Anon tastes something | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 64 KB GIF 09/21/22(Wed)01:38:19 No.70291994 >be me >still living at home cause i refuse to be indoctrinated in college be cutie younger sister >she's socially able so she has a lot of friends >be last friday >sister threw a party on our basement >parents went out for the weekend so it was just me, her and her annoying party friends >be in my room playing video games cause f--- em >be really late, can tell from my trips to the bathroom that there's not that many people left and the party is dying down >see a cutie sleeping on our living room couch >go to the basement, theres a couple of people and my sister down there sleeping >go back up and see the sleeping beauty still there >something takes over me >at this point its not me controlling my body >decide to see a vagina for the first time in my life and get a little taste >she starts moving so button her pants quickly and flee >be shaking and excited and have a throbbing boner >coom like i've never coomed before >be today >feel some rash on my mouth and starting to see some redness >check my symptoms and its starting to look like I caught herpes >be neet so need my parents to go to the doctor >they know i dont go out so wouldnt be able to explain how i caught herpes >still a f------ virgin and caught f------ herpes anons im so defeated right now i dont know what to do

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon on dog names | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 386 KB PNG 09/21/22(Wed)12:09:50 No.70294869 >>70294910 # >"Golden Retriever" >is the color of yellow literally what the F--- is wrong with the person who names these Anonymous >>70294869 (OP) # Piss River dog sounds less family friendly 09/21/22(Wed)12:12:23 No.70294884

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grandpa..... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 38 KB JPG 03/16/22(Wed)12:30:11 No.874521720 story time >me 25 >on the job >co worker is about 3 times my age >can literally be my grandfather (65) >we developed a father son relationship >really care for each other >have deep conversation >holidays come around >timetocelebrate.mkv >we have a toast and some paid days off >work place orginsed a paid worker trip to have fun >me and grandpa are sitting together on the bus >talk a bunch >he shows me pictures of his daughters (my age split 5/7 both 28 26) >we talk about them and I talk about my family too >he throws of the younger one is single >invite me to have a Sunday bbq at his place with his family and more work friends >l go >most of the workers are his age im the youngest man in the company the next in line is 42 >I arrive and he introduce me to his familiy >the younger daughter starts a conversation with me >we get along >we start dating >grandpa master plan worked out anons did I just f--- my sister?

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Anon gets TOPPED by Wagner | /r/Greentext

1.92 MB WEBM >Dmitry Stepanov, 30, was on holiday in at a 5-star hotel in Turkey when he attacked his dad Pavel, 62, and 64-year-old mum Tatiana. >The Russian turned on loud music as he carried out the killings, which he also videoed, Hurriyet reports. >Investigators believe he first battered his parents with a hammer and then strangled them with a wire before calmly washing his face and leaving the hotel in Antalya. htt 97 Replies / 12 Images : Anonymous (ID: (WC8CpsVG)= View Thread 22 KB JPG 09/21/22(Wed)14:14:05 No.396257073 : Anonymous (ID: Q5CqSROQ) Z 09/21/22(Wed)14:15:24 No.396257196 >>396249380 (OP) # >be russian f-- >hate my parents >kill parents >go to prison for life >some Wagner f-- comes in >"if you go 6 months in Ukraine, you are free" >go to Ukraine and surrender immediatly >spend a year in some Uki prison >I'm free. gg ez

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anon is paranoic | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 548 KB PNG 05/13/22(Fri)20:08:30 No.6674 >resting after set >think "just so you're aware, I know you're reading my mind" >car parked across the street speeds off

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Anon is american | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/24/21(Sat)00:53:44 No.852792905 19 KB JPG >be me >Tuesday at school >it's 5th period and I'm bored as s--- >turn to my friend and say "don't come to school on may 2nd lol >next day I get called into the guidance counselors office >start talking about how they think I'm dangerous and that I'm gonna shoot up the school >mfw May 2nd is a f------ sunday

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Anon devises a genius plan | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/14/13(Fri)15:57:55 No.48700666/ >be 22 >dumped by 9/10 >little to no contact now >9/10 used to bring her siberian husky pup, Roscoe, to my house daily >3 months later >lightbulb.png >devise a plan to kidnap Roscoe while she is at work >kidnap roscoe >hugs and kisses. He's missed me >see on Facebook she posted her dog as a runaway >don't comment >going according to my plan >hangout with Roscoe for a few days >call 9/10 "Roscoe just showed up at my house!" >she shows up in tears and thanks me >"You're welcome. It was really good to see Roscoe...a-a-and you." >smiles, hugs me and leaves >f---, I have to try again >wait another week >kidnap Roscoe again >once more, call her with the good news >she show's up while Roscoe and I are playing in the yard >"Wow he must really miss you I guess, Anon." >"Heh, yeah, I have missed him too..." >"He's not the only one who's missed you..." >kiss the bitch and ask her to stay >MFW I got my girlfriend back by kidnapping her dog

