Anon loves his family | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous I had a 4chan moment IRL 14 KB PNG 11/26/22(Sat)11:58:35 No.889741322 >be me, just turned 20 >can't care less, one single person gave me congrats but idgaf, life sucks the same it did before >stay up til 9 a.m. >go to sleep, door to house locked because I'm not dumb >suddenly at 2 p.m. I hear knocking on my door >still not aware that I'm awake >four blurry figures enter my room and stand over me in my bed >panik >still blurry eyed because I stared at a screen for too long, for days now >the four figures begin to sing "Happy Birthday" >genuinely convinced I'm still dreaming >song finishes >finally gain vision after putting glasses on >don't actually need them to see, just coincidence >tfw my mom, dad, sis and sis' fiancee broke into my apartment to surprise me on my birthday >they brought me cake, food and drinks (poor college chump, can't afford good eating) >they also gave me a new beanie, a new backpack (by bag's straps broke) and a fair bit of money >took me out to eat >still not sure if dreaming >sister comments that my ugly neckbeard makes me look like a jew >this f------ bitch >realize I'm not dreaming >get ride back home >they leave after one final comment on my tidiness and image and studying 3 Replies / 1 Image I f------ love these people, I wish I wasn't such a disgrace of a human being, they don't deserve to put up with me View Thread

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Sins of the father | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 255 KB PNG 11/26/22(Sat) 08:31:05 No.71139020 Guys, i think i got my autism from my father >He only listens to the same 80s music over and over again >Doesn't talk about anything but politics and fishing >Doesn't realize when he's being inconvenient >Keeps sending political stuff to all of our relatives even though no one gives a s--- and blocks him >People sometimes makes fun of him and it just flies past him >Usually stays quiet in social situations but acts like a f------ goofball whenever he let's himself out He's literally me. I'm so proud of him.

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Anon is a wagie looking to escape | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/25/22(Fri)22:38:29 No.889711367 Ok /b/ help a brother out >grew up wanting to own my own company >have had three good jobs so far but no company >life's dream is to just have my own operating profitable company even if profits will just pay my rent and not much more >am retarded 262 KB JPG >keep trying to think of what business to start and how >been 14 years since college and still no luck figuring out what company I can start >I work for a large company building spreadsheets for them so little of my work is transferable to start a small business How the f--- do people start businesses? What can I do to have my own company. It's my life dream but it seems like I will never be capable of making it a reality. What's your advice?

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Water may have created life, But Beer makes life tolerable | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Anon chooses sobriety 11/26/22(Sat)08:36:37 No.889737882 >Be me at the autisic age of ten >Dad is drinking with his buddies outside. >Dad is aware that I am eyeing the can of Corona Lite in his hand as I jump in and out of the house with my cousins. "Hey anon, I think its time you know the taste of some good beer." 1.08 MB JPG >He hands me the can and I take a full swig the same way he and his buddies do. >Proceed to choke and hurl like a cat with a hairball >Dad's friends laugh as I claw out my throat to remove the vile taste "Can't believe people drink this crap, do they all taste like this?" Yes, son. You'll get used to it" >Turns out my dad added a generous serving of salt and vinegar to the beer, forever skewing my perception of alcohol until my late teens >Come to realize that my dad knew I would try it, but managed to convince me to voluntatily choose sobriety >Try Corona again at age 19 "Yea it still tastes like s---"

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Anon Has Bad Luck... | /r/Greentext

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Anon tries to prank call. | /r/Greentext

File: 1372962827556.gif-(426 KB, 500x282, whathaveidone.gif) CN Anonymous (ID: CmZth2jV) 07/04/13(Thu) 14:33:47 No.491101037 This happened a few years ago, I just wanted to share >be me >have random idea to prank call someone for the first time in my life >decide to be original and craft my own call >thirty minutes go by >eureka >pick someone random in phone book >call >girl picks up, maybe thirteen >Girl: "Hello?" >Me: "Is this the Suicide Hotline?" >G: "Uh, no this is the Smith household." >M: "F--- I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!" >hold phone up to computer, play gunshot sound effect >drop phone, leave it off the hook >G: OH MY GOD, DAD! DAD SOMEONE JUST SHOT THEMSELVES! >she starts crying, runs away >hear dad asking her to calm down and explain >I assume she does, all I can hear is sobbing >dad starts freaking out >dad tries to calm her down >says something along the lines of "We'll be okay, at least it wasn't someone we know." >she gets angry, screams something like "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?", walks off. >dad sits down by phone, starts weeping >i hang up the phone. >tfw I have permanently scarred a family >tfw I have strained and may have broken the loving relationship between father and daughter >tfw the daughter is probably in therapy right now And that was the last time I ever prank called someone.

