Anon watches Tom Scott | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous >about 9 months ago >huffing butane 09/03/22(Sat) 14:09:24 No.173616219 what is it.png 835 KB PNG >start watching old Tom Scott videos >become convinced that there are hidden messages in them >he's in a secret group called "the upstarts" >his friend Charles Yarnold is a master of illusion >Tom has a group of magic mimes who have choreographed performances that go along with some of his videos >spend hours watching them dance as he talks about timezones or something >convinced it was real >it wasn't real >can't watch Tom without having butane flashbacks now

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon works out | /r/Greentext

wars >be 24 >finish killer workout with roommate >head back to the apartment >slam down some protein shakes >spill a little down my face >roomate smiles, and laughs >he wipes it off my face >weird silence proceeds >I say thanks and pat him on the shoulder >l get a bit closer to him >next thing I know I'm butt f------ him >he turns around and grabs my balls >w--, is my roomate gay? Anonymous 03/11/14(Tue)16:59 UTC-7 No.25533767 damn he crossed the line touching your balls

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Anon did an oopsie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous what the f--- did I just eat? 09/04/22(Sun)00:59:54 No.885020182 69 KB PNG >be me >take vitamin d and fish oil supplements after meals >put them behind my tablet while i'm eating, watch some yt >after im done i reach behind my tablet, grab the 2 pills, throw them in my mouth without looking and flush em down with some water >they are harder to swallow than usual >they have a rougher texture than usual >one of them feels like its moving >w--.wav >look behind my tablet and see the supplements lying where i left them am i going to die /b/ros? i dont want to explode from the inside like in alien

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Alienon is disappointed by humans | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/03/22(Sat)12:00:21 No.88419393 file.png (596 KB, 1200x575) google yandex iqdb wait >>88418918 (OP) >be alien >see nearby planet >build a few pyramids and rock structures for keks using the beam >ends up being ran by retards who are blowing eachother up using f------ atoms >infiltrate earthling species to advance their development by giving them technology >push them towards space exploration >give them unimaginable computing power >hope to eventually roll them into the advanced-species coalition >50 years later >they are even more retarded than ever >notable amount of them believe the earth is flat >not even gotten to mars yet alone neptune >not even a f------ moon colony despite only having 1 >spend all of their resources on explosives and local-planetary vehicles that shoot explosives >what f------ retards >put them out of their misery by making them start nuking eachother again

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Anon spends his time at the sanatorium | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/18/22(Fri) 12:09:44 No.872923592 File: 1629993462274.jpg (5 KB, 250x217) >>872923208 (You) >rent free >maybe you're secretly trans >people think about me alot because I'm trans >gender is a made up thing >gender and sex aren't the same thing according a theory of a creep 60 years ago >here's a picture of a guy pretending to be a girl I think is convincing >some girls have features that are less likely statistically therefore I'm not a guy actually >some people are born with deformities >you must like some politics stuff someone told me is bad >if I think something looks like something else they're the same thing >why can't people be crazy >dressing like a clown makes me happy >some cultures believe in magic Every conversation with a trans you'll ever have.

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Anon trains Muay Thai | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/02/22(Fri)11:22:32 No.68196274 >>68196397 >>68196416 >>68196826 File: 1662017792598517.jpg (61 KB, 719x720) >>68190955 >train Muay Thai >spar lightly with qt powerlifting girl >she takes a liking to me over time >specifically asks for me as partner every clinch class >she gets me in full plumb with my face buried in her chest >body locks me and goes for sweeps >tries to bite me playfully while we're pummeling >"I don't think that's a legal move..haha" >I don't see a ref I have a girlfriend ffs. I remain completely stoic and friendly but the temptation is daunting lads.

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Policemen pity anon | /r/Greentext

.png (59 KB, 658x662) No.43232832 Anonymous 19 min. ago >send d--- pic to qt3.14 >she calls me a sicko and blocks me >oh well i'm used to it >next day cops at my door >she reported me to the police for distributing CP >they show me the pic i sent her >i tell them it's my c--- >they don't believe me >i have to pull down my pants >they give each other a sad look and apologize for bothering me

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Anon doesn't like his neighbours | /r/Greentext

