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15 KB JPG >have one toilet >sister is in there putting on makeup or something for what feels like hours >have to take s--- >at this point im crossing my legs in a double pretzel knot and flailing around >cant hold it >gonna s--- the next time my colon pushes >make a dash out the backdoor to the backyard >take huge s--- in the middle of the yard >pull up pants and walk into kitchen to get napkins to wipe with >fast forward to next day >me and my dad go out in the backyard to do some yardwork >dad calls me over >"what in gods name is your mother feeding the dogs?" >i-i dont know dad... >"jesus christ almighty...get your mother out here" >go inside and bring mother out >my mom looks at it >"good god!!!" >sister comes outside to see whats going on >"ewww" >mfw my entire family is crowded around my s--- looking at it like its a dinosaur egg >dad looks at me >"son go get the shovel and toss this over the fence" >yes sir >toss my s--- over the fence >my parents start feeding our dogs half of what they regularly get >its either that or i confess >im sorry jack and carly but looks like you're going on a diet and taking one for the team

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Anonymous DIS-Avowed 11/27/24(Wed)05:30:27 No.695700 VIDEO GAMES 'Avowed' Art Director Matt Hansen Admits To Wanting To Make Elon Musk "Mad" And Hint Game Is Ultra Woke JOHN F. TRENT NOV 26, 2024 - PAID 3 D1 ~ OBSIDIAN MATT_HANSEN ART DIRECTOR OBSIDIAN ENTERTAINMENT OBSIDIAN Matt Hansen the art director for Xbox and Obsidian Entertainment's upcoming fi person fantasy RPG admitted that he wanted to make Elon Musk "mad" with the game. 75486787548769.png 294 KB PNG >"I will make it political just to make chuds mad" >"And i achieved it! i made people mad" >"F--- chuds!" >"Win!" >"W-wait... what's that? my game flopped?!" >"Wait... there are layoffs in my studio? how-" >"P-people didn't like me trying to make them mad!" >"t-they are bigots!" >"F--- gamers! it's rough times for game developers man, this society is failing in so many levels it's unbelievable!" >"Y-you are laughing!, there are families involved and you are laughing!"

File: Screenshot 20241127-155712.png (228 KB, 742x721) Something Happened Anonymous (ID: HG6Lars) 11/27/24(Wed)17:35:15 No.489774321 ► >Polls all indicate a Harris victory, though close >Ann Selzer poll, known as a canary in a coal mine, indicated Harris winning lowa >Trump campaign suspiciously quiet nearing the end of the campaign >Harris campaign had significant energy >North Carolina predicted to be close >Virginia unusually red >The four countries willing and able to f--- with US democracy (Iran, China, Russia, NK) stand to benefit from a Trump win (cause it's destabilizing) >Billionaires cozy up to Trump despite a Harris victory being predicted >TRUMP WINS THE POPULAR VOTE >FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 20 YEARS A REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE WINS THE POPULAR VOTE >WITH AN APPROVAL RATING EQUIVALENT TO CANCER Bros, I'm telling you, something funky happened

☐ Anonymous 11/25/24(Mon) 10:39:13 No. 17295889 >>17295909 >>17295925 >>17295935 >>17295976 >win independence >DON'T devolve into military dictatorship or absolute monarchy >start off with fresh land and an unusually high literacy rate >neighbors are retarded savages who live at the mercy of nature >large ocean between them and European chimpouts >shitgoesdown.jpg >"here tovarish buy my land I need to fund a chimpout" >ok > "here America buy my land, I need to fund my own le chimpout" >ok >"hey America there was a chimpout in Texas we'll join you (and won't secede later) if you help" >ok >*doubles land in two years* It's amazing how well they took advantage of what they had. Many nations have completely fumbled the bag during their development. What went so right?

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Anon attempts to flirt | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous BORN 10 70 KB JPG 10/15/21 (Fri)19:24:49 No.65773140 >be me >Austrian, so mandatory military service >at physical exam >doctor asks me if I am in a relationship (obviously no) >"Why not? You are a handsome young man!" >"You want my number?" >She sends me out >A few mins later the officer comes and shouts at me that I "sexually harrassed the doctor"

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Anon is faced with the The problem of evil | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 9 KB JPG 01/16/23(Mon)15:36:19 No.71847693 >Worked out >ate healthy >Didn't get vaxxed >Still got cancer >29 years old When did you find out God was evil?

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anon finds a girl on chaturbate | /r/Greentext

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anon is in trouble | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 29 KB JPG 01/16/23(Mon)02:46:57 No.892717745 >be me, at work tonight >work in a restaurant >hostesses at the front have been jokingly teasing me all night >tell me that the other guys on shift are alpha males and I'm a p---- cat >doesn't bother me at all >end of night rolls around, one of the girls is doing reciepts >decide I'm gonna get her with a zinger >walk up and start poking her in the side of her arm >"damn, what's your routine?" >she's not even fat >this girl gets out of her chair, does a lap around the restuaraunt >comes back and her face is beet red, she's crying hysterically >calls me a c--- and tells me to go f--- myself Am I gonna get written up for this?

