Anon does repairs | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

10/11/22(Tue)16:01:36 No.2481931 : Anonymous Not the worst that happened to me but possibly funniest >Removing s---- old rotten fence >step on 4" rusty nail stuck in bit of wood >rip bastard out, chuck it at wall and hit hospital for tetanus stab and hole glue. They said I should have brought nail with me but f--- it >get home and start clearing again, immediately step on same nail board again with other foot >back to hospital, took nailboard with me this time >docs don't even want to see it... w-- > get home, sit on sofa and feel pain in my left arse cheek > same f------ nail, fell out of my pocket >>2481941 # >>2482382 # >>2482619 #

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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They took his fucking chickens!!!! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10 KB PNG >He kept screaming "MY CHICKENS MY CHICKENS THEY RAN AND TOOK MY F------ CHICKENS AND HENS" >No chickens or moving cars in sight What the f--- was that about? : Anonymous 50 KB JPG >>71963877 # : Anonymous >>71963595 # no chickens am sad now :( : Anonymous 01/25/23(Wed)13:44:02 No.7196321 >went out for a drink last night >Pretty quiet, light amount of snow but wasnt sticking >Before i got to the bar I saw a Mexican dude running across the street 559 KB GIF 01/25/23(Wed)14:13:55 No.71963595 >>71963211 (OP) # Chicken theft is a serious issue. They stole his chickens. 01/25/23(Wed)14:33:55 No.71963877 01/25/23(Wed)14:36:38 No.71963908 man i really didn't need to hear that. f----- my day up i hope this man finds his chickens

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Anon meets a girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 16 KB JPG 01/25/23(Wed)19:23:49 No.71962997 calling all selfcutting f--- what do i do >meet a girl in 10th grade >shockingly funny because i never find women funny >i consider her a 9/10 but most people would probably think shes a 7 >she usually brings her friends but sometimes its just her >gives me her phone number over the summer >w-- nobody has ever asked for my phone number >we hang out a lot over the summer at her dad's house (her parents are divorced) >dad is cool with me hanging out with her probably cause im a scrawny pale ass mf >usually watch netflix or play on our switches >maybe a year or so later im staying the night while her dad is out of town >no i dont f--- her ill get that out of the way >we were kind of like play fighting i guess idk how to phrase it but we were pushing each other around >snag her long sleeve shirt sleeve and roll it back by accident >cuts, lots of em >i stare at them blank-faced like a dumbass not knowing what to think >she kind of awkwardly laughs it off and is pretty quiet the rest of the night >more talkative in the morning, but after i leave she stops texting me as much >after about a day she stops texting me altogether >hasnt texted me since >its been a week help what the f--- do i do

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Fucking sent this to my mom while trying to screenshot it, how do I recover bros? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 5 KB JPG 07/01/19(Mon)18:53:29 No.803637336 >I wake up >Make some breakfast >A bowl of cereal to start off the day >Gobble it down >Nine o'clock >Oh no I'm gonna be late to school >Make it to school before the bell rings >Everyone makes a mad dash to class >All is quiet >Not a sound >Damn it's good >Yelling from the back is heard >One of the girls says she saw a gnome >"Under there!" The thot cries >Vinny looks under the cabinet and yells >Everyone else screams >Boutta nope on outta here >Everyone scrambles away >Everyone is now thoroughly scared >No one moves >Gnome runs out towards us >NOPE NOPE NOPE >One person gets trampled while leaving >Make my way out of the class >Everyone evacuated the school >Damn gnomes Now look at each first letter capitalized

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Kids think, dying is like fainting | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/07/19(Sun)05:52:59 No.804055110 >be me >be in elementary school >its the weekend so I was outside by myself >see kids from school being retarded and playing with tree branches 251 KB PNG >keep standing im my yard >they run up to me with the sticks and start saying they're gonna hit me with it W--.jpg >I get scared and run inside >autism kicks in Idea.png >i grab a pocket knife and put it in my pocket then go back outside >the kids start threatening me again >i pull out my knife >i expect them to run >one of the kids scream "stab me" ThisWasntThePlan.json >I get scared and run back inside >This time I stay inside

