Anon gets a traffic ticket | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

4 KB JPG >be me >17 at the time >best friends dad is a cop >tells me that one cop is absolutely obsessed with the band Heart and will literally talk about it for days on end > decide that im going to keep spotify up on my phone at all times in case i get pulled over >sure enough one day i get pulled over >start f------ blaring Tom Sawyer >give cop a smurk as he approaches >he stares at me like iím a f----- or something >gives me a ticket for rolling through a stop sign >look at the artist on spotify and realize its a band called rush. mfw i legit thought that was a girl singing for years and i had heard that song like 30 times turns out they are actually a good band and im obsessed with them now

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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/pol/ discusses South Korean Halloween stampede | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: wVZzKTMv) Designated Squishing Streets South Korea: At least 146 dead after crowd crush during Halloween festivities in Seoul Dozens suffer cardiac arrest in what Rishi Sunak says is 'horrific' event Jane Dalton f PROFE 04 10/30/22(Sun)02:16:52 No.402047858 ● 1 hour ago Screenshot_20221029_134327.jpg 897 KB JPG >be a Korean teenager wearing hip clothing >be literally just walking in the road >nothing special or unusual happens - not running from a fire or gunshot, no disaster panic or anything >be unable to coordinate walking with my fellow citizens >be crushed to death by other teenagers wearing hip clothing Explain yourself, Korea : Anonymous (ID: EvomV1 Ne 1.66 MB JPG 10/30/22(Sun)02:24:37 No.402048800 >>402047858 (OP) # This is why I stay the f--- away from crowds. Anonymous (ID: wpZGP3Bp) 10/30/22(Sun)02:25:37 No.402048922 I was there in 2018, this is a picture from then, I left early because f--- that. Now imagine this with a crowd at least 3 times as big. >>402049173 # >>402049681 # >>402052132 # >>402052605 # >>402052860 # >>402053770 # >>402056813 # : Anonymous (ID: NeXE5Ubs) 10/30/22(Sun)02:26:06 No.402048967 >>402047858 (OP) # SQUISH GAME >>402049756 # >>402051413 # >>402052494 # >>402052816 # >>402053380 # >>402055968 #

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anon loves Halloween | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/30/22(Sun)09:32:37 No.70789201 >hate Halloween >always do nothing >went to a Halloween party last night just to get out of the house >oneitis was there with her chad boyfriend >she was dressed as Ghostface but just the mask and everything else was basic 174 KB PNG slutwear >he was dressed as Ghostface robe and all >late into the night they are both super drunk especially her >chad decides to split off from gf and hang with his dudebros >takes off costume and cannonballs into pool for funnies >gets out and hops into car with dude bros to go who knows where as they speed down the street >see oneitis drunkenly ooking for chad >see his costume laying in the backyard >get sinister spooky idea >put on his costume and then make sure she sees me going upstairs >she follows me into bedroom and mumbles some words about how she's mad she couldn't find me then plops face first into the bed >start feeling her ass up >she mumbles something into the bed >spend the whole night just fondling her as she lays there on the bed >take off costume and sneak out the window because I don't want to use the door and have someone see me leaving the room >mission success >next day hear from friend chad is P----- and on a witch hunt to find who did it >not even a suspect because I was a wallflower the whole night and I bet nobody even knows I was at that party w-- I love halloween now

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Anon the opportunist | /r/Greentext

I read online that cutting your arm open and bleeding out isn't an effective way to commit suicide but I really like the idea of bleeding out because of how I've heard the experience described before. 42 KB JPG If I cut my forearm open lengthwise will I actually die or just wake up in the hospital with a mangled arm? 4 Replies / 1 Image Transitioning won't fix me because I know I have no potential or future anyway so I'm basically as good as dead. Anonymous >>28174698 (OP) # I can be ur friend Anonymous 36 KB JPG View Thread Im thinking about suicide but I have a few credit cards that have 10k limit and wanna have fun. If you are interested well road trip across the us and enjoying every moment 10/30/22(Sun)06:25:06 No.28174723 10/30/22(Sun)10:58:50 No.28176319 I'm jumping tomorrow, it's going to be scary but only a few seconds long Anonymous 10/30/22(Sun)11:03:18 No.28176350 Do y'all have any gold left on RuneScape you can trade me before you die

