Anon does the unthinkable | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

257 KB PNG >be me in high school >Have female friend who I have a crush on >Never able to ask her out >Really horny one night, she is texting me and jokes about sending me nudes >Ends up faking out and laughing about how she probably blue balled me >Says she's going to bed >Need to masturbate so bad >Decide to go into bathroom and take my pants off >Angle my camera at my ass and get a photo where it kinda looks like someone else's ass >We have a similar skin tone so this might work >Photoshop the picture of my ass into a photo of her texts as if she sent her ass >Start jerking off to it, blow a huge load, pretend I compliment her ass To this day I can't get over this experience.. she's married with 2 kids now, I can't believe I stroked it to my own ass

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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meanwhile in the mines of /v/... | /r/Greentext

ile: 76344743798.jpg (73 KB, 500x647) Anonymous 04/17/23(Mon)00:04:25 No.634329224 >Meanwhile, in the mines of /v/... >> Anonymous 04/17/23(Mon)00:05:37 No.634329308 File: 1666669955208062.png (2 KB, 800x504) Go back to Digg. digg >>634329405 >> Anonymous 04/17/23(Mon)00:06:43 No.634329405 File: 805EADCD-0883-4D6B-842F-4(...).png (683 KB, 878x1018) >>634329224 (OP) Anyone else here love minors?

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Anon tried to be nice to a fat kid | /r/Greentext

Anonymous A 605 KB PNG 04/16/23(Sun)21:10:36 No.72978855 > be me > currently working at Burger King > s----- job with s----- pay > I hate my my job > it hurts my soul to show up at work but I have to because of bills and s--- > my coworkers are also assholes > keeps me out of conversations and treats me like an animal > gets really sad because I have to work here > last week > not as busy as it usually is > a fat kid enters the restaurant > the kid comes up and orders 6 nuggets > since its not busy and we got a s--- ton of nuggets i give a few extra > prob gave the kid 9 nuggets when he ordered 6 to be nice > a few min later > a enormous beast enters the restaurant > makes a big scene that I fat shamed her son > she thinks that I gave the kid the extra nuggets because the kid is fat > w--.exe > just tried to be nice to a kid > can see that the kid is embarrassing that her mom yells > gets called to a meeting tomorrow > f--- me Basically I might lose my job because I tried to be nice and positive in a toxic work environment.

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Anon is from the UK | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12 KB PNG 11/09/21(Tue)06:25:39 No.866383431 Has anyone else got any funny stories from when they were younger? >be me 10 years old, it's 2001 in the UK >playing in the street with my good friends >the road is a hill & my house is near the top >woman comes speeding down road so we all scatter & call her a bitch >she lives half way down the hill & parks at the side of the road >gets out & calls us little s---- etc. & goes inside >one day I notice some keys outside her house & because I'm a good boy I knock her door to give them back to her >she doesn't even open the door, just tells us to f--- off her property >get an idea >wait until night time, unlock her car & let off her handbrake >car begins to roll down hill & we all run away >car picks up speed & goes straight into a house at bottom of the road >all s--- our pants but go home & deny all knowledge >police come & arrest woman as she's really drunk & accuse her of leaving handbrake off >never got in trouble for it >be nice to kids

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Anon is harassing someone on discord | /r/Greentext

466 KB PNG > be me > plays a lot of rust > Im in a discord server dedicated to that game > I was born a male but I identify myself as a woman > that has resulted in me not having any friends or relationships > use my freetime on rust and f--- around on this discord server > I meet a male individual on the discord server > we play together and has a good time > after a while I get emotional stimuli from talking to him > im in love > one night im extremely horny > all I can think of is how hot the voice of this make individual is > makes my a------ wet just thinking about him > f--- it > send the guy a d--- pick and tells him I want him inside of me > the excitement of me sending the pictures makes me more horny > I start masturbating while thinking of him spreading my buttocks > spankmedaddy.exe > starts recording myself blowing a load onto my new steelseries apex pro mini gaming keyboard > sends the video to the guy on discord > goes to bed and has the best sleep ever > wake up > opens discord > s--- ton of private messages > the guy leaked all my s--- on the local rust server > gets threats and hate > later find out the guy I was talking with is a 15 year old boy > I am basically a p-------- > says he have contacted the local authorities > gets banned from the rust server > have put around 4000 hours onto the server How f----- am i???

