Anon defends his home | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous (ID: UqChOrgT 05/07/23(Sun)18:55:22 No.426237694 >>426238055 >>426238418 >>426238452 >>426240979 >>426242963 File: D2A059A8-88C3-4437-8A2C-0(...).gif (2.37 MB, 498x298) >>426235414 (OP) >be me >2013 >first job out of college >in crappy apartment in sketchy part of town to save money >get rear-ended, car in shop, have a rental car >3:00am hear scratching on other side of my bedroom wall which is the living room wall >see the light from my living room lights coming in under my door. >grab my first gen S&W M&P >on other side of bed with gun pointed to door >get cell out and dial 911 >as I do, the door opens and a hand fiddles for the light switch >bedroom lights come on and I see a man I've never seen before >i thought I shot three times, but it was actually 5. >2 shots missed, one going into the bathroom and getting trapped in some towels in my linen closet, the other miss got stuck in a wall stud >quite some time after the fact I learned where exactly I had shot him. >of the three that hit, one was the left lung, the other was the solar plexus and severed the artery running down the spine (this killed him), the 3rd went into his forearm and then stuck and got stuck in his ribs. >he made a startled look on his face, wobbled for a moment and fell forward face down >the amount if blood was like if someone had filled a milk gallon with blood instead and just casually kicked it over >moved out the next week Turns out he had a gun in his jacket pocket. The cops also said he had a very very long wrap sheet of burglaries and robberies. He was 37, but looked damn near 60. He was black. The cops said he had probably been casing my place and when my car wasn't there for a few days because of the rental, he figured I was out of town or something. The scratching on the wall was him unplugging my TV and game consoles and stuff.

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Anon is a murderer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: IkeoNZA6 File: 1683317969598480.webm 05/07/23(Sun)18:48:29 No.426237140 >>426238187 >>426239198 (2.95 MB, 336x448) >be me >in college 25 years ago >at a rock quarry with some friends >and a romantic rival who has no idea i loathe him >he actually thinks we're friendly ACK-quaintances >asks me >"Do people usually swim from this part across?" >"Oh, yeah, all the time. I just did, actually." >he gets halfway >starts panicking >starts flailing and going under >bitches screaming like a f------ horror movie >FD arrives maybe five minutes after he was last seen above the surface Took me two more years but I eventually balled that chick he was seeing. >that's not even the first person i've killed >nor the first i've killed in a rock quarry I've killed five people total, two in rock quarries. Tee-hee.

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Anon's Boomer and Zoomer co-worker's pick on him. | /r/Greentext