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/pol/ discusses an irish 'crime' | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ObkIQHDW Irish Zoomer Jailed 3.5 Years (...) 10/27/22(Thu)19:55:48 No.401732607 Youth who stabbed home intruder jailed for three-and-a-half years Judge said Dean Kerrie was entitled to use force in defence of himself, but the force he used was 'grossly' excessive Expand File picture of Dean Kerrie. Photograph: Collins Courts FgAUw_XaAAlf_yy.png 298 KB PNG >be 17 with birds nest hair style >wake in middle of night to sound of front door being smashed in >just you and mam in the house >it's some older lad you know, in his 20's >he's drunk, he's angry, he's shouting that you smashed up his car >scuffle ensues >you end up in the kitchen where you pick up a kitchen knife and stab the f----- once in the chest >he dies >3 years later a jury of your peers says you used "grossly excessive force" >sentences you to 3.5 years in prison not bussin. fr fr, no cap. on god. : Anonymous (ID: knXrxCO) 10/27/22(Thu)19:59:12 No.401732963 >>401732607 (OP) # What's with the shamrock badge? >>401733130 # >>401733210 # >>401733435 # >>401733766 # >>401735194 # >>401735730 # >>401739612 # : Anonymous (ID: OgSyPhMk) 10/27/22(Thu)19:59:19 No.401732975 Zommies fix your hair. W-- is this burnt pubes style? Stop! >>401733486 # >>401735711 #

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For the people who missed it | /r/Greentext

