Anon enjoys chirstmas | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 1 hour ago 869371138 > Be me, alone on Christmas > Hungry, go out for food > Go to local Chinese restaurant because they are the only ones open > Walk in and sit down, restaurant is entirely empty but I hear noise in the back > Owner walks up and greets me in broken English > "Hello, see you on holiday, thank you for joining us" > Owner's entire extended family comes out from kitchen area > Start moving tables around and bringing out dishes of food > They set up an entire feast > Genuinely enjoy the food and company even though they all speak in Chinese and I can't understand them MAS > After eating, I help the family put the restaurant back to normal > I ask the owner how much I owe him for the meal > "You owe us nothing, thank you for joining us, Merry Christmas" > Leave and go home with a smile on my face, still not quite sure what happened Thank you, random Chinese restaurant, you guys made me have an actual nice Christmas for the first time in many years! 9 REPLIES

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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A girl in Anons class pisses off all the other girls | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/27/21(Mon)15:12:38 No.869420178 >be me in high school >Like 12 or 13 years ago but still remember this clear as day >In biology class and somehow the topic of blood diamonds come up and the fake rarity of diamonds >The girl sitting next to me starts saying how pointless and horrible it is for women to 28 KB JPG expect their men to drop so much money on something that comes from slavery, isn't even rare and is especially pointless >The rest of the girls in the class start lashing out at her, she then says >"C'mon ladies this is ridiculous, do you love your man or his money?" >All the girls got quiet and there was an awkward silence for like 30 seconds before the teacher changed the subject and went back to normal class discussions I still think about this, I still see that girl sometimes and she's still really cool, one of the few women I actually have alot of respect for

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Anon pisses himself | /r/Greentext

No.738861551 07/14/17(Fri)19:05:19 mcgrbr.gif GIF 1.9 MiB 290x162 I got a story about this >be 12 >6th grade >really need to piss >excuse myself from band class >rush to bathroom >It's all the way on the other side of the school >discreetly holding my d--- closed as I do >arrive >decide to kick down stall door like I'm in the movies >it's f------ occupied >kid s------- frog-style with both feet on the toilet seat >watch his turd quickly retract into his rectum like a scared turtle >the scare causes me to piss myself >mfw

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Anon saved his dad | /r/Greentext

00000 AT&T ? 1:35 PM 38% boards.4chan.org Вoard /fit/ - Fitness v Settings Home ALRIGHT /FIT/ - THIS IS WHAT WE LIFT FOR WHAT THE F--- >visit dad 50 KB JPG >asks me to buy a christmas tree >we go buy a nice one >carry it around like a slave >mom is happy >feelsgoodman >i lift it into the house >my dad says hes not feeling well >COLLAPSES >W-- >mom panics >dad just laying there knocked out >we put him in a safe position quickly >my heart is racing >i decide to LIFT him up and carry him to the couch >mom calls 911 >im panicking too >figure that the hospital is not so far away >LIFT him back up and carry him into car >mom is screaming at me but i cant hear s--- >race to hospital >LIFT him out of the car and carry him into ER >scream around like an autist >mfw they told me he had a stroke and probably would have died if it wasnt for my lifts

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Anon has Difficulty Adjusting to Amputation | /r/Greentext

Himages.jpg (5 KB, 224x225) google yandex iqdb wait Anonymous 12/27/21(Mon)07:37:24 No.66732870 >>66732901 >>66733149 >>66733189 >>66733212 >>66733233 >Was in a bad wreck about a year ago, mangled my right leg and arm, doctors were able to save the leg, but my right arm was amputated above the elbow >Only been out of the hospital for the past month after spending so long recovering and releaming how to exist without my dominant hand >l am able to do almost everything for myself, am living with my parents while l'adjust >The one thing I cannot do is masturbate >Of course I am able to j------- with my left hand, but I can't do it to competition. >Before the accident I was masturbating like 3 or 4 times a day, so I got used to needing a fast death-grip to c--, something I haven't been able to recreate with my left hand >In desperation ordered a fleshlight, but when the package came my Mom opened it before I got to it and threw it out, yelling at me for ordering "such a disgusting thing" >Literally haven't cummed since the accident, am starting to go a little stir-crazy, horny all the time, giving myself blue balls every other day as I attempt to j------- with my left hand but can't c-- I wish prostitution was legal in my country

