Anon is autistic | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)21:49:47 No.864448499 >>864449191 >Be me new college freshman at mostly black school >Kind of Autistic >Dark skinned classmate teases me saying that I am some SJW f----- >Prove him wrong by calling him a N----- in front of the whole class >He was Hindi Bros what the f--- do I do from here. Is there any way out of this?

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Anon was bamboozled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/06/21(Sat)10:33:16 No.848945557 >be me, home alone >family is out >browsing /b/ >see an advertisement that says "GET A HUGE C--- IN LESS THAN A DAY" >l'm lacking in the meat 150 KB PNG department, so I click on it >loading >says "Thank you, your order has been received" >I didn't put any info in >hear the front door slam open >yell “hey guys how was the shopping?" >no response >just high pitched giggles >small footsteps, then a thud >the r--- dwarf is coming >mfw

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Anon is a good guy | /r/Greentext

File: avatars-000623228610-a6xg(...).jpg (41 KB, 500x500) O Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)16:39:45 No.864426517 >864426655 >>864426714 >>864427373 >Be me >Family goes to a city 100 miles away to attend a wedding >Distant cousin has exams, so her family leaves her at our place >First night alone >She's sleeping >Door is open >I shut the door, go to my room and doze off because l'm not a f------ retard O Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)16:40:34 No.864426540 File: IMG 20210924_203632.jpg (75 KB, 579x713)

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Eskimo Brothers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/04/21(Mon)22:22:16 No.65641277 >be me, 17, 3 years ago >order fleshlight using one of those debit cards you can load with however much cash you want. >fleshlight arrives >f--- the s--- out of it, better than masturbating 107 KB PNG >ffw 2 months. >14 year old brother figures out I have one. >he wants one too, asks me to buy one for him. >tell him to get a job and earn the money himself >he storms off. >ffw another two weeks. >get horny one sunday, go to get fleshlight. >it's missing >fuckfuckfuck.jpg| >look around frantically for it, believe parents found it. >boy was I wrong. >hear moaning coming from brother's room >ohpleasefuckno.jpg >get p-----, f------ barge in. >he's using MY fleshlight. >he didn't even wash it, still has my dried c-- on it. >we look at each other in horror. >he came just as I entered the room >I slowly exit, don't even go back for it, too disgusted to buy a new one. ... and that's the story of the time my brother and I didn't talk to eachother for over a year. We eventually agreed to never speak to eachother about it ever again

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Anon like his new salt toy | /r/Greentext

i Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)08:26:10 No.864417664 Okay /b/, so I recently bought a pic related because my room has had a bug problem. Honestly would recommend. Pros: 92 KB JPG >Get to snipe spiders off the wall >Hit a fly midair once was cool >Like doom IRL but with salt and bugs Cons: >Floor and desk covered in salt now Anyone else have one? 27 Replies /3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)09:21:43 No.864419967 >>864419602 # i agree your salt gun is badass anon, i have one too : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)09:23:30 No.864420043 >>864417664 (OP) # Own 2 of these. The Black fly 2.0 or the lawn and garden are more powerful than the original bug-a-salt. Also on the newer versions you dont have to push the safety each time you pump to shoot. : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)09:25:29 No.864420107 >>864419714 # I own the lazer too. Can confirm.

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Jihanon destroyes facebook | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)08:44:26 No.864418400 >be me duill >23 jihadist male >hate those white heretics >*idea.jpg* >decide to ddos that reptilian c--- to show them that allah is eternal 19 KB JPG and Facebook is temporary >decide to write about it to my jihadi friends >realize that Facebook is down because of me >be sad >go f--- one of my many wives >realize I don't have any >cry myself to sleep Don't be jihanon

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Apologies for the poor quality but my favorite greentext of all time | /r/Greentext

File skkk png (175 KB, 500x375) U Anonymous (ID: CHZND) 07/05/14(Satj00:31:26 No 554774383 > 25547E651 22554776730 225E4777012 okay /bl, story time >be me >beta 15 ylo >had weed a few times, nothing bad happened >docide to try acid, know a guy >hooks me up, go home >close toom door, close blinds >time to f------ party >lying on bed waiting for effects to kick in >ohfuckthereitis jpg >nothing looka right >decide to play some vidya to see what its like >good al zelda on wi >ater 10 minutes get hungry >try to leave, door wont apen >find key and unlock doar, needed alot of farce, must have been stuck >go downstairs >see parents on couch >trying to act cool >howstheweather png >they leave alter a while, success >make some nutella toast >taste like s--- >sudden urge to evacuate my bowels >just make it ta the toilet before i start erupting >feels good man >decide to sleep, grab blanket and clock the f--- out >wake up to screaming >too tired to comprehend >go back to sleep >wake up in hospital >mfw what actually happoned, according to my family >got aut of bed and threw zeida game case at the wall >jumped around in frant of my off tv swinging a spoon like a wi remote >aiter an hour of this i shoved the spoon into the keyhale and threw myself against the door untill the lock and my shaulder broke >went downstais >rnade a variety of facial exprestions at parents while saying weather over and over untill they let >went to kitchen spread nutella onto bare hand and took a bite >bload trail all the way to my sisters room vhere i sat on her chair and took a huge dump >fell asloep wrapped in a rug from the fioor, where sister found me 10 minutes later parents couldnt look at me for a month, sister want talk to me vhats your worst tripping balls experience /b/? reddit

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Afraid of the dark | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)10:12:46 No.63796100 >be me >in uni >talking to a girl >she complains about the 12 yo brat she has to babysit >says he's weird >"idk he does weird stuff, not the 980 KB GIF kind of stuff that a 12 yo boy does. You for example, what did you do when you were 12?, anon?" >"uhm... I..." >flashbacks of me spending every single afternoon on /pol/ >"anon? Did you hear me?" >"yes, well I... did racism on the internet" >"racism on the internet?" >"yeah" >"oh ok, got to go, bye" How to outlift this situation?

