Anon made a Egyptian friend | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous I I 01/31/21(Sun)20:45:31 No.138718405 >Call Amazon customer service >l'm informed the call center guy is speaking from Egypt >Turns out to be the most professional, most polite call center guy l've ever interacted with >Thank him a lot 44 KB PNG >"Always at your service Sir" >Before leavingI ask him if he's actually Egyptian >"Yes" >congratulate him on his perfect Italian >"Thanks, I invite you to visit Egypt, the country of the the Sphinx and the Pyramids, one of the seven wonders of the world" >Haha wow thanks! >"I've worked with Italians before. You can visit my city which is located there near there, you'll love it there" >Thank him so much, and ask him his name again >He knows mine from the screen I felt /international/ love bliss bros. I now have a new Egyptian fren

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Australianon's thoughts on the land of the free | /r/Greentext

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Anon’s bro is a chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)11:55:07 No.66504079 >brother is a legit Chad but autistic >only leaves the house to go to the gym >spends his days browsing 4chan and making music >family friends come over and bring their daughters 64 KB JPG >can tell they like my brother >he acts cold and distant and ignores them >everyone tries to set him up with a girl and he just goes "I like being alone" does an awkward laugh and quickly goes back to his room >father is starting to wonder if he might be gay It's like he's completely detached from the world, I don't blame him, our parents used to fight a lot while we were young and that probably f----- him up, but still. If I had 18 year old p---- being thrown at my face l'd take it in a heartbeat.

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Anon’s sister turns 16 | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 05/03/14(Sat)13:45:49 No.46503828 4SO20 siyounger sister decided to host a party for her 18th birthday on a Saturday when are parents aren't around >she's a litle "different", so I was worried no one would come >told me she gave out birthday invitations to all her classmates >the day of the swoet 16th >it's 6 in the evening >no one came >kapt my sister company while we ate Doritos in the empty decorated living roam >feel sad for her >decide to do something about it >caled all my friends to come downi to the house >toid them to bring all their other friends and bring a coupie snacks and drinks it's e at night >around 200 in qur house >people spilling out our antrance and back doors feels good man >Girl Talk's All Day booming arqund our house >random people jumping into and swimming in our home pool >friends do a huge Tug O War in the living room Prnd cups and skowers everywhere >irs fike a mini Project X party >it's 1 in the morning >l bririg the cake in for my sister >everyone sings her a happy birthday >aho looks to me and givon me the greatent hug I've ever had >l srnile ahe blows the cake and we continue partying Anonymous 05/03/14(Sat)13:47.29 No.46503859 >>46503828 (OP) >fhis didn't tun into an i----- story good job, OP, keep it legit.

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Anon takes the Jocko pill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/22/20(Thu)19:06:17 No.16634747 >>16633841 (OP) # Wake up at 1am in the freezer Gargle piss Uncomfortable? Good. Listen to 5 self improvement podcasts at once as you drag a tyre to work 63 KB PNG Fire ants in a diaper to keep you going Ex wife calls Says you can't visit the kids this weekend Good. They only slow you down Get to work, gargle more pee Do work on Chinese keyboard Don't know Chinese? You will. Broken glass for lunch Boss comes in, says you're falling behind He doesn't understand He can't He isn't a wolf in this world of sheep Get hit by 3 cars on the way home while listening to audiobooks at 2x speed New record Legs broken? Good. Pass out on kitchen floor, roaches kissing you all over They understand the grind Set alarm for 1am and drift into a coma while listening to asmr

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Anon encounters a bitch | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)16:13:44 No.868331735 >be me >be interested in a girl >start taking to her on discord >ask her about her interests >think I am making progress >random says that I made her feel uncomfortable 104 KB PNG >say sorry >think that I am a bad person for making her feel bad >next day she says that she's not interested in me >ok np >fast forward a couple months >In class for final day of school >ask the whole group "what's the weirdest thing you have seen on the internet?“ >she says "anon" >calls me a creep in-front of everyone in class >apologize again for what I did >can't believe this is happened >mfw Why are people like this? If she said not to talk to her I would have stopped now everyone will think I am a creep and did some serious s--- to her.

