: Anonymous 10/04/21(Mon)17:59:28 No.864401456 >Be me, 30 year old virgin >Finally got my life together after years of dealing with social anxiety and low self esteem >Own my own home, car, etc >Close friend's girlfriend says a friend of hers is single and she can set me up 49 KB JPG >a little anxious but my friend's girlfriend says she was practically made for me >Says she's a huge fan of Star Trek like me, vidya, shooting compound bows, ju-jitsu >Show up to her house looking my absolute best >Opens the door and outwalks a literal t----- >Can't remember if my mouth was hanging wide open or if it just felt that way >it immediately starts talking to me about the ferengi rules of acquisition >Still standing completely motionless trying to process this situation and how my friends could betray me like this >turn around, get in my car, drive home

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon plays AI Dungeon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)21:39:09 No.65651616 >Discover Al Dungeon >play around with it for a while >get the idea to make pornographic scenarios with it >Al learns from my story telling >makes some good s---, nut crazy 116 KB PNG amounts >start making larger stories and edge for 3 hours+ >Al starts getting really good at learning my preferences >now I instantly go full mast when I open up Al Dungeon Am I now a lost cause anons

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Anon Comforms to the “Experience” | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: X09XXPI) 07/09/21(Fri)15:31:33 No.329330169 >>329330390 >>329330398>>329330764 >>329331490 >>329331540 >>329331748 >>329332643>>329336908>>329337049 File: images - 2021-04-30T192555.700.jpg (17 KB, 480x360) >>329329430 (OP) >"The thing is.. (Joe leans into the mic) fat isn't the problem. Carbs and sugar is the problem. Ever eat nuts man? Nuts are good for you." >Guest: "uh.. Yeah I eat nuts. I used to pick peanuts back when I was a kid and they were in the season." >Joe: "Nice, nice. Like from a tree?" >Guest: "No, they grow in the ground." >(Joe nearly s---- himself in surprise) "What?" >(His guest try not to sound condescending) >Guest: Peanuts grow in the ground kind of like-- >Joe: "Jamie, Google this right now. Jamie Google peanuts growing in the ground. H--------." >Guest: "Yeah just like that. They grow in the ground like potatoes." >Joe: "Well. (Breaths heavily into the mic) That makes sense. They couldn't grow on trees because squirrels would f--- them up. Imagine that? Imagine how much squirrels would f--- up a peanut tree. Squirrels are basically tiny chimpanzees."

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anon questions the American culinary arts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)16:10:17 No.864449618 >be me, romanian, just noW >really love bananas >like raw bananas, bananas juice, banana shakes, banana cakes, etc. >start thinking about some thick banana 997 KB PNG cream >have some free time to waste, start looking for banana cream recipes on youtube >get retarded "american pie" recipes with banana cream >the cream has no f------ banana in it, they just add bananas to the bottom of the pie >literally all of them call it banana cream pie, yet the cream has no f------ bananas???????????? >start googling "banana cream recipe -pie" >get icecream or cheesecake >look up banana cream recipe in romanian >first result literally tells me how to make actual banana cream with no f------ pie. Are americans literally this f------ retarded when it comes to food?

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Anon is autistic | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)21:49:47 No.864448499 >>864449191 >Be me new college freshman at mostly black school >Kind of Autistic >Dark skinned classmate teases me saying that I am some SJW f----- >Prove him wrong by calling him a N----- in front of the whole class >He was Hindi Bros what the f--- do I do from here. Is there any way out of this?

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Anon was bamboozled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/06/21(Sat)10:33:16 No.848945557 >be me, home alone >family is out >browsing /b/ >see an advertisement that says "GET A HUGE C--- IN LESS THAN A DAY" >l'm lacking in the meat 150 KB PNG department, so I click on it >loading >says "Thank you, your order has been received" >I didn't put any info in >hear the front door slam open >yell “hey guys how was the shopping?" >no response >just high pitched giggles >small footsteps, then a thud >the r--- dwarf is coming >mfw

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Anon is a good guy | /r/Greentext

File: avatars-000623228610-a6xg(...).jpg (41 KB, 500x500) O Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)16:39:45 No.864426517 >864426655 >>864426714 >>864427373 >Be me >Family goes to a city 100 miles away to attend a wedding >Distant cousin has exams, so her family leaves her at our place >First night alone >She's sleeping >Door is open >I shut the door, go to my room and doze off because l'm not a f------ retard O Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)16:40:34 No.864426540 File: IMG 20210924_203632.jpg (75 KB, 579x713)

