Anons mind betrays him | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)21:44:31 No.852377973 >Take a small amount of ambien >Wake up early in the middle of the night >Have to take a huge s--- >Can feel it bubbling in my stomach 79 KB JPG >Run to the nearest bathroom as fast as I can >Sit on the toilet, push with all of my might >S--- blasts out of my a------ like a cannon >Relief >Go back to bed >Wake up covered in s--- >mfw >Was it all a dream?

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File: fmt 87 24 615293 1604906381.jpg (87 KB, 1910x1080) ☐ Anonymous 11/11/24(Mon)13:47:16 No.17255059 >Is name De Gaul >The Gaul >>17255201 >Is in charge of the region that used to be called Gaul Who wrote this s---?

The Russian avos' (Russian: aвосb) describes a philosophy of behavior, or attitude, of a person who ignores possible problems or hassles and, at the same time, expects or hopes for no negative results or consequences. It is an attitude that treats life as unpredictable and holds that the best one can do is count on luck.[1][2] >>73658048 # 1703041606043192.jpg 127 KB JPG >Damn you are right, this whole positivity and gratefulness thing is actually pretty good Yeah especially if you think of it in terms of sheer usefulness. Any sort of doomerism just undermines your attitude and it's much better to go through life naively assuming things will turn out well as long as you keep going forward and trying again and again despite any downs and lows in the past. I like this pic

Anonymous Photo of anime girl date and time >be me >straight *The most violently homosexual text you will ever see in your life. No utterance of words is as homosexual as the ones currently viewed. This will be the most gay formulation of words in all of mankind's history.* >am i gay

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Anon goes for a bus ride | /r/Greentext

File: 1397869325631.jpg-6 KB, 178x209, 1382698384194.jpg) Anonymous 04/18/14(Fri)21:02 No.26181005 >started drinking a new whey protein tub >looks weird as f--- but it had "extreme" all over it so i know it had to be good >drinking it >.. >s---- pretty good >leave to go to the store >get on the bus >stomach starts rumbling >let out small fart >no one seemed to notice IT BEGINS >let out another one >no one seemed to notice >about 2 mins go by >dubstep song comes on >woommmmmmmmmmmm wommmmmm wopppppp wopppppp!!! >think i can mask out the larger farts in the beat drop of the dubstep song >farting enough to power a small city >feel a relief in my stomach >bus smells of eggs and spinach >people are gagging under there breaths and giving me really weird looks >some guy at the back of the bus started bursting out laughing when i turned my head >then it hit me >i had my headphones in the whole time >mfw

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Incel displays his sigma grindset on the libsoy virgins | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I hate women because they are (...) 06/30/21(Wed)13:17:24 No.64377545 I f------ hate women. Every time I see a beautiful woman on the street it just fills me with rage because no woman will ever love me. At this point I don't even want to have sex. I just want to be hugged nad comforted, but no, I'm destined to die alone, only ever seeing beauty from a distance. I want to die already. I'm 25, I can't take another 25 years of this, let alone 50 or if i'm really unlucky and medical technology keeps progressing, 75 or more. Please just let me get hit by a f------ truck 61 KB JPG

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Anon practicing small talk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)13:41:38 No.64377723 >walking to convenience store to buy snacks >see random girl, about my age with a nirvana shirt on >me: "hey whats your favorite nirvana song?" 8 KB JPG >her: "i dont know" >me: "but youre wearing the shirt" >her: "please stop" >me: "what?" >her: "youre being creepy" >me: "define creepy" >her: "no... just leave me alone please"

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Anon dodged a bullet there literally | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)07:02:22 No.16343313 SUP >>16337080 # >be a kid in 2000 >walking up to a pizza hut with my familia >just about to grab the door handle >it flies open 997 KB GIF >GET OUT DA WAY GET OUT DA WAY >3 dudes in all black run out >carrying literal bags of money >last one pokes me in the chest with his gun >the pile into a waiting SUV >dad shoves us tf inside >I still just want pizza >they want us to stay for witness testimony >dad says yeah naw and we go somewhere else >barely recognize the gravity of what just happened to this day I am aware that I was a trigger pull away from being killed but it's never felt like a big deal. and I still love pizza hut.

