Anon watches sitcoms | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 11/07/21(Sun)09:56:30 No.66061441 >be me >with grandma >she's watching big bang theory >such s--- >woman on tv says to guy "find out what cologne her father wears if you want to have coitus with her" 1.45 MB PNG >hmm >been hanging out with this one girl who's really close with her father >met her dad before so I ask him what cologne he uses >tells me and I get the same one and use it >takes 5 days before me and girl have sex >it was her first time >mega virgin sitcom got me laid All in a days work

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is happy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/19(Fri)17:38:28 No.792141603 >seeing some girl recently >go to her house to f--- her again >while we are cuddling ask her what's on her mind >tells me that she likes me >tell her I like her too 410 KB PNG >tells me how she likes to kiss me,hold me, how she likes me eyes, my laugh, the way I talk >we don't fall asleep until 5am >leave her house around 7am >keeps saying she doesn't want me to go >driving back to my place the feelings hit me >ffw you've been emotionally deprived for the first 19 years of your life >tfw you thought you would end up alone and a loser but you managed to turn out just fine >tfw you realize you aren't alone in this world >tfw you matter to someone It's a feeling that is warmer than heroin /b/

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Anon Watches the Show | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 11/07/21(Sun)16:00:28 No.866266507 >finally watch Squid Game with my gf >actually lives up to the hype >enjoying the plot, the dude with the snake face tattoo is doing some vile s--- >gf breaks the silence "Man why the f--- does he have to be so hot." >look at her >she's not kidding "Why and how the f--- do you always go for the ugliest m----------- in everything." "I have a type." >it takes me a moment >mfw

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Anon commits nefarious acts | /r/Greentext

I commit nerarious acts 11/07/21(Sun)13:29:37 No.66059693 >coworkers tell me boss reviews the footage every night I work >best coworker tells me boss looking for reasons to fire me >next night I come in with around 3-4 lassos of thin fishing line >act as if Im just walking around 362 KB PNG but secretly leaving lines on doors and drawers >pull doors and drawers closed magically >2 days later coworkers tell me my boss has been non stop replaying footage where I close a door magically >get a little more daring >tie fishing line around head put on hat >tie end to c-------- >low gravity spin c-------- into my mouth >mfw next night coworkers tell me boss is schizophrenic and retired >me and co worker look at the footage of my nefarious acts >mfw they could all see the fishing line >mfw I wasnt subtle at all >mfw my boss is just a schizoid and everyone thinks Im autistic

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Anon is edgy and dislikes banks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)18:38:58 No.805356843 What is the best way to hide cash ? please be serious. Don't say up my ass. Give me genius tier ideas. I don't like keeping everything in bank. 128 KB JPG And don't say obvious things like under the bed, in a shoe box. : Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)18:40:06 No.805356891 >>805356843 (OP) # Up your ass : Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)18:40:13 No.805356894 >>805356843 (OP) # Up my ass : Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)18:40:22 No.805356902 >>805356843 (OP) # Hide it under your bed then shove the entire bed up your ass

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Anon likes black lil cats | /r/Greentext

: I am literally f------ retarde(...) 03/29/21(Mon)21:16:38 No.6296717' >be me >have a black cat >talk s--- to the black cat on a regular basis for amusement >like to use racial slurs >for example >"what are you looking at you chinky eyed m-----------?" 18 KB JPG >"quit your moaning n----- I'm coming with food right now" >absolutely f------ adore this cat >earlier today, hit the pet store for kitty kibble >always get the best quality stuff although I eat trash >there's a qt there >around my age, holding a small black kitten >she looks a little overwhelemed >take a deep breath, approach the qt >my guts are quivering as I haven't spoken to a female in months >say "hey! You look like you need some help, if you want good cat food go for high protein and omega 3s, keeps their coat soft and shiny." >she smiles behind her mask >can tell it's genuine and full of warmth >"thank you so much! I've never had a kitten and I want to be sure I take good care of him. Would you like to pet him?" >absolutely yes >scratch his chin >purrs like a boat engine >she laughs and says "awww he likes you!" >chuckle and respond >"yeah, you got yourself a cute little n----- don't you?" >she stiffens >stammers >"uhm, what??" >immediately realize w-- i just said >"uhhhhhh UUHHHMM YEAH HE'S CUTE RIGHT НАНА" >visibly shaking, mound of spaghetti at feet >she looks around awkwardly >"yeah uhm, thanks for the help I should probably get him home." >before I can respond she turns and walks away >could practically vomit in the aisle >get the food, trudge to checkout >see her in another aisle >is standing with a niggerchad >are you f------ kidding me? >remain depressed and disgusted with self >get home >see cat >call him a n----- on principle

