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File: 1656903607340.jpg (456 KB, 1592x3264) Anonymous 09/18/22(Sun)22:27:10 No.885850634 >>885850725 >>885850773 >>885853673 >>885854500 >>885861421 >>885867245 >>885868234 >>885871834 >>885871999 >>885874837 >>885883823 >>885884910 >>885893849 >be me >wake up and feel hungry >no baguette in my food cupboard >put on my skin tight lycra >pedal to the shops >lock up my bike >staff member is standing outside in the cold >ask her what's going on? >Alright darling, shops closed cause the queen popped her clogs innit >oh right >Yeah sorry 'bout that luv, probs not gonna find one open 'til later >ok thanks >walk back to my bike >entrance to the gym is on my path >girls walking out with their buttholes winking at me >one of them catches me staring >Hey creep what the hell are you looking at! >w-well your tights are very, excuse the pun, but... tight >Oh my god! You pervert. You're one of those creepy internet virgins aren't you? >well n-no a-actually i lost my virginity in a thai massage parlour a couple years ago >What the f--- is wrong with you! >decide not to ask for her phone number because she seems a bit angry >she turns 180 degrees and walks away >her booty bounces back and forth all the way to her car >what a view >think about her riding my c--- while i cycle home >get home and cook some baked beans >open my food cupboard to grab the baguette >404 not found how am i meant to make a baked beans baguette burrito to honour the queen without the hollowed out baguette holding the baked beans in the centre, if her majesty was buried without a coffin then her body would literally fall apart but us common peasents are expected to just deal with it. keep calm and carry on? what a stupid bank holiday

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: Anonymous 10/26/24(Sat) 10:58:14 No.204864976 maxresdefault (3).jpg 73 KB JPG >you're gaslighting me! >you're love bombing me! >you're stonewalling me! >you're mansplaining to me! realistically, how do you respond to this?

GE Anonymous "I will refund 11/27/24(Wed)23:23:27 No.695792406 Valve Just Put Game Publishers On Notice. 1.1M views 5 days ago Bellular News your game." aa 17:58 IMG_7847.jpg 332 KB JPG >DUDE, IM THE WHOLESOME VIDEO GAME SANTA, WE DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT MONEY LMAO >destroys indie devs by forcing them to accept refunds even though the small game they released was literally under the 2 hour threshold for playing and being able to refund F--- Gabe. He's a scumbag. Anonymous >>695792406 (OP) # 11/27/24(Wed)23:25:51 No.695792505 The customer is ALWAYS right >>695793068 # >>695794602 # >>695795310 # Anonymous >>695792406 (OP) # 11/27/24(Wed)23:26:12 No.695792525 If your game is s----- enough that even people who bought it on steam instead of pirating demands a refund it's your fault Anonymous 11/27/24(Wed)23:26:42 No.695792549 Be thankful for Gabe. The second he dies, a brainless profitbot 9000 takes his place, undoes everything he did, and guts Valve like a fish for private equity wealth.

Anonymous 89KB JPG 01/18/20(Sat) 12:25:09 No.818739837 >be me >been having a s--- week >take long shower >lay on back buck naked on bed and close eyes >try not to cry >feelsbadman.jpg >doggo snoozing on bed suddenly wakes up and stretches >Starts walking over my legs but stops over my genitals >shakes head and violently slaps my d--- and balls multiple times with floppy ears >laugh uncontrollably for 5min straight Instantly feel better. Thanks doggo bro.

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Doing the dance with no pants | /r/Greentext

694 KB JPG >THEY WERE FUCKIIIIIIIIIING VISERYS, IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR? THEY WERE HAVING SEEEEEX! I DON'T KNOW HOW I CAN BE ANY CLEARER, THEY WERE COPULATING, FORNICATING, ENTWINING, IN CONGRESS, COMMITTING THE COITUS, EMBRACING CARNALLY, REENACTING THE BIRDS AND THE BEES, MAKING LOVE, DOING IT, G-----------, DOING THE FUNNY BUSINESS, LAYING PIPE, SHAKING THE SHEETS, MAKING THE BEAST WITH TWO BACKS, PLOWING THE FIELD, GRINDING CORN, RIDING SAINT GEORGE, ROLLING IN THE HAY, GETTING DOWN, GETTING LUCKY, TAPPING 'THAT', POUNDING, SMASHING, BONING, BANGING, BOINKING, SCREWING, NAILING, RUTTING, SCORING, TOSSING HOTDOGS DOWN HALLWAYS, BOARDING THE BEEF BUS, PLAYING HIDE THE SAUSAGE, PUTTING BREAD IN THE OVEN, CHURNING BUTTER, GLAZING THE DONUT, CREAMING THE PIE, MAKING BACON, DOING HORIZONTAL PUSHUPS - while standing, ostensibly - ASSAULTING WITH A FRIENDLY WEAPON, DOING BEDROOM RODEO, PARALLEL PARKING, CONQUERING THE PINK FORTRESS (no Boltons were involved, Your Grace), BUSHWHACKING, DIPPING THE WICK, DOING THE NASTY, GOING 'BALLS DEEP', RIDING THE BONY EXPRESS, SLYTHERINING THE HUFFLEPUFF, OPENING THE GATES TO MORDOR, MOUNTING THE WORLD, HARPOONING THE SALTY LONGSHOREMAN, PILE DRIVING, 'WAKA WAKA' YOUR GRACE, TORPEDOING THE EEL, SOURING THE K----, TAKING THE SKINBOAT TO TUNA TOWN, TESTING THE MATTRESS, SWEEPING THE CHIMNEY, CHECKING THE OIL, ENTERING THE CASTLE, PATROLLING THE TUNNELS, AND DOING THE F------ RUMPY PUMPY VISERYYYYYYYYYYYS IS THAT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU??