File: Bazoomer.png (447 KB, 894x749) YES SON AC4DC Bazoomer Sighting Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)13:11:47 No.898876497 ► Im getting bullied at my work by Boomer boss and Zoomer new hire. >be 27, working wagie desk job >new hire is a zoomer who just graduated trade school. >He doesn't dress like a piece of broccoli sticking out of supreme shirt thankfully. >Dresses like he's cosplaying as Baby Driver though. >I still hear him do the "BUSSIN, LIT, FR FR" thing from time to time, makes me cringe. >boss is grumpy old boomer >Zoomer is six years younger than me, i'm barely a millennial, but I wince at his vocabulary and his over energeticness. so I'm certain my boss is gonna hate him. >Zoomer and I are in the break room, decide to try and talk about Vidya to relate to him. >He's not into Video games at all, likes sports and working on his car >conversation awkward, we cant relate at all >Grumpy Boomer boss walks in to get coffee, doesn't hardly ever socialize with the employees >hears us talking about videogames "You Gen Z's like wasting time playin those damn things, so spoiled" >Before I can say that I'm actually a millennial, Zoomer pipes up "Baby Boomers are the most spoiled generation, wanna know why?" >feels like the room just froze over >Boss is just glaring at him. I can feel his fury "Why's that son?" "Cause you guys had better music." >Boss starts cracking up >They talk about Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Rolling Stones >They talk about cars too, Zoomer is blown away by pictures of the bosses old Cadillacs. >He goes: "SHEEEESH" boss probably hasn't ever heard it before, but is brimming with enthusiasm What is happening? (CONT) □ Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)13:12:21 No.898876519 >Last Friday of the month is casual friday. > Zoomer shows up with slicked back pompadour and bomber jacket. >BOSS LOVES IT. "lookin cool, you look like Peter Fonda in Easy Rider" "Bet, That's What I was goin for" >Turns out he only looked like Baby Driver cause he was wearing his business casual outfit. he's actually a modern day greaser. >I scope out his Facebook, he's dressed like this all through high-school and college, it's not even a bit, he's an official BABY ZOOMER >Boss goes out of his way to hang with Bazoomer. >They constantly talk about cars and girls. >I actually heard my boss say "SHEESH" at a picture of Zoomer's uncles Chrysler G Series. >Boss sells Bazoomer his red 1968 Cadillac Coupe Deville worth probably $18-20k for only $10k that he can pay off and "take as long as he likes" cause he know it will be "treated right" >Bazoomer is getting invited to social events with Boss and his friends, immediately networking with pretty much all the wealthiest business owners in our town >I know he is going to get promoted over me, I'm sure boss has already raised his salary above mine >The worst part, They talk s--- about Gen-Z and boss still thinks IM a Zoomer >I try to explain that i'm not a Zoomer, but they bring up the Video-game music I listen to at work "actually, Videogame OST's were designed to help you focus and they don't have lyrics so they're less distracting." Bazoomer chimes in: "I'd rather listen to something cause its good." >They both laugh at me So basically if I had only listened to Boomer rock, and realized my boss was only grumpy because he couldn't relate with anyone at our work, my career would be much further along than it is now I still dont know if he genuinely enjoys these things or if he just found a genius way to manipulate the wealthiest generation Turns out being a Zoomer is a state of mind >> Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)13:19:17 No.898876827 File: download (3).jpg (4 KB, 225x225) You should quit and hope your new boss is a beta nerd like you.

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The suffering has ended. That is your reward. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/12/22(Mon)20:46:19 No.71377096 Have I truly become an engineer? 627EF8DD-B176-47A9-A953-3FCEE1D767B3.jpg 23 KB JPG >be me >hate every minute of engineer school >today I graduated >no fanfare or celebration because December >just kind of walk outside and be finished >that is it, just leave Is this how prisoners feel?

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Anon is unmotivated | /r/Greentext

File: mmkk22.png (50 KB, 201x204) O Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)17:11:31 No.73237978 >decide to teach myself neuroscience and biology out of passion >start enjoying life again, and building a better routine centered around my reading >semester starts >suddenly have a bunch of classes for topics I'm not remotely interested in >routine gets destroyed, lose motivation to do my biology reading >get extremely suicidal and hateful of life >end up passing most of my classes but didn't learn s---

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Anon discovers a new subreddit | /r/Greentext

Anonymous r/NotHowGirlsWork 70 KB JPG 04/26/23(Wed)16:47:11 No.898266669 >make a shitpost involving women, doesn't matter how outlandish and satirical it actually is >post it anywhere on the internet >it will end up there and hundreds of p----- off redditors will take it seriously Found my new favorite subreddit

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Anon loves sparkling water | /r/Greentext

Anonymous I love Topo Chico Topo Chico RAL WAIT 348 KB JPG >Craving something cold and bubbly >Remember Topo Chico >Rush to the store to grab a 12 pack >Pop off the cap with anticipation >Hear the satisfying pop >Take a long sip >Ahh, the carbonation tingles on my lips >My c--- is rock hard >The mineral taste is unique and addictive >Can't imagine a day without Topo Chico >It's more than a drink, it's a lifestyle >My love for Topo Chico will never die Thank you Topo Chico Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)17:48:45 No.19247617 >>19247684 # >>19247696 # Anonymous Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)18:07:50 No.19247673 05/07/23(Sun)18:10:41 No.19247684 05/07/23(Sun)18:15:38 No.19247695 i thought you weren't meant to drink mexican water

