Anon gets a puppy | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

1364342154959.jpg-(361 KB, 800x600, x.jpg) Anonymous (ID: 15/9fhec) 03/26/13(Tue)19:55:54 No.468 ITT: Dog appreciation >be 12 >get a golden retriever puppy >won't quit shivering so I just hold him for hours >name him "Duke" >be 16 >go everywhere with this dog >best friend >dad goes through a lot of marriages >marries crazy bitch with a rescued abused pit bull >pit bull is a prick to everyone except crazy bitch >have to keep it locked up >one day out in front of house >crazy f------ pit bull gets out of cage >runs at me >S---.jpeg >f----- knocks me down and sinks his teeth into me >Duke comes from the backyard >knocks pit bull off me >fights it for long enough for me to escape >looking back I can see the pit bull tearing my best friend's throat out >I get away >crazy dog runs down street >don't ever see it again >cry at my dead dogs side for a good few hours in front of my house where everyone can see >Duke is buried >crazy bitch blames me for her f------ pit bull >be a week later >hungry >look in the cupboard >Wat >all of my baked bean cans are gone >turn on the news >Duke is a millionaire >m----------- faked his own death to sell my Bush's Baked Beans recipe

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon learns a new skill that's very a-peel-ing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous what do 8 KB JPG 03/08/23(Wed)10:36:06 No.72493538 >be me >unable to peel back foreskin for all my life >masturbate today >able to peel it back >yay what do now? 03/08/23(Wed)10:38:42 No.72493560 : Anonymous >>72493538 (OP) # post your freaky d--- 03/08/23(Wed)10:47:49 No.72493653 : Anonymous >>72493538 (OP) # Throw a foreskin party where you invite all the neighbors over to witness it and peel back their own foreskins in a safe and accepting environment

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the grind goes on | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/19/23(Sun)19:40:31 No.70019876 IMG_20230217_225049_157.jpg 155 KB JPG Rate my new strat for gains >Install Grindr >Start messaging all FtM trans >Got some hits start flirting >Get invited over to her place >Before we f--- excuse myself to bathroom >Search that bitch for testosterone Gains acquired : Anonymous >>70019876 (OP) # lol based N 02/19/23(Sun)19:46:31 No.70019916

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What should OP grow in the garden? | /r/Greentext

File: 883A49D6-DD44-45FD-A2C4-2(...).jpg (1.34 MB, 963x1283) What should I grow in my garden? Anonymous 03/07/23(Tue)06:56:21 No.895491713 [Reply] >>895510721 so far >potatoes >wheat What else? +88 replies and 14 images omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 03/07/23(Tue)15:51:50 No.895510721 >>895510852 >>895491713 (OP) Carrots and parsnips are easy enough. Make a raised bed to prevent carrot fly. You can leave the parsnips in for longer or over a few hard frosts toward the end of the year.

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Anon lives in the a timeline in which Western Roman Empire feel, and he's laughing | /r/Greentext

1570830967203.png 1.03 MB PNG "h-hewwo l-m- my nwame is agwustus-" *sniffles "T-today I, uh am going t-to c-conquew the whine-" (germans giggling in the back) lip trembling* pwease l- sobbing

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Oh God no please | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/23(Wed)12:08:03 No.895543262 2a6.png 260 KB PNG >be me You fell right into my trap You FOOL

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Anons religious fantasy. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/07/21 (Tue)10:56:13 No.18999721 >in "Physics" class >Idiot professor starts talking about vacuum and other atomist lies >I explain that vacuum cannot exist and that the observed phenomena of voids is just the movement of differently heated airs. >Somebody loudly drinks iced coffee through a straw >Whole class starts to laugh at me >I remind them that in the beginning there was nothing and that to imply a void now would be to deny the glorious creations of god >Whole class is quiet >professor weeps and prostrates himself before me 900 KB PNG

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Anon taking a crap in middle of nowhere | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/23(Wed)18:56:47 No.178842651 Ixocc.jpg 206 KB JPG >be me >taking s--- in middle of nowhere >wipe my ass with eucalyptus >the koala nearby

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Anon and his hot arse | /r/Greentext

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Anon is dull | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 181470680 2.9 MB PNG 1 hr ago ... >I just, ah... I just have this tremendous sense of time slipping away on me, Anon, we're both in our late twenties, and I think I need to spend what's left of my youth in fruitful endeavors, building relationships and the like, and just not aimlessly play s----- vidya and browse /tv/ and listen to you ramble on about decade old memes and jews. But I'm sorry about it. I am, like. >Last online: 6 months ago 8 REPLIES 3 IMAGES REPLY

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Anon is an incel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 1993 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Kids can be scary | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 19 56 KB JPG 03/08/23(Wed)10:15:19 No.895538141 >middle school, 2006 >quiet kid who mostly kept to myself, didn't bother anybody >finally ask out a girl I like, hit it off pretty well, becomes my gf >a rumor suddenly spreads that I r---- her, idk how or by who but it happens >spreads to the whole school and I become hated by nearly everyone >wtfwhyme.jpg >one day get called to the office >principal, dean, gf, and a cop are there waiting for me >s------- my pants as they all interrogate me and her about the rumor, poor gf is balling her eyes out the entire time >they let us go since she denied everything and it was dropped there >most students still resented me for the rest of middle school, gf broke up with me from all the harassment, the rumor followed me to high school and people hated me there too though thankfully not as much Kids are so stupid. I see how school shooters are made when that type of stuff happens to kids for no reason

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Anon really buckles down on his schoolwork | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 93 KB JPG 03/08/23(Wed)00:57:51 No.72489656 >1500 word essay worth 25% of grade due last week >got extension to following Wednesday because I hadn't finished the book it was covering >finished reading just a few hours ago >didn't understand ANY of it because it's sci-fi, turbo-onions nonsense >24 hours remaining, 8 of which will be spent sleeping, 5 more spent in class, about 2 in commute >leaves 9 hours to come up with and write the essay >factoring in my b------- stim habits and irritability from trying to cut out vaping means it's probably more like 6 I'm not asking for advice -- unless you guys happen to have any -- I'm just hot and bothered wanting to complain to someone. How f----- am I? >pic is actually somewhat related

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