Anon almost dies | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

The day I almost f------ died. >be me 4 yrs old >peak autism stage >finally learned how to take a bath on my own >be in bath 231 KB JPG >bath full to the top >try not to make a mess >get an idea >what happens if I pull this? >shower head starts spraying water in my face >try it get up >slip >almost get concussed >land in water >mom comes in to see me almost drowning >gets me out of water >brings me to hospital >mfw I almost died taking a bath.

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon's first sexual experience | /r/Greentext

>>63376185 >>63376305 Story time f------ >be me, 6yo in 1st grade >routine medical checkup >doctor is a 4Oyo milf, like pic related 23 KB JPG >... >"okay anon, lets check your weiner" >"pull down the foreskin" >WHAT?? >I had no idea foreskin was retractable since my cooming days were yet to come >she tells me to clean it >get home and try it >do it a few more times >feelsgoodman.jpeg >mfw it's actually m----------- >she willfully taught me to j------- and observed me in doing it >my first ever (and only) sexual experience later, virgins.

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fat anon goes on a date | /r/Greentext

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Anon feeds the homeless | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Do most homeless people deserv(...) 03/18/21(Thu)00:40:17 No.62799681 >just today >see two homeless people on my walk from train to uni >one man one woman, theyre fairly far apart from each other >ive been feeling kind of dogshit lately but seeing them gives me a brief shift in perspective 33 KB JPG >when i go get my lunch buy two on sale pre packaged sandwiches >go to woman first, awkward intro and offer her sandwich "Oh sorry, i dont eat tuna." >oh, okay, sorry bye >give the man both sandwiches, hes very thankful >she saw >can feel her eyes burning into the back of my head If she'd said she waa allergic id understand but she "just doesnt eat it". Imagine having high standards when you have literally nothing

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10 Crack Commandments | /r/Greentext

Tyrese loves AMD >Be me >380lb member of the PC Master Race >have mtn dew colored coolant in my My Little Pony themed PC case >nvidia graphics card, F--- AMD chads >Whoremummy has a new chocolate-face daddy named Tyrese >Tyrese only wears Timbs and huge white 61 KB JPG T-shirts with red bandanas >everything he owns is red, he even has a red handkerchief tied to his pistol. > He must be an AMD fanboy >REEEEEEEEEEE.exe >l prepare for battle by reading a footnotes version of The Art of War by Sun Tzu. >"All warfare is based on deception" >A few weeks of training go by, and Tyrese has his AMD friends at my house >Bitchmummy and her work friends are all dancing on the coffee tables while Tyrese and his chadsquad throw money at them >F------ idiots dont even care that they can turn that money in for Good Boy Points. Wasteful savages >l emerge from the basement dressed like them, size 8X white tee, red bandana, and a pair of Osiris sneakers >I try talking in their primitive AMD tongue >"What is good my n------? I too enjoy premium products like the AMD Radeon line." >They stare in stunned silence as I saunter over to the big white brick I assume to be Tyreses PC tower >l suddenly whip out my Nippon steel katana and grab the crunchy white brick, pressing the blades point against its wrapping >All of the AMD losers pull out their pistols and aim them at my head. >"What the f--- is you doin' Blood?" they scream at me >"Behold, AMD f------, as a member of the TRUE master race shows you the power of an nvidia 2080titan!!!!!" >As soon as I say the word "master race" they rush me and start stomping my head into the floor >Wake up in the ICU >The doctor tells me that they shot me 13 times in the chest, but when I voided my bowels, I produced a nerve gas similar to Zyklon B >I remember a line from Art of War >"In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity" >MFW when my body is a better warrior than I am

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The Ace of Based | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/06/21(Mon)21:56:42 No.65286000 >be me >unmotivated depressed f----- >post once in a while on my insta just to keep a small feeling of belonging >usually post my favorite anime screencaps, rick and morty quotes, my marvel theories, just common interest stuff >by some miracle of god my crush followed me back when I first started my account and followed 53 KB JPG her >she sometimes sees my stories >start posting romantic animes and crush sees my stories about them >realize i can make her fall in love with me if she sees how romantic I am >she sees all my stories >motivated for the first time in my life >decide to man up and ask her out on insta >she says "sorry you make me cringe" >completely f------ destroyed >literally would rather she told me i was ugly or something It's never going to end anons. The loneliness has become me

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Anon has a message for humanity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)11:59:29 No.149718446 The year is 2025. The First Astronauts have landed on Mars. They find a cave with a human skeleton. And 4 words written on the wall. What are the 4 words? chrome_oYcMyiZ9fU.png 692 KB PNG wat do : Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)12:00:08 No.149718468 sneed's feed and seed

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Anon has figured it out | /r/Greentext

File: qKYVUvP6_400x400.jpg (22 KB, 400x400) Anonymous 09/06/21(Mon)23:28:08 No.862554001 ► >Be me, live in a s------- 3rd world country >Not attractive whatsoever >The only reason girls like to hangout with me is because l'm funny >I tried everything in my capacity to attract women, but I failed miserably >Stopped chasing women and started getting serious about life >Go into debt and start a business >BusinesslsBooming.exe >Buy an expensive car because yolo >Go to a cafe to chill with friends >Eye this 9/10 chick, but she won't even look at me >SadNoises.exe >Come out of the cafe and unlock my car >She comes outside at the same time, spots the car and tries to make communication >Say "Sorry, but I don't do gold diggers!" >Her face turns into sadness mixed with rage >mfw it proves time and time that money is everything, and looks don't matter because money is power

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Anon defends himself against social interaction | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)00:25:10 No.549 >get request to join game >close game >log out of steam >shut down computer >turm off circuit breaker >hide under the bed

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Anon describes Osama Bin Laden | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/03/21(Thu)14:56:42 No.11268247 14pdzcobcfk51.jpg 163 KB JPG >Be dangerous Islamic terrorist >Most wanted man on the planet >American government topples various regimes just to find you >Turns out he was he was hiding in a cave in an unaffiliated country, playing vidya and watching anime >Mfw he probably shitposted on this website

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Anon falls asleep | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/03/21 (Mon)17:24:58 No.14 >Fall asleep on my keyboard >Poles in the thread agree with me 62 KB JPG

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Anon has $1,000,000 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/06/21(Mon)19:42:58 No.862571579 >was lurking on /b/ when i was a teenager >probably 2008 >see an image of Yotsuba Koiwai holding a sign saying $1,000,000 internet dollars or some s--- >save because i think its a funny reaction image to post in response to people >one of the comments mention unpacking it with winrar >mfw i didnt even know you could unpack images with winrar >i do so and its an archive filled with CP > i freak out delete the file >delete my browser history and cookies >Wait for FBI to come and shoot me

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Anon vents while another anon can hear his cat snoring | /r/Greentext

File: image 10.jpg (442 KB, 853x855) Anonymous 09/06/21(Mon)01:40:58 No.65276342 [Reply] >>65276369 >>65276379 >be me, baby raging after a string of bad games >anger clouding judgement 50% >friend says "you should uninstall so bad luluz" > 200% anger >deafen >throw chair outside > no longer angry >happy pic related Anonymous 09/06/21(Mon)01:45:16 No.65276369 >>65276342 (OP) I can hear my cat snoring as she sleeps.

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