Anon invites a friend over | /r/Greentext | Greentext Stories | Know Your Meme

: Anonymous (ID: BbxYdjwH ) -E 05/19/21(Wed)04:48:12 No.12774839 >friend broke up >he asks if he can come to sleep in my place so he wouldnt be alone >i invite him over >without realising i dont have a 152 KB JPG spare mattress Pic related. Its me sleeping on my floor. Any tips on how to make it more comfortable? 14 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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File: democratic party USA.png (47 KB, 1050x1024) For my r/greentext lurkers Anonymous (ID: S+5L+4sx 11/08/24(Fri)11:46:43 No.487728217 ► > base worldview on explictly hating men, white people, religious people, traditional people, conservative people, cisgender heterosexual people, rural people, etc > base worldview on telling blacks and immigrants that the only way they can hope to aspire to anything in life is by being uplifted by a white savior and their DEI programs > continuously alienate the above groups by dismissing all their concerns (caused by your direct insults and condemnations) as fascism, toxicity, fragility > continuously deny any outlet for dialogue/dissent on media/social media/campuses > continuously produce culture that alienates these groups further (like how in all modern remakes/reboots beloved male characters get blacked, gender swapped or turned into alcoholic p------) > alienate corporations by making them lose loads of money because you forced them under threat of cancellation to adopt your rhetoric > literally kill yourself when the above people vote against you I'm not even going to ask if they're retarded because I know the answer.

Anonymous 30 KB JPG Scrabble 11/07/24(Thu)22:49:06 No.927102124 >masculinity so fragile >Now let me call you a Nazi, some of the most deranged and brutal psychopaths to walk the earth >Demolished in a land slide election >Cries into phone for 30 min on social media using the most pedantic and esoteric psychobabble cooked up by a lobotomized ape having a epileptic fit during a game of WE ARE GOOD AND YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS, WHY DON'T YOU AGREE, NAZI

: Anonymous 84 KB JPG 04/16/22(Sat)20:52:07 No.876397732 Heard joke once >"Man goes to doctor. >Says he's an incel. >Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone, no gf. > Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. >Ryan Gosling is in town tonight. > Go and see him. >That should pick you up. >Man bursts into tears. >Says, But doctor... he's literally me"

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Anon needs to control his temper | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)06:30:36 No.63796085 >got fired from my last job for calling my boss a lazy p------------ >new job >have come extremely close to saying something similar to my new boss DVE 166 KB JPG How do I get in line and just accept my place as a wageslave? I cant keep losing jobs because of my tendency to speak my mind.

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Anon witnesses a rape dwarf/ravioli man crossover | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/22/21(Sat)22:34:03 No.855076140 >be me >jacking off alone >hear knock on door notagain.jpeg "COME IN" >hear door unlock 33 KB PNG >giggles THUMP THUMP THUMP >his c--- drags on the last step >he opens my door "Anon... I'm not here to r--- you, take some raviolis" >thanks r--- dwarf "Jk Imao" >bonk >knocked out >wake up with dwarf c-- in my ass

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Anon has the highground | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)17:51:42 No.855112209 > Working at IT department in bank > Company currently joined the woke-train and now we get all kinds of workshops on why straight white men are the devil > Roll eyes - none of the 1.48 MB GIF Directors/VPs are of color... > People start to insert moronic 'she/her' and 'his/him' to their signatures > Getting so annoyed by this, I insert 'they/them' in my signature > One of my colleagues (and one of the drivers behind this whole moronification of signatures) asks me about my signature > I reply "I don't think it's appropriate to talk about these things at work - please just respects my pronouns" > This person goes mad, accusing me of mocking the pronouns > I think "F--- it. No way for her to prove it", and step to HR to complain > Colleague is being asked to stop her questioning (and gets her first official warning), but still brings it up two more times > I go to HR again, she gets her second official warning > I'm enjoying that this moronic s--- is now biting the proponents in their ass > Again, she's alluding to my pronouns not being genuine during a meeting >I make a big scene of it (lulz), and HR gets involved again > Last Friday was her last day. So what have YOU been doing to make this world a better place?

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Everyone liked that. | /r/Greentext

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Anon introduces himself to his new girlfriend's mom. | /r/Greentext

>Be shy 17 year old >Meet girl at a party >She is pretty >Always wants to touch, sit on lap etc. >Party ends >She proposes to go on a walk 87 KB PNG >Agree, have small nice talk outside >She then asks me to come to her house >Yes23.jpg >Grsbs my hand, practically tows me to her house >Go in, have sex >Sweaty, go to her kitchen to grab drink >Her mom is there >Im naked >brain_shudown.gif >Grab her hand and say "Hello, my name is Anon" I will never forget

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Anon tells us about his new year’s kiss | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/31/18(Mon)03:24:02 No.50148958 >Happy New Year's Eve, anon! So which lucky lady are you kissing at midnight? 247 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/31/18(Mon)03:26:18 No.50148995 >>50148958 (OP) # The barrel of my shotgun probably.

