Anon puts his inner monkey to good use | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous Javelin 14 KB JPG 08/02/22(Tue)17:06:00 No.883191206 >be me >kinda fat and non atheletic >plan to skip school sports day by just walking around during training. >see people throw javelins >mf when wanna go monkey mode >decided to throw a javelin for fun >throw it really far >h-------- it was one of the farthest javelin thrown and it sticks too >teacher saw me >immediately got forced to join the javelin throwing competition >my plan to skip sports day might not be so gloomy after all

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is considering moving to canada | /r/Greentext

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Anon accidentally changes his life for the better | /r/Greentext

File: Feather-Hi-Stainless-Doub(...).jpg (66 KB, 1000x1000) TRADE MARK 71472 Hi-STAINLESS MADE IN JAPAN Anonymous 08/02/22 (Tue)09:36:53 No.883152507 >Be me, 1-16 >Spend days crying in a dark bedroom >Constantly bullied, fat, handful of "friends", no chance of a girlfriend, barely passing school. >Parents recognized that there was something wrong but my "traditionalist" father and useless mother figured I'd grow out of it >Taking zero care of myself, look like s--- >dad gets me a razor, tells me that I need to shave cause I look like a "hippy f------ slob" Pic related >Start to get more and more manic. >Literally begging my mom on my knees to get me some kind of professional help. "well, you know how your father feels about all that..." >Start drinking, then cutting myself. >Didn't want barcode arms, thought that was for p---- emos, so I'd carve patterns and drawings into my chest with the razor then giggle while I saw the blood dripping down. >"Friend" of mine notices I'm being weirder >I get drunk one day at like 8 AM then laugh and send her a pic of my chest with all the carvings cause I thought the designs looked cool. "why would you send me that dude, that's f------ horrifying." >Go to bathroom and start to slit my wrist. >Hadn't bothered to get new blades, so I did it with the dull ass "training blade" that came with the razor. >after cutting halfway through my wrist and realizing how much work it's taking to cut and how much it hurt Why? I stop >Patch myself up (pretty extensive first aid training/experience for a teenager) >walk downstairs to do something, don't even remember what cause I was so woozy. >mom notices I'm pale and crying. "What's going on?". >Try to hide it at first, break down and tell her the whole thing. She gets me to a therapist, I get diagnosed with, like, 8 mental illnesses. On pills now. >Finally stabilize and have motivation to do things. >Grind the f--- out of APS and SAT prep and manage to pull a 1500 out of my ass. >get into a top 300 uni (in the world) >Top of my class in multiple courses >Happy relationship >Fit af The single best thing I did for my life was trying to end it.

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anon does some self reflection | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 234 KB PNG 6 Replies 08/01/22(Mon)23:07:46 No.883140170 You are a disgusting human being View Thread

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/an/on doesn’t want a chinchilla | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/26/22(Tue)17:00:21 No.4251819 >go to PetSmart to look for large front- opening snake enclosures >cute little retarded ball python for sale with MY NAME IS SANTIAGO written on the glass 42 KB JPG >reptile section is next to the rodents >as I'm looking at terrariums a middle aged man of an indeterminate Slavic ethnicity points directly at me and loudly informs me I need a chinchilla >tells me the chinchillas are on sale so buy two >listing off the alleged benefits of chinchilla ownership and why they're the ideal pet >"Actually I just came to look at tanks-" >"NO YOU BUY CHINCHILLAS" >they don't have any enclosures larger than a 40 gallon >end up just awkwardly leaving as he is still trying to shill chinchillas to me Anonymous >>4251828 # >>4251874 # >>4256445 # >>4257446 # >>4257484 # 07/26/22(Tue)17:20:44 No.4251828 >>4251819 # >he didn't buy at least two chinchillada what is your problem, man

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Anon goes to the bathroom | /r/Greentext

48 KB JPG >be me, 19 >in college >arrive at college before class started, needed to s--- before first class >get to the bathroom and open the door >prof is in there s-------, door wide open >w--.jpg >stare at each other for a few secs >he holds his hand out to close the door >i shake his hand

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old Anon reminds us of the golden years | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/22(Tue)02:35:47 No.69645624 > Be me > 89 years old > in my 20s during the 1950s > literally the greatest f------ time to be a man > I could work 36 hours a week and afford a gigantic nice home 1.4 MB PNG > didn't have to worry about internet, politics, PC culture, or any sort of non-essential distractions of life that actually make life existentially way worse. > I could have sex with my wife at any time and she would be happy and ready to and she loved it. > never had sex with anyone i didn't love because i had morals and a good head on my shoulders and no outside influences such as TV show characters or celebrities that were idolized for sex culture. > all woman were wonderful and understood their imporant role in society, which was helping to raise a fun family that made America a better place > ice cream was so much better back then > My attention span was the size of a small country and I could literally focus on anything and achieve whatever i needed to >I feel sorry for you modern day f------ and you truly did miss out on the greatest time of life

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anon appreciates bussy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous transwomen 892 B PNG based. appreciation 08/01/22(Mon)23:28:13 No.883141053 Trans women destroy women's sports, jobs, and identity, while also providing their warm wet holes for us cis males to enjoy, plus they do not bitch and scream and cry about feminism. We need to support transwomen for being dangerously 15 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon is frustrated | /r/Greentext