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to be safe is never to be (in)secure | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 13 KB PNG >no stress 01/11/23(Wed)20:58:17 why do incels care about girls so much? friends >laughter >good times >support girlfriend >have to worry about cheating No.71787140 >jealousy >breakups >have to worry about your appearance View Thread

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Anon knows a life hack | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Life Hacks 07/23/19(Tue)11:10:55 No.53534008 >be me >Go to twitch >make a new account with real name >Search for low viewer female streamers. 147 KB PNG >Click follow. >9 of 10 times she will say my name and some qt s--- >save the clip Everytime i need some human interaction i just open a video of a qt3.14 saying my name

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Anon explains why Velma exists | /r/Greentext

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Anon is an NPC | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/16/23(Mon)02:16:17 No.71845253 472 KB PNG >had a shower this morning >forgot I put my towel in the laundry >decide the best way to dry is to just stand still for a while >if I extend my arms and space my legs apart, I can maximize the surface area of my body exposed to the air >stand like this for a while >after a while I get bored and walk across my room >glance out the window >someone quickly moves from the window in an adjacent building >someone was watching me T pose naked for 10 minutes : Anonymous >>71845253 (OP) # Well now they re creating a thread on plebbit about how theo npc neighbour crashed and froze t posing. 01/16/23 (Mon)02:24:54 No.71845321

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Anon still has hope | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous DEC 8 1998 32 KB JPG 01/15/23(Sun)20:21:17 No.71837020 >send picture of myself to a girl online after she verifies that she's a real woman by showing me her driver's license >don't get blocked immediately well i guess things aren't over yet huh

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Anon wants more bang for his buck! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 3.32 MB GIF 01/16/23(Mon)00:29:02 No.71844092 >escort I've been seeing is overcharging me on the same services given to another dude at a lower price : Anonymous 01/16/23(Mon)00:31:31 No.71844112 Not even trying to be a d--- about it, but you're probably uglier than the other guy. She needs more money for it to be worthwhile. Like if you could f--- a pretty girl for $200 or an ugly girl for $100, would you feel bad for not giving as much money to the ugly girl? Even in the sex industry, women continue to hurt me. >>71844131 # >>71844199 # >>71844146 # : Anonymous >>71844112 # Always have to find a blue pill in everything don't you friend >>71844199 # 01/16/23(Mon)00:33:57 No.71844131 : Anonymous >>71844092 (OP) # Start hitting the gym and get better at grooming. Impress your escort. 01/16/23(Mon)00:34:57 No.71844138

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Anon doesn't like dogs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I f------ need help 27 KB JPG 01/13/23(Fri)16:18:50 No.4408056 >be me. 23 >Green Bay, Wi >little brother and mother brought dogs >brother's dog is a mid-sized puppy from a friend >mother's three dogs are small dogs from a failed farming venture in Ohlkahoma >They don't bother taking them to potty >The garage reeks of piss >suggested they get litter boxes. >they refused >l_want_to_die.mp4 >plz help >I don't want to spend on these dogs >I feel like I want to puke every day.

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Anon likes Harry Potter | /r/Greentext

File: nazi potter.jpg (9 KB, 300x168) Based Harry Potter? Anonymous (ID: oxfivwBqR 01/16/23(Mon)16:05:48 No.412375071 WHITE I was re-reading "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Ausch- kaban" and came across this. What did J R.R. Rowling mean by this? Any thoughts? "Harry Potter!? What have you been doing in the Gas Chamber of Secrets!? Why is there an Amazon delivery of 14 large ovens? And where TF have all the bank goblins gone!?!" Dumbledore whispered inaudibly, shaking the very foundations of the earth. "It wasn't me boss-teacher. I promise." Harry said, rather r*tardedly. "Very well, I shall blame Slatherine then. 6 million points to Gryff-in-door." [Return] [Catalog] [Top] [Update] [Auto] [Post a Reply] 0/0/1/?

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Greentext Stories - Anon's house needs another bathroom | /r/Greentext

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15 KB JPG >have one toilet >sister is in there putting on makeup or something for what feels like hours >have to take s--- >at this point im crossing my legs in a double pretzel knot and flailing around >cant hold it >gonna s--- the next time my colon pushes >make a dash out the backdoor to the backyard >take huge s--- in the middle of the yard >pull up pants and walk into kitchen to get napkins to wipe with >fast forward to next day >me and my dad go out in the backyard to do some yardwork >dad calls me over >"what in gods name is your mother feeding the dogs?" >i-i dont know dad... >"jesus christ almighty...get your mother out here" >go inside and bring mother out >my mom looks at it >"good god!!!" >sister comes outside to see whats going on >"ewww" >mfw my entire family is crowded around my s--- looking at it like its a dinosaur egg >dad looks at me >"son go get the shovel and toss this over the fence" >yes sir >toss my s--- over the fence >my parents start feeding our dogs half of what they regularly get >its either that or i confess >im sorry jack and carly but looks like you're going on a diet and taking one for the team

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