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Almost shed a tear. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 1004 KB JPG 09/19/22 (Mon)07:15:51 No.885881147 >Dreaming, have buffalo wings >Wake up, No buffalo wings

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How did they do it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous AMERICAN PSYCHO CINEL 138 KB JPG 06/09/22(Thu)18:43:54 No.169341828 >book written by a homosexual >movie directed by a woman >is the most popular movie among those who hate both of those groups How did they do it?

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Anons discuss Cobra Kai | /r/Greentext

File: basedrobby.png (948 KB, 522x895) ☐/cknd/ Cobra Kai Never Dies Anonymous 09/18/22(Sun)16:30:21 No.174342530 Keep your eyes on the prize Anonymous 09/18/22(Sun)16:32:11 No.174342610 >>174342530 (OP) POOPA Anonymous 09/18/22(Sun)16:55:39 No. 174343431 >>174342530 (OP) SEX Anonymous 09/18/22(Sun)16:56:47 No.174343473 File: sexo0o0o0.jpg (246 KB, 900x468) sexooooo >>174342530 (OP)

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Anon’s Depression loophole | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 9 KB JPG 05/06/21(Thu)20:52:32 No.853820308 >be me ?>have deppression 1 Reply >go to hospital for suicidal thoughts >got meds that never worked >realize deppression is cringe >litteraly just decide to not have it anymore >mfw it f------ worked View Thread

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anon's gamer friend | /r/Greentext

>be me, 27 year old man working at a bank 40 KB JPG >New co worker is new to gaming, he bought a PS4 pro and Xbox one X to "experience the new cool games with beautiful graphics" >Fast forward a few months, he's already beaten a few games like Final Fantasy X, Dragon Age Inquisition and God of war >One day he buys both a ps5 and Xbox Series X so he can get "better graphics" >He tells me there's no difference with any of the visuals >He invites me to his place for game night >See his setup.. this guy has a 720p/60hz tv >He's angry that he can't tell the difference between 60fps and 120fps >Explain to him what a refresh rate is and what resolution is >Fast forward a week and I show him my 1440p/240hz monitor >His reaction was like my grandpa seeing p--- for the first time >He ends up buying a monitor and a midrange PC I saved a man's life 09/19/22(Mon) 03:07:26 No.612594697 : Anonymous >>612594639 (OP) # Dude really bought a f------ Xbox series x and PS5 expecting an upgrade visually in the year 2022 Imfao.

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anon likes someone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/05/19(Sat)11:22:53 648 KB PNG No.50255501 >Make female friend in class >Little older than me, but still smaller than me and hot as hell >Starts inviting me out for coffee after class, just me and her >Text each other constantly >Goes on for about a month >Totally convinced she likes me, thinking about making a move >One day start talking about cats, say I'd never want one >"But anon, what if your future husband wants one?" >Silence, we just stare at each other >"...you're gay, right anon?" What the f--- I f------ hate women

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He is just tired of Hoeflation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous no 09/19/22 (Mon)02:10:26 No.27337863 nobugsb.jpg 20 KB JPG >GF: You are gaining wheight anon, i already told you many times to diet this is your last warning or ill break up with you, maybe you can come together with me and i can incluide you in my gym routine >Me: Literally pic related >Her: REEEEEE IM SERIOUS IM GOING TO LEAVE YOU I DON'T WANT A FAT BOYFIEND >Me: Alright, then it's over. I wont let you threaten me and if you don't love me for who im but rather how i look then f--- you >Her: REEEEEE (proceeded to write ENTIRE paragraphs in her social media about how im an abusive person only to block me afterwards) Why are women like this seriously? Im tired of dieting and working out. I'm just f------ tired of couting calories like a basedboy. I never worked out because i wanted to, i did it for my girlfriend's but never for me. And right now at my age (29) I'm tired of it. Honestly i just want to eat a burger without remorse. I just don't care anymore. That "phase" of life is over. I'm tired of pleasing women. I want to do things for myself. And im not even a landwale. I'm just 10 KG overwheight maybe. Ill probably gonna have to "lower" my standards if i pretend to stop giving a f--- about how i look but it's not like i wont find anyone. In any case all women are high body count low quality garbage nowdays. It won't make any difference. In all truth i just feel that "good looking" women are overrrated. Because if you think about all women are garbage nowdays. Sex is not that important for me anymore.