> His dad's new car mag > And his mom's bible > Reach for TP, saw roll was all used up. > Look around. no TP. Anywhere. > Stranded on the 1st floor of his house without a single square. > Too awkward to yell for help > Look around for alternative wipe ammo > 2 things: Anonymous (ID: KIW6Mmp2) 02/10/13(Sun)15:00:31 No.457541705 Replies: >>457542424 >>457543712>>457545796 >>457567096 > Faced with an ultimatum > Dad's huge, loves cars, and prone to aggressiveness > Mom's a sweet lady, very small and soft-spoken, would feel heavy bad if I did that to her > Dad could kick my ass > Also, doesn't give a damn about religion >I rip a few pages from the middle of the old testament > Christians don't read that s--- CHALE > Paper is thin, getting lots of papercuts in my ass crack > 10 pages later, I'm clean > Pulling up pants when a seond wave hit > Don't even have time to flush toilet > Poo lasagna mode engaged > After 3rd round, I sat for another 20 min just to make sure everything was out > By now my friend is outside the door asking if I'm OK > Just say I'll be out in a few, just passing some used burritos > Clean myself up for the 4th and final time > By now, about 1/4 of the old testament was noticeably gone > Toilet has more in it than his plumbing can handle After 3rd round, I sat for another 20 min just to make sure everything was out > By now my friend is outside the door asking if I'm OK > Just say I'll be out in a few, just passing some used burritos > Clean myself up for the 4th and final time. > By now, about 1/4 of the old testament was noticeably gone > Toilet has more in it than his plumbing can handle > Have to act fast, he's outside the door > Tried plunging, but there's too much paper > This time I make sure there's some antibacterial soap by the sink > Hands can be washed > Roll up sleeves and reach into toilet to start hand-pulping the solid mass > as I'm on my knees processing the Purina Romney Chow. > I notice the full roll of toilet paper that was sitting on the toilet backing the whole time > wtfdidijustdo.jpg > flush toilet with elbow, starts over flowing > half-pages of old testament smeared with s--- scattering across the floor > rip the lid off the tower desperately trying to unstick the cheap-ass plumbing > tank empties and something I did f----- it up > Toilet starts making really loud gurgly chainsaw sound > Friend starts pounding on door yelling, what am i doing > Over the span of 40 seconds, the sound gets louder and deeper > turns into a grinding sound wearing down, then stops > whole time in shock with my s--- covered hands on my forehead > friend kicks down door, yelling >Stops mid sentence, staring at me > I'm wide eyed, smeared with s--- on my face and hands > there's some on my jeans > heavily brown tinted water and soggy pages of old testament coating the floor > mom's bible sitting forgotten on floor, soaked with s--- water > By now, I hear his parent's footsteps coming down the hall > Friend is standing there staring, doesn't know what to do > His mom comes in, shocked, starts tearing up and whimpering a bit > "Why did you do that, anon?" > Over and over, hysterical > "My grandmother gave me that bible a month before she died of cancer" >His dad comes in a few seconds later > Shocked, but sees the bible pages and starts laughing > Starts walking away, still laughing > He screams at the end of the hall way > "Anon, you are F-----" > Friend's mom starts wailing and crying >I start crying too, but I look like a p----- off baboon when I cry > She thinks I'm sneering at her and walks away crying harder >I hear his dad cracking a beer in the kitchen >I turn to friend and say "look, I can- > Punched me in the face, cheekbone stinging > Grabs me by the hood of my jacket and forces me out of his house See his mom bawling and picking up a phone as we pass > Out on street, a mile from my house, no nde, covered in s--- and paper > I start walking back to my house > 30 min later, a lady stops and asks if I need a ride, I get in >Lady starts driving > Get self conscious about the s--- drying on me > She's making small talk >A minute later she smells the s--- stank and looks at me She pulls over to the side hard, my head hits the window > She starts screaming at me in Chinese, gesturing for me to get out > Yeah, she was asian, but she had perfect new englad accent, surprised the s--- out of me > Get out of car > Later, a fat guy in a pickup truck asked where I was going > Offered to let me hop in the cargo bed > Get ride home > Sneak past parents and take shower > Try to call friend over and over to explain myself, no answer > 4th try, my friend answered and screamed at me to stop, then hung up > Over next week, I notice neighbors and classmates looking at me a lot > Start hearing "mom hater", "satan boy" and "Ass Testament behind my back > Nicknames spread through school like wild fire > Younger kids I've never talked to and barely ever looked at coming up to me and saying them to my face > One of my closest female friends who is christian got distant and eventually stopped talking with me > Story gets to the teachers, a few days later I get called into principal's office > Superintendant is there > Tells me they're expelling me for "gross ridicule of religious beliefs" > Mom and dad find out > Mom starts acting weird around me > More tense, looks at me a lot > Feels like she thinks she doesn't