Anon commits nefarious acts | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

I commit nerarious acts 11/07/21(Sun)13:29:37 No.66059693 >coworkers tell me boss reviews the footage every night I work >best coworker tells me boss looking for reasons to fire me >next night I come in with around 3-4 lassos of thin fishing line >act as if Im just walking around 362 KB PNG but secretly leaving lines on doors and drawers >pull doors and drawers closed magically >2 days later coworkers tell me my boss has been non stop replaying footage where I close a door magically >get a little more daring >tie fishing line around head put on hat >tie end to c-------- >low gravity spin c-------- into my mouth >mfw next night coworkers tell me boss is schizophrenic and retired >me and co worker look at the footage of my nefarious acts >mfw they could all see the fishing line >mfw I wasnt subtle at all >mfw my boss is just a schizoid and everyone thinks Im autistic

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon is edgy and dislikes banks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)18:38:58 No.805356843 What is the best way to hide cash ? please be serious. Don't say up my ass. Give me genius tier ideas. I don't like keeping everything in bank. 128 KB JPG And don't say obvious things like under the bed, in a shoe box. : Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)18:40:06 No.805356891 >>805356843 (OP) # Up your ass : Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)18:40:13 No.805356894 >>805356843 (OP) # Up my ass : Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)18:40:22 No.805356902 >>805356843 (OP) # Hide it under your bed then shove the entire bed up your ass

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Anon likes black lil cats | /r/Greentext

: I am literally f------ retarde(...) 03/29/21(Mon)21:16:38 No.6296717' >be me >have a black cat >talk s--- to the black cat on a regular basis for amusement >like to use racial slurs >for example >"what are you looking at you chinky eyed m-----------?" 18 KB JPG >"quit your moaning n----- I'm coming with food right now" >absolutely f------ adore this cat >earlier today, hit the pet store for kitty kibble >always get the best quality stuff although I eat trash >there's a qt there >around my age, holding a small black kitten >she looks a little overwhelemed >take a deep breath, approach the qt >my guts are quivering as I haven't spoken to a female in months >say "hey! You look like you need some help, if you want good cat food go for high protein and omega 3s, keeps their coat soft and shiny." >she smiles behind her mask >can tell it's genuine and full of warmth >"thank you so much! I've never had a kitten and I want to be sure I take good care of him. Would you like to pet him?" >absolutely yes >scratch his chin >purrs like a boat engine >she laughs and says "awww he likes you!" >chuckle and respond >"yeah, you got yourself a cute little n----- don't you?" >she stiffens >stammers >"uhm, what??" >immediately realize w-- i just said >"uhhhhhh UUHHHMM YEAH HE'S CUTE RIGHT НАНА" >visibly shaking, mound of spaghetti at feet >she looks around awkwardly >"yeah uhm, thanks for the help I should probably get him home." >before I can respond she turns and walks away >could practically vomit in the aisle >get the food, trudge to checkout >see her in another aisle >is standing with a niggerchad >are you f------ kidding me? >remain depressed and disgusted with self >get home >see cat >call him a n----- on principle

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Anon has his yellow privilege | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)14:42:15 No.80643647 > first day at office in 12 months > walk in to meet new manager BLACK LIVES MATTER for first time > see pic related on her wall > asks me if like her poster > smile and node 30 KB JPG > "Amazing anon! We will get on great! Great that we can check-out our white privilege and leave it at the door" > tell her I am 75% Chinese and don't have white privilege > She tells me we all have some degree of white privilege >I smile and leave > Report her and what just happened to HR > HR is Chinese descent > White privilege lady get fire > See her packing things into box > tell her not to forget her white privilege > watch her burst into tears > feel slightly guilty > push 35 commits, feel better > go home and eat sushi

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Anon attends a boys-only school | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)08:13:41 No.64654697 >>64654248 (OP) # >be me >be 14 15 KB JPG >attend boys only school (thanks mum and dad) >go to school dance held with local 'sister' school >didn't get a dance all night >feelsbadman.jpg >towards the end of the night a qt comes up and asks "Hey, want to dance?" >couldn't believe my luck >Say yes >She says "Just kidding!" >Walks away with her friend laughing >Self esteem was already critically low - now depleted Why are girls like this? I'm glad women have to suffer periods and childbirth. They f------ deserve it.

