anon narrowly dodges expulsion | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous How My Creepypasta Phase Ruine(...) 201 KB PNG 01/20/23(Fri)06:31:01 No.892944453 >Be 7th grade >Went to ghetto school >Not a crispy c--- so I didn't act like everyone else >Had friends that behaved the same >One got bullied >Baboons called him Fish >Fish was a full blown weeb >REALLY into Bleach >Thought Hollows were real >Had a journal he used to draw in >Rumors of a list on names inside of it started >Real school shooter type s--- >Spooked the spooks >Fish stopped getting bullied >Other friend and I roll with it >Nigs stopped nigging so I'm not complaining >I was really into Creepypasta as most preteen f------ were >Start openly discussing it to add weight to rumors >Start abusing power (taking best lunch, getting first dibs on computers, etc.) >They're actually afraid of us >Feels good >This goes on for almost whole year >Get to spring break without problems >Gets called to principal's >Other friends are there >F--- >Principal asks about the journal >Fish goes into the entire lore of Bleach >I make things worse by quoting The Silence from Dr Who >Other friend s---- himself in silence >Parents are called >Meets are had >Issue gets handled surprisingly quick >Everyone kind of forgets about it >Jigs remain afraid >Mfw I narrowly dodged expulsion

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Boomer Stacy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 0 minutes ago 71896984 >talk with boomer about thing >boomer gives long rant her son's schooling >I try to talk about my situation in same thing and how certain things work in country school authority and how certain things are f----- up >"no that's not how it works" >try to explain further >"no I'm tired end of discussion" very satisfying conversation

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Linguini a la carte | /r/Greentext

File: linguini.png (333 KB, 610x342) □ Anonymous 01/19/23(Thu)22:02:29 No.892945718 ► Linguini for one please gettyimages andrest

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African scramble | /r/Greentext

05/17/22(Tue)05:08:02 No.68661398 >Be African and talking with black American over the internet >He gets angry when i say i couldn't care less about racism in america since i don't live there It's like he expected me to connect because we had the same skin color. I don't empathise with Americans no matter their race. : Anonymous 32 KB JPG

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A not so /g/entleman | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Anti-Virus Kaspersky WIB KASPERSKYS Kaspersky Anti-Virus S 134 KB JPG 03/22/19(Fri)10:22:46 No.70257524 Explain antiviruses to me as if I was a 45 year old housewife. 03/22/19(Fri)10:23:41 No.70257528 Anonymous >>70257524 (OP) # May I speak to your husband? >>70257565 # >>70257576 # >>70257725 # >>70258131 # >>70258718 # >>70258766 # >>70259159 # >>70259190 # >>70259302 # >>70259591 # >>70259848 # >>70259986 # >>70260074 # >>70260275 #

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Anon plays Valorant. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Fembot dating stories 01/20/23(Fri) 10:37:32 No.71893413 >be me >19 year old femanon NEET >dangerously socially retarded >do nothing but play vidya and watch anime >meet guy on Valorant during quarantine 95 KB PNG >actually really charismatic and funny >start playing together daily >daily vidya turns into daily messages >messages start getting more and more lewd >most his lewd messages almost always mention his 8 inch c--- >he eventually asks me to send nudes >fuckthatshit.jpg >he becomes more and more persistent >keep telling him I'm not comfortable with it >he keeps persisting >finally agree to send him my nudes if he sends me his >he is reluctant but eventually agrees >sends d--- pic >3 inch veiny mushroom >can't look at it without out instantly thinking of toad from mario >feel misled and manipulated >refuse to send my nudes because he lied to me >he starts babyraging at me and tells me not to contact him again >feel really depressed and stupid for thinking he actually liked me for who I am as a person >weeks go by >get a message from him out of nowhere >"kill yourself you dumb f------ slut" >feel rage come over me, start to see red >post his 3 incher on his facebook wall along with the toxic message he sent me so his friends and family can see what a big man he really is >a girl responds with the "cry-laugh" emoji >realize the girl has the same last name as him >nearly choke on my laughter >later that night >get a message from that girl >turns out it was his sister, she apologizes for his behavior >months go by >me and his sister are still friends >apparently he has become reclusive and depressed >can't help but feel guilty even though he brought it on himself

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anon predicts the last of us 3 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >The Last of Us Part 3 releases Ayo The Last >uses emotionally swelling music with news reports in its intro of Us Pt. 3 >a whole bunch of references to the 14 KB PNG 01/20/23(Fri)12:53:21 No.892948492 : Anonymous Meds now games prior >then the game finally opens >a n-----, t-----, and jew are lined up side by side >chained to the ground >a bucket of acid gets dumped on the n----- >his audio files swap to monkey noises >a muscular well groomed man laughs at the t----- >it bashes its head on the floor to stop the humiliation >a swastika gets branded in the jew's forehead >it squeals "00000YYYY VEEEYYYYYYY" >eventually it transforms into its true demonic form and ellie comes up to unload holy water c-- all over its face with a futa c--- 01/20/23(Fri)12:54:22 No.892948527

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Anons think positive for a change | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: AnEdB8hr) [+] 21 KB PNG 01/19/23(Thu)16:50:25 No.412838243 You guys are too negative. What is something positive about the world right now? : Anonymous (ID: WmZZS8p4 ) [+] >>412838243 (OP) # people with HIV >>412838392 # >>412838867 # >>412840516 # >>412844372 # >>412846594 # >>412846810 # >>412850684 # >>412851913 # >>412852089 # : Anonymous (ID: SDHKZ027 >>412838243 (OP) # your AIDS test f----- 01/19/23(Thu)16:51:09 No.412838318 : Anonymous (ID: YCyt+9c3 >>412838392 # >>412838867 # >>412839130 # >>412840516 # >>412844372 # >>412846594 # >>412846810 # >>412850684 # >>412851913 # >>412838243 (OP) # >something positive HIV 01/19/23(Thu)16:51:10 No.412838320 PE 01/19/23(Thu)16:51:14 No.412838329 >>412838392 # >>412838867 # >>412840516 # >>412844372 # >>412846594 # >>412846810 # >>412850684 # >>412851913 #