14m (9/3 17:27) 885005173 5 Re 0 Img JPG 34KB (612x612) 4 Replies . KRYPTONITE this really happened >be me, 3 weeks ago or so >have a discussion with the neighbor about where can we put the trash so that it's picked up >neighbor is a young, thug looking, pot smoker mexican guy >i'm a big guy, i'm an amateur boxer, i can't lift a finger unless the other guy is armed or throws the first punch, and even then i can get in big trouble >neighbors are working on their house, they're leaving construction materials and construction trash on the side walk, if they get caught they get a large fine : >yesterday i got myself a bike lock at the chinese store, it's made out of kinda good steel, it won't be opened easily >at 4 am i go to the neighbor's outside door, and close it with the bike lock, also add a large paper sign "traspassers will be taken to the authorities" too high to be removed without a ladder >this morning i saw the young thug neighbor and the other workers baffled at the lock, trying to get it open by hitting it with a hammer, but realizing that they will damage the door if they continue >call the cops, tell them that a group of thugs that smell like pot are trying to break in the neighbor's house >get 3 people to do the same call right away, all saying almost the same thing >2 cop cars arrived 5 minutes later, they got there right when the neighbor was trying to climb up the door >the property is a rental, nothing prove that they're not breaking in yet >almost all of them had some sort of illegal drug on them at the time >5 guys end handcuffed and taken in to the police department >they'll be there 48 to 72 hours >will break his water pipe today, report it to the water company and since he won't be there to answer for it he'll get a large fine over wasting water at a time of drought >will do the same with the wire that goes to the ground and report him to the electric company, with any luck they'll respond quicly and he'll get his service canceled he messed with the wrong neighbor

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Anon needs to fap to go to sleep. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous The closest I ever got to anything with my mom. >10 years ago >family event, have to share a hotel room AND a bed with my mom >night time, we get ready for bed >16 y/o at the time so I can't sleep without jerking off first >wait for her to fall asleep 09/03/22(Sat)23:16:18 No.70072090 >pretty sure she's asleep >slowly stroke c--- >getting closer and closer >mom leans over me and grabs a tissue off the nightstand >"here" >"o-ok" >c-- in tissue >go into bathroom to further clean up >stay in their for what feels like an hour because I'm too embarrassed to go back to bed Comment too long. Click here to view the full text. >>70072594 #

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anon spitting true facts | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/03/22(Sat) 16:59:58 No.70068657 [Reply] >>70068733 >>70068747 >>70069360 >Some retarded feminists come out with the argument that "r--- isn't about sex, it's about power" >Other feminists all applaud her >Becomes news-worthy and is perpetuated in many political cycles >Scientists come out saying this is provably false >Gets said over and over until it becomes common knowledge, all women repeat the "R--- isn't about sex, it's about power" mantra >Politician start making policies and laws based on that myth >Bad ideas lead to bad policies, so no reduction in r---, but women feel good saying it, so they'd rather keep saying it and keep getting r---- instead of actually admitting that r--- is about sex so we can have better policies and laws >If you call this out, you are labelled ignorant at best or misogynist at worse What the f--- is wrong with women

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Anon Gets Foreign Poontang | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 5YGd0+cg 251 KB JPG 02/24/22(Thu)00:03:11 No.362779921 Does anyone feel some sort of excitement for WW3? i would enter the war just so I can re foreign p---- : Anonymous (ID: kHxhvb4G 02/24/22(Thu)00:04:06 No.362780226 >>362779921 (OP) # >foreign p---- all p---- is foreign to you >>362780640 # >>362780815 # >>362783620 # >>362784227 #

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well known stand up comedian, Asa Akira | /r/Greentext

what are your favorite quotes from Asian people? Asian-Americans are welcome too Anonymous 09/03/22(Sat)21:53:50 No.7070039 >f--- that a------! f--- that f------ a------!! ohmygod.. >Asa Akira, stand-up comedian, 2010

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Anon shoots his shot | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/03/22 (Sat) 16:11:45 No.7007203: Please be patient I'm doing my best A790B0F8-01D7-4446-AE08-20727F1DE142.jpg 66 KB JPG >Home Depot >My f------ dream girl is working the paint station >literally tripped over my feet when I first saw her >despite being a coward around women, I know I have to try with this girl >grab a can of paint I do not need and bring it up to her for mixing >she smiles at me and I smile back and we chit chat as the paint mixes, I ask her how she likes her job and such >after she hands me back the paint I say Hey, would you mind if I gave you my number? >in an instant her expression changes and she looks at me like I am a bug crawling across the floor >she says F--- off >loud enough that people standing nearby turn and stare >walk away feeling my face burning and sweat prickling all over my body >feel so awfully that I throw up in the parking lot next to my truck I do not understand what I did wrong

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