anon tries ass | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous >be me at 24 years old >Going over to girls house for sexual experience >She wants me to eat her ass >I accept naturally being the disgusting freak that I was 78 KB JPG >My face is planted between her cheeks >She says she needs to adjust because that position feels funny >I stay attached like a magnet >I feel a giant warm stream fall all over my face and scream >She starts crying and apologizing >Me being the nicest guy at the time said that it was fine but I needed a shower >I took the longest shower I'd ever taken in my life to wash all of the s--- off >She comes into the bathroom and proceeds to throw up all over the place >I tell her I have to leave I haven't talked to her in weeks, should I call her? 06/06/22(Mon)14:21:57 No.879631321 EXPLICIT CONTENT

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Anon doesn’t understand | /r/Greentext

06/07/22 (Tue)07:00:31 No.67081872 Anonymous doing everything right: >hit the gym a couple times a week >clean diet >1.5/2.5/3/4 54 KB JPG >cut down to 10% bodyfat >stil look f------ yoked >haven't showered in months for pheromone gains >succesful career >wear nice clothes >nice haircut >generally friendly guy with natural charisma basically: i'm lifemaxxing but anytime I get a date on tinder they will leave in a matter of minutes. What the f--- am I doing wrong? Am I too big? or too small? : Anonymous 06/07/22(Tue)07:04:31 No.67081905 >>67081872 (OP) # autistic, anon, you're autistic >>67082078 #

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Anons parents hate him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous namelet thread 83 KB PNG 10/27/21 (Wed)00:11:46 No.65912566 >born with a twin >parents wanted to give us similar names >twin was named logan >parents had a wide selection of L names to choose from >and they named me f------ LAROLD

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Anon realizes Skittle's ulterior motive | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous PRIDE EDITION FAMILY SIZE 05/22/20 (Fri)19:21:22 No.58286746 S 80 Fruits Skittles During Pride only one mainbows S matters AWA #onerainbors TOTALLYTHEBOMB.COM Skittles Is Removing The Color From Their Candies In Support Of Pride Month and I Want Some 1590184161939.jpg 668 KB JPG >skittles make "pride skittles" by removing the colored ones >whites only >it literally says SS on the candy you can't make this s--- up S 'N

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Anon Buys a Girly Mask | /r/Greentext

File: C41E70CC-0E48-41FA-9D37-C(...).png (285 KB, 1000x800) Anonymous 11/03/20 (Tue)07:38:09 No.60747141 [Reply] >buy girly mask >throw it on the side of my car where it can be seen >give mom a ride >sees the mask >"oh anon whos the lucky girl?" >say its a friend >parents no longer think I'm a virgin loser Who /highiqintellectual/ here? + 1 reply omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 11/03/20 (Tue)08:47:28 No.60747735 ► >>60747141 (OP) >>buy girly mask ha f-----

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Found on r/me-irl. Hope you enjoy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 59 KB JPG 03/31/21 (Wed)17:56:24 No.63001106 >Feel like I should be doing something >Don't know what >Vague sense of uneasiness that I'm not doing it View Thread

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Anon has no tits... yet | /r/Greentext

File: Sadayo_Kawakami_P5_Animation.png (870 KB, 1485x1440) >been on female hormones for a few weeks now and my n------ ache badly all day Ever let a lie get out of control robots? Anonymous 06/06/22(Mon)11:49:20 No.68936174 >>68936189 >>68936166 (OP) >been on female hormones for a few weeks now and my n------ ache badly all day T--- or gtfo Anonymous 06/06/22(Mon)11:50:26 No.68936189 >>68936225 >>68936174 I don't have t--- yet >68936174 Anonymous 06/06/22(Mon)11:48:25 No.68936166 >>68936197 >>68936215 >got caught with my mom's underwear >lied and said I was exploring gender issues that I've kept secret >my mom is unexpectedly supportive >shows immense interest, love, and support for me with an intensity she's never had before >loves taking me to get my nails done and other girl s--- >keep telling her that I'm into it >this has gone on for months >mom wondering why I'm not taking more serious steps to be the real me' >just say I'm scared to >she pushes me to be brave >physically cannot say no to her warm encouraging smile

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Anon watches Harry Potter calmly | /r/Greentext

