soon be a dad (she hasn't had her period and she late an entire week) but I'm not afraid of this. Screw cowards, go forward, march on.

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Mfw they’re not a femboy >:( | /r/Greentext

File: 6E9AEF8D-5B44-482E-B783-2(...).jpg (87 KB, 749x603) 05/17/23 (Wed) 23:15:50 No.70991459 >>70991509 >>70991564 >>70991594 >>70991809 >>70991835 >>70991923 >>70991937 >>70991949 >>70991990 this is the closeted i've ever been to having abs, idk if it counts, but what are workouts that ACTUALLY work for making these babies show ΛΛ i've just been doing 4 sets of 11 push-ups and 2 min planks how to get abs Anonymous Anonymous 05/17/23 (Wed) 23:19:09 No.70991479 ► >>70991496 cute boi Anonymous 05/17/23 (Wed) 23:22:13 No.70991496 ► >>70991498 >>70991501 >>70991579 >>70991479 # im not a boy, sorry to disappoint Anonymous 05/17/23 (Wed) 23:22:52 No.70991498 ► >>70991496 # alright everyone, time to pack up and leave

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Anon advertises adrenaline runs | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/18/23(Thu)14:32:44 No.899470277 >>899470596 >>899470935 >>899471335 >>899471758 >>899471922 >>899472619 >>899473212 >>899473757 >>899474464 >>899475082 >>899475511 >>899476126 >>899476669 >>899477318 >>899477435 >>899477688 >>899478080 >>899478651 >>899478959 >>899479273 >>899479801 >>899479877 >>899480054 >>899470235 (OP) >be me >fat overweight chublord >start walking for leg day workout >do it every day >not too bad >walk 1 mile to the shops >buy chocolate bar >walk 1 mile home >this is good >fast forward 3 months >running 10 miles in a special route >leave the house at specific time >3pm go go go >after 4 miles i am panting hard >timed perfectly to arrive at all girls high school as they exit >the next 5 miles follows the route the girls walk home >get adrenaline rush looking at them >healthy looking legs during summer >tightly packed leggings during winter >feels like a morphine drip connected to my eyes >arrive home and do a quick arm workout now my question for you guys, if i strapped a go pro to my chest and recorded the view during my workout, could i upload it to youtube under the title "Running exercise work out day ###" etc and profit from advertising to other exercise enthusiasts to watch to help motivate them to do their leg day workout every day? Anonymous 05/18/23(Thu)15:17:52 No.899470935 >>899472176 >>899472712 >>899473314 >>899473774 >>899473969 >>899474451 >>899474958 >>899475249 >>899475902 >>899475955 >>899470277 You should do that, but make the title "Evidence for my trial ##"

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Anon is an Australian soldier. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/22/16(Tue)17:23:39 No.29341721 ► >>29342124>>29342754 >>29342930 >>29343834>>29344045 >>29350357 >>29353348 >>29353789 >>29354018 >>29354115 >>29359942 File: WOW.gif (64 KB, 500x200) > onna base in Australia in 20XX > omw to vehicle bays at like 0500 for first parade > gotta walk in 2's + 3's so i'm w/battle buddy, I was right marker, which means I have to salute any rank, greet anyone NCO walks past us. etc. etc. > in the dark see some dude in strange uniform, looks ceremonial but its hard to tell, its not first light yet > think to myself "lolwhatever he's probably some PNG guy here being trained or sumfin" > as we get closer I decide I had better greet him incase an NCO see's me being a jack c--- and doing the wrong thing > "gday c--- howsitgoing?" > before he he can reply. I shoo , I shoot back a quick "yeah f------ top stuff mate, have a good one!" to try and get it over and done with quickly > after dismissal at the end of the day I get a Charge/Disciplinary action form handed to me > sergeant screaming down my throat for a solid 45 minutes, RSM calls me to his office > turns out he wasn't a PNG dude > he was a 4 star General from American Army here on joint ex preparation > mfw called a foreign general "C---" and then turned my back to him and walked away my a------ was stuffed with countless pineapples from the rank for the rest of the month. >> Anonymous 03/22/16(Tue)17:40:43 No.29341802 ► >>29341721 Spoopy Anonymous 03/22/16(Tue)18:59:30 No.29342124 ► >>29342332 File: 1456192415370.png (807 KB, 982x980) >>29341721 Holy f--- n-----. Anonymous 03/23/16(Wed)22:12:53 No.29354115 File: 1453562056063.jpg (22 KB, 340x340) Anonymous 03/23/16(Wed)18:38:31 No.29353348 >>29311721 jesus christ >>29341721 You are an inspiration to ausfags everywhere. us 03/23/16(Wed)02:29:51 No.29344045 File: yellow guy laffin.jpg (162 KB, 1462x1462) >>29341721 Yeah f------ top stuff mate LATER... gday c--- howsitgoing? Have a good one! 4 star General from American Army Disciplinary action //