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Operation Desert Storm | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 7SwFljG) 01/20/23(Fri)02:22:48 No.412853126 ✓ >>412851066 >special military operation "Desert Storm" after 11 months: >-Local muslims stole 10 B2 SPIRITS >-Basra is not caputred, Baghdad is not caputred >-New York got hit by iraqi drones >-Golden Gate Bridge is damaged >-USS Abraham Lincoln aircraft carrier got sunk due to some joint incident >-$300 billion of American reserves are arrested in banks of Afghaistan and Syria >-Drunk rednecks are mobilizing all over the states. They are armed with Tommy Guns >-Nasa's administrator got a--- shell-shock >-Main symbols of the american operation are letters and A >-Biolab camels >-Pentagon asks Mexico to give their toy helicopters stuffed with firecrackers >-Jean Chretien: I will show you, where they were preparing the attack on Canada from >-US soldiers stealing persian carpets and hookahs, then send them over DHL back home. >-Pope supports the war >-4chan is like: "you are proxymuslim" "no, you are!" >-Operation goes according the plan - Saddam Hussein is a person of the year >-Tons of photos of destroyed Abrams and Bradley - americans say those are iraqi tanks >-Uganda, Zimbabwe and Somali impose massive and unprecedented sanctions against USA >-Iraqi soldiers managed to get a GLOBAL HAWK - found out all it's hardware is bought on Aliexpress >-US ambassador in Kuwait can't tell what are the main targets of special operation >-Hungry american soldiers leave a tank to rob a store for food. When they get back there is no tank - just some footprints of a human and a donkey on the sand >-Old iraqi woman with Confederate flag >-Great Britain and Germany join CSTO >-"There are no such people as iraqis - they are americans just brainwashed by Quran" >-Rogozin sends "StellarChain" antennas to Iraq >-George Bush hides somewhere deep under Area 51 >-Governor of California, don, has his own little army, don, of bearded men, don, that just pose for twitter photos, don >-Gordon Ramsey says that his brigade of Alcatraz f----boys managed to capture some village

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Anon has encounter with receipt checker | /r/Greentext

[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [ Auto] File: Screenshot 2022-12-08 125239.png (347 KB, 493x640) ATTENTION EMPLOYEES OF WORK IS NOT MEANT TO BE FUN Tes IS YOUR JOB DO NOT DEDICATE WORK TIME TO DISCUSSION OF NON WORK TOPES DO NOT FADUTATE FRIENDSHIPS DURING WORK HOURS EXCHANGE PHONE NUMBERS AND/OR HANG OUT AFTER WORK IS COMPLETE REACH MEATIFA CO-WORKER I HAVING NON-WORE DISCUSSIONS ON COMPANY TIME WIRK IS NOT YOUR DAYCARE 80 TRUTH Anonymous 01/24/23(Tue)18:17:09 No.71954584 >Go to walmart every week >Every week I go, some worker who is on an obvious power trip stops me and asks for my receipt every time >There have been times where he would put his hands on my cart, preventing me from moving it if I wanted to >Read a story online and find out that they are not allowed to stop shoplifters >Get an idea CAN'T BREATHI >Next time comes, he puts his hand on my cart as I leave >I ignore him, and a reverse tug a war with the cart ensues >He puts his hands on my arm, trying to detach it from the cart >"DON'T TOUCH ME! THE STUFF IN HERE IS MY PROPERTY! SOMEBODY CALL THE COPS! I'M GETTING ASSAULTED!" >The manager hears and tells him to let me go >I leave in a hurry and immediately call corporate to complain >They apologize profusely and give me coupons >I come back and the guy is not there >I never see him working there again To all of the receipt checkers out there reading this. You are not a cop, you are a dispensable cog on a power trip making 15 dollars an hour pretending to be one. So quit pretending like you have power over me or anybody else, because you don't. Anonymous 01/24/23(Tue)18:38:42 No.71954824 File: ICANTBREAVE.png (347 KB, 500x888) >Work at walmart as a receipt checker >Every week, this obvious shop lifter comes by hiding stuff in his pants and in his pockets >I try to stop him to get him to stop shoplifting but I'm powerless >I legally cannot do anything to stop him and this f----- knows it >One day he comes by and I try to stop his cart while telling him "Really dude? Again?" >Tug a war with the cart ensues >Retard starts yelling for help saying that I'm assaulting him >I never even f------ touched him >Manager hears and comes in, tells me to let him go, saying that he's not worth the trouble >Retard leaves >Manager tells me "f--- that guy man, come on let's take a smoke break" >Fast forward to next day >Turns out the retard called corporate 1/1/2/2 >Manager tells me about it and laughs it off saying that he doesn't give a f--- and that it's all good >I get a 2 week paid vacation for having defended the Walmart grounds >Apparently the retard got some free coupons Lmao, what a f------ moron. He probably thinks that he got me fired, meanwhile I'm literally chilling on the beach in the Bahamas. To all shop lifters out there, you're all f------ idiots. You're not some mastermind thieves, you're just a bunch of low life jack asses. I hate all of you. I love working at Walmart and I will defend my Walmart with my f------ life. By the way, thanks for the free vacation, bucko.

