Phone charger | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 0 12 KB JPG 09/30/22 (Fri)06:44:50 No.886471814 > touch the end of phone charger > no shock or evidence of electricity > plug into phone > phone charges Can you guys believe this s---?

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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British greentext | /r/Greentext

Don't think about it too much(...) Greentext you didn't pay atten(...) 16 KB JPG : Anonymous 09/29/22(Thu)10:41:50 No.886455495 >be me >whething lops to Mordengan's >flig miter lepsioning >jots in claimard-like grinnery >"...trassiously skundiful molts" >blest there, churned >he gillows funshly while I stree >tfw scorded my weckermost glump at prame : Anonymous is this written in british? 24 KB JPG >"mustous, my bloover! your stropes callish my tr-..." >prondly hucket the yarker >*PEUM* 09/29/22(Thu)10:44:13 No.886455579 09/29/22(Thu)10:44:19 No.886455582

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anon texts a colleague | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I need help <2 O 09/29/22(Thu)13:21:25 No.70395619 I'm gonna have to take a few days off. My little brother drowned in his pool yesterday afternoon A D Did anyone try putting him in rice? Lol just kidding take as much time as you need iMessage Read 12:39 PM •1• 20220930_185254.png 288 KB PNG I sent this to my colleague, how do I recover this? 26 Replies / 4 Images View Thread

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FemAnon is mentally challenged | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 458 KB GIF 06/09/22(Thu)14:19:12 No.26651696 >have ex-bf >was really the nicest guy I've ever met, and took me this long to realise what a positive influence he left >wasn't ready for him back then, as personal life drama made maintaining relationships impossible >look him up for the first time in eight years >he's now with a girl, and traveling to all the places he and I talked about traveling >she's 12 years younger than him Why do men do this? 06/09/22(Thu)23:44:37 No.26654402 : Anonymous >>26651696 (OP) # >break up with a guy >he moves on and finds someone else >"why do men do this?" Are you mentally challenged?

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anon is autistic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 24 KB JPG 10/22/20(Thu)12:22:20 >21 years of my mom taking me to doctors trying to figure out what's wrong with me >keeps hinting to doctors that I have autism No.60581964 >keeps trying to show me movies and books with autistic people in them to get me to understand that I'm autistic >sends me to a school for autists and learning disabilities >doctor diagnoses me with PTSD >mom gets diagnosed with autism Anyone else know this feel? : Anonymous >>60581964 >ah the ol switcheroo nice plot twist 10/22/20(Thu)12:24:04 No.60581979

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Anon pranks a man into literal insanity | /r/Greentext