know me > Dad thinks I'm just being deviant and I need strict structure and reform > 2 hours later, he's on the phone with and army recruiter, volunteering me for boot camp > Fast forward to bootcamp. >It's alright at first > First couple days were sore but a few days in, my body starts going with it > One day, I get a package from some anon's at my old school > It was a stack of pictures of me, photoshopped to look like I was wiping my ass with a bible > On the back of each picture there's a nickname > Overly curious guy comes over and takes them from me > A few minutes later whole barracks is sharing the pictures and laughing their asses off > A couple of them even found out my friend's email and asked for the story > Later, I notice one of the other guys looking at me a lot > I find out he comes from an ultra-conservative family and he hates me for what I did > He bumps into me later and I try to make small talk > When no one else was listening, he told me that if we were ever in combat, he would shoot me and say it was arabs Start noticing the drill seargents singling me out > One day we start training with live ammo > Day of training with live ammo, go to bathroom in the morning > Barely notice everyone is watching me > On toilet, realize that all the paper's been removed, and there's nothing in the room except for a bible > Start yelling, get laughter in response > everyone goes to training, leaves me there > f--- no.jpg > I start ripping pages from that m----------- and wiping like no tomorrow > Paper cuts make my anus bleed > Blood starts dripping everywhere, can't put on uniform without staining it > Rip out a stack of pages and roll them up, put it in my crack like a hotdog in a bun > Ripped out some more pages and fashioned myself a makeshift King James diaper > Wear it under uniform > Audibly crinkly, but I'm going to be late for training > Hope we're shooting again > Turns out to be marching in formation before weapons training > 10 minutes in the drill sergeant notices the sound > Drill sargeant makes us stop and asks who is reading the paper > The guys start looking at me > Drill sergeant makes me jog in place > Loud crinkling > Asks what the hell that sound is >Throat closes, can't answer > Orders me to drop my pants > King James Diaper exposed to the world > He swears low, and tells me to run 200 laps around the boot camp > No choice, do it > Half an hour later, I'm running through the less visible wooded side of the camp > None other than mr. Jesus Avenger, who said he would kill me if he could get away with it, pops out from behind a bush > He's got a bottle of jack daniels in one hand and a handgun in another > Smacks me in the face with the bottle and shoots me in the foot > Pours bottle over my face and in my mouth while I was screaming > Runs away > Drill Sergeant comes looking for me > Incident gets logged and investigated > Turns out Jesus boy fed them a b------- story > Said I've been harassing him about his religion > and mocking him by defacing his bible > I get discharged for religious intolerance, drinking, and recklessness > Found out later he only got a formal warning about going AWOL in the army > Move back in with parents > Dad's disappointed in me and mom won't talk to me > Start putting out job applications > My name and story have spread, and no business around town wanted anything to do with me > A month later, dad thinks I'm a bum and haven't been looking for a job > Kicks me out > Homeless, I start drifting. > This was probably the worst point in my life, but it gets better from here > Become a vagrant for 2 years > Dehumanizing and disgusting at first > Got food from homeless programs during the day > Go back to sleep > A month later, they tried to kill me > Went drifter and started going town to town on foot > Eventually, digging through garbage when I got hungry at night > First winter, I met and became friends with 2 other drifters > They're names were Bub and Shaky > He's called Shaky because he drank so much it f----- his motor functions > Bub's girlfriend died of a heroin overdose 3 months before > Met them under a bridge on the outside of town > We traveled together and kept each other company > Wake up in the middle of the night once to a weird sound > Saw they were sucking each other's d---- >notonetojudge.jpg > Bub, Shaky and I were walking through a town one day > See a $50.00 bill all thinking "booze!" > We're > I want Jim Beam, but shaky's an alcoholic > Wants as much cheap 6.00 vodka as 50 can get > F--- you, I found it > Bub comes at A cop to > Dirty ass pals run away > Never see them again > out of f------ nowhere > He stabs me twice in the leg, grabs the money pulls > Try stand > Cop comes > Yells "get moving" > 3 days later get a fever from infection > Collapse > Pus from > > Throws me forward. > Wounds are open > Cop finally sees my condition She laughs nervously and Gives me > He takes me to the homeless shelter the next town over > Doesn't say a word to me the whole way a cute redhead comes in with a first aid kit and a box of gloves > At shelter, > She seemed upbeat and genuinely sorry about my wounds > First time being treated like a human by a female in a long time > Sprout boner, throbbing in pants > She sees, vague look of >I feel bad and apologize > > > a tube of topical antibiotic > Tells me it won't get me high and is only worth a couple bucks. > So