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Anon has his yellow privilege | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)14:42:15 No.80643647 > first day at office in 12 months > walk in to meet new manager BLACK LIVES MATTER for first time > see pic related on her wall > asks me if like her poster > smile and node 30 KB JPG > "Amazing anon! We will get on great! Great that we can check-out our white privilege and leave it at the door" > tell her I am 75% Chinese and don't have white privilege > She tells me we all have some degree of white privilege >I smile and leave > Report her and what just happened to HR > HR is Chinese descent > White privilege lady get fire > See her packing things into box > tell her not to forget her white privilege > watch her burst into tears > feel slightly guilty > push 35 commits, feel better > go home and eat sushi

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Anon attends a boys-only school | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)08:13:41 No.64654697 >>64654248 (OP) # >be me >be 14 15 KB JPG >attend boys only school (thanks mum and dad) >go to school dance held with local 'sister' school >didn't get a dance all night >feelsbadman.jpg >towards the end of the night a qt comes up and asks "Hey, want to dance?" >couldn't believe my luck >Say yes >She says "Just kidding!" >Walks away with her friend laughing >Self esteem was already critically low - now depleted Why are girls like this? I'm glad women have to suffer periods and childbirth. They f------ deserve it.

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Anon is rarted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/19/19(Thu)13:23:14 No.816571547 please be patient I have autism >be me >amateur MMA fighter >mostly just a hobby, do it to stay in shape etc. >also help train kids at the gym I fight for >teaching 12-13 year old kid how to 77 KB JPG stand and hit pads, simple s--- >kid has high-functioning autism >out of nowhere he looks at me and says "How high does the grass grow in Germany" >Think it's just a weird autist question >"I don't know, probably the same as here" >"About this high" he then proceeds to give a full Nazi salute for 10 seconds >fuckingwotm8 I know you're on this website you little incel, I got yelled at by the gyms owner because he thought I made you do that. F--- you. 2 Replies View Thread

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Anon encounters a neckbeard with a greater power level | /r/Greentext

File: 1467782272309.png (325 KB, 382x417) Anonymous 11/06/21(Sat)16:23:53 No.866222360 >>866222699 >>866222779 >>866222852 >>866222935 >be me >at the self-checkout in the store >scanning my items as normal without any interruption >finish checking out and walk away >as l'm walking away, the employee assigned there walks towards me to remove my basket >he looks in his 20s and probably had a neckbeard under his mask >looks me in the eyes as l'm walking past >"watch your six out there" >stunned silence and bewilderment >he continues past me as I keep walking What the f--- did he mean by this? Anonymous 11/06/21(Sat)16:32:23 No.866222699 >>866222360 (OP) Do you live under a rock? Clown world's dangerous. Watch your f-----' six, bro.

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Anon gets dating advice | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 11/06/21(Sat)23:48:24 No.866226473 [Reply] | >Be me >Have this girl I really like >When I didn't see her for 2 weeks due to covid she said "I'm missed you *so* much" >I think she likes me too >It might just be her personality though >W-- do I do? O Anonymous 11/06/21(Sat)23:50:31 No.866226567 226626 f--- her right in the p----

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Boner constrictor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/06/21(Sat)15:23:24 No.66050590 > Im a senior in high school > 6 feet tall, but very lanky and skinny. Also be white. > Have a friend in two of my classes. Shes a sophomore, two years below me, and I just met her this year. > Shes Asian and thus pretty 59 KB JPG short, only reaching to my chin, but shes pretty stocky. But she plays volleyball, so its not in a fat way. > She constantly teases me whenever were around each other, like shoving me around, stealing my food, and calling me nerd. She never gets too physical though but its pretty relentless. >I had a dream last night > In the dream we get into a light hearted argument > She gets tired of it and suddenly pushed me to the ground. She then pins me to the ground and puts me into chokeholds with her arms. It lasted a while and was relentless. > She was enjoying herself but I really couldnt free myself or move at all. I dont know if she knew that I really couldnt resist, and now I never willI.

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Anon waits for the microwave | /r/Greentext

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