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Anon is a born gigachad | /r/Greentext

: breddals I've been a gigachad since I w(...) 4 KB JPG 09/21/22(Wed)12:41:43 No.70295048 > Be me > Around 7 yrs old > Gets a note from a girl in class saying she likes me > Didn't know what to do with the note so i threw it in the tash in front of her > She ends up crying all day

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anon's childhood story | /r/Greentext

NOD IS NG OF FRO >be me at 10 years old >2006 >Home alone playing Majora's Mask, parents went to a funeral >Lights are all off and I hear a giant bang in my kitchen >Grab a baseball bat and walk into the kitchen >A homeless guy broke into my house and we both scream when we see each other 225 KB JPG >He tries getting away with a bag of s--- he took and I run up to him and smack the f--- out of his back with the bat >He screeches and begins hobbling away >I call the cops and explain everything >Wake up and I had diarrhea all over the couch >House wasn't robbed it was just my imagination, N64 was left on and my pizza got left out >Parents get home and my mom is furious at me for s------- on a white couch >Fast forward to high school and I took a girl over to my place >We're watching a movie and chilling on my mom's new white couch >Girl who's with me starts her period and bleeds all over the place >Couch has huge blood stain >She cries and I tell her it's ok and tell her my story Moral of the story, don't get a white couch

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Anon doesn't believe in South Korea | /r/Greentext

Anonymous. 09/19/22(Mon)21:32:50 No.171112066 Anonymous (ID: r6shysFb) 01/17/22(Mon)00:12:23 No.356727203 soul_crushing_gook_city.jpg 141 KB JPG >>356717793 (OP) # Don't you think it's weird how a country with a capital that looks like this right behind their shiny skyscrapers (((managed))) to brainwash half of the world into losing their s--- over their faggy kpop bands? Really makes you think. 75F7C816-8236-4EBF-B5AE-F562BFCA2A24.jpg 630 KB JPG When did you relalized South Korea is just a mass of materialistic dystopia and full plastic fake society to be look great on surface only? 1.Quality of the life index 2022 Japan is ranked 16. South Korea is ranked 43 (Rank 42 is Romania. Rank 44 is Bosnia, Bytheway.) https://www.numbeo.com/quality-of-l ife/rankings_by_country.jsp

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Anon introduces his autistic cousin to the TV show Frasier | /r/Greentext