much like human days the wounds start to heal for being treated > After a couple > Shelter gives the boot, and I get back > Fast forward a few months and it's winter > Wandering through a new, > Roads are empty more > Found a winter my size in a goodwill donation bin > Walking along, I see a lady on a comer > I know she's a h-----, but she's barely wearing > It's freezing out, she's shivering go up to and say >I her hi > She asks if I got cash - no > Tells me to f--- > Offer my jacket, > Says can't > We talk > Almost I take > > she on somebody's stoop for a few hours the wounds seeping through my tom dirty jeans up and tells me to keep walking > > We form > >I tells > As I walk away, > Throws her in the > > > Says > Says > I hand A few It goes on about her all > Wonder > Sleep in vacant ally > The next night, I > She had a > Cautious A > Thanks me anyways and smiles > She's not all that skanky looking > A little worn, >I stayed and made small > keep her mind off The drifter Naturally, Told me to up, over if > Around 3 AM a dirty Pontiac pulls up > Heavy the wheel, screams for Denise > Her name was Denise set latin guy at > Gives me the thousand yard stare and asks say no, he me to f--- off he starts smacking > Sam pinned > Asked calmly > I'm anon, just > Try him > He's got > There is non > Didn't > Told I dropped I off to me with He figures I'm Drops me, 3, I roll over, tell him blocks Turn around, Picks me Grabs me get to the all >I tell her I'm passing through > Sit behind a box in the alley behind her night, between customers she tells me to get lost Passenger I hit the After a while, like this for almost a a bond, we're friends and the h----- > She jokes that there > One day Sam came rolling at 2 up by When I I go up One sees I stop and Window rolls down the ground leg hurts too much and yanks me to my feet trust me he'd I accepted I I'm tainting he'll shoot black first, jacket just in on Denise > I said good bye > I never saw her again week later I'm on the I grab my leg and bleeding again > > Strange, > Time and but there was still a spark of dignity. talk with her guys a I told him Gives me folded napkin IGTFO out >I see >A > I followed she looks cover up on > There's > We walk as I think over bridge Walking Halfway across a try to run, but get Car stops, asian guy Nobody else around kicks let > Then the > Nights It's the off, sounds tired s---- tells weird a gun > Studying > Get a a half pair of scissors the cold I'm True anon stories > Greentexted don't go through would do it > Me, 17. > At friend's house, playing video games and hanging out > Have to s--- really bad >It's taco bell s----. > The kind that are really greasy, and takes forever to wipe > Like, 16 ft. of TP and leaving streaks the whole way through > Say BRB and hit the bathroom > Start releasing the colon-ctuhlhu a fraction of a sec before my ass ham-slapped the toilet seat > Sweet relief. the address window. fox tapped by collar, the neck car the envelope they > >I see Sam's pontiac driving towards me > I duck into an alley, and he stops the > I hear several people behind me, running with not scoring and bubble his kill me, pulls out a gun pull out came back to eye, she only how Mom answers disgust flashes over her face > They catch up and > Sam's out a gun > He pulls > Lights a c--------, > Eyes locked > Finally he says something whole time > "Denise is only reason I'm not killing you today" she made up a bunch > Turns out of s--- to not get me killed > Among those claims are "expert smuggler I all the time, looking for work Told him I was, I'm th sneaky > My mind a little bit when asks me if I want > Hell yes > Gives me itself me against the wall and pointed a gun at me who I was drifter over the bridge package walk down, I hear yelling the beetle is rushing with pointed out drive I lost my to guys me day me, the product me me and says treats my wounds he sees the and walked staring and if and and him, tackle should be a temple made at the job if them bullet in the gets out in pain tells me strange for a few seconds Being high on peyote was soothing sounds space with an address urban town, it's 1:00 AM was counting Sam will cut past, job with a tech friends with Denise they search me for swindled money up on the we free poon, tells me to there's 2 chinese the this making wrap manilla to not get shot on the spot if I refused that comer in me next night away at sits on a crate catches his edge of the urban side the > Settling into apartment >I'm clean cut and wearing Go back to my parent's of my cual downstream, to stay afloat lost of a human the same > In the temple there went into >My mind > Weird moment of clarity in the I realize this moment > in > of events, spurred A spiral > This is f------ insane I'm doing peyote in the > What the hell happened the high was > > The rest of > Forgot my revelation > The next day, we reach with it he'd kill Denise but it rips and shoots me twice month then to floating > I remember > Trying desperately I got really tired and weak, > Last thing > I saw was a dot > Wake up. in a brown fleece blanket right > > I'm covered I stand up. My worn clothes are hanging of damp moccasins hear the a pair > daze. I > There's I look around in a > There's a f------ > And a f------ indian standing outside teepee pitched >I try to get up, he me to lay and > I lay back down and fall asleep > later, A few seconds he's