Anon is genius | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

| Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:16:13 No.819003901 I just got released from prison. Four years. robbed a f------ bank but plead down to aggravated assault. Money's gone. F------ dye packs. Oh well, could have been 20 so no complaints. Now what do? Drive a truck? >>819004027 # >>819004077 # >>819004321 # >>819014798 # : Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:26:13 No.819004321 >>819003901 # Here's what you do >start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable >half the screen is going to show a videogame >title of the youtube video: "REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTA5 Bank Heist Mission" >you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say s--- like "yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have alarms like that" >pause the cutscene every now and then and say some s--- like "back when i hit the bank, the cops were on us much quicker than this, so im not sure this is entirely accurate" >your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies >then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life >before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison >enjoy making more money than all of us

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Femanon kills incel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)03:38:08 No.66499718 M-M-M-MONSTERKILL-KILL-KILL! >have rare bone marrow type Godlike! Epic win :P >agree to donate for a cancer patient >find out it's a male Ultrakill! Trololo xD "Le trole faic 1337 xD The cake >pull out at the last moment is a lie >he deteriorates and dies 441 KB PNG Granted he was only 12 but knowing he'd just be like any other entitled incel in her teens,I know I made a wise decision. : Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)03:38:51 No.66499722 >>66499718 (OP)# >he'd just be like any other entitled incel in her teens >implying

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Anon likes motorcycles | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)00:07:07 No.66497741 >really want a motorcycle >Have no reason to buy one since public transport is decent here >Literally no financial reason to do SO >Still really want one >Already failed my driving test once 28 KB JPG since I'm f------ garbage >Gonna try it again in two weeks Driver anons, is it even worth it,? I feel like just giving up after failing something so simple >Pic related is what I would probably buy

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Anon’s dad teaches him a lesson | /r/Greentext

>be me >26 y/o JIMAT >sitting in my room on a warm summer afternoon, chillin' >playing overwatch >hear my parents' room door open and shuffling downstairs 2009 2020 174 KB JPG >internet shuts off not long after >I was in a f------ comp match and probably lost tons of elo and have a quitting penalty >storm out of my room to investigate >dad is standing there with the modem >"Getting a job is all about being persistent and putting your game face on, Champ. You'll never reach the higher branch if you don't jump. During my senior year in high school, we were facing our cross-town rivals over at Allentown. They were the best team in the entire state, and they had this monster of a defensive end: Chet Anders. He was 6'5, 260 - or he was until I dove at his knees on a cut block and took him out. Sheer luck it took the paramedics a good 15 minutes to get him to stop screaming. I think he leapt off a bridge after Notre Dame yanked his scholarship offer. The point is that you've gotta crawl outta that thick shell of yours-" >d-dad just put the internet back on >"All you've gotta do is show up there and ask to speak with the manager. Stand up straight, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. Ill drive you around town so you can try it out, and we're not turning back until someone hires you on the spot. That simple, Champ!"

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Harry Potter and the Hangleton Globe Trotters | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)09:56:23 No.160408196 >>160407906 (OP) # Maybe if any of you actually read the books, you would know Hermoine was written as a black girl from the start. 241 KB JPG Deathly Hallows page 234 paragraph 3 and I quote.. >"Ron! Voldemort is getting away on his broomstick!". >"Oh No Harry! How are we going to catch him Ron replied. >Things looked dire indeed but just then Hermoine hollered at Harry and Ron from down the street. >"Yo crackers, I gots us some bikes now lets roll on that jive ass noseless m-----------!" >"Hermoine, where did you get these bicycles?" inquired Harry. >"Shieeeettttt.." replied Hermoine.

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Anon missing he’s wife (not really a greentext but still pretty good) | /r/Greentext

I miss my doll wife. Working out of state for long periods without her makes me want to quit. I wish I could take her with me everywhere instead of hidden away in my room. 294 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)19:48:41 No.868303899 >>868303797 (OP) # Sorry for your hard ship f----- I hope she stays faithful to you while you're 1.35 MB GIF gone >>868304058 # >>868304184 # >>868304211 # >>86 $04399 # : Anonymous 12/09/21 (Thu)19:51:35 No.868304058 >>868303899 # i laughed at this harder than i should have 72 KB PNG

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Anon had the best dad! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I had the best dad 12/15/18(Sat)19:08:31 No.49862882 > Be me > Years ago. Still in womb. > Hear dad whispering nice poems. > Gonnabeagoodlife.mp3 > Hear dad leave for work. > Hear mom invite over 'Tyrone' > Black hose starts knocking 285 KB JPG against my head. > Hear dad come back and cry. > Hear mom beg for forgiveness. > Says he's staying for me. > mfw I realize this wonderful man is going to get stuck with this thot because of me. > Cant let that happen. > Decide to poison her toth bloodstream > Gonnatakeyoudownwithme.divx > Hear dad in hospital say goodbye to me and mom. > Hear moms heart beat stop before mine does. Goodbye dad. You deserve a better life.

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Anon has a female coworker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)20:44:26 No.868318684 >be me >have female coworker >one day she makes a joke about how nobody would want to impregnate her >complimentloading.wav >"I'd impregnate you" 28 KB JPG >she looks at me with a shocked look She hasn't talked to me since then. She doesn't even make eye contact. Was it really that bad? Maybe the compliment was in bad taste but it was still a compliment right? Also, how f----- am l if she tells HR? 7 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)20:53:09 No.868319098 >>868318956 # That is the most beta s--- l've ever heard.

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(Fem)anon is single | /r/Greentext

>be 6'3" lean educated with a good job with a 6.5/10 face >failure on tinder, bumble, hinge >W-- >create a femanon account to see what I'm up against Not to sound like an ass /b/ but I am 77 KB JPG definitely above average. Not top 10% but definitely in the top 25%. Makes no sense! >tell myself it's because I'm not white I. Smh racisssss >get ready to delete the account >hold on! I still remember the one time a girl complimented me. Feltsogoodman >stay on as femanon and match some kings to compliment them >tell them l'm not looking for anything so they shouldn't expect anything but compliment the f--- out of them I know I'm probably giving false hope to some but hope some dudes are feeling a little better about themselves. >inb4 gay

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anon likes ed sheeran | /r/Greentext

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Anon is Eleven | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/25/18(Sat)05:00:20 No.47729096 most retarded moments thread ? Merthern Virginia > be me > be 11 > in car with family heading home from county fair 100 KB JPG > dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad wanted so she could check the wait > for whatever f------ reason I hear "get rid of this" > roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the interstate I didn't get dinner that night

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Anon tries to trade bants with his girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)09:49:46 No.25444378 >gf calls my foreskin d--- cheese stick or smelly stick all the time >make one joke about her having beef curtains >she ignored me for a whole week that's women for you >>25444382 # >>25444383 # >>25444397 # >>25444399 # >>25444461 #

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Anon needs help | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)18:51:34 No.868304057 really need some help bros. I decided that I needed some quick cash to fund my emo rap career >Meet old Russian man on this amateur h----- site >He said he wants a young hung stud for his wife >Go to his mansion in Orange County 28 KB JPG >There is no wife >Only this creepy old guy >He shows me a suitcase full of dollars >Tells me there's 25k in the suitcase >Says he will give it to me if I let him top me and finish him with a r----- >He made me crossdress as a sissy maid >l had the dirtiest and most painful sex ever with this old f-- >after he came down my throat he pushed me out the door >Threw the suitcase at me >Told me he had the "love bug" >Turns out I have aids >Turns out the money was counterfeit >The old man recorded the whole thing with a secret camera and now it's all over the Russian internet apparently I should probably kys View Thread

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