File: 1357294497319.jpg-(8 KB, 240x201, MYAH2.jpg) GI 30 00 Anonymous (ID: Rv5naVfM) 01/04/13(Fri)11:14:57 UTC+1 No.448468523 Replies: >>448473628 >>448473757 >>448481272 /b/, I have a story. It appears a stupid prank amongst co-workers gradually grew until my dumb idea for a joke caused a person to go insane, an attempted suicide, and nearly killed a completely innocent, oblivious pregnant woman. I'm going to tell this story, and for those of you interested, put on your reading glasses, it's a doozy. >work at a Menards wor >be a stocker, my time slot has a group of seven stockers >one Fone of >Ken is sort of a c---, really isolated, snarky, plays by the rules and rats people out to the managers even though the managers don't give a s--- about anything >another one of these stockers is named Deb her one >Deb is engaged because she got knocked up >I'm friends with three of the stockers, we hang out after work, get high together, get into all sorts of hijinks >one night we get super high and watch the Adjustment Bureau >discussing conspiracy theories after the movie for hours >I come up with a fun idea: of these stockers is named Ken >"What if we, just, like, kept sneaking some message to some random person until they went nuts?" >we discussed it for hours, coming up with dumb s--- and giggling like retards >next day we're driving to work >one of my friends comes up with the idea >"Hey, guys. We should totally do that subliminal messaging s--- to Ken" >we all agree >but what message? to be continued >> Anonymous (ID: Rv5naVfM) 01/04/13(Fri)11:21:39 UTC+1 No.448469476 ! File: 1357294899527.jpg-(41 KB, 146x151, wut.jpg) GI >I come up with the message >"We should just keep sneaking in killing Deb into conversations. Like, if we're talking to each other around him, somebody just mention it and if he notices pretend like it's nothing." >We begin that day >Every time we're by him and talking, somebody sneaks in some quick blurt of "so when are they killing Deb?" or something stupid >at first we keep snickering when we do it and Ken doesn't catch on, but after a few days it's already just a part of work >we instinctively sneak it in to as many things as possible >two weeks into this process we sneak one in as Ken walks by >but another coworker was stocking right by us >as soon as we sneak in the "so when's Deb getting murdered?" our coworker laughs and asks what the f--- we said >let them in on the joke >that coworker tells other coworkers >eventually everybody in our department is in on the joke except for Ken and Deb >even the f------ managers sneak it in when talking to us >this goes on like clockwork for a month >Ken starts starts getting weirded out, notices when it comes up but says nothing >one day I walk to go use the bathroom >I'm in another department, other side of the store, Ken is nowhere in sight >hear somebody say "Yeah, and then after you empty this pallet, we've got to work on the Deb killing." >wut.jpeg >the whole f------ store is in on this >there are hundreds of workers in this store >people just casually sneak in the Deb murder lines everywhere throughout the store >even on days Ken isn't working >What the f--- have I done? to be continued >> Anonymous (ID: Rv5naVfM) 01/04/13(Fri)11:27:32 UTC+1 No.448470247! File: 1357295252174.jpg-(7 KB, 151x209, god damn.jpg) GI >"Uh. I don't >the joke starts to grow beyond my control >I hear casual references to Deb's baby being the spawn of the devil >we need to kill Deb before the portal to hell is completed >this goes on for another month >Deb's pregnancy is starting to show >one day I get a phone call at midnight >Don't recognize the phone number >"Uh, who is this?" >"It's Deb from Menards. Are you friends with Ken?" menian >"Uh, not really, why?" online >Ken called her freaking out about her baby >Ken doesn't come to work for a week Tommy.com >walk into Menards one day letin boar >there Ster a bulletin board in the conference room >somebody has has put up a chickenscratch note saying "baby-devil, kill it" >the f--- is going on? >when Ken comes back he's noticeably psychotic >he's lost tons of weight, stutters, darts his eyes everywhere, and keeps writing in a little notebook he keeps with him >keep seeing him staring at Deb, Deb avoids him like the plague Chee >one day I find his notebook left at our computer desk >look around to make sure he's not anywhere to be seen >open it >he's been writing down names of people, sentences about Deb, trying to put together the story about the baby >oh_shit.gif It gets worse. >> Anonymous (ID: Rv5naVfM) 01/04/13(Fri)11:33:04 UTC+1 No.448471025 Replies: >>448474525 File: 1357295584741.jpg-(27 KB, 200x224, oh god.jpg) GI >one day at work, I'm talking with my coworkers, and Ken comes up to me >coworker tries to slip in a Deb line, stop him >"What's up, Ken?" >"I need to talk to you, it's important." >he makes me go all the way to our conference room on the other side of the building >asks me how well I know Deb >"Not very well" >"I think something's going on. Either she's in grave danger, or she's very dangerous." >i'm not even laughing, i'm legitimately frightened >"Last Tuesday at eight forty seven you said the baby's gonna be the key to the portal," did you not?" >I remember the exact date and time because of what happens next: don't think I did, Ken." did, Ken. >"Here," he handed me a sheet from his notebook >he wrote down every date and time he heard me say anything about Deb or babies >and some of them almost definitely did not happen >one said "December 12th, 9:16, We have to empty its blood or it will bring the end of days" >I did not work that day and DEFINITELY never said anything like that >What the f--- is happening? >> Anonymous (ID: Rv5naVfM) 01/04/13(Fri)11:38:24 UTC+1 No.448471664 !! File: 1357295904709.jpg-(53 KB, 720x540, ruh roh.jpg) GI >I tell Ken he should get some help >he refuses and tells me I can't tell anyone >i tell my coworkers and they think it's hilarious >i'm seriously horrified about this >debate whether or not I should tell Deb >decide against it >try to stop as many people from continuing the whole joke >it's unstoppable >i have no control anymore >the joke has grown into a whole conspiracy >one day Ken is running around looking for his notebook >he cannot find it anywhere >that night I find out somebody from electrical stole it and sent an email with some of the important information Ken wrote down to plan.co >people began to plan so that Ken's prophecies would come true >eventually somebody came to work in a black shroud and kept walking around aisles near Ken >Ken >apparently, Ken wrote about a black shrouded figure destroying the baby kept seeing him in his periphery >Ken goes home sick S---'s about to get real >> Anonymous (ID: ZQYAQpEg) 01/04/13(Fri)11:41:42 UTC+1 No.448472075 !! File: 1357296102607.jpg-(183 KB, 800x599, 1296301766126.jpg) GI proceed >> Anonymous (ID: Rv5naVfM) 01/04/13(Fri)11:45:47 UTC+1 No.448472582! Replies: >>448473479 >>448473574 >>448474000 >>448474798 >>448478410 File: 1357296347555.jpg-(8 KB, 264x191, suck on my swordcane.jpg) GI >be this week >Ken has December 31st through January 2nd off >he comes in the second >buys a few things >hangs around our desk and just acts creepy >ask him if he's okay, says "I've been better," and won't say anything else after that to close >leaves ten minutes to >today neither Deb nor Ken came to work >they were both supposed to >a worker from millwork runs over to me >"Dude, Ken f------ went crazy." >well, yeah, he had been crazy since this thing started >"What happened?" >"He tried to kill Deb. He broke into her house with a hunting knife and tried to stab her stomach but her fiancee beat his ass. He slit his wrists on their lawn. He's in the hospital." >...oh f--- me Deb quit and is pressing charges and filing for a restraining order, she and her fiancee are moving. Ken is no longer working at Menards and is facing serious felony charges. Apparently he didn't cut his wrists too deep and is making a full recovering, physically. I feel badly. I wish I could confess and take some blame for this, but how? What the f--- would I even say?