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OP robs a bank | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)10:40:39 No.49798890 >>49795029 (OP) # >Be me >running comfy security job >got reassigned to a bank, bit different to running parking lots but still comfy >sitting browsing on my phone when I 38 KB JPG hear something near the safe >grab my flashlight and my glock and head over to check it out >the safe is busted wide open and there's a man shoving the contents up his ass >mfw it's OP >mfw I was reassigned to a sperm bank >>49799195 # >>49800710 # >>49803514 # >>49805137 # >>49808351 # >>49808839 #

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Anon did it all for the nookie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)10:59:52 No.64373984 >Be molestedcel >Got diddled by methhead f-- dad >Happened from ages of 12-17 >Made me suck and f--- him >Made me do it raw >When I couldn't get hard he would whip me with garden hose 42 KB PNG >Beaten with a sack of oranges >peed on sometimes etc. >l was also forced to j------- in front of his Biker friends in the pool room >The sick f------ made me wear J-- schoolgirl outfits sometimes >Then they would chase me round the pool playing limp bizkit while trying to sodomize me with dildos >I tried to kill myself twice >Got taken into child protective services >Thought I was safe with my former alcoholic teen mom >She started to abuse me both sexually and physically | >Made me eat her out >Made me c-- in her mouth >She also forced me to crossdress and go out to clubs as her "little sister" >She made me star in her sick homemade p----- when I was 16 >Her w----- boyfriend made me f--- a poodle on camera at knifepoint >On my seventeenth birthday I ran away and lived with some religious Canadian people in Alberta >Can't trust anyone >Can't get close to anyone >Have ED >Have ptsd

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Anon wants explanations | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)22:28:56 No.64357215 >browse /r9k/ >robots with fr*ends lurking and posting >robots with g*rlfriends >married robots >FEMBOTS!?!!?? 291 KB PNG explain yourselves explain yourselves NOW

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Anons suffer through a heat wave | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)01:27:34 No.858002995 >1:27 AM >middle of a massive heat wave >~80% humidity >power goes out I f------ HATE capitalism. 982 KB GIF : Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)01:29:08 No.858003096 >>858002995 (OP) # Gets too cold >power failure Gets too hot >power failure MURICA! I'm happy I live in a state that experiences both freezing and blistering weather. We're ready for anything.

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anon is both fit and autistic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)01:23:39 No.62323481 Not really an interesting greentext, but I just wasted a chance to get a number through good old chivalry. >Be me in groceries after gym with full pump, going for some chicken 313 KB PNG >Aisle is blocked on one side >Girl arrives at the same time >Signal her to go first with a small bow and a smile >She giggles and passes by >Be at register >Old lady drops coin >Pick it up for her >"Here you go, young lady." >See someone behind me >It's the same girl with a lot of veggies and vegan smiling at my pumped pecs >"Your food looks quite a lot healthier than mine. How do these vegan sausages taste?" >She blushes and looks up in my face >"I don't know yet. Maybe I could tell you after I tried them?" >"Please do that, as you saw I never miss a chance to talk to pretty girls." nudging my head in the direction of the old lady >She smiles and giggles again >Pay for my things and go >She actually looks kind of shocked as I just leave her standing there

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Anon is going insane | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/29/21(Tue)06:01:14 No.224747744 1624923891438.jpg 76 KB JPG >nooooo i lost a card game im going insane!

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Anon dodges a bullet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)13:39:53 No.64375439 >meet girl, quiet and shares my interest >short and pretty >going to ask her out >red flags begin to pop out >ignore red flags, about to go through with it 109 KB PNG >craft message asking her out, about to send >wifi goes out >wifi comes back on 15 minutes later, check social media >she comes out as "they/them" >abandon ship this is the 2nd time that i've gotten divine intervention to prevent me from getting into a relationship with a crazy person. there's someone out there looking out for me.

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Anon goes to Home Depot | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)08:24:04 No.64372151 i have fun planned >Be me >Work 2 Jobs >1 in retail, 1 in construction >lots of money from construction, everyone at retail loves the charming guy 13 KB JPG at the cash >Working construction and needed some materials >Home Depot.exe >Cute girl working at cash, knew her slightly from senior year graduation last year >Simple convo regarding what schooling we will be going into >Light flirting from her >Decide to play along >Pay for my s--- and ask if she wants to, perhaps, meet up for dinner or something on the weekend >She agrees >Smiles and winks at me as I leave >"See you in a few days anon!" >Charismatic smile until l'm completely out of her view >Face disintegrates into chalk when outside >My charm is a ruse >I have schizophrenia >Diagnosed with APSD >l am insane >l'm want to get her drunk and then f------ cut her stomach open and play with her blood >Mfw I'm considering doing this >Mfw I know I wont, but have actually no clue why I won't despite ability to do so I know l'm f----- in the head but can anyone unironically relate or do I just need help.

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