anon visits a farm | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

How its going anons (ID: OVRnforA) 07/29/22(Fri) 18:32:15 No.388850486 ITT: Autistic Mistakes > Be 15 > Go to farm on after- school group's field trip > Want to be funny > Go to farmer 19 KB JPG "You have a nice d---." > MFW meant to say c--- > MFW I realize he grew vegatables > MFW I'm probably retarded >>388852621 # 1504013857828.jpg 10 KB JPG >>388851967 # >>388852205 # : Anonymous (ID: qucVU73f 07/29/22 (Fri)18:45:46 No.388852205 >>388850486 # >be farmer >have class of kids come on field trip to my farm so I can get a tax writeoff >ugly fat kid waddles up to me >"y-y-you have a nice c---" >tell him im a vegetable farmer >walk them all back to the bus >go home and plant my seed in my plump wife

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is dissapointed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Sex 20 KB PNG 08/21/22(Sun)16:06:53 No.884276039 >be me >get a free h----- because im a virigin and of frat tradion >we f--- but it doesnt feel good. Her h------- was s--- too >2 months later i hire another more expencive one >shes s--- too >didnt get me hard with her h------ >f----- her but that didnt feel real good either >didnt nut after 30min so i left Is all p---- this bad or is just the hookers, bros? This isnt what people said it would be. W--. 08/21/22(Sun)16:21:29 No.884276564 : Anonymous >>884276039 (OP) # C'mon dude I'm used to people talking about how much of a virgin f----- I am for never having p---- and then you come here with this b-------? What the f---?

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anon plays the Game | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 5 KB JPG 07/13/22(Wed)13:00:41 No.69393652 >win game >feel nothing >lose game >the voices are back

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Anon doesn’t smoke weed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 27 KB PNG 12/13/20(Sun)21:14:04 No.842264200 >be me >retard >never done drugs once in my life >friends and family all think I smoke weed every day >boss also thinks I show up high to work >nobody believes me when I tell them I'm just f------ stupid >mfw View Thread

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Anon worries about his mind virus | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: QNQ3SDcj 08/20/22(Sat)20:13:05 No.391933228 >>391933337 >>391933485 >>391938203 >>391938500 >>391931158 >Be me >hear nonsense word in dream >google it >It's hebrew >This happens like 3 times Give it to me straight guys, am I being directly infected with some sort of jewish mind virus via my dreams?

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Anon likes Better Call Saul | /r/Greentext

File: 2e398b2d-615c-4dc3-ab51-d(...).jpg (59 KB, 985x872) >lonely.jpg >think "what would jimmy do?" >idea.jpg Anonymous 08/20/22(Sat)22:02:42 No.172911049 [Reply] >be me >awkward, not too autistic >but >develop weird obsessions from time to time >watch breaking bad and better call saul >obsess over it >mfw i'm actually happy for once >mfw i made friends >mfw people like me thanks jimmy >love jimmy mcgill >wish i had his charm and presence >relate a lot to his personal issues >go on vacation for a month >family tradition, everyone comes over to our summer home in some random coast town every summer >always miserable there >no friends, not that close with my family >buy a guitar >half-ass online guitar lessons in two weeks >turns out you can play guitar pretty decently in two weeks if you put in a lot of hours per day >able to play a lot of songs + have a naturally good voice >take my guitar on a walk at night >see a couple of girls sitting on a rock by the beach >sit nearby, start playing no surprises by radiohead >girls come up to me >"wow you play very well, what's your name?" >"oh, uh, i'm anon, nice to meet you!" >become their friends >they introduce me to their big friend group >fit right in >liked by the group >pull girl from the group, solid 6.5/10, from the netherlands

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No amount of muscles can hide your autism | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 9 KB JPG 07/24/14(Thu)22:52 No.27786295 >go walking to a new gym by my house everyday >its raining >cute /fit/ receptionist asks me to give her a ride home >"y-yeah s-s-sure" >don't even have a car >oh god what do i do what do i do >in the parking lot keep getting deeper and deeper into the lie >stand in the parking lot for a few seconds >"are you okay?" she asks >start sprinting away from her >sprint all the way to my house >never been to that gym again this was like 4 months ago..