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Anon is genius | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:16:13 No.819003901 I just got released from prison. Four years. robbed a f------ bank but plead down to aggravated assault. Money's gone. F------ dye packs. Oh well, could have been 20 so no complaints. Now what do? Drive a truck? >>819004027 # >>819004077 # >>819004321 # >>819014798 # : Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:26:13 No.819004321 >>819003901 # Here's what you do >start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable >half the screen is going to show a videogame >title of the youtube video: "REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTA5 Bank Heist Mission" >you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say s--- like "yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have alarms like that" >pause the cutscene every now and then and say some s--- like "back when i hit the bank, the cops were on us much quicker than this, so im not sure this is entirely accurate" >your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies >then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life >before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison >enjoy making more money than all of us

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Femanon kills incel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)03:38:08 No.66499718 M-M-M-MONSTERKILL-KILL-KILL! >have rare bone marrow type Godlike! Epic win :P >agree to donate for a cancer patient >find out it's a male Ultrakill! Trololo xD "Le trole faic 1337 xD The cake >pull out at the last moment is a lie >he deteriorates and dies 441 KB PNG Granted he was only 12 but knowing he'd just be like any other entitled incel in her teens,I know I made a wise decision. : Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)03:38:51 No.66499722 >>66499718 (OP)# >he'd just be like any other entitled incel in her teens >implying

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Anon likes motorcycles | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)00:07:07 No.66497741 >really want a motorcycle >Have no reason to buy one since public transport is decent here >Literally no financial reason to do SO >Still really want one >Already failed my driving test once 28 KB JPG since I'm f------ garbage >Gonna try it again in two weeks Driver anons, is it even worth it,? I feel like just giving up after failing something so simple >Pic related is what I would probably buy

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Anon’s dad teaches him a lesson | /r/Greentext

>be me >26 y/o JIMAT >sitting in my room on a warm summer afternoon, chillin' >playing overwatch >hear my parents' room door open and shuffling downstairs 2009 2020 174 KB JPG >internet shuts off not long after >I was in a f------ comp match and probably lost tons of elo and have a quitting penalty >storm out of my room to investigate >dad is standing there with the modem >"Getting a job is all about being persistent and putting your game face on, Champ. You'll never reach the higher branch if you don't jump. During my senior year in high school, we were facing our cross-town rivals over at Allentown. They were the best team in the entire state, and they had this monster of a defensive end: Chet Anders. He was 6'5, 260 - or he was until I dove at his knees on a cut block and took him out. Sheer luck it took the paramedics a good 15 minutes to get him to stop screaming. I think he leapt off a bridge after Notre Dame yanked his scholarship offer. The point is that you've gotta crawl outta that thick shell of yours-" >d-dad just put the internet back on >"All you've gotta do is show up there and ask to speak with the manager. Stand up straight, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. Ill drive you around town so you can try it out, and we're not turning back until someone hires you on the spot. That simple, Champ!"

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Harry Potter and the Hangleton Globe Trotters | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)09:56:23 No.160408196 >>160407906 (OP) # Maybe if any of you actually read the books, you would know Hermoine was written as a black girl from the start. 241 KB JPG Deathly Hallows page 234 paragraph 3 and I quote.. >"Ron! Voldemort is getting away on his broomstick!". >"Oh No Harry! How are we going to catch him Ron replied. >Things looked dire indeed but just then Hermoine hollered at Harry and Ron from down the street. >"Yo crackers, I gots us some bikes now lets roll on that jive ass noseless m-----------!" >"Hermoine, where did you get these bicycles?" inquired Harry. >"Shieeeettttt.." replied Hermoine.

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Anon missing he’s wife (not really a greentext but still pretty good) | /r/Greentext

I miss my doll wife. Working out of state for long periods without her makes me want to quit. I wish I could take her with me everywhere instead of hidden away in my room. 294 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)19:48:41 No.868303899 >>868303797 (OP) # Sorry for your hard ship f----- I hope she stays faithful to you while you're 1.35 MB GIF gone >>868304058 # >>868304184 # >>868304211 # >>86 $04399 # : Anonymous 12/09/21 (Thu)19:51:35 No.868304058 >>868303899 # i laughed at this harder than i should have 72 KB PNG

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Anon had the best dad! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I had the best dad 12/15/18(Sat)19:08:31 No.49862882 > Be me > Years ago. Still in womb. > Hear dad whispering nice poems. > Gonnabeagoodlife.mp3 > Hear dad leave for work. > Hear mom invite over 'Tyrone' > Black hose starts knocking 285 KB JPG against my head. > Hear dad come back and cry. > Hear mom beg for forgiveness. > Says he's staying for me. > mfw I realize this wonderful man is going to get stuck with this thot because of me. > Cant let that happen. > Decide to poison her toth bloodstream > Gonnatakeyoudownwithme.divx > Hear dad in hospital say goodbye to me and mom. > Hear moms heart beat stop before mine does. Goodbye dad. You deserve a better life.

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