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Anon discover a cult | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: t--/emxz) weird cult 78 KB JPG 05/07/23(Sun)23:11:14 No.17603287 >be me >browsing tradcath twitter for some lulz >come across a post about some weird-ass religion called Palmarianism >never heard of it before >start reading up on it >h-------- this is some next-level crazy s--- >apparently they think they're the one true Catholic Church and everyone else is a heretic >they have their own Pope who's supposedly infallible >no TV >no pants on women >no makeup >founder supposedly had a vision of the Virgin Mary where she told him the Pope was on drugs so he had to be the new Pope when drugged Pope dies >yeah, because that's totally not suspicious at all >it's also a f------ outer space religion and they think Mary and Satan are planets for some reason >just when you think you've found the weirdest part, they come up with something even more ridiculous stuff starts getting sus tho >they all live in this big compound in Spain that's plated in gold >never run out of money or members despite never recruiting and always being "on the decline" in reports >actually spend more now then they did when they had a decent membership size >founding members included a guy who was part of the ruling family of South f------ Vietnam Has anyone actually ever met one of these guys? This smells like a f------ psyop to me but I have no clue what the endgame would be. Feds just screwing around with extra budget?

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Happy Mommy | /r/Greentext

File: green pc.jpg (11 KB, 225x225) IBM Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)22:34:06 No.898874826 ► I used to know what you might call "that kid" in middle school. He always smelled like he s--- himself and wore the same clothes for f------ weeks on end. That is, his warddrobe consisted exclusively of real run-of-the-mill, generic pajamas. The kind where it's a completely solid color, the shirt buttons up and has a pocket for some reason and there's a matching pair of pants. He wore that to school and he wouldn't take the f------ off until they were f------ made of stains and smelled so bad that he actually noticed. He was your typical chubby, long-haired greasy neckbeard, except it was the 7th grade and he couldn't grow facial hair. Actually, that's not entirely true, he grew a really f------ weird, thin mustache that was composed of only the barest number of hairs. But his upper lip always looked wet, so you couldn't help but notice that it was there. Anyways, he liked to bill himself as a "video game programmer." The truth was he could only program terrible ass text adventures in Visual Basic, and it was a damn miracle if they last more than 3 minutes and weren't easy as s---. He brought these f------ retarded games into school every other week, burned to blank CD-ROMS, and he'd ask everyone to play them in the computer lab. They were always really retarded. Your completely predictable "you wake up in a dark cell or an alien spaceship or in a forest" kind of deal. Except for one he brought in that was different. That's not to say it was actually good, or even really an actual f------ game to be frank, just that it stood out among his other "releases." This one, he called "Happy Mommy." And I'm the sorry sack of s--- he insisted should play it. Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)22:35:54 No.898874892 ► It started out in the usual command prompt window his games always had, with the pointless ass beginning text asking me to type "go" to begin the game. Except this time when I typed go it didn't start out in typical text-adventure style telling me I woke up somewhere and there's a useful item in the room and four directions. This time, it started out saying "happy happy mommy 1 day gone" just like that, in all lowercase, as was standard fare in this f------ weirdo's dumb ass games. I wasn't really sure what the f--- to do at this point so I asked him and he told me to type in "mommy." So that's what I did and "happy happy mommy 2 day gone" Again, just like that, the "s" missing after "day" and everything. I didn't really know what else to do so I typed in "mommy" again. This time I got, "happy happy mommy 3 day gone" Now, I tried to type "mommy" again, but it didn't work this time, so I asked him what the hell I'm supposed to do now and he said to type "feel good." So I did and I got, "happy happy mommy 4 day gone happy mommy feel good happy mommy feel good!!" returned, And then it just closed itself. I went on with the rest of my day, completely f------ confused at what the s--- he made me play. He came to school the next day, and that is the last time I ever saw him. Really spooky ending, I guess. The whole class was obviously wondering what happened to him, and all the teachers made it seem real mysterious and creepy because they were real insistent that we don't talk f------ about it. No one found out what the hell happened for the rest of our entire school, from 8th grade to high school graduation, outside of the obviously b------- rumors. >> Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)22:36:32 No.898874924 ► Years later, long after I was a grown adult, I came back into contact with one of my middle school teachers and we chatted up a bit about the "good ol' days" and all the retarded assholes that went to my middle school. I guess because I was an adult he felt more comfortable around me, even if he was still way older than me, so I asked him what the hell ever happened to "that kid." Now, this next part, I swear to God, is not made up. Apparently, over the week before he disappeared, this kid's mom had f------ hanged herself, and since he was an only child and she was raising him on her own, and no one in their neighborhood really knew them, no one f------ knew about it and the kid just kept going to school and coming home to her corpse for five days before someone took notice of this and looked into it. And, according to this particular teacher, this kid, I s--- you the f--- not, had been f------ his mom's corpse almost the entire time. I was never actually told what happened to him after child protective services took him away, and I'm not sure anyone knows. >> Anonymous 05/07/23(Sun)22:40:27 No.898875098 >>898875127 no one is reading all that