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All greentext chains inevitably lead to the basement | /r/Greentext

bigbird.png 554 KB PNG >Aaron looked at his watch and saw it was broken. : Anonymous 09/19/22(Mon)06:46:21 No.70262137 >he then looked at the clock and realised it was time to feed his basement sperg : Anonymous 09/19/22 (Mon)06:47:31 No.70262162 >upon inspection he noticed his basement sperg died of malnutrition 09/19/22(Mon)06:48:26 No.70262171 > his basement sperg was named gonkferd, gonkferd loved to eat raw potatoes and rabbit hearts Anonymous

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I love you, gay bowser | /r/Greentext

/fit/ Anonymous WHY AM I SO F------ AUTISTIC /(...) 10 KB JPG 12/25/20(Fri)21:07:31 No.59039844 >Be me >starting to go to the gym in 2019 >never talk to anyone in there because too autistic >one day i go to the coffee machine, a girl start talking to me, we keep talking and i notice her Mario T-shirt >mfw she tells me she is a nintendofag >im happy, we keep talking and over time we get really close to each other, but im too f------ autistic to do the first step >one day she f------ tells me to come with her at home >i stare her for like 20 seconds, i don't know what to say >my autism kicks in >i scream "here we go! i need to save the princess, let's go ! *with a italian accent* >she ask me if im serious ? ( everyone looked at us because i screamed) >i notice that everyone is looking at me >i scream "Oh mama mia wahahahaha yaahooooo" and run out

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anon hires a maid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 127 KB JPG 01/06/19(Sun)17:04:45 No.789303055 >be me >fairly wealthy but not rich enough to be president >sitting in my house while my house cleaner Maria is dusting >decide I'm tired of not g----------- >get idea >sextortion.jpg >offer Maria enough money to buy some fake ass documents so she could stay in the country >but she gotta do the lickle on my pickle. >"si senior anon, I will do." >fuckingnoice.wav >so while I'm distracted trying to get my underutilized ding dong out of its denim prison she snuck up and cracked me in the back of the head >I black out, when I wake up my wallet is gone and the house is spotless >bitch robbed me >but she finished cleaning the house >well That's how Maria works

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Least pessimistic Thomas Wayne enjoyer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous ? 113 KB JPG 09/18/22(Sun)20:50:25 No.885865492 >be me >get tinder for 1 week >no matches Should I kill myself?

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Greentext Stories - Keep calm and bake beans | /r/Greentext

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File: 1656903607340.jpg (456 KB, 1592x3264) Anonymous 09/18/22(Sun)22:27:10 No.885850634 >>885850725 >>885850773 >>885853673 >>885854500 >>885861421 >>885867245 >>885868234 >>885871834 >>885871999 >>885874837 >>885883823 >>885884910 >>885893849 >be me >wake up and feel hungry >no baguette in my food cupboard >put on my skin tight lycra >pedal to the shops >lock up my bike >staff member is standing outside in the cold >ask her what's going on? >Alright darling, shops closed cause the queen popped her clogs innit >oh right >Yeah sorry 'bout that luv, probs not gonna find one open 'til later >ok thanks >walk back to my bike >entrance to the gym is on my path >girls walking out with their buttholes winking at me >one of them catches me staring >Hey creep what the hell are you looking at! >w-well your tights are very, excuse the pun, but... tight >Oh my god! You pervert. You're one of those creepy internet virgins aren't you? >well n-no a-actually i lost my virginity in a thai massage parlour a couple years ago >What the f--- is wrong with you! >decide not to ask for her phone number because she seems a bit angry >she turns 180 degrees and walks away >her booty bounces back and forth all the way to her car >what a view >think about her riding my c--- while i cycle home >get home and cook some baked beans >open my food cupboard to grab the baguette >404 not found how am i meant to make a baked beans baguette burrito to honour the queen without the hollowed out baguette holding the baked beans in the centre, if her majesty was buried without a coffin then her body would literally fall apart but us common peasents are expected to just deal with it. keep calm and carry on? what a stupid bank holiday

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