Well, that is a very logical assumption if you post on 4chan. | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

>7 year old cousin is over >She wants to play the PS4 in my room >Mom tells me to "keep the door open" What the f--- did she mean by this?

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon has created a monster | /r/Greentext

"her" #1, No. 898905078 3 minutes ago hair JPG 400x400 39.7 kB >be me >be 2020 >bored during pandemic >know how to do funny voices for friends and have a pretty convincing female voice >using an application to improve my female voice >create a secondary discord account and pass myself off as a woman >first month someone gives me nitro as a gift >jackpot.jpg >start hanging around servers and sites where there are more lonely men giving them what they want >this is fun.jpg >ffw 3 years >be me >23 years >a lot of friends stopped talking to me because they found out what I was doing and others just started looking for me out of interest >have 3 "boyfriends" who give me money constantly, games or whatever I want just to satisfy their need for female attention. >barely leaving the house to stay connected to them >realizing that my room and things are starting to be things that I got because of "her". >my old stuff has been delegated to a corner while things they give to "her" take up most of the space >questioning who I am, me or her. >beginning to think about deleting her account and leaving but something keeps me from leaving them alone to their "boyfriends". >really feel like I have lost the battle against my own alter ego >not knowing who I am >feel like I've created a monster

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Anon is r started | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 7 KB PNG : Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)22:47:19 No.898898186 I tried having sex with my dog a few days ago and he seems like she's been depressed ever since. How can I cheer her back up I feel really bad that she seems so sad 05/07/23(Sun)23:05:07 No.898899094 >>898898802 # I'm just really stupid I just thought she was interested after seeing me jacking off

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anon got friendzoned | /r/Greentext

>start relationship with girl >girl friendzones me >Still texts me every day >We hang out and have tons of sex >Tells me she's indecisive between me and another guy >Tell her she should just choose the other guy >She starts crying and having a mental breakdown What is wrong with her?

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Anon stinks up the room | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 26 KB PNG 05/07/23(Sun)22:16:18 No.73240843 >GF found the lasagna I've been hiding under her mattress for the last 3 months... : Anonymous Is that code for dead nine year old loli 05/07/23(Sun)22:44:52 No.73241047 : Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)22:46:43 No.73241061 >>73240843 (OP) # what was the endgame here : Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)22:50:13 No.73241088 >>73240843 (OP) # why, anon? why did you do it? what was your goal? what was your motivation?

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Anon defends his home | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: UqChOrgT 05/07/23(Sun)18:55:22 No.426237694 >>426238055 >>426238418 >>426238452 >>426240979 >>426242963 File: D2A059A8-88C3-4437-8A2C-0(...).gif (2.37 MB, 498x298) >>426235414 (OP) >be me >2013 >first job out of college >in crappy apartment in sketchy part of town to save money >get rear-ended, car in shop, have a rental car >3:00am hear scratching on other side of my bedroom wall which is the living room wall >see the light from my living room lights coming in under my door. >grab my first gen S&W M&P >on other side of bed with gun pointed to door >get cell out and dial 911 >as I do, the door opens and a hand fiddles for the light switch >bedroom lights come on and I see a man I've never seen before >i thought I shot three times, but it was actually 5. >2 shots missed, one going into the bathroom and getting trapped in some towels in my linen closet, the other miss got stuck in a wall stud >quite some time after the fact I learned where exactly I had shot him. >of the three that hit, one was the left lung, the other was the solar plexus and severed the artery running down the spine (this killed him), the 3rd went into his forearm and then stuck and got stuck in his ribs. >he made a startled look on his face, wobbled for a moment and fell forward face down >the amount if blood was like if someone had filled a milk gallon with blood instead and just casually kicked it over >moved out the next week Turns out he had a gun in his jacket pocket. The cops also said he had a very very long wrap sheet of burglaries and robberies. He was 37, but looked damn near 60. He was black. The cops said he had probably been casing my place and when my car wasn't there for a few days because of the rental, he figured I was out of town or something. The scratching on the wall was him unplugging my TV and game consoles and stuff.