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Anon adopts | /r/Greentext

Board /pol/ - Politically Incorrect Anonymous (ID: VTWO1RxS Adopt a Homeless Settings Mobile Home 517 KB PNG 8 04/27/23(Thu)23:04:20 No.425079446 >get home from comfy cs wagieing >tired af >have to do laundry and a bunch of other cringe chores >ion wanna dew it >degen.jpg >this goes on for weeks, I run out of clothes and apartment starts to reek to High Hrothgar >one day dad comes over and judges tf out of me >realize something needs to change >look out the window >see dirty homeless nog holding his cup out >want to go beat him >recall Pavlov's experiment and get an idea instead >over multiple weeks, intentionally walk past him repeatedly >if he looks up at me, I hand him five dollars >by the third week, hes listening for my footsteps as I bend the corner and hes staring at me with hopeful eyes every time he sees me >practically salivating when I reach out my hand >eventually pop the question >tell him he can live with me if he does all my chores >I'm practically this guy's whole world so he accepts immediately >ffw two weeks, my apartments clean af and I always have clothes >homeless homie basically runs around taking care of me as my personal maid all day >basically adopted a homeless >so blessed, he found his Forever Home >lifes good, dad's proud >do your part and Adopt a Homeless today picrel its Dave

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This ain't no party, this ain't no disco | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous A 8 KB JPG 08/24/22(Wed)06:09:52 No.69936452 >be from ukraine >unironically use reddit >war is s--- and stuff >make a picture of my morning view with ukrainian breakfast, some positivity >post it >it gets removed for being offtopic >the entire subreddit is just about the war >99% of the people are westerners just talking about russia all day >they give each other awards for saying "F--- Putin" >these people dont give a s--- about ukrainne

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Anon listens to Andrew Tate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 81 KB JPG 08/18/22(Thu)18:18:41 No.69860893 >be me >have gf >hear about Andrew Tate, decide to look him up >really like his advice >decide to try it on gf to gain her respect >be with her one day >tell her that I cheated on her (i didn't) >she is understandably upset >tell her "Yeah, got drunk. F----- some girl. Don't remember her name. If you want to leave you can leave." >she actually does >heartbroken, text her every day telling her it wasn't real and I was just following advice I got online to be cool >tell her to look up Andrew Tate so she'll see what i mean >pretty sure she blocked me, all our friends hate me now What the f--- do I do? She was my first gf, I literally have nothing without her.

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anon and his pencil sharpener | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 53 KB JPG 03/11/22 (Fri) 10:17:10 No.874215710 >be me >4th grade >bring 3 sharpners to school >friend tells me thats a lot of sharpners >bring 3 more sharpners the next day >friend gives me his sharpner to grow my collection >start collecting more and more sharpners >go to stationary every week to by more sharpners >collect about 70 sharpners by the end of the month >start bringing a tiny bag to carry thoes sharpner >english teacher asks for a sharpner >offer her the bag thinking she'd be impressed >sees all my sharpners and writes a note to my parents >only allowed to bring 1 sharpner >idea.jpg >make a huge sharpner out of cardboard >dad helps me to color it with red and silver spray paint >display it on my table during the english period >get sent to the office fun days

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