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Anon complains about women's media | /r/Greentext

9 KB JPG > Be anime director / Manga creator > Decide to make a story aimed at women > Add a cast of of skillful, sensitive, feminine looking men because that formula has always worked > create and publish the show > audience for the show is undeniably female > Be Hollywood > Decide to make a story aimed at women > Add one male character who is assumed to appeal to the female audience > create and publish work > audience for the show is gay men Why is Hollywood so bad at accepting that the female market doesn't like the beefy, hyper masculine men the execs keep throwing at them?

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Anon finds a loophole | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 21 KB PNG 10/02/19(Wed)09:08:26 Just found a loop hole in the the system lads No.52625171 >be me >want steroids for quick gains >live in small town so I cant get them easily >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply Muscle city here I come Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:18:41 No.526 >>52625211 # Ya I'm trans alright. Male to alpha male >>52625279 # >>52625320 # >>52625346 # >>52625362 #

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Anon hates his aunt | /r/Greentext

>go to aunt's house >starts shittalking about my long hair right when we meet at front door >uncle is a cuck he doesn't say anything >keeps saying long hair will suck intelligence out of brain that's why I go to a community college >ignore her until the family gathering dinner >when everyone is eating and chatting she says long hair is for gay people, raising her voice purposely and everyone can hear that 41 KB JPG >snap >tell her Jesus had long hair too >she's shocked and runs to kitchen crying but not before throwing the angry "how dare you?" with the cuckold uncle I win, I don't care if I go to hell tho

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Days Gone by | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 92 KB PNG 09/08/21 (Wed)12:20:56 No.65304187 >Past four years been "saving" all my vacation days >Plan was to eventually have enough vacation days that I could live off a full paycheck workless for an extended period >Just found out that vacation days do not stack, and I keep none of the days I didn't use at the end of each year F--- life

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Anon was "found out" by his mom | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/05/20(Sat)01:11:33 No.129919342 File: 1599187904873.jpg (54 KB, 908x666) >Mom found my gigachad folder >Says she saw a folder of buff half naked guys on my computer and asks if I'm gay

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Average Day in the Life of an American | /r/Greentext

Average Day in the Life of an (...) C 127 KB JPG 08/21/22(Sun)11:19:56 No.391967036 >Wake up in termite infested apartment >Pray to American flag for good fortune >Text from my boss says I have to come in for unpaid overtime because he's understaffed >Can't have breakfast because my landlord drank the last of the milk >Leaving the apartment I see a notice from the Hoa saying I will be fined if I don't put up my Official Coca-Cola™ Frosty the Snowman™ Light- Up Inflatable Christmas Decoration >Love that community spitit >Can't take my car to work because it got repossessed after I missed the 300th monthly installment of $499.99 >Cant walk to work because it's illegal >Have to take my wife's boyfriend's bicycle instead >On the way I see a woman shovelling dead children out of the local school >"Again?" I ask >She shrugs and says "Shall not be infringed." >As I'm turning onto 6379.53rd Street, I get driven off the road by a five (imperial) ton pickup truck billowing black smoke >A man wearing a camouflage shirt, camouflage cargo pants, camouflage boots, camouflage gloves and a camouflage cap with a camouflage American flag on it leans out of the window >"THE ROAD IS FOR CARS, F-----!" >Thank him for his service >An old woman finds me lying in a pool of my own blood >I beg her not to call an ambulance, but she doesn't seek English >Half way to the hospital they realise I don't have insurance and they kick me out on the freeway >Tip them with the $300 I keep on my person at all times >Crawl the rest of the way to the hospital >Don't have any money left to tip the doctors, so they spit in my IV >Get a text from my boss saying I'm fired because I missed the morning cheer >Nurse hands me a bill for $3,000,000 and a month's free trial of Opiodol™ >Salute the American flag on the way out >Get shot by the police for moving my hand too quickly >Thank Jesus that I was born in the only free country in the world

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