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Anon has a John Marston fantasy | /r/Greentext

23m (9/29 21:30) - 613639050 6 Re. 1 Img JPG 3 Replies 62KB (522 × 588) 400 : >invite girl to watch movie >cinema turns out to have been closed down due to covid/bankrupcy >invite her to my place >she watches me speedrun RDR instead of movie >she loves it. she laughs a lot and goes Awww when John recovers and spends quality time with his family >"that's how we're going to live when we're married and have kids, homesteading and farming i mean" i say >we're married and expecting a kid now this ks the power of videogames. put it to good use, anons, and have a great day

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Anon hates communism | /r/Greentext

why the f--- are people still (...) 09/29/22(Thu)21:47:13 No.397513213 >belief is used on a huge country >became a nature hating failed dystopia >belief is again used on a huge country with billions of manpower and fertile natural resources and strong culture >the culture almost died while the country became a nature hating dystopia >the belief is AGAIN used on other small countries >all of them became living hell 4 KB PNG >while the belief is proven many times to be complete unrealistic b------- made by a rich f----- who never experienced the hardships of life >Yet western mfs are still trying to follow this s--- We don't need any more third world hellholes, stop being a commie ffs

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Anon protected himself | /r/Greentext

17 KB JPG >be me >have a giant crush on this girl I've known for 4 years but she's been in a relationship with a dude whom I also know >host a party but he was busy and didn't come >she was too drunk after party to drive and asked to stay over >found out she had been having relationship issues and wanted to cheat on him >refused >she gave me a sad look and feel asleep I'm still a virgin. I did good, right anons?