Party on 220KIB, 719x535, 1545703366561.jpg View Same Google iqdb SauceNAO Trace >Go over to their house again for the first time yesterday. >Autistic cousin answers the door >Christmas 2019 >Go to aunt's house with family >Oh anon can you hang out with your cousin while we get dinner ready? >He is around my age, mid 20s, your stereotypical autistic. Obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine and random niche 80's and 90's Disney s---, totally disinterested in real life events and has that classic autism repeat stutter thing. >He's f------ around with legos or something in the back and drawing s----- cartoons, so I put on an episode of Frasier >A minute later he runs up right next to the TV and stutters 'Whats-ts is this-is?' >Tell him it's Frasier >He stands and watches >A minute later I laugh at a joke and he rapidly turns and looks at me right in eye. >40 seconds later there is another joke and I laugh again. He laughs. He turns to me. I turn to him. I give him a thumbs up. >Little did I know that this exchange would break his brain. >Finish the episode and leave that evening. >Covid hits and don't see them for 2 years. >That's already a big enough shock >Big boisterous laugh 'Ha-Ha! Welcome back welcome back! Come in come in, let me take your coats!' I broke my autistic cousin by showing him Frasier Anonymous Sat 26 Feb 2022 07:53:28 No.164459954 View Reply Original Report Quoted By: >>164460010 >>164460030 >>164460042 >>164460085 >>164460122 >>164460134 >>164460163 >>164460209 >>164460237 >>164460311 >>164460380 >>164461313 >>164461338 >>164461576 >>164462019 >>164462122 >>164463315 >>164463446 >>164464862 >>164465038 >>164465108 >>164465674 >>164465696 >>164465761 >>164466012 >>164466039 >>164466057 >>164466076 >>164466104 >>164466800 >>164468976 >>164469771 >>164471143 >>164471690 >>164471793 >>164471883 The Ras Frase Do Raly Seat September [91/20/71 >He is no longer greasy. He is wearing a white shirt and an open cardigan. >We go to aunt to ask her what the f--- is going on while he is distracted putting on classical music - he claps his hands once and goes 'Ha-Ha! Ahhh yes!' as it comes on. >'Oh well he just somehow became enamored with that old TV show Frasier for some reason and really took it to heart' >Turns out Covid restrictions basically allowed him to enter a 2 year isolation tank with nothing but Frasier. >He would sit down and note every reference made to any opera, wine or greek muse so he could research them after. >Also demanded that he be taken to a speech therapist to fix his 'Ghastly impediment' >Oh my God I turned him into Frasier View Same Google iqdb SauceNAO Trace 1601593663655.jpg, 24KiB, 538x300 >>164459954 Anonymous Sat 26 Feb 2022 07:56:21 No.164460042 Report Quoted By: >>164460380 >>164460439 >>164461313 >>164461338 >>164464862 >>164465674 >>164465716 >>164465834>>164469444>>164471453 >>164471690 >Invites me to do blindfolded wine tasting with him. >He fits in all these references he has learned with such autistic precision that it sounds like he is one of the most educated men in the world >'Of course this wine is all that our budget will allow, so please excuse the lack of any Chateaux de Campbaillies Ha-Ha! Eh? Eh?' >Assumes everyone knows what the f--- he is talking about. >Critiques a community play of Gaslight he saw recently during dinner full of hilariously bitchy remarks >'Oh enough of that now. Anon? What about that port I was telling you about? Fancy joining me in a little snifter? Ehh? Ehh? Ha-Ha! Good man!' >He makes snide remarks about other people at the badminton club he joined as if I know who the f--- he is talking about. >Leave in disbelief that night. To be honest I'm kind of proud I broke him because he is pretty f------ fun to be around now. People that have never seen Frasier or knew him before would just think he is a crazy yet functioning eccentric genius

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anon and his gatorade bottle | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 154 KB PNG 10/04/18(Thu)17:51:26 No.781496673 >Be me >Taking to friend >Says he f----- a Gatorade bottle and it felt really good >Decide to try it out later that day >D--- doesn't fit >idea.jpeg >Stick soft c--- in bottle and watch p--- until it's hard >When I achieved about a half chub I realized I f----- up >Try to pull out c--- but it was too late >Bottle squeezing my d--- with the force of 10 Ben Shapiros >On the ground writhing in pain >Bottle acting like a super c--- ring and keeping my d--- hard for over 10 minutes >Bust a fat nut in the gatorade bottle >Finally get my d--- out about a minute later Overall I'd rate the experience a 7/10 would do again.

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Anon Goes Full Autism And Has Delusions of Grandeur | /r/Greentext

Okay /pol/ so I recently met a Chinese woman who is working in North Carolina as a Chinese teacher at an international school. I showed interest in China when meeting her because I guess the average pol poster knows more of China then most burgers and she really liked when I showed interest in China. Since then it's been nonstop from her 45 KB JPG >anon you must visit China >anon you would have so many girlfriends in China >anon Chinese girls are naturally slim >anon so much great history in China and nice modern cities like Shang hai (for some reason she always brings up Shang hai) >anon you would make so many great friends in China She is making China sound like it would awesome. She's also a really nice lady. Do you guys think she is a Chinese spy or something? What would the Chinese government have to gain by getting me to visit? Do they think I would like it there so much I would chose to move there or something? But also if it's like she says then why the hell shouldn't I check it out? Have any of you guys ever met a Chinese person in your country and they behaved similarly? Anonymous (ID: A18f+sB0) [+] 09/20/22(Tue)17:55:32 No.396184378 >>396184228 (OP) # She wants to f--- you autistic retard. Invite her out for dinner. >>396184378 # >>396184397 # I don't think it's like that she's in her 40s/50s I'm in my 20s I'm really not getting that vibe but had the thought of course >>396184753 # >>396184826 # >>396185390 # >>396185873 # Anonymous (ID: XLmuG2T2 # 09/20/22(Tue)18:09:03 No.396185873 >>396184634 # So your mind goes to shes a chinese spy, and shes trying to gain intel from a 20 somethings man. Do you work for NASA? Is your pops a politician? This poor woman, flew all the way from china, to get to your peepee, and you're just gonna deny her that? I love you man, but you can be a real heartless p------------ sometimes. Seriously, go have some fun man. 18475 18482

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