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Anon sharts every morning | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/27/21(Mon)17:50:17 No.66734510 >Be wage cuck >Have IBS >Every morning have really bad gas >Have boss that never helps with work and is always late >Go onto his office every morning 168 KB PNG before he come into work >Make it look like l'm just taking out the trash Gotta cover my tracks >Unleash my assholes death breath in his office every morning >MFW my boss is convinced he has a sewage leak in his office It's the small things in life that keep you going 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon loses his v card | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/26/21(Sun)20:27:14 No.21621163 >be me >beta virgin cuck for 23 years of my life >used to be poor and idealistic in conservative love >got job, has car >decides might as well attempt to lose V card, what can go wrong with 1 year sub on tinder? >decide to be my weird-ass self, shows all my date the plusies i have in my car, talk incesesently about anime and video games >never think anything can come of it, maybe some brain dead Ethot would pity and hook up >i have 2 its complicated "girl friends" and 3 other FWB, none of them know each other. four of which i c------- every other day f---

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Anon really hates his gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/18/19(Sat)07:39:17 No.52475385 >ex-girlfriend killed herself last night by hanging herself >we were together from 2010 to 2017 before she left me for someone else >l post a message on her Facebook tribute post that says "Hang in there, everyone. She certainly is." (I had to throw in that last bit to make sure everyone knew I didn't merely misspeak) >at 14 flames and angry responses and counting 14 KB JPG Imao Get f-----, w---- 13 Replies View Thread

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anon criticizes the writing in japanese games | /r/Greentext

>japanese game >trying to give the main female character a flaw >"DUDE WHAT IF SHE'S LIKE REALLY BAD AT COOKING LMAO?"

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Anon is an eurotard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)14:52:01 No.857854052 >highest number of prisoners PER CAPITA >highest violent crime rate in the western world >highest number of mass shootings of any developed country 140 KB JPG >no universal healthcare >super high tuition, high student loan debt >richest corporations pay exactly $0 in taxes >2 party political system that produces nothing >staggering amounts of homelessness >has been at war every decade >opioid and prescription pill addicted youth Be sure to celebrate it all on July 4th.

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Anon explains evolution. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/27/21(Mon)07:20:11 No.66732771 >sabertooth is dangerous to caveman >caveman brain make caveman scared >caveman run away, survives >suddenly other cavemen start building walls and forming armies, sabertooth no longer a threat >now caveman still has fear but its for 1.88 MB GIF different things hes not used to, like being laughed at by ooga, rejected by booga, or punishment from not respecting king pooga >caveman brain makes all of these into imaginary sabertooths, some more logical than others, his survival now dependent on if his brain can correctly identify what is a dangerous wild animal and what isnt in his new weird environment >a few moments later and now you have panic attacks trying to think of the right meme to use to start your conversation with an e-girl with a nose ring and anime tattoos

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Anon becomes numb | /r/Greentext

I DID IT AGAIN. ainOHS I -MOMENT OF SELF-REFLECT- JUST KILL MYSELF 12/27/21(Mon)08:25:05 No.66730442 [Reply] ► >66730862 >>66730865 >be me >finally get tired of schlicking >decide to get a sex toy >buy cheap 20$ amazon vibrator wand >best orgasm of my life >use it daily >can c-- literally whenever >takes like 10 mins instead of 40 >could be reading a wikipedia article and still get off >it starts taking longer again >i need to use the highest power the entire time to c-- >try to use fingers, takes literally 2 hours to c-- and it feels like nothing >mfw i literally made my clit numb trying to go a month without using it to see if that helps am i f-----?

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Anon listened to Music | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)09:19:45 No.852672830 >be me >Be audiophile >Spend 5 hours trying to find new song in lossless format >Can't buy since out 100 000 on equipment >finally find song >It is .exe file but whatever >Spend next 5 hours tuning my setup for R&B 9 KB JPG >Finally listen to song >Hear that the power company turbine is slightly off it's magnetic field >Makes slight hiss in my headphones >Instantly s--- and throw up over myself >Be safe out there fellow audiophiles

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