291 KB PNG >can't hold cash because inflation >can't hold stocks because crashing >can't hold crypto because crashing >can't hold gold because manipulated >can't hold assets because interest rates crashing market >can't short due scamwicks Anonymous (ID: CA/T2/T7) 06/11/22(Sat) 19:04:03 No.49539975 you're gonna hold that spatula and be happy

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Anon isn't likeable | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 799 KB PNG 1 Reply / 1 Image : Anonymous YOU ARE A DUMBIN CHILLCANDAOXETTURE CITE OOOOHILLA UITHEONAT MERELY 74 KB JPG 07/30/22(Sat)05:36:42 No.882966785 Being a "friend" doesn't mean you're interesting, endearing, or even all that likeable. It just means that you're tolerable, and not unwelcomed without actually being welcomed. View Thread 07/30/22(Sat)05:38:20 No.882966839 Sounds like you aren't all that likeable.

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Anon is perfectly prepared in case a girl comes over. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/05/15(Mon)18:26:20 No. 9083983890839936 >>90840020 >>90840103 >>90840114 >>90840190 >>90840484 >>90840512 >>90840575 >>90840794 File: game and watch.png (32 KB, 1230x394) Room Mood: Tense Very fast attack A powerful move 1 Move 2 Pump standard attack 3 Down smash hammers 4 Up smash diving helmet 5 Side smash Match 6 Side tilt chair Down tilt manhole Up tilt flag 9 Aerial Fish 10 Aeriel Box 11 Aeriel Turtle 7 8 12 Aeriel air pump 13 Aeriel Key 14 Juggle Throw 15 Bell Taunt 16 Bucket Catch 17 Oil Spill 18 Food Throw 19 Hammer 20 Parachute 21 Final Smash 22 Another strong move That is a strong move He should use that for sitting Manholes are usually on public roads I enjoyed k'naans wavin flag, he looks like G&W Really well animated A strong move Probably my best attack You can move to avoid this That is a meteor smash I threw you *do not do this* Watch out for my oil attack. That will kill some sealife Looks like a standard wok This move is luck based They use parachutes to sky dive Damn, I should win now Room Mood: Fun I'm getting pumped! I'm going to STRIKE you down! I think you better sit this one out Maybe he can use that match to light some scented candles for later Only one chair... maybe you can sit on my face I prefer a womanhole It isn't a red flag.... You don't have any red flags either, you're gf material I know a fish called aerial... the little mermaid. Almost as pretty as you. Maybe you could put your box in the air haha My foreskin makes my penis look like a turtle That move pushes you up... is that a push up bra? He really came down hard, just like I'm coming down hard with the love bug I hate to juggle, but I'd like to snuggle Would you like to play with MY ding a ling? I hope your bucket has a bigger capacity because I can go 10 times I have some massage oil in my bag if you'd like a massage (bring oil) I'm going to FLIP any minute now I bet you have another name for throwing your food..... Spitting hehe This little piggy had roast beef... this little piggy had NINE! So how would you rate our chances of sex 1 to 9? I'd like to go skydiving one day I'd like to go skydiving with you one day, maybe skydiving into bed I'll get you... sucker! haha, I'd tentacle r--- you if I was an Octopus! I WAVE the right to lose this match Go fish! Room Mood: Flirty I would like to pump you Go Box! I'll make your life a living shell! I believe you can fly (sing in r kelly voice) This move is KEY to my victory I like CLOWNING around (clowns juggle) I bet losing to me rings some bells Have my oil, I hope I don't bucket up Oil win this match for sure! Guys, I've invited a girl here to play Smash later on. She is cute and I think I could be able to lose my virginity but I want to make her think I am charming I made this list of puns (still working on it) and one liners for every G&W move because he is my main. I will say them when I do moves and hopefully make her laugh. I have also listed lines for when the room is tense, that wn't annoy her, and ones for when it becomes a flirty atmosphere so I can progress to having sex with her. Can you read through and see what you think? Will the flirty lines work?

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anon is a security guard | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/09/21 (Sat)06:40:51 No.61783638 >>61783639 File: busy at work.jpg (983 KB, 1780x1780) LOKA >>61783628 >be me >be NEET for 7, almost 8 years >depression and anxiety >live in childhood room at my parents place >start looking online for stuff to do >see commercial for Securitas guards >"huh" >start checking it out, find out there's a course in just a month >sign up >get my security guard license pretty quickly >look for jobs >local hospital hiring a guard >apply >get answer within 5 hours >go to interview >they hire me almost immediately as a night guard >get the most chill job on the planet >have my own "chill corner" in one of the hallways where the cute nurses take their coffee break >get a comfy bed to chill in >spend most nights just reading or watching youtube/browsing /int/ >sometimes toss out a drunken fool or junkie looking for drugs Pic related is my life at night.

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i personally would not have replied with “nice!” but that’s just me | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Epic weekend I found out the reason for my genetic disorder. It's not because I ate fireplace ash as a child, it's actually because my parents are siblings! They passed it on to me before giving me to my current parents. Also I learned I'm adopted. Amazing. No matter how old you get, you never stop learning R 98 KB PNG 1 Reply 08/01/22(Mon)23:44:11 No.883141661 Anonymous >>883141661 (OP) # nice! View Thread 08/02/22(Tue)00:10:18 No.883142534

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