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Anon is rarted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/19/19(Thu)13:23:14 No.816571547 please be patient I have autism >be me >amateur MMA fighter >mostly just a hobby, do it to stay in shape etc. >also help train kids at the gym I fight for >teaching 12-13 year old kid how to 77 KB JPG stand and hit pads, simple s--- >kid has high-functioning autism >out of nowhere he looks at me and says "How high does the grass grow in Germany" >Think it's just a weird autist question >"I don't know, probably the same as here" >"About this high" he then proceeds to give a full Nazi salute for 10 seconds >fuckingwotm8 I know you're on this website you little incel, I got yelled at by the gyms owner because he thought I made you do that. F--- you. 2 Replies View Thread

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Anon encounters a neckbeard with a greater power level | /r/Greentext

File: 1467782272309.png (325 KB, 382x417) Anonymous 11/06/21(Sat)16:23:53 No.866222360 >>866222699 >>866222779 >>866222852 >>866222935 >be me >at the self-checkout in the store >scanning my items as normal without any interruption >finish checking out and walk away >as l'm walking away, the employee assigned there walks towards me to remove my basket >he looks in his 20s and probably had a neckbeard under his mask >looks me in the eyes as l'm walking past >"watch your six out there" >stunned silence and bewilderment >he continues past me as I keep walking What the f--- did he mean by this? Anonymous 11/06/21(Sat)16:32:23 No.866222699 >>866222360 (OP) Do you live under a rock? Clown world's dangerous. Watch your f-----' six, bro.

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Anon gets dating advice | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 11/06/21(Sat)23:48:24 No.866226473 [Reply] | >Be me >Have this girl I really like >When I didn't see her for 2 weeks due to covid she said "I'm missed you *so* much" >I think she likes me too >It might just be her personality though >W-- do I do? O Anonymous 11/06/21(Sat)23:50:31 No.866226567 226626 f--- her right in the p----

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Boner constrictor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/06/21(Sat)15:23:24 No.66050590 > Im a senior in high school > 6 feet tall, but very lanky and skinny. Also be white. > Have a friend in two of my classes. Shes a sophomore, two years below me, and I just met her this year. > Shes Asian and thus pretty 59 KB JPG short, only reaching to my chin, but shes pretty stocky. But she plays volleyball, so its not in a fat way. > She constantly teases me whenever were around each other, like shoving me around, stealing my food, and calling me nerd. She never gets too physical though but its pretty relentless. >I had a dream last night > In the dream we get into a light hearted argument > She gets tired of it and suddenly pushed me to the ground. She then pins me to the ground and puts me into chokeholds with her arms. It lasted a while and was relentless. > She was enjoying herself but I really couldnt free myself or move at all. I dont know if she knew that I really couldnt resist, and now I never willI.

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Anon waits for the microwave | /r/Greentext

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Anon goes through a redemption arc | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/01/21(Mon)10:32:01 No.16921076 >Stop drinking >Go to nearest small shop where I would buy a bottle of gin every 2-3 days >"Anything else sir?" He asks expecting me to request my usual bottle 46 KB PNG >"No that's it" >Shop owner looks at me and smiles >mfw realisingI unwittingly had a redemption arc in the eyes of my local shop owner

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Anon is a normally functioning human | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 11/06/21(Sat)05:22:38 No.66043733 > >>66044325 >>66044379 >>66044432 >>66044545 >>66044557 >>66044642 >>66046181 >>66046442 >be me >on tinder >match with a perfect 8/10 cutie >brunette, light skin, brown eyes, nice figure (could be better tho) >be really excited cause its the first hot chick that seems real >send her a message that says "hi" Scho >she doesn't reply back >dont want to seem desperate so wait a day before sending another hi she >be next >figure she's probably too busy to use the app >idea.jpg >decide to use my abilities to find her insta >one of her pictures she seems to be working at a coffee shop >according to tinder she's three miles away so look up coffee shops at a 10 mile radius on google maps >notice she's behind the counter in the picture and the reflection on her glasses shows window walls in front of her day, she doesn't reply back or unmatches me or anything >look up the customer pictures of the coffee shops to see which matches the description better on >find one that seems to be the one and look them up >check all their pictures and tagged pictures to see if I come across her >find one anniversary picture with the employees and she's there and tagged insta >bingo,wav >follow her, like some of her pictures and send her a message telling her we matched on Tinder but she wasn't replying back so I figured she wasn't using the app but she's too good to let her go scho >she keeps asking how I found her >decide to tel her so she knows how dedicated I am >she takes screenshots and posts them on her story to "expose" me >she has tons of followers so start getting messages of a------ bitches calling me a creep >s---'s getting too serious so delete instagram anons why the f--- are bitches allergic to sincere love O Anonymous 11/06/21(Sat)05:28:07 No.66043788 ► >>66043822 >>66044529 please f------ tell me this is satire anon, please or do you really not understand what you did wrong at every step here

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Anon criticizes the media | /r/Greentext

ID: /YXYQ/7w No.313465944 42 minutes ago 234354454534.jpg JPG 20.0 KiB 474x407 E United States >HE'S A WHITE CHUD >HE'S A MUSLIM LEFTIE >NO HE WASN'T >YES HE WAS Aren't we forgetting that 10 people were killed? Isn't that more important? 15 replies ID: bSVFINfq No.313466238 38 minutes ago 1612035221364.jpg JPG 47.4 KiB 1280x720 Confederate >>313465944 (OP) >Isn't that more important? No. ...

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