#168995471 1 ora fa : 1579823317429.png PNG 523.4 KiB 827x664 HAAAAAARRRRRRY YY >Punches Snape >Flips table P00000000000TT TTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR RRRRR >Kicks a cat out of the way >Grabs Harry by the throat and begins throttling him DID YOU PUT YOUR M------------ NAME IN THE F------ GOBLET OF FIRE? FESS UP YOU LITTLE S--- OR YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE BOY WHO WISHED HE DIDN'T LIVE. CRUCIO! CRUCIO! CRUCIO YOU LITTLE BASTARD

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Anon is ignored | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I think I found a way to stop (...) 607 KB GIF 7 Replies 12/13/19(Fri)21:28:25 No.55788691 <be me <shitposting on 4chan <use redtext <not green <the normies can't put it on r/greentext <mfw View Thread

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Mm, the smell of barbeque | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/28/19(Thu)22:08:13 No.793853683 >be me >24 year old Police Officer >Respond to a bad traffic accident where this wrapped his car around a palm tree >car is on fire 8 KB JPG >run up to the car to try to get him out >fire extinguisher only puts out the fire when actively using it, the second I stop the flames come back up >do this enough to get the door open and try to pull the guy out >f----- is pinned but otherwise fully conscious >guy starts screaming "Help me officer!" >tell him that the fire department is on the way and to hold tight > continue to use my fire extinguisher to keep the flames from reaching him but eventually I run out. >flames grow more and more >guy actively burning to death still screaming "help me officer!" >can't do anything to help him >Powerlessly watch him burn to death I can still hear his screams and I can't stand the smell of cooking meat.

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Anon is a functioning member of society. | /r/Greentext

08/15/19(Thu)20:11:48 No.53925486 >Walk up to boss >"Hey anything we gotta do around here?" >"Yeah we gotta do all the drum brakes on the trailers but some of the bolts broke off so you'll have to melt em off with the cutting torch." : Anonymous 82 KB JPG >Pretend he is an NPC giving me a quest >Money is my EXP >Each pay period is a level up >level 208 right now keep grinding out the levels friends

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Anon read nietzsche | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: LIRI7Taz 01/04/16(Mon)03:15:22 No.59990782 >be nietzsche >recognize early in life that nihilism is going to be the bane of human existence 115 KB JPG >work desperately to show that there can be a pursuit of meaning in spite of the collapse of religion >write yourself into a philosophy-induced nervous breakdown trying to show that we can overcome nihilism by pursuing passion, art, self-ownership and struggle >100+ years later >f----- teenagers think that you are a nihilist and claim to use your philosophy to justify hedonistic meaningless living

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Anon’s Doctor wants him to cut back | /r/Greentext

06/06/22 (Mon)08:18:57 No.68934954 Anonymous >be me, at the doctor's office because sometimes when I j------- (like 1 in 10 times) I'll get a sharp pain in my taint area, like there's a muscle there cramping 128 KB JPG >Doctor walks in, young guy, says "So Mr. Anon, I hear you're having pain in an unfortunate place?" >Explain my situation to him, he's taking notes and he asks "Does this occur during just intercourse or m----------- or does it occur in both?" >I'm a virgin, but don't want to tell him that so I say, "Just when I masturbate." >He asks "And how many times a month do you say you masturbate?" >I'm a little confused by the question, do quick maths in my head (3 times a day times 30 days is 90) and say "Maybe a little under a hundred times a month" >Doctor stops taking notes, looks up at me and just stares for a minute before saying "Excuse me?" >I repeat my answer >Doctor looks confused and says "Almost a hundred times a month?" >I say "Well, yeah, since daily it's about-" >Doctor interrupts me with a surprised, "Daily??" >I don't know what to say and just sit there quietly >Doctor seems lost for words and says "Let me ask you this, how many times today have you masturbated?" >The truth is twice today, but I'm getting embarrassed by his reaction and say "Just once" >"And you plan to masturbate again today, after already having done it once?" >I shrug and nod my head at the same time >Doctor sighs and shakes his head, goes back to writing notes >"How about this," the doctor says, "Let's try and cut back to just a couple times a week and see how that works for a month. After a month, you come back in to see me and we'll see if you're still having this pain." >I'm so embarrassed at this point that I just say "Okay" even though he hasn't explained to me what this pain I've had is Well, it's not no fap, but I think it's just as difficult for me to cut to "a couple times a week"

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