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Anon talks about his feelings | /r/Greentext

View Same Google iqdb SauceNAO Trace fctyler-main.jpg, 63KiB, 737x708 Why are women retarded Anonymous Tue 27 Sep 2022 16:39:16 No.27391990 Replies: 0 View Report >Be me >Gf always talks about how men should talk about their feelings >get in a fight >call her a bitch >she gets p----- >she was being one women only want you to talk about your feelings so they can take advantage of you be wary anons

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Guatemalanon asks about Canadians | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous [] >>171564606 # >whites stole land from natives >don't give land back to natives >don't let whites keep land 09/29/22(Thu)07:35:41 No.171565106 >instead invite the entire rest of the world to live on the stolen land so they can feel guilty also Why are Canadians like this?

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the great cuckening | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: j90MWBxh) Are redditoids the ultimate cu(...) 5 Awards My wife had cookies made to celebrate my vasectomy. 09/29/22(Thu)13:16:12 No.397491047 CREAM PIES for life 4 107 KB JPG The_Great_Cuckening.jpg 633 KB JPG I hate liberals so much it's unreal MAKE LOVE NOT BABIES >Wife afraid of c------- >Husband gets his b------- snipped >Wife still wont let husband bang >Tyrone comes over while husband is at work and creampies her Anonymous (ID: 303M0Vgu) STRAIGHT OUTTA SPERM >"Thank you for castrsting yourself hubby I love you so much" A : Anonymous (ID: 1Q8NIHOZ) 09/29/22(Thu)13:18:46 No.397491285 >>397491047 (OP) # it's not our problem. more women for us 09/29/22(Thu)13:20:17 No.397491400 >>397491047 (OP) # >rewarding you for taking a medical procedure that in a vacuum you were unwilling to take That reminds me of people getting vaxed for free donuts

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Anon leaks the Mario Movie Trailer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 501348161 363,2 kB PNG Vor 7 Std. ●●● >this summer... >everyone's favorite plumber... >is coming to the big screen >cuts to bowser voiced by Adam Sandler What a bummer! >Ke$ha starts playing WAKE UP IN THE MORNING FEELING LIKE IM P DIDDY >Mario wakes up giddy for the morning as Peach is carried away in the distance, his alarm is still going off and he can't hear her, scrolls through some messages, looks up as he's about to read "princess peach kidnapped" remember to wake up luigi, who's alarm is the local radio "in other news, princess peach has been-" >Mario, voiced by Aziz Ansari "It's a me! Your brother, Mario! We need to get an early start on our day if we're going to get anything done!" >Luigi, voiced by Owen Wilson, "just go on without me, man" >Mario: "but together we are the super Mario brothers! >Without you I'm just... Regular Mario Brother." >two brothers will find themselves >Mario "what?! Peach is missing?" >Luigi "really?" >and maybe Peach >Mario "and bowser took her?" >Luigi "wow REALLY?" >but first they have to find Bowser >bowser: "I know what girls like!" >presents a bundle of flowers to peach >background music goes silent >peach: "uhh, fire flower?" >camera angle changes to side shot of both bowser and peach >fire flower shoots flames in bowser's face for 1.5 seconds then dies for another second of silence >cue audience laughter >who might need to be saved from peach >peach, voiced by who do you f------ think, it's Kristen Schaal "I keep inviting you to go kart riding, to play golf, to parties, and even to the Olympic Games AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME?!" >this summer is going to be >montage of slap stick >bowser twerking >Mario "aaawkward" >this summer is going to be... >montage that's pretty much the inevitable dance party ending >toad doing a head spin >"LIIIIIIIIT" >this summer is going to be! >montage of every time they say "super" in the movie >SUPER >Super Mario Bros.

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