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Eskimo Brothers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/04/21(Mon)22:22:16 No.65641277 >be me, 17, 3 years ago >order fleshlight using one of those debit cards you can load with however much cash you want. >fleshlight arrives >f--- the s--- out of it, better than masturbating 107 KB PNG >ffw 2 months. >14 year old brother figures out I have one. >he wants one too, asks me to buy one for him. >tell him to get a job and earn the money himself >he storms off. >ffw another two weeks. >get horny one sunday, go to get fleshlight. >it's missing >fuckfuckfuck.jpg| >look around frantically for it, believe parents found it. >boy was I wrong. >hear moaning coming from brother's room >ohpleasefuckno.jpg >get p-----, f------ barge in. >he's using MY fleshlight. >he didn't even wash it, still has my dried c-- on it. >we look at each other in horror. >he came just as I entered the room >I slowly exit, don't even go back for it, too disgusted to buy a new one. ... and that's the story of the time my brother and I didn't talk to eachother for over a year. We eventually agreed to never speak to eachother about it ever again

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Anon like his new salt toy | /r/Greentext

i Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)08:26:10 No.864417664 Okay /b/, so I recently bought a pic related because my room has had a bug problem. Honestly would recommend. Pros: 92 KB JPG >Get to snipe spiders off the wall >Hit a fly midair once was cool >Like doom IRL but with salt and bugs Cons: >Floor and desk covered in salt now Anyone else have one? 27 Replies /3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)09:21:43 No.864419967 >>864419602 # i agree your salt gun is badass anon, i have one too : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)09:23:30 No.864420043 >>864417664 (OP) # Own 2 of these. The Black fly 2.0 or the lawn and garden are more powerful than the original bug-a-salt. Also on the newer versions you dont have to push the safety each time you pump to shoot. : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)09:25:29 No.864420107 >>864419714 # I own the lazer too. Can confirm.

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Jihanon destroyes facebook | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)08:44:26 No.864418400 >be me duill >23 jihadist male >hate those white heretics >*idea.jpg* >decide to ddos that reptilian c--- to show them that allah is eternal 19 KB JPG and Facebook is temporary >decide to write about it to my jihadi friends >realize that Facebook is down because of me >be sad >go f--- one of my many wives >realize I don't have any >cry myself to sleep Don't be jihanon

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Apologies for the poor quality but my favorite greentext of all time | /r/Greentext

File skkk png (175 KB, 500x375) U Anonymous (ID: CHZND) 07/05/14(Satj00:31:26 No 554774383 > 25547E651 22554776730 225E4777012 okay /bl, story time >be me >beta 15 ylo >had weed a few times, nothing bad happened >docide to try acid, know a guy >hooks me up, go home >close toom door, close blinds >time to f------ party >lying on bed waiting for effects to kick in >ohfuckthereitis jpg >nothing looka right >decide to play some vidya to see what its like >good al zelda on wi >ater 10 minutes get hungry >try to leave, door wont apen >find key and unlock doar, needed alot of farce, must have been stuck >go downstairs >see parents on couch >trying to act cool >howstheweather png >they leave alter a while, success >make some nutella toast >taste like s--- >sudden urge to evacuate my bowels >just make it ta the toilet before i start erupting >feels good man >decide to sleep, grab blanket and clock the f--- out >wake up to screaming >too tired to comprehend >go back to sleep >wake up in hospital >mfw what actually happoned, according to my family >got aut of bed and threw zeida game case at the wall >jumped around in frant of my off tv swinging a spoon like a wi remote >aiter an hour of this i shoved the spoon into the keyhale and threw myself against the door untill the lock and my shaulder broke >went downstais >rnade a variety of facial exprestions at parents while saying weather over and over untill they let >went to kitchen spread nutella onto bare hand and took a bite >bload trail all the way to my sisters room vhere i sat on her chair and took a huge dump >fell asloep wrapped in a rug from the fioor, where sister found me 10 minutes later parents couldnt look at me for a month, sister want talk to me vhats your worst tripping balls experience /b/? reddit

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Afraid of the dark | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)10:12:46 No.63796100 >be me >in uni >talking to a girl >she complains about the 12 yo brat she has to babysit >says he's weird >"idk he does weird stuff, not the 980 KB GIF kind of stuff that a 12 yo boy does. You for example, what did you do when you were 12?, anon?" >"uhm... I..." >flashbacks of me spending every single afternoon on /pol/ >"anon? Did you hear me?" >"yes, well I... did racism on the internet" >"racism on the internet?" >"yeah" >"oh ok, got to go, bye" How to outlift this situation?

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Anon like Fred Flintstone | /r/Greentext

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Greentext Stories - Momma Didn’t Raise No Bottom | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 10/04/21(Mon)17:59:28 No.864401456 >Be me, 30 year old virgin >Finally got my life together after years of dealing with social anxiety and low self esteem >Own my own home, car, etc >Close friend's girlfriend says a friend of hers is single and she can set me up 49 KB JPG >a little anxious but my friend's girlfriend says she was practically made for me >Says she's a huge fan of Star Trek like me, vidya, shooting compound bows, ju-jitsu >Show up to her house looking my absolute best >Opens the door and outwalks a literal t----- >Can't remember if my mouth was hanging wide open or if it just felt that way >it immediately starts talking to me about the ferengi rules of acquisition >Still standing completely motionless trying to process this situation and how my friends could betray me like this >turn around, get in my car, drive home

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