Anon avoids crisis | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. I'll go first. >be me 138 KB PNG >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car at 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box >say, "I had been stabbed officer" >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Anon finds out why r/greentext exists | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/16/21(Thu)10:00:46 No.65400999 >be me >newfag from r/greentexts >endlessly scrolling through /b/ >open a random archived thread >see a woman's body cut in half, guts and s--- all spilling out >w--.jpg where are all the funny greentexts, why do 234 KB PNG i only see loli p--- and gore View Thread

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Anon has evil dad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/26/22(Wed)19:21:00 No.67159411 >dad intentionally left a p--- mag around the house when I was 6 and intentionally bought cable with 10 p--- channells so I can turn into a coomer F--- you dad kids are supposed to discover p--- at like 12, you ruined my life. He told me he did me a favor, yeah right, thanks so much for making me addicted to p--- for over a decade. Only now at 22 I'm starting to overcome it. Some people 233 KB PNG should never become parents.

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Anon figures out the anti-work mystery | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: T/GyyUSx ) 01/26/22(Wed)15:55:53 No.45937521 File: 2.png (67 KB, 1280x1280) >why did the moderators close the r/antiwork reddit? >responding to posts was too much work the poetry writes itself

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Anon shares an opinion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/21/22(Fri)18:35:49 No.585876505 1642783938078.jpg 27 KB JPG This is 10/10 according to /v/.

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Anon tells school story | /r/Greentext

Happened back in middle school >friend dares me to pinch random sixth grader's nose >do it >kid starts crying >tell him to calm down >tell him to watch this and jump into a wall face first >he stops crying and laughs and gives me a high five >wave goodbye to eachother and part ways >he reports me anyways

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Anon just activated my trap card | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)17:00:19 No.846977777 > be me, closeted bisexual > mostly into grils, but have a thing for traps > decide to find a trap irl > go on Grindr, swipe left until I find a cute femboy > we start talking and sharing nudes, body is surprisingly feminine for a trap 356 KB JPG > he wants to meet up > itsHappening.exe > show up, hes shorter than me and petite, just how I like em > get up to bedroom and start making out > he stops, "Anon, I have to tell you something" > "It's cool, I know you have a d---" > "Actually Anon, I'm ftm. I dont have a d---" > mfw, it's actually a chick > mfw, I got reversed traped

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Anon owns a steam deck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/22(Mon)04:59:17 No.162789616 >invite a girl around for a movie >take out my Steam Deck to play kino on my TV >"thank God anon, the last guy I tried to watch a movie with pulled CONCE out a HDMI cable" 850 KB PNG This is a game changer. : Anonymous 01/24/22(Mon)05:00:19 No.162789667 >>162789616 (OP) # If you have preordered one of these I guarantee you will never have consensual sex in your life. >>162789757 # >>162789818 # >>162791675 # >>162793291 # >>162793583 # >>162795974 # >>162798958 #

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Anon takes a shower | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/21/18(Sun)17:42:09 No.782897522 >be redditfag >in shower >think about if i should hang myself or not >idea.jpeg >post if i should hang myself or not 14 KB PNG on r/showerthoughts for 7 upvotes >post it >permanently banned >what is it i dont understand

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Anon is discovered | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)12:50:27 No.850975316 >Be me >Sophomore year in college >Periodically s--- in the top tank of toilets at fraternity and sorority houses during parties >Word spreading around campus about a "serial s------" 77 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)12:55:14 No.850975586 So it's been you at UVA m-----------?

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Anon can't go swimming | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/31/17(Thu)21:44:54 No.743795350 T >About 600 gators are now in the flood water in Houston >Apparently HIV-positive blood has leaked into said 51 KB JPG water (from hospitals being flooded n s---) >AFAIK they're warning people not to go in the water because of the GatorAIDS POOL'S CLOSED

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Anon spends an apsurd amount of money on a girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/25/22(Tue)04:49:22 No.67137682 >Have spent nearly $3,000 on a girl I met here >Random stuff from anime figures to sex toys >Did this mostly as "gifts" that I told her not to worry about paying me back, though she has sent See you space cowboy 684 KB PNG me a couple of nude pics in return >I thought we were obviously dating, what with the i-love- you's and everything >Today she revealed to me that she's getting back with her ex-boyfriend >l said, "But I thought I was your boyfriend?" >She says, "Anon, you're my best friend in the whole world, I love you, but not like that" >"What about all that s--- l've bought you?" >"That's what I love most about you, your gifts!" I think this is it. I think this is what l'll kill myself over.

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anon is scared of biden | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/04/22(Tue)00:06:07 No.66837046 >be me >have dream where joe biden visits my house >he gives us all handshakes and Joe Bidome does all the regular political pr stuff 10 KB JPG >he tries to tell me something but i don't understand it >say "what?" >suddenly joe biden goes absolutely feral, slaps my back as hard as humanly possible >he starts beating the living s--- out of my mom >try to help her but he beats me up too >wake up >w--.png >have a panic attack anytime i see the old f--- on the news >tfw my life has been hell for the past week because joe biden beat me up in a dream

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