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dipshit friends. Anon should immediately move on and make other friends. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 74 KB JPG 11/05/21(Fri)18:18:02 No.66039722 >be me >was supposed to go to 6 flags with my friends today >bought everyone tickets >get dressed up, and do my hair up and have been keeping my skincare routine up so i have a clear face >finally get to wear my nice clothes beyond playing dress up in the mirror >and finally can wear my hair jewelry outside >today is the day >wake up to a cancellation text signed: everyone >disappointed but oh well eat a chicken sandwich and go workout in my homegym >in between sets i see a pic posted in the discord of all of them at six flags >play crab game and delete my discord im honestly hella sad rn i genuinely dont even know why they couldnt just be honest

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Something about military reform,tanks and dingus. | /r/Greentext

>>56808913 # There are two ways to run a military: with your brain, and with your d---. In 34 KB JPG academic parlance this is the "warrior mindset" vs the "professional soldier" but those labels are insufficient. We all make terrible f------ decisions when we're horny - for example I was facefucking a dude last night and he was obviously trying to pull of my d--- and I didn't let him. It was super hot, but it was also behaviour which is beneath contempt and which I regret. The point is that you know what I'm talking about. First, understand that this is not an analogy. It's literally the same thing at play: your brain overriding your faculties of reason to force you to engage in behaviour which is, objectively, stupid. And there is a certain appeal in the idea of hordes of heavy armour thundering across the plains. Modern tech makes an M1 Abrams much more effective but an M60 Patton is about the same size and makes about the same amount of noise so it doesn't matter what you KNOW intellectually: twenty M60 Pattons is always going to make you horny in a way that a single M1 Abrams can't. And if the Pattons are going to take high casualties then that's a GOOD thing, because you get to set your jaw and growl around your cigar that "that's war," and that everyone else just can't handle the truth, while you jerk yourself off into a bodybag under the table with your other hand. You can't f--- a tank but you do use it to pick up girls and to convince other men not to f--- your girls or else. The purpose of power is to get sex: tanks are power. More tanks = more power. Thus, "reformers," and you are not equipped to argue with people like this unless you understand that their positions are insincere in a way that they themselves don't even recognise. They're not stupid, they're horny. If only there was such as thing as ego- c------, because one journey through post-nut clarity would leave them weeping the bitter tears of a man caught sniffing his little sister's dirty panties.

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Anon dances for a girl | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/19/23(Thu)17:55:01 No.892913974 >>892916079 >>892916351 >>892916975 >>892917531 >>892918231 >>892918499 >>892918752 >>892919011 >>892919600 >>892920189 >>892920765 >>892921039 >be me >waiting to crossing the road >pretty lady stops her car for me to cross safely >smile and put my hand up to say thanks >she leans her head out the window and points up >I STOPPED FOR THE TRAFFIC LIGHT YOU RETARD >me pause >turn 360 degrees and moonwalk back into middle of road to block her car >traffic light goes green >stand there doing the micheal jackson thriller dance routine >she beeps her horn lots of times >keep dancing >car door opens and she jumps out >she runs at me roughly 12km/h >kicks me in the balls with her black louis vuitton heels >fall over >she grabs me by the hair and drags me onto the pavement >look up and ask her for her phone number >she spits in my face and calls me a creep >walks back to her car and drives off >contact the police and explain what happened >they suggest i contact a lawyer >provide me with cctv footage from a shop on the road the video doesn't have any audio so i need a girl to recreate the noises for me because it was so sexy, i have a domination and foot fetish myself so it was a dream come true that this happened in real life, should i hire a prostitute to come over and record the audio or would a femanon be able to help me out? Anonymous 01/19/23(Thu)18:26:29 No.892916079 >>892917841 >>892918443 >>892918586 >>892918820 >>892919496 >>892916355 >>892916890 >>892917378 >>892913974 Wait at that crossing tomorrow until she comes past again and block the road again with your dancing, but keep your phone in your pocket with the audio recording and you can get it for free instead of wasting money on women. Work smart not hard Anon.

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Anon is a chicken | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous egg service ylcoo @ylcoooo OMGG??? 01/19/23(Thu)15:07:04 No.892920448 2d Well, it finally happened. Our mean ole backyard rooster, HeiHei, attacked the baby child!! We were SO lucky that he didn't do any more damage than he did. Half an inch, and she would have lost an eye! Nevertheless, he got what was coming to him! 9 mama don't play when it comes to her babies. HeiHei nuggets for dinner! DO 11.5K 8.9K comments 30.3K shares Screenshot_20230119_120248.jpg 375 KB JPG >be family pet chicken, 6+ years of working egg service >attack kid once : >gets chopped up and fried into chicken nuggets >kid eats me with ketchup on hand >mfw

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Anon literally plays his girl like a fiddle | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/12/21(Thu)05:10:43 No.860871920 6 KB JPG >really f------ love eating my girl out >love hearing the sounds she makes >one time realise she makes a different kind of moan depending on what I'm doing >the sounds she makes vary in pitch, I can make her make specific noises at will >try to play the Darth Vader theme on her >almost got it >she snaps out of euphoria the second she figures out what I'm trying to do >mood killed instantly >she doesn't trust me down there again >tfw I'm not allowed to eat p---- anymore

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