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Anon has a bite to eat | /r/Greentext

41 KB PNG >walk drunkenly to mcdonalds >put my order in at the kiosk >local hobos meandering around and talking to themselves >one shirtless black dude angrily making noises to everyone there >looks me in the eye and says some more non-language noises >i look him in the eyes and give him a head nod >he nods back >drops the angry yelling and just eats >sits across the restaurant from me but keeps nodding whenever we make eye contact >buy him a quarter pounder as i leave >he gives me a nod hope i see my mcbro again

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Anon does not like 3d women | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 303 KB PNG 01/25/23(Wed) 21:02:15 No.91111287 >>91108839 # >3D w*men ew ew eewwwww

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I feel this every day. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 59 KB JPG 03/31/21 (Wed)17:56:24 No.63001106 >Feel like I should be doing something >Don't know what >Vague sense of uneasiness that I'm not doing it View Thread

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Anon crafts a potion | /r/Greentext

Anonymous give me some retarted stories 257 KB JPG 12/01/18(Sat)08:34:00 No.49598590 1 Reply >its late at night >two of my friends are in a discord call egging me on >mix a bucnh of chemicals together with a crap ton of food dye >soap, detergent, even industrial paint thinner >for the final touch i piss in it >take a tiny sip >vomit.zip >pic related : Anonymous Wow. You truly are a retard. View Thread 12/01/18(Sat)08:41:39 No.49598645

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Anon is going to an interview | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1.42 MB JPG >be me >20f >invited to an interview >yay.png FF 01/25/23(Wed)15:07:04 No.71960933 >day of interview >check job listing >thisjobhasexpired.jpeg >weird >check address they gave me >last updated on Google maps 5 years ago, just a regular house >weird pt.2 >Google the business >it was created 8 weeks ago >doesnt even have an address yet >the website has 1 page with zero information Wat do? I dont want to be sex trafficked.

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The ideal life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)08:55:59 No.64766386 80552736-CDEA-4828-AA16-5F57FBABC95E.jpg 182 KB JPG >one shot at life > TENGAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZAYAT TAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDELHIYYYNNNNNHAGAS IYZDAGGULLLLLLLSEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNWWOHHNNNCHOOONNNNHICHEENEGTE ESIIIIIDDDHIMOORAAASAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HEYEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEYEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHERELHEGG GGMONNGOLLLLLCHINGGGISSAYYYYYYYYEZZ EEENNBOGGDDDCHIINNNGGHIIIISSKHAAAAA NNNNNGALLLLTMESSNIIIIDUNNDDAAAAAAAS SSSSGANBOLLLLDDSHIGGGGIIIHUCCHHHHTT EEEEIIIGAZZZZZAAARRRRDELKHIDEEEGARI DSHUVUUUUUSHIGGGHUCCHTTAAAAYYYYY

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