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Anon like Fred Flintstone | /r/Greentext

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Anon gets trolled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)17:00:19 No.846977777 > be me, closeted bisexual > mostly into grils, but have a thing for traps > decide to find a trap irl > go on Grindr, swipe left until I find a cute femboy > we start talking and sharing nudes, body is surprisingly feminine for a trap 356 KB JPG > he wants to meet up > itsHappening.exe > show up, hes shorter than me and petite, just how I like em > get up to bedroom and start making out > he stops, "Anon, I have to tell you something" > "It's cool, I know you have a d---" > "Actually Anon, I'm ftm. I dont have a d---" > mfw, it's actually a chick > mfw, I got reversed traped

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Biden tears apart anons "family" | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)22:28:07 No.864433083 >be me >25, young n dumb, just graduated uni >thinking about grad school since I majored in psych >while in grad school, meet 8/10 absolutely adorable grill 96 КВ ЈPG studying liberal arts (yea yea I know, massive red flag, I was dumb a 20- something) >we hit it off >ffw 4 years, graduated grad school >we have a son, lil f----- monster but I love him >pop the question >she says yes >first months of marriage go swimmingly >then the problems occur >2020 elections roll around, tell her I'm voting trump cuz I don't really agree with Biden >freaks the f--- out >starts hitting me >grab both her hands so she won't hit me, stand far back enough to not kick me >still f------ screaming >tell her I won't let go until she calms the f--- down >she says she won't calm down till I vote for Biden >not letting her go then >keep this up for an hour, flailing and shouting at each other the entire time >mind you, son was in other room and house has thin walls, so he heard everything >she will not f------ stop >finally let go of her hands and tell her to gtfo >packs her s---, takes son, tried to not let him go with her but I didn't wanna argue in front of son anymore >she's staying at friends house >local polling place opens >consider voting for Biden, so I can see son again and she won't be as mad >having a f------ mental crisis over whether or not I vote for Biden or trump >decide f--- it, I'd do anything to get son back >vote Biden >leave polling place a little conflicted and chucked >text wife I voted Biden >read >no response >few days later I get divorce papers in mail >judge completely f---- me over and gives sole custody to ex-wife >despite me telling him she was a crazy bitch and describing the fight in detail >refuses to listen >can only see son once a month, for 2 hours at a time, with a supervisor in the room >after a few months he still recognizes me but tells me that mommy says I'm evil >tell him she's Ivina Cont. : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)22:30:13 No.864433153 >>864433083 (OP) # | only vote libertarian. JJ was the girl for us. We didn't deserve her. : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)22:41:16 No.864433522 >tfw family got ruined bcos politics those two morons wouldn't give a f--- about you at the end of the day. whys politics such a big deal with you americans jfc : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)22:41:47 No.864433539 >>864433083 (OP) # this is b------- OP, I hope it's a LARP. : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)22:41:55 No.864433544 >court finally decides to be a little more merciful >get to see son every other weekend >his 6th birthday is rolling 411 KB JPG around >super addicted to Minecraft, but he only has the s----- iOS version >decide to get him entry-level gaming laptop with Minecraft Java on it >show up to house with laptop wrapped in present paper >ring doorbell >nothing >ring door again >no reply, even after waiting for a hot minute >text ex, nothing >knock really loudly while shouting, still nothing >looking thru windows, all the blinds are down, can't see anything >supervisor shows up >tell her I've been standing her for a while and no one in answering >ex's car was still in driveway, no way they're at the store or something >call cops >they get a key from the city >sons room is empty >ex's room also empty >look in garage >other car was on (the car that was on the driveway was mine at one point) >find wife in there >she's unconscious >son is also unconscious, both are still breathing >cops get ambulance >doctors tell me they've been hit with carbon monoxide >it was a suicide attempt >she attempted to kill herself with son >police search the garage car and find suicide note in glovebox how son is only happy when he sees >says me, and this conflicts with her view of herself as "the perfect mother: way better than that f------ rightoid slob". >wife and son make full recovery, although son seems a lil different >bring this up to lawyer >get full custody of son >ex is put in mental hospital >l've won >teach son my favorite song >it starts like >get on the floor >everybody walk the dinosaur >>864433702 # >>864434583 #

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Anon changes his mind | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: IP4U8N1W )[] 10/05/21(Tue)09:10:37 No.342225864 MAKE AME GREAT AGA maga vax.png 435 KB PNG >*cough *cough >"o-okay, please give me the vaccine now. W-what do you mean it doesn't work that way? Please, I have a wife and ki- >BEEEEEEP

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Anon's unstoppable grindset | /r/Greentext

ENO PRE-MARITAL GEX- - >be me >sigmamale.jpg >gf asks me if i want to have sex.gif >stupid bitch interrupted my grind >beat her to death with my massive c--- >missionaccomplished.ogg >eat her body for sustenance for the grind >continue the grind >go to bed at 5am, use dry ice as a pillow >it helps with the grind It's been a good day anons.

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