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Anon is a murderer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: IkeoNZA6 File: 1683317969598480.webm 05/07/23(Sun)18:48:29 No.426237140 >>426238187 >>426239198 (2.95 MB, 336x448) >be me >in college 25 years ago >at a rock quarry with some friends >and a romantic rival who has no idea i loathe him >he actually thinks we're friendly ACK-quaintances >asks me >"Do people usually swim from this part across?" >"Oh, yeah, all the time. I just did, actually." >he gets halfway >starts panicking >starts flailing and going under >bitches screaming like a f------ horror movie >FD arrives maybe five minutes after he was last seen above the surface Took me two more years but I eventually balled that chick he was seeing. >that's not even the first person i've killed >nor the first i've killed in a rock quarry I've killed five people total, two in rock quarries. Tee-hee.

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Anon's Boomer and Zoomer co-worker's pick on him. | /r/Greentext

File: Bazoomer.png (447 KB, 894x749) YES SON AC4DC Bazoomer Sighting Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)13:11:47 No.898876497 ► Im getting bullied at my work by Boomer boss and Zoomer new hire. >be 27, working wagie desk job >new hire is a zoomer who just graduated trade school. >He doesn't dress like a piece of broccoli sticking out of supreme shirt thankfully. >Dresses like he's cosplaying as Baby Driver though. >I still hear him do the "BUSSIN, LIT, FR FR" thing from time to time, makes me cringe. >boss is grumpy old boomer >Zoomer is six years younger than me, i'm barely a millennial, but I wince at his vocabulary and his over energeticness. so I'm certain my boss is gonna hate him. >Zoomer and I are in the break room, decide to try and talk about Vidya to relate to him. >He's not into Video games at all, likes sports and working on his car >conversation awkward, we cant relate at all >Grumpy Boomer boss walks in to get coffee, doesn't hardly ever socialize with the employees >hears us talking about videogames "You Gen Z's like wasting time playin those damn things, so spoiled" >Before I can say that I'm actually a millennial, Zoomer pipes up "Baby Boomers are the most spoiled generation, wanna know why?" >feels like the room just froze over >Boss is just glaring at him. I can feel his fury "Why's that son?" "Cause you guys had better music." >Boss starts cracking up >They talk about Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Rolling Stones >They talk about cars too, Zoomer is blown away by pictures of the bosses old Cadillacs. >He goes: "SHEEEESH" boss probably hasn't ever heard it before, but is brimming with enthusiasm What is happening? (CONT) □ Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)13:12:21 No.898876519 >Last Friday of the month is casual friday. > Zoomer shows up with slicked back pompadour and bomber jacket. >BOSS LOVES IT. "lookin cool, you look like Peter Fonda in Easy Rider" "Bet, That's What I was goin for" >Turns out he only looked like Baby Driver cause he was wearing his business casual outfit. he's actually a modern day greaser. >I scope out his Facebook, he's dressed like this all through high-school and college, it's not even a bit, he's an official BABY ZOOMER >Boss goes out of his way to hang with Bazoomer. >They constantly talk about cars and girls. >I actually heard my boss say "SHEESH" at a picture of Zoomer's uncles Chrysler G Series. >Boss sells Bazoomer his red 1968 Cadillac Coupe Deville worth probably $18-20k for only $10k that he can pay off and "take as long as he likes" cause he know it will be "treated right" >Bazoomer is getting invited to social events with Boss and his friends, immediately networking with pretty much all the wealthiest business owners in our town >I know he is going to get promoted over me, I'm sure boss has already raised his salary above mine >The worst part, They talk s--- about Gen-Z and boss still thinks IM a Zoomer >I try to explain that i'm not a Zoomer, but they bring up the Video-game music I listen to at work "actually, Videogame OST's were designed to help you focus and they don't have lyrics so they're less distracting." Bazoomer chimes in: "I'd rather listen to something cause its good." >They both laugh at me So basically if I had only listened to Boomer rock, and realized my boss was only grumpy because he couldn't relate with anyone at our work, my career would be much further along than it is now I still dont know if he genuinely enjoys these things or if he just found a genius way to manipulate the wealthiest generation Turns out being a Zoomer is a state of mind >> Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)13:19:17 No.898876827 File: download (3).jpg (4 KB, 225x225) You should quit and hope your new boss is a beta nerd like you.