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Anon wanted college money | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 67 KB PNG 05/18/23(Thu)13:13:36 No.899476475 >Be me in HS >Find out you get college financial help if you're mentally handicapped idea.jpg >in class next week >s--- in my hand and wing it at the whiteboard as hard as I can >mfw i get expelled and get no money for college i just wanted some college money bro

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gym anon maintains virginity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/26/21(Sun)18:19:24 No.63668415 >>63668342 (OP) # The cute receptionist lady accidentally called me babe when I checked in at the gym so I stopped by the locker room and jacked off into a toilet before my workout and then was intentionally cold and slightly rude to her on the way out so I wouldn't consider a relationship with her 499 KB PNG >>63668455 # >>63668502 # >>63668515 # >>63669103 # Anonymous09/26/21(Sun)18:21:53 No.63668455 >>63668415 # high test move 63668422

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Anon visits his doctor | /r/Greentext

- File: IMG_20230518_115330.jpg (232 KB, 1080x1425) MEDS >>899461763 Yes. Anonymous 05/18/23(Thu)11:54:10 No.899461582 [Reply] ► >>899461728 >Doc gave me meds >Go back to doctor >How's the meds going anon? >Bad, doc. What do? >We simply take MOAR >Uh.. ok.. Why are they like this? >> >> Anonymous 05/18/23(Thu)11:59:40 No.899461728 ► >>899461763 >>899461582 (OP) Because they want you to not be problem for yourself or to others. Drugs make you calm and thats why many of those are illegal. Anonymous 05/18/23(Thu)12:02:27 No.899461827 ► Anonymous 05/18/23(Thu)12:00:32 No.899461763 ► >>899461827 >>899461728 Like crack

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Feelsbadman.jpg | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/13/23(Sat)08:34:02 No.73297631 N n m ວ B sadwagefrog.jpg 94 KB JPG KICK ME TI >tfw coworkers start making fun of you for still living with your parents

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Anon used uno reverse card | /r/Greentext

>girl trying to monkeybranch me >uses me for emotional satisfaction >improove, /fit/ and career wise >actively manage 3 side hoes >now use her for emotional satisfaction myself >mfw I feel better than I would in an actual relationship >mfw she knows this and it makes her seethe because her bf is retarded and can't leave him So did I win in the end?

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Anon has a near-death experience | /r/Greentext

HNNNGG #1, No. 73363230 2 hours ago HisaoHeartattack JPG 311x201 32.6 kB >j------- >in the middle >heart suddenly feels weak >heart beats feel inconsistent and weird >try to finish off fast to get it over with >it actually worsens >deed is done >feel like I almost died H--------, what the f--- was that? I really need to start doing some cardio. I'm not even fat.

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a core memory | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: mzUv7h50) 05/18/23(Thu)13:28:29 No.427433820 756908564.gif 1.48 MB GIF >Last time a girl touched me was 8 years ago. >She complimented me on my eyes and drove her hand through my hair because she liked how full it was >Then another time when we met we greeted each other and she just kissed me on the mouth >Then she moved to some far away city and the contact broke off.

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Einstein’s sick rhymin’ | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/18/23(Thu)01:21:39 No.184930654 oppenheimer_albert_einstein_1920.jpg 160 KB JPG >i thought it was e=mc squared... when really, i should have e=mc cared >>184930761 # >>184931212 # >>184938053 # >>184938916 # >>184946679 # >>184948546 # >>184949511 # >>184950803 # >>184955534 # >>184957989 # >>184960572 #

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