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Pewdiepie killed 4chan | /r/Greentext

Board /b/ - Random : Anonymous Settings Home 207 KB PNG 01/27/19(Sun)22:33:50 No.791116222 >be me >post on 4chan /b/ everyday >end up on youtube and see pewdiepie video titled "GREENTEXT" >watch video of pewdiepie reacting to our glorious posts >realize all his 9 year viewers probably decided to come on 4chan >mfw all they saw was p---

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Anon lives in Ohio | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/17/18(Wed)00:22:54 No.42551236 >Teacher f------ a hot student in the gym locker rooms after school (Fired she was 18) > Teacher got so mad he threw a desk at a student (Fired) >Teacher came to school wasted (Fired) >Teacher browsed the living f--- out of Infowars and would regurgitate every dumb as f--- conspiracy theory to us instead of teaching us American History. Also made us watch Wizard of Oz alongside Dark Side of the Moon. Once stood on his desk SCREAMING about water filters. Named the jew a few times. Also heavily hinted that the Holocaust was faked (Still employed) >Class bullied a teacher so badly she cried (Still Employed) >Goth chick told us she was going to bring a gun to class and murder us. The class jock responded with "Do it c---" >Kid punched a window out in the hallway and cut a major artery and died (Still dead) >Stacy and cheerfriends botched a "throw the girl in the air" during a pep rally and she snapped her arm to a 90degree angle in front of the whole school >Kid s--- himself during a test because he didn't study for it Oh small town USA

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Anon catches his dad red-handed | /r/Greentext

11/26/22(Sat)06:24:03 No.71135866 When I was 12 I came home early from a half day at school and caught my dad in the middle of a sex act with our dog in the living room. He maintains to this day that that didn't actually happen and that it must've been a dream or maybe I'm misremembering a scene from a movie but I know what I f------ saw. He gets really angry whenever I bring it up and he won't even acknowledge that it happened so we can talk about it, even though I KNOW we both remember the incident. : Anonymous Car 361 KB PNG Three weeks after that happened, my mother divorced him and moved to Ghana for reasons she won't divulge. She just reiterates that she liked the idea of living in Ghana. My father is now a fat, gay, depressed, asthmatic, barely functioning alcoholic living in a studio apartment in Arizona. He has his own dog now, the same breed, gender and color as the one he "definitely didn't" have sex with. He even gave the dog the same name. I have never told anyone any of this.

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“Accidentally” | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 22 KB JPG 10/31/22(Mon)05:51:15 No.70795580 >be me, early 20s >use tinder, set my age range looking for MILFs >accidentally swipe right on my mom >mfw : Anonymous >>70795580 (OP) # I guess you'll at least save some money. 10/31/22(Mon)06:24:03 No.70795902

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suggest a title | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/26/22(Sat)09:39:36 No.71136697 >night time >masturbating to horse rimming hentai >hear my dad close his bedroom door, he's going to sleep. >look back 94 KB GIF >my f------ door has been open this whole time while I've got pictures of Komi Shouko cleaning out a horse's a------ with her tongue on my screen It's been over a year now and I still think about it all the time. He goes to sleep on the couch first then wanders into his bedroom half-asleep most days and sometimes doesn't remember anything that happens during that time, even full conversations. It's possible that he wasn't really awake so couldn't remember what he saw. It's possible that he didn't even bother looking at all. I have no way of knowing.

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anon does jiggly jiggly | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 19 KB PNG Am I broken 06/04/22(Sat)04:50:30 No.68906733 >finally have sex >really hot girl no idea how I scored her >cannot seem to c-- at all >she starts complaining >I start trying to think of the most f----- up hentai I could >instantly c-- buckets @kimdaism

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Anon plays red dead redemption 2 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)21:58:56 No.789916764 48 KB JPG >Be me >Been playing red dead 2 all day everyday for a week straight >Had to actually leave the house for groceries etc (I live at college so I actually have to do things for myself) > Decide to try to be more like Arthur Morgan >About to walk past a guy in the street, will say the first cowboy-ish thing that comes to my head when I pass him >Approach him >"Hey sexy" What the f---

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