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Anon consumes a high calorie diet on a consistent basis thus resulting in excess weight gain | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:03:43 No.63066265 >Wake up. >Decide to have some cheesecake after breakfast. >End up eating the entire thing. It's not fair they should not be allowed to sell entire cheesecakes 61 KB JPG they know people will do this. 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:08:55 No.63066310 >>63066265 (OP) # Don't buy cheesecake in the first place fatty. >>63066349 # : Anonymous 04/05/21 (Mon)19:09:38 No.63066320 >>63066265 (OP) # need tummy rubs?

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Anon watches Aladdin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/02/19(Sun)20:10:42 No.801247791 >be me >going to watch the new Aladdin remake >kinda reluctant to go cause I'm not a huge fan of these live action remakes but my sister wants go so I might as well >not super into how much they've 461 KB JPG changed >one character catches me off guard >my god this character is so f------ beautiful >beautiful hair >beautiful skin >beautiful eyes >Abu the monkey is so f------ hot... >pic unrelated : Anonymous 06/02/19(Sun)20:12:06 No.801247869 bro you don't have to tell me twice, Naomi Scott is a sexy little minx I'd love to c-- on her t--- : Anonymous 06/02/19(Sun)20:13:06 No.801247938 oh f--- you OP i just finished reading your post f--- you, you f------ f-----

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Anon is a PC user | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/22/21(Sat)17:02:52 No.855056361 >got little nightmares 2 on steam >looks fun! can't wait to try it >boot it up and notice it doesn't have ultra wide support >no problem, nothing a little hex edit can't fix >try to hex edit but it crashes the game 49 KB JPG >DRM.jpeg >have to use a software to unpack the game to remove DRM >crashes twice but finally manage to get a DRM-free version >proceed to hex edit for 21:9 ratio, it works >imin.png >boot up game and notice my FOV is all f----- up from the ultra wide ratio >have to install a unity DLL injector to activate console commands >windows flagged the injector as a threat >have to manually turn off fire wall and give it clearance >finally fix the FOV using console commands >time to play! >controller stopped working >realize that the unpacked version of the game isn't technically through steam so my PS5 controller isn't natively supported >download a 3rd party software so I can use my controller >controller works again! >can finally play the game PC master race reigns supreme once again : Anonymous 05/22/21(Sat)17:04:23 No.855056456 My friend recommended it to me, how is it? 66 KB JPG

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Anon brightens up his parents week | /r/Greentext

Small acts of kindness are something we can all do to make our lives less s---. There is no excuse not to do stuff like this. >Be me 96 KB JPG >Uni student depressed >Walking to nearby liquor store to numb the pain >Tourist trap store on the way >Sells tacky souvenirs and whatnot >Go in on a whim >Postcard is like f------ 25 cents >Buy one >Wake up next morning with hangover >See postcard >Look up online how to fill it out because who the f--- knows how to fill out a postcard in current year >Fill it out >Send to mom and dad >Just like two banal sentences about how I'm doing ok (a lie) and how I hope they are taking good care of my cat >Like 5 days later >Mom calls me to say how much getting that postcard meant to them >Says it made their entire week >Don't drink myself to sleep that night for the first time in a long time

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Anon has problems with math | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)08:20:31 No.63797292 01 45D096F4-D326-4695-B1CD-A273FED8EE6E.gif 1.28 MB GIF >cheated on a math quiz >still only got like an 85 This was meant to be a review chapter

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Anon works in a suicide prevention hotline. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/19/18(Tue)06:39:13 No.771942963 Hey /b/ I work at a suicide prevention hotline based in the Midwest. Ask me anything while I tell you stories. Let's start with a nice one: 25 KB JPG >Be me, just getting off call with a girl who wanted to kill herself over some guy leaving >Logging the notes of the call while microwaving a soft pretzel >F--- me those pretzels are good >Phone on desk starts to ring >Rush back and pick it up >An old raspy sounding man starts talking >Ask me "Do you got time for a story" >Have to respond yes >Think he is going to tell me a depressing war story, or his entire life story >Old people do that a lot >Guy responds "You ever heard of animal farm" >l'm a f------ retard >think he's talking about a literal farm, they are everywhere here >l ask him to clarify >"You know the book" >Nope.com >"Oh perfect" >The old man starts reading me animal farm >He does different voices for all the characters unism I had to ask him to call back later after about 20 minutes, we were getting more calls. Old man, if you are out there somewhere thanks for the best f------ night shift I ever had. 132 Replies / 28 Images View Thread

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