Anon's friend wants to watch the movie too | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 06/22/22(Wed)16:27:55 No.69136647 356 KB PNG >be me >about to enjoy a night watching Shrek 2 (2004) >got my popcorn >sitting in my chair with a blanket >the deer man starts speaking loudly in the voice of my deceased mother outside, trying to lure me outside I just wanted to relax

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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anon is a fan of the beat em up game 'Yakuza'. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/21/22(Tue)17:27:40 No.603263019 >play the whole Yakuza franchise >end up vacationing in Kabukicho >know the whole f------ area like I've lived there for years with minimal differences >to the point where I end up finding a place with good hookers Are there any other games that get this autistic with real world locations? 1012 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/21/22(Tue)17:29:05 No.603263141 >>603263281 # >>603277357 # >>603263482 # : Anonymous : Anonymous : Anonymous >>603263019 (OP) # >starts beating up random locals 06/21/22(Tue)17:30:23 No.603263281 06/21/22(Tue)17:31:21 No.603263359 06/21/22(Tue)17:31:36 No.603263381 06/21/22(Tue)17:32:46 No.603263482 : Anonymous >>603263381 # The japanese aren't very big people. It's shockingly easy to get away with. >>603267081 # >>603271094 # >>603277502 #

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Anon is a caveman | /r/Greentext

Anonymous C. to 5 1:0 43 KB PNG 06/22/22(Wed)13:12:56 No.69137992 >grug want to make baby with cave woman >cave woman no want grug to make baby with her >grug sad >grug pleasure himself >grug no longer want to make baby with cave woman >grug happy now

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Anon plays DnD | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 105 KB JPG 01/03/21(Sun)18:08:32 >friend wants me to be wingman for him in some weird ERP DnD inspired discord server >tell him im not really into DnD so dont know a f------ thing >tells me not to worry i'll have a 'fun' time No.843900872 >the discord server is suppose to be in a inn for weary adventurers >have to tell everyone name, race & class >im vizathar, human sorcerer >friend seems to be having a good time >i just s--- there doing other s--- >get message from a female bartender half elf >'hello mighty sorcerer, would you like to lay with me in thy bed?' >'afraid i cant stunning wench' >'but why not master of the arcane arts?' >'herpitus haveitus' >mfw i get banned from server Told him i didnt know s---

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Anon Buys Over 20lbs of Liver | /r/Greentext

Anonymous I f----- up bros 04/23/22(Sat)23:17:00 No.66484543 >Be me 22 autist trying to live healthy >Find out beef liver is insanely good for you >Call up the local butcher to see how much it costs >He says $5 a kilo >I ask how many kilos a liver is and he says 5 but somehow I hear it as 1.5 >I say I'll take two then >Fast forward four days later he's got the goods >I'm met with the monster of my own making. pic related >Wonder what the f--- I'm going to do with all this s--- >Parcel it up into different weeks worth of beef liver >Cook some up with onions and make it into an omelette >I knew beforehand that liver was easy to overcook but good lord this s--- browned immediately 366 KB JPG

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anon gets a haircut | /r/Greentext

Anonymous INP 205 KB JPG 12/06/21 (Mon)02:59:09 No.66448750 >Grew hair long over 2020 and 2021 like a lot of guys >Have actually felt good about it, think I look better than with short hair >Walking home >Walk past group of women >One of them sarcastically says I have great hair >Her friends all laugh F------ c----. I'm getting a haircut.

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Anon works the night shift | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 112 KB GIF 03/28/21(Sun)10:00:03 No.850728037 >work night shift >on lunch break at 4 AM >sitting in dark parking lot in car with windows rolled down >hear footsteps approaching >see man appear from the darkness >he looks around >doesn't notice me >he pulls down his pants and starts taking a s--- >watching this guy taking a s--- while i eat my sandwich >he is struggling >constipated.jpg >i sneeze >he gets startled and looks at my direction >spotted.png >we look at each other for a minute >i break the awkward silence >'nice a------ bro' >'thanks' >'got any paper towels?' >hand him some napkins >quickly drive off i have to find another parking lot now, this one is tainted

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Anon plays red dead redemption 2 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)21:58:56 No.789916764 48 KB JPG >Be me >Been playing red dead 2 all day everyday for a week straight >Had to actually leave the house for groceries etc (I live at college so I actually have to do things for myself) > Decide to try to be more like Arthur Morgan >About to walk past a guy in the street, will say the first cowboy-ish thing that comes to my head when I pass him >Approach him >"Hey sexy" What the f---

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Anon had an encounter with the banished 8th dwarf. | /r/Greentext

12/24/18(Mon)00:05:30 No.788087819 >The r--- dwarf is still in my walls ENOUGH >I hear bumps in the night >Fire off some .357 rounds into the wall Anonymous 30 KB JPG >Complete silence until I hear it laugh >"Hoho!" >Get angry >Fire off more rounds >Hear a screech then a wimper >Hear it run off, dragging it's penis as it goes >Blood drips out from beneath the molding >I got him for now, but he'll be back View Thread

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The rats are unionized | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)23:50:39 No.86161127 ss.jpg 60 KB JPG >the rats have unionized

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Is It Illegal to Deflate Someone's Tires? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Is it illegal to deflate the t(...) 15 KB JPG >>25000404 # 01/02/22(Sun)19:55:40 No.25000392 I don't mean slashing or damaging them, I mean just releasing all the air through the valve stem Anonymous >>25000392 (OP) # Yes, you can't f--- with other people's property. Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)19:57:28 No.25000401 01/02/22(Sun)19:58:01 No.25000404 >>25000401 # I asked about the legality of it, not your personal opinion >>25000421 # >>25000472 # >>25000484 # >>25000511 # >>25001560 #

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Anon meets a female | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Anon Oversimplified 10 KB PNG 11/16/18(Fri)11:09:28 No.7327432 >be [pronoun] >see female at [insert noun], rate her [X]/10 >[female] starts up conversation >[word].fileformat >talk more and head over to [female's] house >laying on her [object] >We start [action] >[reaction].fileformat >[female] says she is a t----- >[sexual action] ["female"] anyway >seeya later [group of persons] [redtext] So anons how did I do

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Anon likes John Oliver | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 48 KB JPG 09/02/19 (Mon)14:00:05 No.120427931 >"Trump being President is like a SQUIRREL riding a skateboard." *image of squirrel photoshopped onto skateboard appears, audience laughs* >"It's entertaining for a few minutes, but then you start to wonder how the F--- it got there!" *audience explodes into laughter and applause* *Oliver turns to image of squirrel* >"That's not a good way to find nuts, Chirpy. Get a real job, you're parents are worried!" *camera cuts to man in audience wearing a squirrel costume and holding a skateboard as he gives Oliver the middle finger and walks off, audience gives standing ovation*

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