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We are all gonna make it | /r/Greentext

24 KB JPG >be me >27 >cook/everything else >closing up restaurant >me and one girl finishing up in kitchen >light flirting feeling it out >close up and walk her to her car >say bye and hug >she does the gril thing where she falls into the hug a little >catch her no problem >shes breathless >wow anon you're so strong now shes sending me naughty pics feels good boys

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Anon trolls someone on Reddit | /r/Greentext

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BITCH MUMMY BETRAYS HER GOOD LITTLE BOY! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! | /r/Greentext

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO raaaaaaaaaar.png, 228KiB, 858x725 Anonymous Tue 27 Feb 2018 13:47:25 No.43512143 >alarm goes off >"REEEE REEE REEE, oh, it's just my alarm" >bitch mom forces me to have one so i don't sleep past 1 >remember it's tendie tuesday >a smug grin cracks into my face >heave 460lb body out of bed and zoom down stairs >catch mummy just as she's about to leave >"MUMMY IT'S TENDIE TUESDAY GET ME TENDIES OR YOU HAVE TO FIGHT ME AGAIN" >she winces and sheds a tear knowing how close she was >"a-anon, i'm already late i have to go or mr. sheckleburg wil-" >she already sees me nervously whining >"sorry anon i have to go" >charge her but the bitch dodges and flees to her room and locks the door >i run up to it and pound on it >YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL, BITCH YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL FOR ABUSING YOUR LITTLE BOY REEEEEEE WHEN I GET IN THERE YOU ARE F------ DEAD, DO YOU HEAR ME, BITCH!? DEAD! >pass out from too much exercise >wake up, she's gone >groan, scream and tear the carpet out as i lay on the floor in despair >plan to get back at her with what little sense i have in my primal rage >throw that idea out, decide if i play nice good boy she'll reward me with tendies >put blanket over torn carpet outside her room >throw piss bottles out >here the door jiggling >put on my best good boy smile and wait for her to open it >two cops walk in with her >"that him?" >trying to contain the rage in me >"yer gonna come with us son?" >"yes, take him away please for god's sake" >teehee! who are these men, mommy? >cry and kick but they muscle me to the car anyway >three days pass and i stay in an institute >get to go home with mommy >she curses under her breath about them "not holding me further" >give her the papowee of a life time when we get home >her head cracked on the tile floor and she wouldn't get up >eventually the landlord came and found her View Report >authority's find me hiding behind couch, crying >have to go to a trial, they make me dress funny >court ruled that i was innocent and had me plea insanity >get sent to a home with other special people >THERE ARE NO TENDIES HERE >mfw

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Subscribe to my OnlyDudes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: (bKum6BRZ) ♬ 04/16/23(Sun)10:45:15 No.423757057 >>423743679 (OP) # If the gender roles were somehow flipped entirely, which is impossible because biology, it would actually be based as f---. >Be man >Expected to sit at home and do whatever you want >Have hordes of women after you even if you are ugly, fat or retarded (remember that 99% of men will f--- anything that moves and is living so flip that around to women) >Paid for dates >Get cat-called in public if you're >5/10 (Oh no someone called me hot the horror!) >If you want extra money just sell d--- pics on onlydudes for thousands of dollars Reminder that this is the life most women have and they still complain >>423757529 # >>423759213 #

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Anon is going home | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: CydB7V00 04/13/23(Thu)15:38:42 No.54579980 1681268521155929.jpg 76 KB JPG >lost my $200k job so they could keep the H1Bs during cuts >"you'll land on your feet" >nobody is hiring >apartment complex raising rent and I have to move back in with my mom in another state

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Visiting Mexico | /r/Greentext

1. #766898005 4/25/18, 8:11 PM >be me, in mexico to visit friends >not my first rodeo, pickpockets beware >cut hole in pocket, slip d--- in hole >take public transport, wait for my mark >there he is, punk w/ sticky fingers >make myself an easy mark, not too obvious >few minutes later, kid tries to lift wallet, touches penis >he knows it, i know it >my face as he looks at me with disqust and he gets off the next step Mexico is a great place

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Anon is ngmi | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: BfUgJzoU) 04/15/23(Sat)15:46:35 No.423656600 File: 1681048869693103.jpg (28 KB, 320x252) >>423655190 # Free braps

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Anon’s friend is only gay ironically | /r/Greentext

Anonymous halp 317 KB PNG 04/16/23(Sun)06:44:53 No.28762554 >be me >friend in gc introduces new in-joke >we all ironically post s--- related to one specific emo artist's gay ass oc >one of my friends picks out the actual f------ gayest image as his pfp >for ironic purposes fastforward literally one single day >says he won't change it >says he's grown attached to the pfp >will not stop "ironically" stating he'd like to have sex with the character in question >pic related whaddafuck do i do

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