shaking > Tells me it's dangerous a kids show based on us his pontiac a few hours early river, gonna hide the beatle reappears leg firm, to drifting and me me, breathing real heavy balding a window before out of eyes shoulder figure made out and moved her > Turns the indian, > Hector me he's > and wants He's full Navajo > Asks if I want to join him >Say yes, free pot > We spent the next At first, I took him for a guy > me to hunt and > Taught > How to craft own clothes > Once we got the desert > a He came from U.S. background, > One day, we found a peyote plant He was really happy, and asked if I wanted > Bastard got all mystic on In the moment, I agree > me and told me I > by desert an until much away and tires burning out at me on to, even believe time of regions, next night turn to weeks, to months being accepted the door, looks I'm there again. folder to go to sleep to 6 months walking in a midlife fish, and breeze f--- the strange >Let us stay > Eventually I get a job in a nearby > Started taking community college A+ certification tuck down ocean breath he into with for only 20 seconds light onshore, and car and "Yellow Beatle" the reserve bills us both up things out of sight Sam comes around job a suit old house out until too filthy off in feeling in my arms ahead a single after all this and middle later keep and supplies of the same spiritual meet his relatives guys sitting in a beatle at me and she was there on the sly the of get salary from by the fire, drying river rushing under oak me awake if I'm a customer asking who I was an stomach the wilderness flanking the urbanized town was a roll toilet paper this weird, highly perceptive loop insanity the most surreal thing I've ever experience all around keep rearranging themselves then ran >During my stay at the reserve > Her name's Marissa > Save money, decide it's time >I donate a few thousand > Get airline ticket back to to > Looking forward to seeing my parents > Planning surprise visit > Look out window, watching the country > Clear sky > Remember back on how I walked across anything > Not mad about and amazed at how > Happy told that cold he taught but town, with > When we walked into > Half-native outsider > Apprehension begins to It's sunset, > there's a cool > There's a smattering of Hogans and decorated > They us stay, told our stones > Hector told a technician in a medium told my story, and they laughed his; he was > I >We stayed the night next a aged guy journey on in reserve, we got funny a scruffy white guy fade once we introduced blowing > When and got the > we first arrived He was looking forward to nature > There was bit disappointed, "if you're going to Navajo artwork, food, > He was a but reconciled > Tells me chase your dreams, > The people are nice of blurred me a side road Arizona. crisis, but myself from forming nature of life missed classes I know they're gone fly f town eating a can of tunal it, smoking pot warm or I'll die a drug-addict me call 26,000 to a inside: clean the fat me how he's definitely the turned out if he sees me again water standing next a few tree full affect of the and mysticism. and stories, but out stick, to a roll online images and legs bumping against rocks the spiritual awakening from his people would find my spirit guide later with land written on it roaring fire drying all around looks take center foot a reserve trailers as we traveled, we bonded the wilderness you we to make 2 grand yards away me of toilet paper native american because of TP and colors The it to the pot and glasses, is named Hector. to Arizona at for a few seconds of the land to survive like a navajo done his research ourselves to a group throughout town yearning for by below me in reserve, I don't reserve had cable for IT and subsuquent success, I caught the interest of a native girl my age to leave the reserve as a thank you my hometown, where Marissa and I had an apartment and jobs lined up year starting have to be of other side of town me work she started crying I and hugging and kissing me was really there life I've ever seen him a change of heart my do that he had > Faints > When she came > My dad couldn't tears first in > > Dad sheds >A million apologies and excuses Said that a few days after he kicked > Couldn't find me > 2 years later, thought I was dead > One of the happiest moments of my life > Had another moment of happiness 3 weeks > Three weeks later. I'm at work, working on a the name attached to one machine labeled "Bad RAM" > The name old friend, the one queue of PC repairs > Notice is of my who's house this started in > I replace the RAM, and boot it up a bunch of CP, beast and other > Later, I do now > Evil smile > Place a phone call > Proxy string > Hide the folder, power down, repackage some research and find he's to the authonties, informing them his mug shot is in the paper Find out he's going to prison, excommunicated from church, and his wife and kids are leaving him child psychologist to see if he touched them >His life falls to s--- out who did it to him, witness protection comes full circle, > Next day, > > Kids going to >He never finds > The vicious nature of life bitch. END. nasty depravities minister a of what think it was entirely what Hector was expecting has modernized TV, internet, local the reserve his roots felders outside a trailer ready for disappointment" a and plumbing bit I found onto his HDD church