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The suffering has ended. That is your reward. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/12/22(Mon)20:46:19 No.71377096 Have I truly become an engineer? 627EF8DD-B176-47A9-A953-3FCEE1D767B3.jpg 23 KB JPG >be me >hate every minute of engineer school >today I graduated >no fanfare or celebration because December >just kind of walk outside and be finished >that is it, just leave Is this how prisoners feel?

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Anon is unmotivated | /r/Greentext

File: mmkk22.png (50 KB, 201x204) O Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)17:11:31 No.73237978 >decide to teach myself neuroscience and biology out of passion >start enjoying life again, and building a better routine centered around my reading >semester starts >suddenly have a bunch of classes for topics I'm not remotely interested in >routine gets destroyed, lose motivation to do my biology reading >get extremely suicidal and hateful of life >end up passing most of my classes but didn't learn s---

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Anon discovers a new subreddit | /r/Greentext

Anonymous r/NotHowGirlsWork 70 KB JPG 04/26/23(Wed)16:47:11 No.898266669 >make a shitpost involving women, doesn't matter how outlandish and satirical it actually is >post it anywhere on the internet >it will end up there and hundreds of p----- off redditors will take it seriously Found my new favorite subreddit

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Anon loves sparkling water | /r/Greentext

Anonymous I love Topo Chico Topo Chico RAL WAIT 348 KB JPG >Craving something cold and bubbly >Remember Topo Chico >Rush to the store to grab a 12 pack >Pop off the cap with anticipation >Hear the satisfying pop >Take a long sip >Ahh, the carbonation tingles on my lips >My c--- is rock hard >The mineral taste is unique and addictive >Can't imagine a day without Topo Chico >It's more than a drink, it's a lifestyle >My love for Topo Chico will never die Thank you Topo Chico Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)17:48:45 No.19247617 >>19247684 # >>19247696 # Anonymous Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)18:07:50 No.19247673 05/07/23(Sun)18:10:41 No.19247684 05/07/23(Sun)18:15:38 No.19247695 i thought you weren't meant to drink mexican water

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Anon discover a cult | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: t--/emxz) weird cult 78 KB JPG 05/07/23(Sun)23:11:14 No.17603287 >be me >browsing tradcath twitter for some lulz >come across a post about some weird-ass religion called Palmarianism >never heard of it before >start reading up on it >h-------- this is some next-level crazy s--- >apparently they think they're the one true Catholic Church and everyone else is a heretic >they have their own Pope who's supposedly infallible >no TV >no pants on women >no makeup >founder supposedly had a vision of the Virgin Mary where she told him the Pope was on drugs so he had to be the new Pope when drugged Pope dies >yeah, because that's totally not suspicious at all >it's also a f------ outer space religion and they think Mary and Satan are planets for some reason >just when you think you've found the weirdest part, they come up with something even more ridiculous stuff starts getting sus tho >they all live in this big compound in Spain that's plated in gold >never run out of money or members despite never recruiting and always being "on the decline" in reports >actually spend more now then they did when they had a decent membership size >founding members included a guy who was part of the ruling family of South f------ Vietnam Has anyone actually ever met one of these guys? This smells like a f------ psyop to me but I have no clue what the endgame would be. Feds just screwing around with extra budget?

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