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Anon's system for rating kino | /r/Greentext

4:11 71° 8h (10/28 7:29) 176146141 1 Reply >>176146117 Do you consider France to be real? 8h (10/28 7:41). 176146391 7 Replies >>176146117 Depends on how good/bad the movie is. >go to see top gun with in-laws >spend previous night eating pickled eggs and drinking real ale >ate ground beef mixed with 2 chopped onions just for the f--- of it >edge down my trousers just so my ass cheeks are touching the seat ON >spend entire movie bare ass farting on to the seat >put everyone off their popcorn ||| 4G 85% 1 >some outright leave >leave kinoplex and see a massive s--- stain on the seat I actually liked that movie so held back a little. You should've seen what I did to jurassic world dominion Refresh 01:56 O < † मं

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Batman saves anon from committing suicide | /r/Greentext

14 KB JPG > be me > family starving > decide to commit crime > batman shows up > breaks my leg, both arms and spine > says he doesn't kill and leaves me with the pain > hospital bill I can't pay > mfw I have to commit crime to pay hospital bill now

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Anon plays Dwarf Fortress | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/05/12(Sat)21:08 No.5080260 File: 1336266505.jpg-(22 KB, 549x471, 1332115464200..jpg) >have the urge to play DF again after several months >load up this 200+ fort I had(probably the largest ever >suddenly I cant remember what THE F--- I was doing last >see some walls built in places that dont make any f------ sense >have a gazzillion gorillas in a 5x5 pasture >my mayor is chained up outside for no reason >I have someones pet pig chained up on the edge of the map >over 30 trogolodytes in my zoo >I had sent my 4 military squads underground to kill a kea >a f------ kea >underground >to top it off my legendary carpenter his knees shattered in the hospital >there are no reports thats show what the f--- happened I have absolutely no clue whats going on Anonymous 05/05/12(Sat)21:10 No.5080353 File: 1336266606.png-(556 KB, 600x600, 1257598221597.png) >>5080260 Sounds like your fortress is running smoothly, I'm not sure what the problem is. SLAVED TO , CHAPT DWARE FORTRESS

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Anon is cursed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Story time /b/ 156 KB JPG 10/24/22(Mon)16:13:32 No.887887323 >be me >been bullied during the 12 years of school for wearing glasses >kids called me harry potter >my mum once took me to a tv show for kids >presenter called me harry potter >f------ hate wearing glasses but as an adult nobdy gives a f--- anymore >ff today >in a new job >boss brings his 13yo kid >kid calls me harry potter i f------ thought this was over bros i wanna punch his kid in the face now but obv can't and im too autistic to think of a clever comeback without losing my job or going to jail. Help idk

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Educated Conversation From /lit/ | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/18(Thu)02:51:32 No.11025519 >>11025299 (OP) # >a pizza elicits a more intense emotional and sensual response in girls than I ever have or will and to think there are people who will be shocked by my suicide >>11025561 #

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Anon discovers a life hack. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous OOT OOK - OOT BERE 100 100 >Last night >Go to strip club >Pay for entry fee and drinks at the bar with real money >Spend all night drunk and paying strippers for private lap dances >It's dark and their drunk/high so they don't check to see "For Motion Picture Use Only" >Spend over $4,000 in useless money in one night >All the strippers love me >Get to touch their boobs and asses >Feel like Chad for one night >Only costed $9.99 + tax 487 KB JPG 01/22/22(Sat) 18:47:20 No.67108862 >Buy fake prop money off Amazon >Looks real as f--- I'm sure they figured it out by now so I can never go back there but man that felt good.

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anon's lil bro started lifting | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/30/22(Sun)13:02:15 No.68797824 >lil bro goes through his first break up >lil bro "wants to" start lifting >lil bro starts roiding because he doesn't want to wait >visit him on an evening to see how he's doing >he spends hours at the gym talking to half naked dudes about lifting >fantasizes about being a pro despite having spent little over three months in the gym >goes on omegle with a skin tight tank top trying to get mires 9 KB JPG >goes nuclear on random people when they're not impressed by his body >he posts 20 stories on instagram everday, all lifting >all he ever watches is random retards deadlifting with titles like "when you remember HER midset" I lost him bros didn't l?

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Know Your Meme

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